Under My Skin (13 page)

Every part of me became numb and I felt like I sat in a new place. In this new place, I wasn’t Tate anymore. No more feelings. No more pain.

My gaze jumbled as my body stood. The footsteps I involuntarily took across the room made me dizzy. I wanted to weep. I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t anymore.

I wasn’t in control right now.

Heaven help me. Is this the end?

The General took us to the bed. My body lay down and rested under the heavy covers. My eyes closed and soon I was alone. Truly alone.

He had wanted us to sleep, so I slept.

When I woke up a few hours before dawn, I wasn’t the same. I touched the unfamiliar nightgown I wore. I wore socks too. Either Des had dressed me differently in the night, or he’d done it. Just another step in his fight to take control over me.

I kicked the socks off before my emotions spilled over. I buried myself in the covers and wept real tears. Sobbed using
my
body.
Mine.
As I wept, I heard the sound of the door opening. I expected Des, maybe even Rebecca with a snide comment. But the voice that whispered to me was unexpected. Captain Belfry shouldered the burden of my pain and soothed me with comforting words. “Don’t cry,” he said softly. “You’re not alone.”

Within the dimly lit room, I was too shaken to question his intentions. I grasped onto his words and rested my tear-stained cheek on my pillow. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep. And while I slept, I dreamt. But not of my home to the south. Instead, my mind drifted farther north, past the mountains I’d seen beyond the General’s mansion. When my journey ended, I encountered an army entrenched in battle in a forest. The tops of great oak trees shook from bomb blasts. My eyes stung from the acrid smoke of las-gun fire.

Between the branches, I spotted figures firing at each other from trenches over a mile apart. In the haze of my sleep-fogged mind, I came to rest in front of two middle-aged men hiding behind a makeshift fence constructed from the thick branches of the trees. One continued to stand and fire into the darkness while the other gestured wildly in the opposite direction.

“I can’t stay here anymore, Frederick!” the other man begged. Tears ran down his dirty face. His eyes widened. The stench of his sweat intensified.

A thought brushed my mind as Frederick continued to fire his weapon.
A simple flesh wound. My cousin is a fool.

Frederick turned to leer at the other man. “Karl, if you abandon your post, I’ll shoot you.” He gripped the las-gun tighter and pointed it at his cousin.

The man’s lower lip trembled. “I can’t do it anymore...”

Frederick’s face turned to stone, but he didn’t lower the gun. He spat, “Deceit and conflict are one and the same.”

Other men around them, who watched as the enemy continued to swarm on their position, began to cry out and fall back. “We’re outnumbered!”

Karl turned away from his cousin and fled. He ran a few feet and then Frederick shot him. Oh, God, no. Then, as if what he’d done was nothing, he focused on the other men while his fallen cousin twitched on the ground. “Get back in line! I order you! Remember your orders!”
All of them—utter fools,
he thought
.
I knew this person. Even if I didn’t know his face—I’d met only one human being who was capable of doing this to people: General Dagon. This dream wasn’t mine. It was
his
.

He shot the fleeing men. Over and over again. Rage blanketed his face as he brought down the scared soldiers. Across the front line into the darkness, the enemy swept in. But they were not more than one hundred feet from our position when something happened. From behind, another group of soldiers appeared like wraiths in the night. They swooped in with sharp metal that glinted like fire. Blades fell and rose as the enemy begged and screamed.

I tried to get away—I tried to flee, but something held me there. So I waited until the last man went down.

I woke up to silence in my head. The only sounds in the master suite were of Cecelia snoring on the long couch that served as her bed. She rolled over in her sleep, oblivious to the nightmarish events that occurred last night. Captain Belfry was gone.

I still wore that dark red nightgown. It might’ve been expensive, but the heavy wool made my skin itchy and dry.

My back ached as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I glanced at my right hand and waited for something to happen—for someone to speak in my head. I expected to have more time to collect my thoughts and shove the sounds of death away, but the double doors opened and Des entered with Rebecca trailing close behind. As usual, Rebecca fussed over the final preparations for the trip. “We’re leaving in less than an hour and I can’t believe you haven’t awakened the Master.”

“Oh, hush,” Des said. “The poor girl needed her rest.”

They both looked up. Their eyes took in my face to see if the General was present. At first, I thought they would talk to me, but, from the looks on their faces, they waited for permission to speak. Even if he wasn’t awake, his presence hovered over this place like the stench of rotten food. Time to end the silence. I was uncomfortable enough as it was.

“How much time do I have to get dressed?” I managed.

“Not much.” Rebecca stepped forward. “Your clothes are ready. You can eat your breakfast on the transport ship.” General Dagon’s assistant eyed Des. “We won’t ever be late again like this, I promise.”

Even though she knew I’d spoken, she watched her words. Perhaps like the other servants, she wasn’t sure when he was awake or asleep. It was better to assume he was listening in on the conversations.

Less than an hour later, as Rebecca promised, I boarded a transport ship with Cecelia and Captain Belfry. During the trip to the transport ship, he hadn’t spoken to me or acknowledged he’d visited me during the night. I knew the encounter hadn’t been a dream, yet I wasn’t ready to confront him about it. Too many things he’d done were contradictions. He’d tried to attack me after I’d arrived. Yet, last night, he reached out to comfort me. Soon enough, I would have to talk to him to figure out whose side he was on, but not with the others around.

I looked around, but only Cecelia, Captain Belfry, and I were in the cabin. From her seat, Cecelia said, “They ride in the passenger cabin with the other servants.”

“There are four rows of seats. Anyone could sit with us.”

Cecelia shrugged from her seat in front of mine. “Before Master Dagon needed his nurse, he rode with no one except for his Second Water Bearer and his personal guards. He trusts no one.”

I stared at the back of her head and wished my new shadow didn’t always sound so condescending. It was as if she didn’t care what happened to us.

I spent the rest of the three-hour flight in my seat staring at the portable communications console. The network programming emptied my mind of anything while the General circled around in my head.

He crept back and forth. Almost waiting for me to say something to him. I kept my eyes on the screen and watched the news report until a flight crewmember came by with a message.

“Master Dagon, we’ll land in about twenty minutes. Rebecca wanted me to tell you that a Delegation Dinner will take place at the Prime Minister’s palace this evening. Of course, you’ve been invited to attend.”

My lips curled on their own, and General Dagon spoke. “Tell Rebecca to make sure all my debriefing materials are ready upon landing. No mistakes are acceptable.”

“Of course, Master.” She nodded and backed away.

After allowing him to speak, my mouth felt like a vat of death and I wanted to use bleach to clean it out.

I waited for the General to address me, but he didn’t—even after we landed at the transport dock in New Amesbury. He kept a healthy distance, since I’d cooperated so far.

Captain Belfry, Rebecca, and Cecelia led me from the transport dock to the General’s private apartment in the capital. From our spot on the dock, I could barely see the sunlight through the skyscrapers covering the mega-metropolis. Compared to North City, where I’d taken the Water Bearer test, New Amesbury was far bigger and resembled a shining landscape that went on beyond the horizon. I paused and gaped at the mile after mile of glass buildings sparkling in the distance and transport ships zipping across the sky. The place pulsed like a living creature.

“Master?” Rebecca took a respectful step in my direction.

I hurried to catch up.

After a short ride, we arrived at the General’s apartment in the city. I’d hoped for a moment to rest, but the General finally decided to make his appearance. Like sliding on a glove, he pushed me aside to assume control again. “Rebecca, bring my reports. Now.”

Rebecca nodded with a small smile. Whatever happened to the passcode? Could she see him so easily?

General Dagon controlled my legs, but his mastery so far wasn’t perfect. He guided me, on jittery limbs, to the private office off the main sitting room. I fought him briefly for control to keep from falling, but he tried to wrestle me away.

“Stop fighting me, girl! I know how to walk, damn it!”

Not long after he berated me, we tripped and fell head first onto the floor. From behind me, I sensed Captain Belfry wanting to intervene, but he didn’t move.

With two people fighting to control my limbs, I never put my hands out to protect myself. Initially, I didn’t feel the chill of the hardwood floor or a sharp pain. But the minute I hit the floor, the General released control of my body so that I could bear the brunt of it.

“Let that be a valuable lesson,”
he said.
“Perhaps you’ll stop fighting me, and things like this won’t happen.”

My nose and chin throbbed painfully. Somehow, I managed to stand again and reached the desk. Captain Belfry escorted me into the office and then guarded the door.

“Are you done fighting me now?”
the General asked.

I touched under my nose. There were drops of blood on my fingertips. Great.

“You’ll live. It’s not broken. I’ve had worse happen to me.”

Rebecca strolled past me and left a stack of papers on the desk. My right hand jerked and took the reports. Even though my face hurt, I still refused to recede into the background again. I clenched my right fist and repeated words to myself again and again. “This is
my
body. Mine.”

Panic welled in my stomach when he jerked my chin up and twisted my head in the direction of the far wall. He focused my attention on a painting of a man I’d seen before but only in a dream. The date at the bottom of the painting made me gasp. The painting was
hundreds
of years old.

“See that man
,
”
the General hissed.
“He’s tackled obstacles much tougher than a weakling like you.”
He locked my gaze on the man’s face. I couldn’t look away from his piercing black eyes, the obnoxious smile on his face.

“You are nothing to me,”
the General continued.
“Just another body for me to acquire so that I may do what I want to do. Now, stop fighting me!”

For a brief second, I almost folded. But giving up would mean giving up my life, and I wasn’t ready to surrender today. Not like this when I was the one who still had the majority of control. With my right hand, I grabbed one of the papers from his report and crushed it. Even with my defiant action, the General maintained his hold and kept my gaze centered on his painting. Minutes passed. For how long, I didn’t know. But the battle of wills continued.

The muscles on my face clenched and unclenched painfully. My left hand snaked up to grab the back of my head.

His tight grip spread to the nape of my neck. Then it stretched toward the front. My heart raced. Would he dare choke me? Choke the body he paid so much for?

“I’ll always win, Tate. Do you think you can keep this up forever?”

Every time we’d fought, I gave in to him. But I just couldn’t today. I let go of the paper, but the minute he tried to read the rest, I’d shove the papers to the side. We sat like that for the next hour, and he didn’t complain for some reason. This scared me. From what I knew about the General, perhaps my punishment would come later.

Not long after fighting the General, I prepared for the delegation dinner. But even as Desdemona helped me into my elegant dress, I couldn’t help but wonder if we’d continue to fight like this. Was I strong enough to fight him every day for my very existence?

At least I was alone right now. He had no need to be awake while my hair was done or while someone applied make-up. What mattered to him, I suspected, was whom I would see or talk to at the dinner.

I expected Rebecca to come with me to the dinner but it was Cecelia who joined me at the Prime Minister’s palace. From my childhood, I recalled images of his estate while watching the communications console. Those images portrayed our society as intelligent and opulent compared to the destitute and the hungry people on the islands outside of our own. It was a grand palace for an advanced society. I saw the Prime Minister as someone I wished I could date—maybe someday marry like in a fairy tale. My parents never discussed why someone so young became the Prime Minister. It wasn’t as if the people outside of the Guild had any say in who governed Myria.

I couldn’t help but think about my childish crush. Danny often teased me about how I stared at him. The Prime Minister had a strong face. And the way he spoke was engaging, too. You wanted to know him, to believe him. For the longest time, I thought it was his confidence, his intelligence—but now I knew his dirty little secret. As I left the transport ship with Captain Belfry and Cecelia, the Guild continued to enter into the palace. All of them were just like him. Just like me now.

I should’ve seen the faces of strangers. All those old men and women I’d seen during the initiation ceremony. But many of them had been replaced—with the auctioned Water Bearers. When servants greeted us at the door, I hesitated. They offered to take any cloaks or coats, but I didn’t have any. All I had was a clutch purse and a set of instructions from Rebecca, which I hadn’t bothered to read. The General most likely wanted me to walk through the crowd and rub shoulders with his cronies. Part of me didn’t want to see everyone like this. I could still see their jubilant faces as they marched to the golden chair. Their glee as the bids increased. Cattle, Claire had called them.