Under His Skin (19 page)

“It’s really not you. I mean it when I say this won’t work. It’s my fault.” She pulled in a shuddering breath and swiped at her eyes, not surprised to find them moist. “This is my life. It’s the same thing, all the time. I’m not smart like you are. People will always look at you, then me, and wonder what the hell I’m doing there. I can’t fit into this.” She waved her arm around, encompassing the condo and beyond. “I can never be the little housewife. I don’t make the kind of money you do. I’m not good enough for you.”

Brian stared at her, his mouth agape. Maybe he finally got it. He could see her side of it, they’d part ways and that would be it. Tears ran down her cheeks. She hadn’t let herself cry from the pain Robert had put her through, but she couldn’t control her response to thinking of no more tacos in bed with Brian and Gibson.

He turned and looked at the bed, raising a fist to his lips. The sound of him clearing his throat was loud. Pivoting, he paced a few strides away from her, did an about-face and froze.

“Bullshit.” His eyes flashed. He took three slow steps toward her. “You, you make me happy. I don’t want you to be anything you aren’t. And money? It doesn’t make you happy. I know that.” He pounded his chest with a fist. “I have money, and it doesn’t make me as happy as I thought you did. You told me to realize I can’t control everything, and I do. But you need to wake up and see that I’m not your dad. I fucking love you, and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Because I think you’re amazing.”

She winced and wiped more tears from her face. When she opened her eyes, he was right in front of her, almost touching her.

“Do you
not
love me?”

Her brain refused to wrap around that word, shying away from it as if it were a landmine.

He lifted his hands as if to touch her when she didn’t answer. “I’m not asking if you love me. I get that for you, it will take a long time, but I want to know that you at least care. I thought you did. I want you to. You got to give me something, babe.”

She hunched her shoulders, arms wrapped tight around her ribs. Desiring him, caring about him, weren’t the hard things. Wanting the best for him, that’s what sucked. Bowing her head, she rested her forehead against his chest. A breath of calmness washed over her, so intense she squeezed her eyes shut.

Brian’s arms hugged her, pulling their bodies together. They stood entwined in silence for minutes, his determination eroding her stubbornness.

“I can’t say it,” she whispered.

He buried a hand into her hair and squeezed her tight enough it hurt.

She couldn’t walk away from him. Who was she kidding? She was already in love with him before he sat down in her chair at the convention. If he wasn’t going to turn her away, she couldn’t leave. She wasn’t that strong.

Tilting her head back, she dared to look him in the eye. His gaze bored into her. It felt as if he wasn’t seeing her but her soul, and the truth. “I can show you.”

He swiped his thumb over her lips. “You don’t have to show me anything.”

“Please. I want to.” Because she might not be able to tell him what her emotions were, she could demonstrate.

Grabbing his shirt, she hoisted it over his head. He didn’t stop her unbuckling his belt or tabbing open his jeans. She sank to her knees, wincing as she hit one of her bruises. His hands gripped her shoulders, steadying her.

“You don’t have to,” he said.

She pushed her fingers under the band of his underwear and pressed a kiss to his bellybutton. “Let me. Please?”

He nodded and pushed his hands through her hair, combing it with his fingers.

Sliding his jeans and underwear down, she helped him step out of his clothes.

Things were complicated. Her life was crazy. And Brian loved her. She couldn’t change the things that happened to them, but she could change.

Gliding her hands up over his stomach, she felt the rough healing patches from the tattoo contrasted with his smooth skin. He was terrible about putting lotion on it, which was why she did it for him. The hair was growing back in where she’d had to shave for the touch ups. It was prickly and made her skin crawl.

Rising up on her knees, she kissed his hip, following the crease with her tongue until her chin bumped his cock. Grasping it, she stroked him gently while she followed the crease up the other side with her mouth.

Brian grasped the collar of the t-shirt she wore and pulled it up. She let him have his way, stripping her of his shirt, and got rid of her bra on her own. Sitting back on her heels, she looked up at him and cupped her breasts, fingering her nipples. He gulped and dropped a hand to his dick to stroke it while she teased him visually.

Whatever concerns he had about being able to get it up were grossly unfounded, by her estimation. Leaning forward, she pushed his hand out of the way and replaced it with her own. She gave the head of his penis an open-mouthed kiss, tasting his skin. It would be easy to close her eyes and shut out the intensity of his gaze, but this was about being honest.

She loved him, and she didn’t have the vocabulary to tell him. So she did her best to show him, maintaining eye contact and slowing their usually frantic pace. This was different between them. It wasn’t going to be a heat-of-the-moment fuck or mindless sex. This meant more.

Taking him into her mouth, she worked him in a little bit at a time. He hardened with each pass, marveling her with the differences in their bodies.

“Fuck,” he breathed out.

Grabbing her by her shoulders, he hauled her up to her feet. They both went in for a kiss, laughing when noses and chins connected instead of lips. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her while she pushed jeans and underwear off her hips.

Brian maneuvered her around until her calves hit the bed. Instead of pushing her back, he bent and hoisted her up into his arms. She squealed and grasped his shoulders.

“I won’t drop you.” He chuckled and crawled onto the bed, holding her. Gently he laid her in the middle. The sheets were cool against her skin and had her shivering.

He braced himself with a hand on either side of her shoulders and gazed down at her. She loved the smile on his face, that being with her made him happy. She might not be good enough for him, but she wanted to be.

Holding her arms up, she welcomed the press of his body pushing her into the mattress. His hips settled against hers and she wrapped her calves around his. He lowered his face slowly to hers, brushing light kisses on her forehead, over her eyes, nose and finally lips. Her bruises still hurt, he couldn’t be rough with her as they had been in the past, but it helped to make all the small touches that much more special.

Brian grasped her left arm and uncurled it from around his shoulders. She held her breath as he kissed each scarred letter on her forearm. Robert’s name might be invisible to the casual observer, but she felt the weight of it every day. Brian’s acceptance of that part of her life, the tender way he treated her—it threatened to overwhelm her.

She cupped his face and brought him back to her lips. His hand stole between their bodies while he seduced her with his lips. His fingers stroked through her folds. She gasped into his mouth as he played with her clit. Spreading her legs farther, her eyes rolled back into her head.

“Brian, please,” she sighed.

“Hold on.”

Wrapping her legs around him, she held him in place when he tried to reach for the side table. Planting a quick kiss against his shoulder, she rolled the idea around in her head a second longer.

“Can we do it without? I’m on birth control.”

Leveraging up on his elbows, he looked down at her. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “But you realize this is something we should talk about when I’m not thinking with my dick?”

“I’ll leave the worrying up to you.” Stretching, she thrust her breasts up against his chest and wiggled.

He dropped down on his forearms and nuzzled her face, mumbling, “I love you.”

A lump in her throat prevented her from answering, so she nodded and wrapped her thigh up over his hip. The candlelight bathed his face in a warm glow, glinting in his eyes. Reaching between them, she grasped his cock and stroked.

“You sure?” he asked through clenched teeth.

Instead of replying, she positioned him at her entrance and lifted her hips. He groaned and thrust, burying the head of his cock into her pussy. Wrapping her arms around him, she drove her heels into his ass, forcing him deeper. His breath fanned across her face as he groaned, sinking farther into her. She moaned and arched her back as he stretched her, touching all her nerve endings with bare flesh. His arms wound around her, caging her against his body and holding her still.

Catching her breath, she gazed up at his face, brushed her fingers over the tiny scars and pulled him down for a kiss. He filled her body and her heart, touching places no one had ever found before. He saw her completely naked and still didn’t let go. She squeezed her eyes, willing herself not to cry as he started a slow rhythm of their bodies. She felt more than she had before, and the sensation of him not just having sex with her, but making love, was too much.

Burying her face in his shoulder, she focused on the way he played her body, as if she were one of his guitars. His cock slid through her wet heat while his hand stole between their bodies every so often to strum her clit, eliciting a moan from her.

Grabbing her knee, Brian looped her leg over his arm, opening her up to him. With one powerful thrust, little flickers erupted behind her eyelids. Her head rolled back on the pillow and she gazed up at him, awed by the look of intensity on his face.

“Oh yes, that, again,” she gasped.

He grinned and pistoned into her body. The smells of sex mixed with the vanilla fragrance as he held her gaze and peeled away her emotional shields. He accepted her for who she was.

A tortured moan escaped her lips, and another, as the want inside her crested and crashed. Her toes curled as her muscles locked up tight. Her body coiled tighter and tighter. Digging her fingers into his shoulders, she tossed her head back and moaned as release swept her away. Brian’s rhythm faltered until he shoved deep and stilled. Her muscles hugged his cock so intimately she felt his orgasm erupt, the warmth that spread from him to her.

She wrapped her jellied limbs around him and didn’t care that he squished her. She loved him. She loved him, and she didn’t know how to say it, but she could show him. And she would. She would figure it out, because he deserved that.

* * * * *

Brian tucked Gibson tighter to his chest and watched Pandora work her magic. He didn’t want her back to working full days. He didn’t care if her bruises were mostly healed. He didn’t want her exhausting herself for a buck. He wanted her where he could keep an eye on her, and yes, protect her. The only good thing to come out of the last few days was that she no longer resented his protectiveness. Sure, she rolled her eyes when he bugged her about coming to his place instead of her apartment, but each time a few more items made their way to his condo. He was slowly moving her in, and he had a sneaking suspicion she was on to him and letting him get away with it.

What worried him was that Robert was still out there. He lay awake at night with Pandora’s face nestled against his neck and thought up every way the prick could ruin his happiness. What if he’d done permanent damage to her? What if she hadn’t been found? What if he went after her again? That was the one that had woken him in a cold sweat that morning. Pandora was a tough cookie, but she was so easily broken.

Kellie flopped down on the couch next to him and held her hand out to Gibson.

“How’s she doing?” he asked, pitching his voice low.

“Her left arm’s still giving her some trouble. Watch her. About every five to ten minutes she’ll roll her shoulder.” Kellie jerked her head toward Pandora. “There.”

Pandora straightened from leaning over the woman’s forearm she was working on and lifted the tattoo machine. She tilted her head to the right and rolled her left shoulder. She covered the action by wiping the area of skin she was tattooing with a rag and chatting with the client.

“I want to tell her to stop,” he said.

“Don’t be stupid,” Kellie scoffed. “You tell her to stop and she’ll kick your ass.”

“Yeah, I know. Which is why I told you, instead of telling her.”

Kellie chuckled and scratched Gibson, who was warming up to having lots of attention. He was quite popular with the ladies at the shop and their clients.

“Smart man. You also know I have to tell you that the dog cannot become a regular thing, right?”

He hefted the Corgi into her lap and shrugged. “Yeah, but Pandy wouldn’t get to see him until late tonight with the party and all.”

Pandora’s head turned to them, her brows drawn down into a line. “Kellie, you’d better be nice to my dog.”

“Your dog?” He laughed, a stupid smile taking control of his lips. What was his was hers, he’d made that silent commitment already, but she wasn’t ready to hear it yet.

“I think he likes me better than you,” Kellie taunted.

“Keep dreaming.” She grinned and bent back to the tattoo.

“Have you heard anything?” He felt like a tool for keeping the threatening note from Pandora, but she’d handled everything like a champ. He didn’t want that to be the thing to tip her over the edge. He didn’t understand how she’d placed him on some pedestal, but he wouldn’t put it past her to think breaking up with him was protecting him.

She grimaced. “No. The cops came by to get the fliers and numbers of the people who came in with them, but nothing. You?”

“I talked to a detective a few days ago and he didn’t say much. Hey, Pandy said he was off, like in the head. Had you heard that before?” That conversation seemed like it had happened years ago, not a few months.

Kellie scrunched up her face. “I don’t know. Robert’s always been a crazy bastard. I couldn’t understand how she got involved with him. Bringing her here was kind of like rescuing her.” She gave him a serious look. “You cannot tell her I said that either. I will kick your ass, after she kicks mine for even saying those words.”