Under the Surface (26 page)

I’m almost
afraid to ask, but I do. “What caused the scar? What happened?”

Emmy’s eyes
glass over and two tears slip out. She’s probably never told anyone this. And
now sitting across from me, she’s naked and somehow baring even more of
herself.

 
“We were in
the kitchen. I was sixteen. We had an argument. It started over something
stupid, like always. He was pissed off because I messed up making dinner. When
he shoved me out of the way to throw the food into the trash I was stupid
enough to push back. He obviously didn’t like it, and pushed me even harder. I
hit the corner of the counter.”
She wipes the tears that are
falling. “He was silent the entire drive to the hospital. He only apologized
before we went inside—I think he was afraid I would say something. I almost
did, but I was too scared to. I told the doctor I slipped in the kitchen, and
had to call my dad home from work to take me to the hospital. The only good
that came out of it was that my father didn’t lay a hand on me for almost four
months.”

How could any
good possibly come from that?
A
good
situation to Emmy meant four months without getting hit by her father. She
should have never had to go through that at all.

She can’t
help the tears from falling. Pouring out of her eyes is the sadness of her
upbringing. Of the pain of keeping this inside her for all these years, right
under the surface, where no one could see it. I pull her forward to hold her
—
like the morning after her attack from Danny. She cries, her tears
melding with the water below. Mine join her. I can’t stop the hurt I feel for
Emmy. When you see someone you love experience pain, you feel it too.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Emilie

I rub my eyes as I examine my test one
more time. My Health Psychology class has been a massive struggle to get
though, but I think I’m finally starting to get a handle on it. I review my
answers and decide that I’ve given it my best shot. I hand the test to my
professor and stuff my headphones in my ears so I can blast music on my walk
home.

I’m almost at
my apartment when my music stops playing. The sound of my ringtone replaces it.
I answer without looking, expecting it to be Ren or Noel.

“
Hello,
”
I say.

“Emilie?”
Comes from the other line. “Emilie it’s me.”

My father.

I stop, dead
in the middle of the sidewalk. My apartment is so close, I can see it from
where I’m standing.

Why is he
calling me? Why now?

“It’s been a
while,”
he says, solemnly.

“What do you
want?”
I spit back at him. I have a bitter tone to my voice, but what
else is to be expected?

“I haven’t seen
you in over two years, Emilie. I…I’ve gone to get some help. I’m calling from a
rehab facility. Part of my program is to reach out to you…to someone I’ve let
down and wronged.”

Rehab. Years
of alcoholism has finally caught up to him, and he decided to get help.
What
made him choose this now?

“I’m happy
you’
re getting help.
”
Which is the truth. “
But I don
’t think we can reconcile.”
I don
’t think I
can handle that. Even if he thinks he can,
how am I supposed to trust him
?

There’s a pause
in the conversation. “I was expecting to hear that. Listen, I sent you a
letter,”
he pauses again. “I just mailed it. Please, can you read it when
you get it? That’s all I ask. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to,
but please look it over.”

I nod for a
reason I can’t explain. I know he can’t see me, but that’s the only response I’
ll give him. I don
’t owe him anything else.

I hang up the
phone. I regret answering without looking. I check the number and find it to be
the one that called me a few days ago. I debate changing the contact to “
dad,
”
but decide against it.

My phone
rings again and I jump so high I nearly drop it.

It’s Ren.

I answer the
phone and he immediately starts going on about Thanksgiving plans. Truthfully I
don’t hear most of it as I quicken my walk back to my apartment. My mind is in
too much of a haze.

“Ren, sorry,
can I call you back? I’m just getting home.”

“Sure.”
His voice sounds mildly concerned. “I’ll talk to you later then?”

“
Mmhm
.”
I hum before hanging up.

My skin is almost
itching to be submersed in water. I want to go to the pool, but I can’t, it’s
the middle of the day. It’ll be hours before it’s dark enough for me to go. And
it will probably be too cold then. I’ve been opting for Ren’s tub as an
alternative, but I just abruptly ended our conversation on the phone.

Fuck it. He
won’t care if I come over right now.

I text him

Can I come over?

He replies.

About to head into class. After?

I don
’t want to wait. I know I
sound needy and bratty, but I ask him if I can go to his place before he gets
there.

Sure. Mason will be there. Make yourself comfortable.

Thank you.

I head
straight over.

* *

When Mason answers the door, the first
thing I notice is that he’s wearing glasses. They perfectly frame his two
different colored eyes.

“Do you
normally wear those?”
I ask while I step into the apartment.

He shakes his
head. “Not normally. I usually have my contacts in, but my eyes were bothering
me, so I put my glasses on.”

“They’re very
Clark Kent-
esque
.” Except Clark Kent didn’t have dark
blonde hair like Mason does.

Mason laughs.
“Want to play Lois
Lane?
”
He raises his eyebrows.

“No.”

I step past
him, smiling at his joke. I toss my bag on the couch and Mason follows me.

“Waiting for
Ren to get back?”
He asks me.

“Yup.”
I debate whether or not to sit on the couch or just head straight
to the bathroom and start running a bath. I don’t know which option is better.
I can feel Mason watching me.

I go for
sitting on the couch. Hoping to placate him for a moment, then I’ll take a
bath.

“Done with
classes?”

Now I know
he’s trying to distract me. Mason would never ask such boring, basic questions.

“I think I’ll
wait for Ren in his room,”
I say.

Mason
continues to look at me, and watches my moves as I walk to Ren’s room.

I shut the
door and half expect Mason to knock to see if I’m okay. Or ask some random dull
question. What is making him hover so much? I bet it was Ren telling him to
watch over me when I arrived. I knew texting him that I wanted to come over
when he wasn’t here would raise suspicions.

I’ll just
have to ignore anymore of Mason’s hovering. I know he means well, but my mind
and nerves are still all over the place from the recent phone call from my dad.

I open Ren’s
door quietly so I can sneak into the hallway to reach the bathroom.

As I do, I
hear Mason talking quietly on the phone. “No, she seems okay. Something is a
bit off, but nothing alarming…
sad
? I don
’t know. I
don’t think so. It was hard to tell. I think I was too obvious…yeah I don’t
think you need to rush. Okay, talk to you later, Ren.”

The floor
creaks as I take another step. Mason turn from where he was sitting on the
couch and sees me standing, and obviously just listening to his conversation.

“Hey
Em
, everything okay?”
His tone is gentle, and I
know he’s concerned for why I’m here and waiting for Ren to get back from
class.

I don
’t answer yes because
that isn’t true. Instead I say, “I’ve been better.”

He gives me a
look of understanding. “I’m just hanging in here if you want to join.”

“I will in a
bit.”

I get into
the bathroom and run the water in the tub. The sound is loud, yet somehow
soothing. I sit on the porcelain edge and watch the water level rise.

After the
bath fills up, I strip out of my clothing. I touch my toe to the water to test
the temperature. It’s perfect and I step in releasing a sigh of relief.

Few things
feel as amazing as slipping into a warm bath and completely blanketing yourself
in the water.

Normally I
would swim laps if I were in the pool to warm my body up, but now warming up is
unnecessary. I rest momentarily, then sink my body down until my head is under
water.

After talking
to my father, I felt like I took a deep inhale of breath—and held it up until
this moment.

I just pause.
I enjoy the silence. The warmth. The way my skin feels.

And I
breathe
.

* *

“Emmy. Emmy.”

I feel
someone nudging my shoulder and saying my name. I open one of my eyes to see
who the culprit is.

“Hey,
sleepyhead. You fell asleep.”

It’s Ren. He’s
kneeling next to me by the couch. The window in the room tells me that it’s
dark outside.

After taking
a bath I joined Mason in the living room and watched episodes of his favorite
show,
Shark Tank
. The two of us kept arguing over what products we would
invest in. I must have dozed off while watching.

Wait,
it’s
dark outside…

“Fuck. What
time is it?”
I ask Ren as I sit up on the couch, looking for my phone or
anything that will tell me the time.

“It’s almost
six. I know you have to go to work in a few hours, that’s why I woke you up.”

My heart
settles down. Thank god he woke me up. I thought for a moment that I slept
through the beginning of my shift.

“Also,”
Ren holds up a travel cup of coffee.

“What!”
I take the cup and enjoy a big sip. It’s still piping hot. Of
course he got me this. I put the coffee on the side table and grab Ren’s face
to give him a kiss. “God, I love you.”

I just said
that out loud.

Ren stares at me. I
’m still
holding his face between my hands and the look on my face is probably one of
horror. I focus on his eyes, willing the green depths to tell me something.
Anything.

Do you love
me back?
That’s what I want to ask him, but it’s
such an unfair question. I want him to tell me when he’s ready—if he’s ever
ready.

I knew I was
falling for him, but the word love just slipped out of my mouth like it was the
most natural thing in the world.

Say
something.

Maybe
I
should say something
.

I open my
mouth to speak and Ren gently places his palm over it, silencing me.

I close my
eyes. I don’t know what Ren is about to tell me, but I wonder if he covered my
mouth because he was afraid I was about to say it again.

“Open your
eyes, Emmy. Please.”

I do. Ren
’s looking at me with
intent. His dark hair curls around his face and his green eyes look full of
emotion. “Did you mean that?”

I did. Even
though I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet, I know that I did.

I nod. Ren’s
hand still covers my mouth.

“Listen to
me, then I’m going to move my hand away, okay?”

I take a deep
breath through my nose.

“I love you
too, Emmy.”
Ren says to me so gently that I feel a tear slip out of one of my
eyes. “I love you so much it scares me. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I
didn’t know how. I guess…you kind of made it easier for me.”
He gives a nervous laugh.

Now the tears
really begin to fall. Those three words mean everything to me.

Ren takes his
hand away. He then brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear. He taps my right
temple. I know it means he wants to know what I’m thinking.

I tell him.
“I can’t remember the last time someone said that to me.”

His eyes turn
glassy. He knows I don’t just mean love in a romantic sense. But love that is
unconditional. Love from someone who truly means the world to me. Of someone
who is there for me.

Ren turns his
head away. I know it’s so that I can’t see him crying. I see him wipe his eyes
with the back of his hand.

I reach for
him. Ren continues to look down. “That’
s just
so
unfair
.
”
He whispers the words, and I strain my ears to hear them. “You
should’ve heard that every day of your life. You deserve as much.”

“But now I
get to hear it from you.”

The sadness
begins to lift from his eyes. Ren picks me up and carries me to his room. We
both tug at one another’s clothes, hasty to get undressed, but keeping our
movements and touches more intimate than we have in the past.

Ren kisses me
with such longing and love. Everything feels different now. The way his fingers
feel against my skin, the look on his face when I lay in front of him naked.

I see such
wonder in his eyes. Such promise. He cradles my face in his hands as I spread
my legs, opening myself to him.

Our eyes
meet. Brown to green.

As Ren pushes
inside me he whispers three words into my ear, “
I love you.”