Under a Falling Star (21 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

D
alton sulked moodily in the alley between the haberdashery and the bakery, trying to keep his thoughts on the bank across the way and not on how Susanna’s face had looked when she’d returned from Albert’s table. He kicked a clump of dirt from between his boots, wanting this long night to be over. Surely the soldiers from Fort McKinney would show up tomorrow. He hoped the bank men from Colorado would show as well.

Squinting, he saw movement across the way. Albert was over there, but Frank, having contracted some sort of sour gut, had left an hour ago for home in search of baking soda and water. The money situation was weighing on the man. His usually pleasant face, taut with exhaustion, had looked five years older than a few days ago when they’d met. Sleeping on a small cot in his office would knock the starch out of anyone even half his age.

The sky above was clear. The narrow expanse between the two buildings gave Dalton a view of the stars. He wiped a hand across his face, wondering if he was wasting his time with Susanna.

A whistle-like birdcall sounded from up the street.

Alert, Dalton searched through the darkness, his senses fully awake. It had to be close to midnight. Logan Meadows was closed up tight, and the people asleep in their beds. He wondered if Albert had heard it as well. Instructions were to stay split up, making them a difficult target if bullets started to fly.

A match winked for several seconds at the bank, then went out.

Nerves pricked up Dalton’s back. It felt like something was about to happen. If outlaws were planning trouble, they might be getting edgy, feeling their opportunity slipping away. With only a quarter moon, cover would be good. Tonight would be better than tomorrow, with reinforcements scheduled to arrive.

Mad at himself for not recommending a few more guards tonight, he quietly cursed in the darkness. He should have suggested stationing Chase Logan and Charlie Axelrose on top of a roof. He’d grown complacent when the interest in the million dollars had waned in the aftermath of the funeral. And what about Pat Tackly? He’d claimed fatigue and was mostly keeping himself holed up in the hotel room Albert had arranged for him. Was the story he’d told them the truth? Had he really been stumbling around, and following the tracks in the wrong direction? Seemed a bit farfetched, by Dalton’s way of thinking.

Out of habit, he dropped one hand to caress the stock of his .45 Colt. His guns were ready. With his back against the cool batten and board siding, he slipped around to the front boardwalk, trying to get a better view of the street. If trouble was on its way, he didn’t want to get caught unawares.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

I
thought I saw a light out here,” Hannah said, stepping around the side of Susanna’s cottage and into the tiny backyard. “What on earth are you still doing up? And outside alone in the dark?”

Surprised, Susanna whirled around, her hand pressed tightly to her chest. She’d been engrossed in the soft sounds of the night, the brightness of the stars, and completely missed the sound of her friend’s approach. The self-absorption of her thoughts had shut out everything except her hurt over Albert, and the decisions at hand.

“Hannah! You gave me a fright! Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s not nice to sneak up on someone?” She gripped the shawl around her shoulders and pulled it tight. “You almost gave me a case of vapors. I was just thinking about going inside when you appeared out of nowhere.”

“I’m sorry.” Hannah approached and gave her a gentle hug. “I forgot about your skittishness. Markus was restless tonight. The little stinker woke up around eleven-thirty from a scary dream. When I went down into the kitchen to heat some milk, I noticed a light out here and was worried. Being you’re only a few houses down, I decided to check and be sure everything was all right. I hope you don’t mind.” She ran her hand down Susanna’s arm, no words needed to know what Susanna was thinking about.

“I don’t mind. But, if you believed something was wrong, I would have thought you’d bring along Thom—just in case. Am I right?”

Hannah softly laughed. “I suppose. Don’t be annoyed if I’m concerned about my dear friend who just might need a heart-to-heart talk.”

Gratitude moved Susanna. Hannah was a special friend indeed, one she was truly blessed to have. “Of course I’m not annoyed. I am worried about Thom, though. He’ll have my hide if he wakes up and finds you gone. You know he doesn’t like you coming down here alone after dark. Even more so since everyone has been walking on eggshells this last week.”

“Yes, with good reason,” Hannah responded. Her hair flowed freely around her shoulders, a style she seldom wore.

“Did Markus fall back asleep?”

“He did. Took him a while. I snuggled down next to him and we counted sheep until I heard his little snore.” The smile in Hannah’s voice was evident. “He got all the way up to one hundred and eighty-eight. His little mind is hard to calm down once it’s restless. But he’s a good boy, a blessing to be sure—and a very good counter.”

How simple life could be, Susanna thought, envisioning Hannah and Markus together on the child’s bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. The warmth of the house and tick of the clock. Thom asleep in the room next door, believing all was fine.
The way life should be.

For a few minutes, they just gazed at the stars in companionable silence.

“I don’t know what to do,” Susanna finally said, not taking her attention off the night sky. “Everything’s so mixed up. I feel like a pincushion with a new box of needles.”

The thin slice of quarter moon gave off a shimmery glow. Hannah turned to face her. “I’m sure you do. It was a huge shock to all of us to learn about Albert. I can’t imagine how you must feel. I’ve heard rumors that the woman, was, well . . .”

“His wife? Yes, yes she was, up until the day she died.”

Hannah didn’t respond for a good half minute. “I see. Has he shared with you why he left her? Or why he never mentioned her to you? There has to be a reason he’s not saying.”

“He said they only stayed together for a couple of months. Coming from Albert, the most honest man I’ve ever known, I didn’t have the presence of mind to ask questions then, while we were talking. I just sat there like a voiceless doll.”

“You were in shock.”

She nodded, remembering the conversation. “Now I’d have a lot more questions for him. I thought I knew him, Hannah. Believed him to be a decent man. I can’t help it, but I
still
do. But what man leaves the woman he loves, who he has vowed to stay with until death parts them, after such a short time? What could she have done? What would prompt such a drastic move? I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

“That’s not much to go on, but I’d bet he’s hurting as well. That he has some reasons he’s not yet shared. His son must be a huge surprise to him. I’d guess he’s floundering as much as you are right now just to take care of him. Albert
is
a good man. He must have motives for keeping his history to himself.”

“Perhaps.”

“How do you feel about Dalton?”

That was a good question. Whenever he was around, she was happy, and felt a portion of herself healing from the pain and humiliation of her past. Like he was somehow showing her that she wasn’t the only one to suffer. “I like him.”

“Only like? When I see the two of you together, you’re always smiling. Susanna, I don’t want you to take my words wrong, because you know I love Albert very much. Working together, Thom and him are very close, and he thinks the world of Albert as well. But, the two of you are not married. And from what you said, you haven’t even spoken about making your intentions official. There’s no crime in enjoying Dalton’s company, especially if it helps. You have nothing to feel guilty over.”

“I know.” And she did know. She’d hardly thought of anything else but the three of them since last Friday. So many feelings rumbling around inside were almost making her dizzy, and she wished she could close the door to her thoughts. “What a mess.”

Hannah sighed, her tone full of meaning. “Don’t rush yourself. No decisions have to be made right now. Nobody expects that. Take your time. Let your heart rest and recover. A lot has happened.”

Anxiety squeezed Susanna’s stomach. On one hand, she had plenty of time. On the other, time was fleeting. “That’s just it. Dalton won’t be here forever. He’ll move on with the money shipment when it’s time to go. What if after he leaves, I realize he was the one? That I hadn’t recognized my feelings for him because of my brokenheartedness over Albert? I’m mixed up, Hannah. One minute I think I want one thing, and a few minutes later, I think another. I’m as fickle as they come.”

“What does your heart say?”

She looked up at the stars, avoiding the question. “Look at them, Hannah, how they sparkle and shine. They look happy. I want to be happy, too.”

“Susanna?”

“My heart says that my life is changing faster than I’d like. That I’m not in control of anything.” She chanced a glance at Hannah. “I’m frightened—and that’s not a good feeling.”

Susanna had never shared anything about her mother with Hannah. Or her life before coming to Logan Meadows. Even with Hannah, she still felt embarrassed by it. But weren’t her mother’s words ringing true now? As much as she despised the thought, she couldn’t deny it. Maybe it was time she got it off her chest.

“Growing up, my mother, well, she didn’t have much of a reputation. She took up with a lot of men, if you catch my meaning. I think somewhere when she was very young she must have been badly hurt. She insisted men couldn’t be trusted. She took great pains to instill that into me with her every breath. She’d said that they were liars, and cheats, and they would hurt me. Once the chase was over, they’d move on. That if I ever trusted one, I’d end up alone, broken, and penniless, just like her. Please understand, she had a hard life. I don’t pretend it was not one of her own making, but still, she was my mother, and I loved her. Her existence was one neither one of us would want for ourselves or anyone we loved . . .”

The sentence died in her throat. A moment of silence stretched out into the night like a spirit sneaking through the knee-high grass.

“What happened?” Hannah asked.

“When I was a girl, she repeated her words of warning so often I had no choice but to believe them. When she died, I left after I was approached by one of her gentleman friends—expecting favors.”

Hannah sucked in a deep breath, but Susanna forged on. Speaking about her past was freeing.

“By the time I arrived in Logan Meadows, the words were engraved on the walls of my heart—not by desire, but by pure dominance. That’s why I kept Albert at arm’s length for so long. And I actually discouraged him when he was trying to tell me about his past, about Floria. I thought he was trying to profess his love, and ask if we could start courting.” Overcome with grief, she turned and grasped Hannah’s hands. “How foolish I’ve been. I wholeheartedly believed that if I never let him speak of his affection, then we’d never arrive at the point where what we felt together would come to an end. That he’d never leave me. It was childish, I know.”

“I had no idea about this, Susanna. You’ve been so close lipped about your past. I always thought there might be something you weren’t sharing, but I didn’t want to pry. It’s not a sin to try to start over.”

“I know.”
Isn’t that what Albert was doing?

Hannah gave a wan smile. “Now I see that I should have sat you down for a good long talk a year ago.”

Susanna wrapped her arms around herself when a chilly breeze ruffled the bottom of her skirt. “I’m sorry, I just can’t—”

“Don’t stop now! Get it all out, so you can heal from the hurt your mother inflicted on you. Her thoughts were distorted, Susanna. I hope you know that.”

Susanna gaped at Hannah, surprised she was laying Albert’s sins on her mother’s grave. “My mother? Don’t you mean Albert?”

Hannah stood close enough that Susanna could see a spark of anger in her eyes. “No, I don’t mean Albert! Your problems didn’t start with the truth he’s kept from you, but with the fear and suspicion your mother drove you to your knees trying to carry. She may have experienced those things in her life, but she had no right to rob you of your innocence. Destroy your dreams of a loving husband, and the desire to build a family of your own. No right at all! I’m disgusted when I think about what your mother did to her daughter’s beautiful heart.”

Susanna pulled away. Hannah might be right, but that didn’t leave Albert off the hook for his betrayal.

“Don’t you see?” Susanna went on. “Albert did to his wife exactly what Mother said would happen to me. He left after only two months. They were still newlyweds, for gosh sakes. They’d barely said ‘I do.’ It couldn’t get any more exact if I’d written it myself.”

“You may want to consider your life here since coming to Logan Meadows,” Hannah argued. “Look at my marriage. It’s as solid as a rock. The more Thom expresses his deep, abiding love for me, the more mine grows for him. If that’s not enough, look at Chase and Jessie, Charlie and Nell, and now Greg and Brenna.”

Seemed Hannah was just warming to this subject. She trooped back and forth in front of Susanna reminding her of a soldier. “Why, Mrs. Brinkley and her husband have been married almost forty years! Think of them when you start doubting, will you? You’d be hard pressed to find one of them without the other. They’re always arm in arm. They finish each other’s sentences, and practically read each other’s minds. Markus even thinks they look like each other.” Hannah laughed, the sound a nice break in the tense conversation. “I wouldn’t go as far to say that, though. And what about my mother? As exasperating as she can be at times, she dearly loved my father—and he, her. They married at fifteen and sixteen and would still be together if he hadn’t died.”

Susanna held up her hand. “Please, stop. I hear what you’re saying. Now that I’ve actually spoken the words, I see you have a very good point. It’s like their sting has been clipped.”

“These are just a few examples. But what they mean is life isn’t worth living without love. Have faith in love! Take a chance, and you might be surprised at how well things will turn out. If you do, you’ll be filled with joy. I promise.”

She wanted to believe. She did. And yet . . . “How can I ever trust Albert again? And if I don’t trust him, how can I have faith in love?”

She turned abruptly and faced Hannah. “We could talk about this all night and not come up with a definite answer. You need to get home before you’re missed. I don’t want an angry Thom hunting me down for a grumpy wife tomorrow. Thank you so much for your concern. I’ll consider all you’ve said.”

Hannah gave her a brief hug. “You’re right. You’re the only one who can decide if you can live with Albert’s transgressions. But promise me that if you need to talk some more, you’ll come to me. I’m always available. Two heads are better than one when it comes to problems of the heart. And you know, I’ll never say a word to anyone.”

“Look!” Susanna sucked in a breath as a glittering star streaked the expanse of the dark sky.

Hannah sighed blissfully. “That was worth coming out to see. And you should be pleased. Signs like that don’t come along every day.”

Feeling so much better, Susanna just stared at the path the star
had taken. “Thank you,” she said softly to her friend. “For everything. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ll be back at the restaurant tomorrow morning. No more patients to look after, thank goodness.”

“What about Julia?”

“Just so happens she got a job that provides her with room and board.”

“What! Where?”

“Nell and Charlie have been looking for someone to stay with Maddie when they’re out ranching and she’s not at school. They’ve been making do so far, in between trying to find a tutor, but seems Maddie took a spill and that made the decision for them. Julia has already gone out to the ranch with Nell. When school starts back up, she’ll take over the job of walking with her into town and picking her up when class lets out, and then watching over her at the house. On her off-hours when Maddie is at school, Julia is free to do whatever she wants, even take another job in town.”