Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) (163 page)

Graduate students, we might be… but college freshmen is what we act like.

14.

Sunday morning, nearly thirty-six hours after the party, Summer is still complaining about her hangover.

She doesn’t remember a speck of it after she and I met Mike. I’m glad for that. The less she remembers, the less explaining I have to do.

But as each hour ticks by, I come closer and closer to facing James… in class… again.

“He’s picking students for his TAs this week!” Summer exclaims all of a sudden. I look up, suddenly short on breath, feeling the guilt consume me and—

“Whoa, whoa,” Summer says. “You all right, Celeste? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Yeah,” I mutter. “Just swell.” I glance down at our lunch table. How is it she and I both thought of the same man at exactly the same time?

“Anyway,” she continues, glossing over my discomfort. “I’m excited. Do you think I can get in? I think I can get in. It’ll mean more one-on-one time with him, y’know?” Her eyes take on a faraway look. “Just one-on-one, me and Professor Landon. I can pick his brain, see where he comes up with all the brilliant things he writes… Maybe see what he thinks of me… Maybe I can get to know him better.” She bites her lip and trails off. Then she looks at me. “Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I say, picking at my tuna salad. Summer insists I try her recipe, but I have no appetite for fish. No appetite for anything really, except feeling like a shitty friend for hooking up with Professor Landon twice and not having the balls to tell Summer about it.

I push my plate away. “I’m going to go for a run, k?” I tell her.

“But you just ate! Don’t you know you have to wait at least two hours after eating before running?”

“I think that’s swimming,” I say. “Besides, look at my plate. I barely had a bite.”

“And weren’t you just last week sitting over there with me,” she points to our living room couch, “complaining about having to walk everywhere? And now you want to
run
?”

“It’s a good workout,” I shrug. “And it’s bright and sunny out. I figure, why not?”

“Okaaaay,” she says, giving me a strange look.

I blow her a kiss. “I’ll see you later, all right? I might stop by the library, as well, and get started on that paper.”

“Shit! Summer jumps up. “The paper! Holy crap, I forgot all about it. When’s it due?”

“Next Wednesday,” I say.

She groans.

“What’s wrong? You still have time.”

“Yeah, if I had done the
reading
.”

I fix her with an incredulous look. “Have you read anything?”

She looks around the kitchen and shakes her head, just a little. “No. Not really. I’ve been…” she clears her throat, “…busy.”

“Doing what?” I ask. “Fantasizing about James?”

I gasp and clamp a hand over my lips. I can’t believe I just said that!

She narrows her eyes at me. “James?” she asks. “Who’s James? Wait a minute…” her eyes widen in understanding. “You mean Professor Landon, don’t you?
James
Landon?”

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“So you
do
know him,” she exclaims, jumping up and stabbing a finger at me. “You know him and you think of him by his first name!”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “No, no…”

“Oh, don’t deny it, Celeste. Come on, I’m not daft. There had to be a reason he singled you out during office hours. You still didn’t tell me what he wanted.”

“Nothing,” I say softly. “He wanted nothing.”

Guilt about looking my friend in the face and lying to her straight up is eating me up inside.

She scoffs. “That’s a fucking lie, and you know it. If you’re hiding something, Celeste, you better come out and say it.”

“I’m not hiding anything!” I explode. “Dammit, Summer! Why can’t you just trust me? I told you there’s nothing going on between me and him. Why can’t you just leave it at that? Why are you accusing me of sneaking around behind your back? Just because you want to get in his pants doesn’t mean every other woman with a vagina wants to! I told you, dammit, I just met him at a bar. I had no idea who he was. Even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” My voice is growing stronger, louder, angrier. “Oh, and guess what? Surprise, surprise! He’s not that interesting! I got bored and left, and anything he wanted out of me –
if
he wanted anything, Summer,
if
–he didn’t get. I shut him down, and that’s it! All there is to it! Nothing fucking more!”

I’m breathing hard, almost panting, by the time my tirade is over. My reaction is way, way,
way
out of proportion to anything that’s been said.

If anything, it just makes my guilt all the more obvious.

Summer looks at me. She considers it all for a long, solemn moment. Then, softly, she says, “Sneaking? I never accused you of sneaking.”

“Oh, whatever!” I grab my Beats from the table, put them over my ears, and storm out the apartment for my “run.”

***

I find a private study desk at the library and sit down.

I know I overreacted, but I’m fucking pissed. Pissed at myself for getting tangled in this. Pissed at Summer for spurring me on. Pissed at my own inability to deal. Pissed at myself for being too scared to tell Summer the truth.

Most of all, however, I’m pissed for just getting myself into this situation. How many of my rules am I breaking? Two, so far. The first and the fourth. And shit, I guess the second, because the first time I
did
spend the night.

Christ. This is a disaster in the making. Not even a month into term, and I’m already dealing with unnecessary internal turmoil.

Dammit, but I thought I was smarter than that! I thought I’d learned after Brad, learned from all the mistakes I made in college.

Maybe some lessons just take longer to sink in.

I know what I need to do. I need to either cut things off with James, completely… or fess up and tell Summer what’s going on.

That’s what pisses me off most. Both those options suck. I’ve never met a man who can make my body open up to his like James. I should be disgusted that I’m merely one in a long line of women he’s been with. That’s why he’s so good, no doubt.

But I’m not. And I’m not exactly innocent of whoring it up myself, in years past, either.

Maybe I’m just pissy because of all the promises I’ve made to myself that I haven’t kept. Enter grad school reformed?
Hah
, I scoff. As if. Don’t get tied up with a man a friend has eyes for? Yeah, that one too. Now all I need to do is fall in love, and I’ll complete the trifecta of sins.

I smirk to myself at the thought. That last one will never happen. I’m in no danger of developing feelings. I know myself well enough to know that.

Besides, do I even want to go through what I did with Brad again? No? No. Definitely not. So love is an impossibility.

That, at least, gives me some comfort.

It shouldn’t be a choice between the two. It shouldn’t be James versus Summer. I
should
be able to have both, if that’s what I want.

What I really want, though, is to feel like I’m not at fault. I know, I know! That’s childish of me. But really, Summer is the one who established that she’s got dibs on Professor Landon. And James is the one who seduced me.
Not
the other way around!

Dammit, it’s almost like I’m a passive victim here.

Again: yeah right. I know full well what I’m doing. I know what’s going on. I know where I stand. I’m a big girl. I can handle making the hard decision.

Or can I? James promised he would continue to pursue me. Even if I tell him no, would that be enough to deter him?

I think it won’t.

That leaves me with the option of telling Summer. I have no idea how she’ll react… but I suspect not well. She’s staked her claim on him. Whether that stake be based more on fantasy than reality doesn’t really matter. Do I really want to blow things up with her so early in the semester?

Hell no. I’ve waited five years to be reunited with my bestie. Why ruin that over some random man?

…No matter how sexy or alluring he may be.

So I guess that neutralizes my options. I’ll have to say no to James and remain firm in that conviction in the aftermath. No matter how he tries to push things.

Besides, I have a reasonable out. He’s my
professor!
Like I told him (weakly) that one time, there are university sanctions against this sort of thing.

I finally flip open my computer and get to work.

15.

Two hours of staring at the blank Word document later, I finally give up. I close my laptop with a grunt of disgust.

I’ve managed to write one sentence for this paper. Which I then hated and subsequently erased.

Damn I need a release. Something to rid me of all this pent-up frustration and guilt.

Whatever
. I look around the barren study room. It’s not like I’m going to find anyone capable of giving me that here.

I pack up my stuff and push my chair in. Maybe part of the reason I dawdled for so long was that I wanted to avoid the inevitable confrontation back at the apartment. I don’t mean telling Summer about James—I just mean apologizing for acting like a complete bitch earlier.

The sun is still shining when I get outside. I glance at my phone. It’s only seven p. m. Plenty of time for me to get back, clear the air with Summer, and maybe, finally, get a couple of pages done of this paper.

I start down the path to my apartment. It goes by an enormous lecture hall. Just as I walk past the front doors… James Landon steps out.

I only see him from the corner of my eye. I pretend not to and keep walking straight. But he calls my name.

“Celeste.”

I stop and close my eyes. I take a deep, steadying breath before turning to face him.

“Hello, professor,” I say, plastering an obnoxiously fake smile on my face.

“Professor?” He smirks, and walks down the steps with that easy gait of his. “I didn’t know we were on such formal terms.” He stops beside me, a tad too close, his stance a touch too suggestive. He smiles in a sly, knowing way. “You didn’t seem to mind calling me James two nights ago.”

I give him an impatient look. “Yeah, about that,” I begin. “Friday night? It was the last time. This…whatever this is…” I motion at the space between us. “…isn’t happening anymore. You can go and fuck any of your other students. I don’t care, but I’m no longer an active participant. We’re done.”

“So you admit there’s a ‘we,’” he says, twisting my words in that infuriating way of his. He licks his lips once. “Good.” He reaches out and brushes one finger against my cheek. “I like it when we’re in agreement.”

I take a hard step back. “We are
not
in agreement,” I retort. “There is no we, not anymore, nor should there have ever been.”

Now he looks amused. “You weren’t so opposed all those times I made you come,” he reminds me in a faint whisper.

Oh God
. I close my eyes to suppress the shiver of arousal that comes from hearing his words.

“Are you following me?” I blurt out, wanting to do anything, everything I can to dispel the need growing between my legs. This conversation has to stay neutral. I cannot get aroused.

There’ll be no way I’ll keep a level head if I do.

He blinks. “Following you?” he asks. “No.”

“It’s a big campus,” I say. “Explain how we always seem to meet.”

“Well, let me see. The first time we met, you came to my yacht.” He puts one finger up. “The second time,
you
came to my class.” Two fingers. “The third was office hours. The fourth a party I hosted at my penthouse. Now,” he continues, “I would love nothing more than to say that you came on Friday on a personal invitation from me. But, unfortunately…” He quirks his lips. “I do not remember issuing one. I’m flattered that you sought me out. Really, I am.” He steps into me so I can
smell
him. All the memories of our two nights together come roaring back. “But I’m not the one following you, Celeste. In fact,” another playful grin, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you might be harboring a little infatuation for me.”

I scoff and push him away. As soon as my hand lands on his chest,
more
memories come streaming back… of his delicious skin, of his hard muscles, of the decadent way he made me feel…

I break off contact with a little gasp. I meet his eyes, see his smile, and immediately look away.

“Am I wrong?” he queries.

“You’re wrong,” I breathe. But even I don’t feel the conviction of my words.

And that is a very dangerous path to tread when I’m trying to get away.

James looks around. Something flashes in his eyes. “Come,” he says, taking hold of my hand. “I want to show you something.”

His hand is sure and steady against my palm. And he holds me so tight –nobody’s ever held me so tight. It’s a little thing, I know, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually
had
my hand held out in public like this before. Brad was always shy about affection. All the other guys… all the other guys were one night stands, nothing more. They just wanted to fuck.

As did I. That’s what I thought I was cutting off with James, but the warmth of his hand raises up my arm and makes my earlier decision moot. It wipes away the conviction I had even half an hour ago. It makes him feel human, somehow more tender, and that… that affects me.

So I follow him with nary a word of protest.

“Where are we going?”

He looks over his shoulder at me and winks. “You’ll see.”

I lower my eyes purposefully as we walk by a group of students going the other way. I don’t think I know any of them, but I don’t want to risk being recognized as Professor Landon’s latest fling.

“You don’t care at all if other people see us, do you?” I ask, ducking my head the next time we pass a large group.

“Care?” He looks at me. “Of course not. Why should I?”

“There are rules…”

He laughs. “Fuck the rules. They don’t apply to us.”

“No?” I say. “Why not?”

“This is
my
campus, Celeste. I do what I like.” He raises his hand in salutations to someone walking on the other side. I make a clear effort to look away. “I’m a rock star here.” He gives a cocky grin. “As you can see. Also, we aren’t breaking any rules. Not if I have your consent.” He stops in front of a building. “Ah. Here we are.”