Uncovering You: The Complete Series (Mega Box Set) (188 page)

He nods and takes me there.

***

I take the stairs two at a time, determined to make sure Summer
never
repeats something like that again.

I told James I can do it alone. He grumbled something about “respect” but ultimately agreed.

Halfway up the first flight, a stabbing pain pierces me in the side.

I gasp and keel over. There are stars in my vision.

I take deep, agonizing breaths, clinging to the railing for life. Each inhale feels like a spear cutting through my ribcage.

Eventually it passes. Slowly, I straighten.

The pain is gone. But for a scary moment, I thought that was it.

Thank God James wasn’t here to see it.

I try to convince myself it’s just an after-effect of today’s spinal tap. I was too aggressive trying to run up to my room. Careless, I over-exerted myself.

Deep down though, I know that’s not true.

I walk the rest of the way, carefully, and open the door to our hall.

I’m okay. I made it up alive.

I brace myself for the conversation I need to have with Summer and march in.

She’s napping on the couch. My entrance wakes her. She looks at me, momentarily disoriented… then beams.

“So?” she asks. “Did I do good or what?”

“No, Summer!” I say. “No, you did
not
do good. You ruined his car! What the hell were you thinking?”

“Umm, that I was helping you. Duh.” She stands up. “I expect more of a thank you next time.”

“There’s not going to
be
a next time, Summer. You’re never allowed to pull shit like that again. Never! Not even if you think you’re looking out for me. It’s inappropriate, Summer! What the fuck do you think, we’re in middle school?”

She frowns at me. “Geez,” she says. “You sound pissed. You sure you got enough sleep last night? Speaking of–where were you last night? You weren’t here when I arrived.”

“I stayed with James!” I exclaim.

Her eyes go wide. “What?”

“With James Landon! You know, the same guy who housed me while you pulled your
first
crazy stunt.”

“Hey!” She crosses her arms. “Once was enough. I don’t want to hear you bitching at me over such minor shit.”

“It is
NOT
minor shit, Summer!” I argue. “Locking me out and leaving me homeless is
not
minor shit. Ruining somebody else’s car is
not
minor shit, Summer! Do you even realize the consequences of the things you do?”

“Christ,” she mutters. “You make it seem like I do this stuff consistently.”

“You do!” I exclaim.

“Twice is
not
consistently. You’re overreacting a bit, don’t you think?”

“No, Summer. No, I do
not
think! What if I go and tell James it was you who did that, huh? What would you say then?”

She narrows her eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”

“Because friends have each other’s’ backs! You don’t rat them out!”

“Oh, like you had my back when you changed the locks? Real fucking cute, Summer. Thanks! I didn’t know you did it out of
altruism
to help me!”

She gives a nasty sneer. “Seems like it worked out pretty good for you.”

I want to pull my hair out, I’m so frustrated with her.

I stab a finger in her face. “Promise,” I say. “Promise you won’t do anything like this again while we’re living together.”

She raises her chin in defiance. “Or what?”

“Or I’m telling James what you did.
And
I’m moving out. Let’s see you make rent then.”

“Ugh!” She turns away. She grabs her jacket and throws it over her shoulders. “You can be a real fucking bitch sometimes, you know that?” she asks, jerking her arms in. “Fine, you want me to promise? Fine. I won’t do it again,
mother
.” She shoulders past me. “But you better be ready to deal with a
very
moody roommate for the next couple of weeks. And don’t you dare come to me when he dumps your ass for someone else.”

With that, she storms out the door.

***

Summer doesn’t return that night. I don’t know where she went. Frankly, I don’t care.

Maybe James was right. Maybe I shouldn’t be living with her. She’s clearly unstable. Perhaps even bipolar.

Jesus. I bring a hand to my forehead. This whole reuniting-with-a-high-school-best-friend thing has been an absolute disaster.

James calls to ask me how it went. I tell him just about as well as could be expected.

He wants to see me. I tell him no. I’m tired from chemo, exhausted, really, and I have to catch up on schoolwork.

But when I try to do it, I can’t concentrate. My mind keeps wandering. How is it that Summer and I became such different people? We were a perfect match in high school…

Then again, time changes everything.

Even me and James
, I think with a smile.

***

Summer comes back Sunday. She’s cordial but cold.

Maybe she’s figured it out, too. Our rooming situation is not meant to last.

But we only have a month left on our lease. It expires at the end of term, with an option to return.

I don’t think either of us expects that to happen.

Monday morning, for the first time ever while we’ve shared an apartment, we go to class separately.

She takes her car. I walk.

I’m bundled up in a thick jacket that’s supposed to act as a wind breaker but is anything but. Fall’s here with a vengeance. I don’t want to think about how cold winter will be.

I see some girls I’ve made friends with outside lecture hall. I join their circle and say hi. They all greet me warmly.

The day goes by as expected. I surprise James in his office instead of heading home at the end.

We fuck.

That boosts my mood. Then again, a good fuck always does.

“We need to talk about Summer,” he says after.

“Do we?” I’m shrugging my shirt back on. “Really, do we have to?”

“Yes,” he insists. “I worry about you living with her.”

“I’ve started to have some reservations about that, too,” I admit.

“Good,” he says. “I want you to come back and live with me.”

“James, I… can’t. Not yet.”

His eyes sear into me. “Why?”

“I mean, I know that she and I aren’t the best fit anymore,” I hedge. “But I can’t just bail out on her. She needs my half of the rent. She can’t pay for the place on her own.”

He grunts. “Come with me anyway. I’ll give you the money to cover your half.”

“No, James!” I protest. “I’m not taking your money. I’m not going to treat you like Angela did!”

He shakes his head and gives a little, disbelieving laugh. “Trust me,” he says, taking me in his arms and pecking my lips. “You are
nothing
like her.”

I deepen the kiss in a hurry. I love the feel, taste, shape of his flawless lips.

He leans back and peers into my eyes. “Come away with me,” he whispers.

“Soon,” I say. “The lease is only until the end of the term. If you still want me then…” I give a small shrug. “Maybe I can be convinced.”

He shakes his head. “No. That’s not what I meant. I meant,
leave
with me. Forget the university. Let’s get out of here. Just you and me. I’ll take a sabbatical. You take a medical leave. We’ll go somewhere you can get the best treatment. I’ll take care of you, babe. I fucking promise.”

“James…” my eyes fill with tears. My voice hitches. “You’re not… you can’t really mean that.”

“Why not?” he asks. He holds me tighter. “I don’t take any of this lightly. I don’t take
you
lightly. You make me feel… you make me feel hopeful again, Celeste. Before I met you, I only felt… hollow. The divorce, the celebrity, the way people looked at me… it was all meaningless. I became jaded. Things were too easy. Nothing worth fighting for. Nothing worth making an
effort
for.

“But now, with you? All that’s changed. Hey…” He tilts my chin up. “Are you crying?”

I swipe at my stupid eyes. “Happy tears,” I hiccup.

He wraps his arms around me. “I love you,” he whispers in my ear. “I never thought I would love again. You changed that. I can’t be without you, Celeste. I need you.” He hugs me tighter. “You can’t say no because you feel the same way about me.”

“James…” I push him away gently. I look up at him. “You’re right, James. I do love you. But we can’t just drop everything and go! I mean, a few weeks ago we weren’t even talking. What if you change your mind about me? What if I make you…” I swallow. “Bored? I’ve seen you in lecture. You thrive off attention. You say you were jaded, but you love their adoration. You need to be the center of attention.”

“Celeste.” He says my name solemnly. “The only person’s attention I need is yours.”

I melt right on the spot.

“I will be your safety, Celeste. You will be the only one for me. I don’t want to spend any time apart. So let’s do it.” He looks around his office. “Fuck this place. I don’t need it. It’ll be waiting here for us when we get back.”

“If we go…” I whisper. “How can you be sure we’ll be back? Odds are…” tears fill my eyes again. “…It’ll be just you.”

“No,” he growls. He holds me tighter. “Don’t say that, Celeste. Never say that. If I take you away, I’m coming back with you. That I promise.”

I shake my head and look down. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I
can
keep it.”

“But it’s not up to you!” I rip away. I’m suddenly angry. Angry at the tears, angry at my body, angry at the fucking cancer. I’m angry at James for even making the offer.

“It’s not up to you, okay? It’s up to no one! The doctors will feed me the drugs. Will they be effective? Who the fuck knows? I don’t. You sure as hell don’t, James! You’re not a god. So don’t—“ I stagger, then catch myself. “—don’t make promises you can’t keep!”

I feel light-headed. My heart rate’s amped up. I over-exerted myself again, and I…I…

For a second, everything goes black.

When I open eyes, I’m looking up at James from the floor. His face is a mask of concern.

“What happened?” I mutter.

“You fell,” he says. “You need a paramedic. I’m calling an ambulance.”

“No!” I grab his shirt. “No, James. Don’t. I’m fine. It’s not –not anything with my cancer.” I push myself up. My butt hurts where I hit the ground. “It’s food. I’m not getting enough. I can hardly eat anything on these drugs. My blood sugar… no carbs…” I trail off.

James hesitates but then helps me to my feet. “Steady?” he asks.

“Yes,” I promise.

He lets me go. “All the more reason you should leave with me,” he says.

I look at him. He stares right back. His conviction is unmistakable.

Do I dare tell him that for a few scary minutes last night, I couldn’t read the words of my book when I was studying? That I
saw
them there, but my brain could not attach meaning to them?

Do I give him false hope with the lie of omission? Am I so cowardly that I cannot tell him about my rapidly deteriorating health?

I need to sit down. My mind’s spinning with possibilities.

“Do you really… want me to go with you?” I ask, walking to a chair.

“Yes.”

“Even with everything you know? Given what could happen to me? What probably
will
happen to me?”

“It will
not
,” James growls. “But yes. Even with that.”

“We’ve not even been dating five days,” I whisper.

“Does it matter? We’ve known each other much longer.”

“And you’ll really…” I take a deep breath and say the words I promised myself I would never ask of another person. “You’ll really take care of me?”

“Yes.”

I want to give in. Really, really,
really
. I want to believe. I want to pretend there’s a future for us. I want to live the fairy tale.

I’ve never been a proponent of happily-ever-afters. But maybe, with James… there might be a flicker of a chance.

“Where would we go?” I ask him.

“Anywhere,” he says. “You say the word, and I’ll take you there. We can go to Minnesota first. The Mayo Clinic is there. They have the best cancer treatment center in the world. We’ll meet the doctors, you and I, and transfer your treatment to them. They have the experience. From there? I’d love to take you around the world, but we have to be realistic. At first, we’ll probably need to stay in the United States.” He glances out the window. “I’ve always hated the cold, haven’t you? We’ll set you up with best treatment plan and see what we do next. If they let you do out-patient treatment, we’ll fly to Hawaii, Florida. Wherever your heart desires.”

“That sounds amazing, James, honestly, but…”

He leans forward. He stretches his arm across the table and takes my hand. “But what, baby? Tell me. You trust me, don’t you?”

“I do now,” I say, running my thumb over his strong fingers.

“Then what? What is it? What reservation could you possibly have? But what, Celeste?”

“But isn’t it all a bit… too much, too soon?” I ask. “You want to uproot everything and run away with me.”

“Yes,” he says.

“You don’t know how this is all going to work out. With me, my cancer, the treatment…”

“No,” he admits. “But it doesn’t matter. What do you think, Celeste? Just me and you? Let’s do it. Let’s start our life. Yes?”

“When?” I ask softly.

“Now,” he says.

“Like… right
now
, right now?” I clarify. “You’re ready to just pick up and fly away?”

He pauses. “Well, maybe not
today
. I’ve got divorce things to deal with first in the court. But…” he trails off, tapping his lips in thought. “Nah. Fuck it. My lawyers can take care of it. Yes, Celeste. If you give the word –then tomorrow. No doubt.”

“What about tenure?” I ask. “That’s pretty important, isn’t it?”

“You’re more important.”

“No, James. I refuse. If we do this –
if
–you are not putting your life on hold for me. I’m not going to say it, because you asked me not to, but you know what might happen to me. You need a backup plan. Do you know how impressive it is to be offered tenure, at
your age
? You should wait.”