Under His Roof (12 page)

David and I don’t speak much but we enjoy each other’s company. When we’ve nearly polished off all of the food, I lean back and pat my stomach, feeling quite fantastically sated.

“Good stuff, right?” he says.

“Amazing.”

The waitress comes and clears our plates. I toy with my wine glass, feeling oddly shy. I want to ask David so many things but I feel like I can’t. The whole spanking thing just seems so wrong. But I know it feels right and I’m so fucking conflicted I can barely handle myself.

“It seems so wrong,” I finally blurt out.

“You just need to go with it,” he says. “Stop thinking so much and go with what feels right.”

“How do you know it’s right, though?”

He shrugs. “Like I said, it just feels right. Feels… perfect.”

“Perfect?”

“Yeah. Rachel, I don’t want to do this.”

“What?” My stomach tightens. Was my uncertainty toward his relationship needs making him impatient with me? I steel myself for the worst and prepare for him to break things off.

“No, not like that,” he says, looking pained. “I don’t want to do this… this way. I don’t want to drive all the way to the city when I want to see you. I don’t want to date you. Dating is so… complicated.”

“You don’t want to date me?” I’m feeling hurt and I know he’s struggling with his words but I wish he would get to his point. If he doesn’t want to date me then why the hell am I sitting across from him?

“No, I want to date you. I just don’t want to go on dates with you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” My indignation is rising and with it, my voice, and I bite my lip, reminding myself that we’re in public.

David sighs. “I feel like I’m falling in love with you.”

Whoa
. I haven’t been willing to admit it to myself but I know my feelings are reciprocal. I barely know David. But ever since that first session, he’s always been in the back of my mind. Waiting for me.

But if he’s falling in love with me, why doesn’t he want to date me?

“Do you think you might feel the same way about me?” he asks quietly and I realize he’s staring at me anxiously.

“Yeah. I do.”

The relief in his eyes is obvious. “Good.”

“You are falling in love with me but you don’t want to date me?”

“No. I want you living under my roof.”

My jaw drops and I stare at him for a moment before using my hand to manually close my mouth because the muscles in my face seem to have stopped working.

“I know it’s soon…” he begins, but trails off.

“It’s too soon.”

“Maybe. It’s just… I have a whole house. And you could keep your apartment for a few months, just in case you don’t end up liking the arrangement. I know it’s more of a commute…”

“Actually, it’s about the same,” I say absentmindedly as my mind races, imagining waking up with David every day. Eating breakfast with him. Walking outside in the country air.

“Really?”

“What?” I look at him blankly.

“The commute. I thought that might be a deal breaker for you.”

“No. It takes me about a half hour either way. The drive from your place is actually nicer.”

He smiles at that. “Good.”

“This is crazy, David.”

“I know. I wasn’t going to bring it up, but going to pick you up, taking you to a restaurant, it’s just not my thing. I’m a homebody in some ways. I like to go out on occasion, but I mostly prefer staying in. Hanging out with someone I care about.”

I consider this and he has a good point. “My friends will think I’m crazy.”

“Maybe. Remember, you keep your apartment. We could do it every other week at first, if it makes you more comfortable. Think of it as a long-term sleepover.”

I laugh, and I’m so nervous that my laugh comes out as an abrupt snort. “What about the…
thing
?” I ask tentatively.

“The discipline thing?”

“Yeah.” I look down to the table and play with my napkin.

“Look at me,” he says.

I obey and his expression is soft and kind.

“Breathe.”

That is a good idea. I take a few deep breaths.

“I don’t punish without good reason,” he says. “And as for your discipline, we’ll agree on a frequency that works for both of us.”

“What is the difference?”

“Punish for a crime, discipline for health and happiness.”

I raise my eyebrows. “Health and happiness?”

“Health and happiness.”

We’re silent now and he’s just staring at me as if waiting for something. And what should I say? Yes, I’ll move in with you even though we’ve been together for a total of about thirty hours? He’s right, though. If I keep my apartment then I’m just staying with him, potentially temporarily, and that could be OK.

But the spankings… the discipline, the punishments… my mind hasn't fully sorted out that dimension of our relationship.

“Rachel, let’s try it for a week,” he says. He takes his final sip of wine and gets up, as though the conversation is over.

“All right,” I whisper as he pulls me to my feet. He gives me a quick kiss and I smell buttery crab on his lips.

“Good. I’ll help you move some of your things this weekend. And we’ll discuss a few logistics on the way back to your apartment. I want you to know what you’re getting into before you actually make the move.”

What am I getting into
? I know the logistics-talk will not be a comfortable discussion. He holds my hand as we walk outside and opens the car door for me. I try to relax in the passenger seat of his truck and he jogs around to his side, calling out a greeting to a couple walking toward the restaurant.

He must know all the regulars.

“When you’re living with me, you’ll have some rules you’ll obey,” he says. He starts the ignition and easily backs out of a rather tight parking spot.

“Rules?”

“Rules.”

“Like what?”

“I’ll make you a list. But, for example, I’ll expect a phone call from you if you’re running late from work.”

That’s reasonable
, I think to myself.

“You’ll help with your share of the housework. You’ll be on time if we’re meeting somewhere. And, when I tell you to do something, you’ll do it.”

The last thing doesn’t feel right to me. “What if you tell me to do something bad? I can’t just obey without thinking.”

“I won’t tell you to do anything bad.”

“But—”

“Rachel, I’ll be patient as you adjust to having a dominant figure in your life. But, that said, I won’t coddle you. It is up to you to decide if you want my influence. If you don’t, then we shouldn’t be talking about living together or dating.”

“It’s either all or nothing?”

He pulls to a stop at a light and he’s looking forward, his expression intense. He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know. Like I said, I think I’m falling for you. I don’t know if we could make it work without the dynamic I want, though. I just… I can’t change who I am.”

“But what if this isn’t who I am?”

“We’ll find out soon enough.” He turns and smiles at me. “It can be a relief, you know. For someone like you.”

“I know,” I whisper. I’d already been feeling that relief. It comes in waves. When he spanks me, I feel it. When he’s stern with me, I feel it. At work, there is so much pressure on me to handle my team and my clients. The fact that I don’t have to be David’s boss, that he’s actually in charge of me, well, it’s strangely comforting.

He puts his hand on my thigh and gives me a loving squeeze. “We’ll take it slow. Promise.”

“OK.”

We’re at my apartment sooner than I’d like. I have an early meeting and as much as I want him to stay with me I know I need some sleep. And I know I need time to think things over.

He walks me to my door, though, and gives me a long lingering kiss that makes my knees knock together like I’m a silly teenager in love. That’s what I feel like, though. I’m not falling in love with him, I’ve already fallen hard.

“Friday,” he whispers, resting his forehead on mine and looking into my eyes. “Want me to help you pack some things in the afternoon?”

“No. I’ll be fine.”

“When can I expect you?”

“Not sure. Late afternoon.”

“All right. I’ll e-mail you with some details.” He kisses me again and I can tell he doesn’t want to let me go. When he finally backs away from the embrace it’s like he’s forcing himself away from me. “See you soon, sweetie,” he says with a small smile. Then he’s gone.

I pour myself another glass of wine, knowing I’ll need it to knock myself out. My mind is so full and my feelings for David are so strong that I’m actually scared. For the first time in my entire life, I’m scared of committing. Why wasn’t I frightened before any of my other relationships?

Then it hits me. I want this one to last.

I open my laptop and write a quick note to David.

David,

I’d appreciate a description of the rules you were talking about. Curiosity is killing me.

Rachel

I know he’s still driving so I won’t get a quick response. I call Samantha who is thrilled that I’m confiding in her.

“Moving in?!” she squeals. “You’ve known him for, like, five minutes!”

“I know. It’s crazy, right? Too soon?”

“Um, no. Not too soon. Rachel, you have never even considered doing something this nuts in your entire life. Everything you do is planned so far in advance it makes me worried that you’ll never have any fun. The fact that you are debating saying yes—”

“I already kinda said yes,” I say, interrupting her.

“Rachel Lynn! Holy shit!”

“Yeah. Holy shit.”

“Well, keep your apartment. You can always move back.”

“I know.”

“When are you moving?”

“Friday.”

“I want dinner at your new place this weekend, then.”

My new place
. Was it really mine if he was in charge? “All right. Either day work for you?”

“I’ll keep my schedule open. You tell me when, ‘K?”

“Sure. I’ll call you.” I see a new message on my computer. It’s from David. “Hey, I’m gonna go. I have an early day.”

“OK. Hey… thanks for calling,” Samantha says sincerely. I feel a twinge of guilt about the way I treated her just a month before. Before I met David.

“Thanks for answering,” I reply, clicking off my phone and opening David’s message at the same time.

Rachel:

I’ll be in touch.

I miss you already.

Be good.

David

I miss him too. My body aches to feel his arms around me and I’m kicking myself for not inviting him to spend the night. Then, I resolve to be strong. I am an independent woman, until Friday at least, and I can go a few nights without him. And work is important. I must remember that. I’ve seen other women fall behind at the office just because of a new crush or an upcoming date. I’m sure men are the same, but for some reason I’m more critical of it when I see women doing it.

For now, I will focus at the office and get through the week.

This strategy of mine proves quite beneficial. I dive headfirst into all my paperwork at the office and I’m calling clients left and right and by Thursday, I’ve landed our firm two new projects. My boss is pleased and adds a few extra vacation days to my calendar for the year.

I’m reminded of the beach and wonder if I’ll spend my vacation days with David.

Thursday afternoon, he’s finally responded to my e-mail about the rules and I read through them, semi-stunned.

Rachel:

Preliminary rules are below. Above all, being respectful of my decisions is the most important. I don’t expect you’ll have any trouble following these, and I don’t expect you’ll require punishment often.

Discipline, on the other hand… ;)

See you tomorrow, late afternoon.

David

Rules:

1. Show respect for my decisions

2. Obey all traffic laws when driving

3. Exercise good personal hygiene

4. Consider your safety and the safety of others in every action that you take

5. Do not get inebriated unless you are with me

6. Maintain your personal relationships with friends and family

7. Keep yourself in good health by exercising and eating healthfully

8. Learn a new skill once a month

9. Help with your share of housework

10. Ask me my opinion and advice before making any big life decisions

I read the rules three times before clicking ‘reply’.

David,

Those seem reasonable. Thank you for elaborating. Until tomorrow.

Rachel

I’m being honest with myself now and I can feel something changing inside of me. While I’m still resistant to these ‘rules’, I can’t really say that they aren’t things I wouldn’t follow anyway. I’m worried about the discipline sessions that he’ll want us to do, but I do feel trust for him. And there is something very intimate about submitting to a spanking from him. It’s unlike anything I’ve done with a lover before.

Packing up my things is overwhelming but I diligently begin.

I cannot wait until tomorrow.

~10~

David

After I send Rachel the rules I wait anxiously for her response. I had them ready on Wednesday but I was too damned nervous to send them along. Would she reject them and resist the idea of submitting to me? I can’t bear the thought.

When I open her response I suck in a breath and sigh in relief. She agrees. And she’ll be here tomorrow.

My concrete guy is coming in the morning. I’m building a small office and discipline room behind my home so I can still receive clients when Rachel is around. I’ve been meaning to do it for years and have always felt that my professional practices are inappropriate for my home environment. I take a walk outside, surveying the plot of land I’ve chosen once again, and nod to myself, satisfied. It will be a good space.