Uncovering You 8: Redemption (2 page)

“I know him as a man,” I tell them. “As a human being. Not as the infallible business mogul everybody else sees. We’ve been together for months, now. Don’t you think that, if he really intended something…untoward…it would have happened by now?”

“No,” Robin says. “That’s just the thing, Lilly. He’d want you to feel safe, to feel comfortable, and then…”

“And then what?” I bark. “If you tell me he’s going to kill me, I’m going to march straight out of this room. He’s given me so much, Robin. Look at me. Fey! Look at me. Do I
look
like someone who’s in danger? Do I
look
like someone who needs rescuing?

“No,” I tell them. “I’m employed by his company. If I suddenly go missing, don’t you think people will notice? That’s what you’re ultimately worried about, isn’t it? That he’s going to stick me in a cell somewhere and starve me to death?”

“We never said that,” Fey murmurs softly. Her eyes narrow in suspicion. “Is that what
you
think could happen?”

“No!” I say, quickly.
Too quickly.

Shit! This is getting out of hand.

It’s hard enough to keep my emotions in check, while trying to reason out, on the spot, before a skeptical audience, just how it is that I consider myself safe—which I
know
I’m not—and at the same time separating the lies from the truth, while
still
trying to keep in mind the things Fey and Robin know versus what I know and how much I’m willing to reveal.

“No,” I keep going, committed to the lie. “No! Jeremy’s not like that. He says he loves me. I believe him. I cannot be in danger from a man who feels that way.”

“And you?” Fey asks. “Do you love him, Lilly? Is it
your
love that’s blinding you from the truth? Is it
your
love that prevents you from looking at things objectively?”

“I
am
looking at things objectively!” I explode. I’m ready to tear my hair out at how poorly this is going. “Fey, I told you before. You don’t need to worry about me. My life’s in check. Everything is under control. Trust me.”

“Then what about the phone, Lilly?” Robin reminds me. He sounds like he’s skirting on the edge of the subject, unsure whether to trust me or whether to go with his gut, instead. “I couldn’t call you outside.”

“Okay,” I concede. “So, Jeremy might be a little possessive. He might have some controlling tendencies. I never claimed he was perfect! But don’t either of you realize that he’s had to have those traits to rise to the top the way he did?”

“Lilly,” Fey says softly. “Listen to yourself. You just admitted he’s been screening your phone calls. That type of behavior is in no way normal or healthy. It’s not a good relationship to be in. If that were his only flaw, I’d be willing to overlook it. I’d be willing to believe you when you say things are bright and peachy on the inside. Hell, I wouldn’t be here right now if that was all.”

She glances at Robin. “But that’s not all. That’s not even a tenth. You know your connection to him. Through your father. You know that’s how he found you—”

“I don’t!” I say. “And neither do you. It’s what you
suspect
. But Robin said it himself. There’s no way of proving it.”

“Lilly—”

“But let’s just assume,” I speak over her, “that Robin’s hunch, and his investigating, is correct. For the sake of argument. Okay?”

Fey starts to say something, and then stops. She nods for me to keep going.

“Okay. So you think—both of you do—that Jeremy sought me out, on purpose, to get revenge for his mother’s death. The death that was apparently caused by my father, whom
I did not know
my entire life. Is that right?”

Fey looks ready to argue. Again, Robin placates her by placing a hand on her thigh. “Right,” he says.

“But first, he tried to get to my father. Yes? And when he found him mentally unstable, he shifted his focus to me?”

Fey and Robin both nod.

“Well, if that is all true, he’s already had me! I’ve been with him for months. We live together. He could have done anything he wants to me during that time. Instead, he’s showered me with expensive clothes. With gifts. With a life of unparalleled luxury.

“I have everything I ever need. More. I have more, Fey. I have freedom. I have true autonomy.

“You remember the way I worked at Yale, right? It was day-and-night, nonstop, nose-to-the-grindstone. I mean, hell, you and Sonja were so worried about me you snuck me to The Game one week-end, remember?”

“Of course I do,” she says.

“But then you also must remember how hard I had to work. How many hours of sleep did I average over the course of a week? Four a night? Maybe five, if I was lucky?

“I was a slave to my classes. My whole life revolved around getting the next assignment in on time. You and Sonja were out every weekend. You got a break. I joined you, what, every other week? Not even. Once a month, if that.”

“That is true,” Fey mumbles.

“And you met Robin.” I gesture in his direction. “You already got to enjoy college. I mean,
all
of college. Not just the academics.

“What was my life there? I saw Yale as nothing more than a stepping stone. Something I had to go through to end up in a position better than my mother’s.

“I met you, and I met Sonja,” I say. “And you, too, Robin. For that, I am so thankful for. People say relationships are the most important things in life. If you three were all I got out of there, I’d still be grateful.

“But I got more. I got…Jeremy. And he freed me. He really did. He showed me that my life could be more than just books and work. He gave me the sort of freedom I never had. A freedom I never knew I lacked, in truth, until I met him.

“Remember, Fey. I wasn’t there on a full ride like Sonja. My parents weren’t springing for tuition, either. I couldn’t rely on anybody but myself. That’s how I grew up. I’m not lamenting it,” I add hurriedly. “I’m just saying, that now, finally, I have someone to lean on. I can rely on Jeremy.

“But I don’t have to,” I say quickly, when I see Fey ready to interrupt. “I have my own job. My own income. I’m free to leave him at any moment I want.”

“Then why don’t you?” Fey asks. “Why don’t you see it the way we do? Why don’t you get out, now, while you still can? Before something bad happens to you?”

“Because nothing bad is
going
to happen to me,” I insist. “I’m not in any danger from Jeremy. That I know.”

Robin exhales heavily. He stands up. When he speaks, he sounds gravely serious. “You make it sound like a fairy tale, Lilly,” he tells me. “But it’s not. It’s real life.”

“Yes,” I say. “Yes. Exactly. It
is
real life, Robin. And it’s
my
life. Mine. You can’t tell me what to do with it.”

“Honey, that’s not what we’re doing at all.” Fey gets off the bed and comes over to Robin. “We’re your friends. We’re concerned. We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t.”

“I know,” I say softly. I have to tread carefully now, because I think I’m close—real close—to appeasing their concerns. Somewhat, at least. Enough to get them to go back to Yale without me in tow. “But you don’t have to be. I understand what’s going on.
I
understand the man I’m with—more than either of you do. You don’t know Jeremy as I do. You don’t know who he is on the inside. You haven’t spent any time with him.”

“That’s why our perception of the situation isn’t warped,” Robin says firmly. “That’s why we can see the forest for the trees, Lilly! Dammit! Aren’t you the least bit concerned about how things are playing out?”

“Yes!” I emphasize. My emotions are starting to get riled up again. I know I should keep them under control. But it feels like we’re just going in circles here.

There’s
still
the lingering anger I feel toward Jeremy for lying to me, for deceiving me. The most frustrating thing is that I can’t let that show. The act I have to put on for Fey and Robin has to convince them that everything is perfect between Jeremy and me. “I’m
concerned
that you’ve taken such a vested interest in my life. I’m
concerned
that you thought you needed to fly across the country to come look for me. I’m
concerned
that you—“ I jab my finger at Robin, and wave it in the air to include Fey. “—are taking too much of an interest in my life. Robin, you saw me earlier. What was I doing? I was driving. By myself. If I wanted, I could have turned onto the freeway and driven all the way to Canada. Nothing’s holding me here. Nobody’s forcing me to stay. Can’t you see? Can’t both of you see that whatever might have led Jeremy to me, at the start, has lost relevance now?”

“So you do believe it!” Fey jumps in.

“I don’t know,” I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter what I believe. That’s the assumption we’re approaching this topic with. Right? So what if Robin’s investigation is correct? Even if it is—I’m telling you again, I’m telling both of you again: I am not in any danger from Stonehart!”

“
Stonehart
?” Fey blinks. “I thought you called him Jeremy?”

Shit!
I think.
That’s what I get for speaking in the heat of the moment.

In my mind, any and all danger I feel from Jeremy comes only from when he’s Stonehart.

I brush over it, running a hand through my hair. I’m feeling more and more flustered by the minute.

Shit, this is not going the way I planned.

“Same thing,” I say quickly. “And anyway—”

“Lilly,” Robin cuts me off. He seems hesitant to do it. I recall what Fey told me once about my being intimidating to him when we first met. However, he’s grown more confident in the time that’s passed since we first saw each other at Yale. “Listen to yourself. You’re all over the place.” He directs a hard look at me—nothing, of course, compared to the looks I’ve gotten from Jeremy. Still, it makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s from the guilt, the cognitive dissonance I feel for having to lie continuously to my friends. Maybe it’s from the uncertainty surrounding this situation. Maybe it’s from the fear that my phone has actually stopped ringing since I told Jeremy not to call. I have a chilling realization that he’s actually listened to me.

I don’t know. All I know is that internally, I feel worse right now than if I were put in front of the harshest judges and prosecutors. I hate lying to my friends.

Robin takes a careful step toward me. “Are you sure,” he begins slowly, “that there isn’t something you’re not telling us?”

My defenses come rocketing back. “Yes, I’m sure,” I snap. “What type of convincing do you need? Fey, what more do you want? Is my word not good enough for you? You can see that I’m safe, that I’m fine, that I want to be left alone. Why can’t you respect that?”

“She’s too deep in the rabbit’s hole,” Fey says to Robin. “You were right. She won’t listen to us.”

“I’m right here!” I all but scream. “Talk to me directly!”

“Fine,” Fey turns on me. There’s fire in her eyes. “You know what I think, Lilly? I think that you’re full of shit. I think that you
know
what Robin found is true, deep down. But you’re unwilling to admit it to yourself. I think you’re too
proud
to admit to us that you’ve made a mistake. That you misread the type of man that
Stonehart
…” She emphasizes his last name, while glaring at me. “…really is. I think you’re tied so closely to him that there is nothing we can tell you that will make you leave.”

“So if you think that, why are you here?” I challenge, matching her intensity, her passion. “Why did you come?”

“I came,” Fey says, grabbing Robin’s arm. “
We
came because we
care
, Lilly. We care about what happens to you.
We
care because we heard that message you left me—yes, I let Robin listen, I don’t keep secrets from him—and were worried when you became unreachable. Or have things changed? Do the things you said on the recording no longer apply?”

The air goes out of me like a popped balloon. “Of course they apply,” I say softly. Guilt tears at my heart. I sag into an armchair.

All I want is to be left alone. I need time to think, to reflect on what’s going on around me. To disappear into some empty vacuum where time stands still, and to re-emerge only when I’m ready to face the world again.

I know I do not have that luxury.

“Then listen to what we’re saying,” Fey begs me. “Listen, and try to see things from our perspective.”

“I am listening,” I tell her. “I’ve heard every single word. But it’s just…You don’t know what it’s like, Fey. You haven’t seen, or experienced Jeremy from the inside.”

“Then let us,” Robin challenges.

I blink. “What?”

“Let us see what Jeremy is like.” Robin glances at Fey, then keeps going. “You say we have a flawed understanding of who he is. Show us otherwise. Introduce him to us. Maybe then, when we see things the way you do, we’ll stop worrying.”

I bite my inner lip. Introduce Jeremy to Robin and Fey? Well, he’s already met Fey, so that won’t be much of a problem. But with her new perspective on things, she’ll be even more scrutinizing than her mother was at our morning brunch. And Robin will have his suspicions, too.

Then again, didn’t Jeremy say he would like to meet Robin, when he heard he was hired by
The Economist
? Maybe those were just empty words spoken in the presence of company.

If I agree, how will Jeremy react when he finds out? I need to clear some things—a
lot
of things—with him before I’m ready for another meeting with the four of us.

“That…might be tricky to arrange,” I say, slowly. “You know about the IPO coming up. There are a lot of demands on his time—”

“If he really is as caring as you seem to think he is,” Fey cuts in, “he’ll find time. For you.” She looks at her husband-to-be. “I think he’s right. This is a good idea. Let us meet Jeremy together.” She turns to me. “It’s the only way I’ll believe you’re safe.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “Fine. Okay. We can do that.”

“Great,” Fey says. She grabs my arm. “Let’s go.”