Uncovering Hope (Uncovering Love Book 3) (18 page)

“Focus, Jenny. What do I do?” I groan and pull my hair back and to the side so I can work the locks into a thick braid.

“Sounds like mama needs to get some dick,” she advises with a dose of sass.

“Jen!”

“What? It’s my opinion. It’s been too long, and you have a man—a mighty fine one at that—who is willing and most certainly able.” Her grin fills her face. I’m glad she finds humor in my confusing life. I narrow my eyes and cross my arms over my chest.

“I don’t
need
a man. I’d
like
a dick every now and then, but unfortunately that dick is attached to a man. A man who inevitably will expect things from me, and need things from me, and try to take
me
away from me. I don’t need that.”

Her amusement from before is lost and she offers a knowing frown.

“Josh really fucked you over.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I roll my eyes and then pull my phone from my pocket to check the time.

“Hey, look at me. You’re not that girl anymore. You choose who you give control to, it doesn’t just happen. You’re a smart woman. You deserve good things. Not all dicks are jerks—er—not all penises are evil.”

I laugh out loud as she continues. “Whatever. You know what I mean!” She joins in the laughter. Her eyes dance but she adds in a serious tone, “I don’t see you dating two guys at the same time, though.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not interested in that.”

“Then you need to decide who you want more.”
Derek.

“I’m in control with Garrett. I set the pace. I like that.”

“And Derek? How does he make you feel?” Sexy, beautiful, funny, smart.

“Completely out of control.”

“There’s your answer. Though let me leave you with this to chew on: Does Derek make you feel that way by manipulation and dominance, or is it from the powerful feelings he stirs within?” I know the answer, but instead of responding, I glance at my phone
.

“I have to start my shift now.”

“And I have to get home to my hubby. Good luck my friend. I love you.”

“Love you too. Thanks Jenny.”

“Of course, that’s what friends are for—telling it to you straight and laughing about cocks.” At that, Meg pokes her head inside the door. A somber expression fills her face.

“Hate to break up the girl talk, but Carly, you really need to get out here.”

“HEY KID, HOW GOES IT
this fine evening?” I pop my head inside Room 412 with a smile. Luis is watching a movie on the television. A bored expression fills his face and he ignores my greeting.

I step inside and walk over to my usual chair, scraping it along the linoleum tiles and plopping down. “Good movie?” I glance at the screen to find some superhero action flick. Shit blowing up. Main characters surviving.
Fuck.
If only life was so simple.

Luis shrugs at my question and continues to watch the film.

“Hey, you wanna play Black Ops?”

“Nah.”

“I have this new song I’ve been working on. Wanna tap out the beat and try it out together? You can tell me if it sucks.”

Luis shakes his head and narrows his gaze at the screen. The sounds of explosions from the crappy set invade the void between us.

“Dude, what gives? What’s up with you tonight?” I smile and reach out to give his shoulder a little shake. He pulls away from my hand.

“I’m really tired. Maybe you can stop by another time.” Seriously, what’s with this kid today? I’ve never seen Luis like this before and I don’t like it.

“Tired? What, did you run a fucking marathon?” I tease.

His glare is hard when he finally meets my eyes. “No. That would be impossible. Just because you’re famous or something doesn’t give you the right to be a dick.” Angry. Okay. Well, at least he’s giving me something.

I raise my hands. “Whoa, sorry man. You know I’m only joking. What’s up? Bad day with chemo? Your friends being assholes again?” Something is definitely bothering him; this is not the Luis I’ve hung out with every night for the past three weeks.

He reaches for the remote, mutes the movie and rolls away from me to rest on his side.

“You at least wanna play one game of Madden before I go?” I offer.

“Maybe another time. I’m not in the mood.”

“Okay. That’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow, ’kay?”

I’m met with radio silence. I walk around to the other side of the bed where Luis’ stare threatens to bore a hole in the white hospital wall. He’s awake and ignoring me. I can’t deny it hurts my feelings that he won’t open up.

“Well, I’m taking off then. Get some rest okay, kid?” I watch for his reaction. He closes his eyes and gives a little nod. Something isn’t right. He doesn’t want to talk, that much is clear. I need to find Carly.

I walk into the hall and head straight for the nurses’ station. It hits me that this entire floor is quieter than usual. At this time of night there’re usually a few nurses smiling, chatting softly, light laughter, all the backdrop to the oncology floor. Tonight is achingly silent.

I find one of the nurses, can’t remember her name, but she’s here most nights I visit. She ignores me as I approach the desk, busy typing on her laptop. I clear my throat to gain her attention. She answers by giving me a look tinged with annoyance.

“Sorry to interrupt, but is Carly around? I think she’s working tonight.”

She exhales an exaggerated sigh.

“Who wants to know?” she asks in a bored tone and resumes her computer work. Stupid fucking question
. I do, dumbass. Why else would I be asking
. I paste on my charming grin, the one that gets me whatever I want.

“Oh, it’s no big deal. I had a funny story about her boys I wanted to tell her before I head out.”

Her gaze narrows. “Aren’t you the musician that keeps volunteering here? I didn’t realize you knew her outside of work. She
is
here to work you know, not have personal conversations with visitors.”

Shit. The last thing I need is to get Carly in trouble at work. I keep my smile firmly in place.

“Oh, we know each other through mutual friends. Her brother’s fiancée’s best friend and the lead singer of my band dated a few times.” I almost want to laugh as the confusion muddles her sharp gaze. “But I don’t want to bother Carly if she’s working. I’ll just see her another time. G’night.” I tap the counter with my palm and turn to go, leaving Nurse Bitch to her horrible self.

I pass a few other staff members on my stroll to the elevators but their expressions are just as grim and uninviting. I don’t ask for Carly. What the hell is going on around here tonight? It’s fucking depressing.

A door clicks and draws my gaze to Carly’s unmistakable profile as she steps out of a nearby patient’s room.

“Hey, mama.”

She lifts her chin and that’s when I notice her expression is as somber as the rest of the staff.

“Oh, hey, Derek.”

“You got a minute to talk?” At my question she glances back down the hall toward the nurses’ station and worries her bottom lip. She checks her watch and nods.

“If you make it quick.”

“Walk with me? I’m heading out.”

“Okay.” She studies the floor as we stroll the short distance. Is she thinking about last night? I wish she would look at me. I push the down button and the doors slide right open.

“Care to take a ride?” I waggle my brows. Nothing. She doesn’t laugh, smile, or get pissy. There’s something going on.

Grabbing her arm, I pull her inside the car and press the button to shut the doors. “What’s going on tonight? Why’s every nurse acting like she’s on her fucking period?”

Her eyes snap to mine with a hard glare. “Typical guy. Blame life’s problems on a woman’s menstrual cycle. You know nothing about what it’s like to work here.”

“So tell me. There’s something going on, right? Luis wasn’t himself.” Her glare turns to a look I don’t recognize, something vulnerable and weak. Her chin trembles. My gut twists with fear.

“Does all this have something to do with Luis?” I demand.

“What did he tell you?” Her voice wavers and two lonely tears fall from the corner of each eye. Fuck.

“Nothing. He was just acting like a punk ass teenager. And then everyone I meet is acting like the fucking grim reaper is walking the halls!”

I see her hand coming and catch it in my own before she makes contact with my face. She looks at her hand and sucks in a breath, almost as if she hadn’t meant to slap me.

The car arrives at the first floor with a ding but I don’t get off. I hold the door with my free hand to halt the elevator and keep my eyes on Carly.

“What’s going on?”

“I already told you once.” She pulls her hand away and backs further inside the elevator. Her eyes narrow and voice rises with each breath. “I don’t joke about death. This is a pediatric oncology ward. Need entertaining? Call one of your music friends, but leave us alone.” She reaches out to punch the fourth floor button but I still have a hold on the door.

“You still aren’t answering my question.” I say. She won’t meet my gaze and pokes the call button so hard I’m sure she’s gonna break it.

“Derek, let go of the fucking door. Just go home. Leave me alone,” she bites out. Her skin is flush with anger and I’d guess she wants to hit me again.

I move my hand, allow the doors to close, and step inside to Carly. The car starts to travel back up to her floor, but I push the stop button and halt its progress.

“Derek!”

I grip her arms tightly within my fingers and dip my head to meet her eyes. “Tell me.” I grind out between my teeth. She’s mad? Well, so am I. I don’t like being left in the dark. “You’re upset? You’re angry? You need to hit someone?” I release her arms and smack my chest. “Fucking hit me! I’ll take it. I’ll be whatever you need. But please tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Tears stream down her cheeks. “I’m not supposed to discuss patients . . . but given the circumstances—” Loud sobs replace her words. The sound guts me.

“Come here.” I pull her to my chest and wrap my arms around her slender frame. It shakes with each heartbreaking sob. She drops to the floor and I almost lose my hold as I sink with her. We’re a puddle of limbs and I pull her to me as tightly as I’m able. I want to take away her agony. The anxiety and fear in my gut grow to an insurmountable pain.

I never fucking cry. Like, haven’t shed a single tear since I was twelve years old. But I want to cry now. The pain she’s in, it seeps into my very core, threatens everything I know and hold true. She lifts her chin, blinks away the tears, and meets my gaze with those glistening green orbs. I hold my breath.

“It’s Luis. He got his results from this last round of chemo. It did nothing. The cancer’s spreading. It’s in his lymph nodes, liver, lungs. He’s . . . I don’t know how much longer he has. Derek . . .”

Loud sobs fill the space and her face crumples with an overwhelming sadness. I pull her to me once more and she practically crawls into my lap. It’s my undoing and I don’t hold back. Salty drops fall from my eyes and into her hair.

Fuck!
Not Luis. Fucking bloody hell, not that kid.

“Hey, I need you to promise me something,” I whisper through my tears. She nods and I wipe the space on her skin where it glimmers with moisture. “I’m leaving in a few days for this tour. This leg is only a month, but I want you to update me. Let me know how Luis is . . . if . . . if it gets really bad . . .”

God, I can hardly think the words let alone get them out. “Just promise me you’ll let me know if I need to bail on the tour and come back.”

Her chin jerks up and down, a few more tears escape, and she bites at her lower lip. I can’t stand to see her this way. I use my thumbs to brush away the fresh tears.

“Hey, don’t cry, mama.” She looks up at me from under her lashes and I dip my chin. I can feel her breath, cool on my face from where my own tears have trailed.

Carly reaches up and cups my face with her hands. Her thumbs brush over my cheeks and I sigh, leaning into her touch. She’s holds me like I’m something precious, worthy, and it’s new, uncharted territory. My breath hitches but I wait for her lead this time. The moment stretches, her fingers trace my cheekbones, jaw, and chin.