Undressed by the Earl (34 page)

Chapter Fif
t
een

T
hey fought to save her. Amelia’s feelings were raw and bruised as the hours went on through the morning. She heard Dr. Fraser barking out orders to the servants and to David. When she asked Juliette if she should return to the sickroom, her sister shook her head.

“Leave Paul to help her. He’ll do whatever he can, I promise you.”

Her niece Grace was whining to her mother, raising her arms. “Up, Mama.”

Amelia lifted the little girl instead, and the moment she did, Grace began playing with her hair. She seemed distracted by the task, and when she went to sit down, Grace remained on her lap, twisting the long strands.

“Sit still,” Grace ordered. “I do it.”

The young girl continued plaiting and tangling the strands, and Amelia glanced up at her sister. “If Christine dies, I’m going to Edinburgh with you. The earl won’t want me here.”

Her sister didn’t ask questions, but the sympathy in her eyes made Amelia feel even worse. “All right.”

She let Grace continue to play with her hair until the little girl lost interest. After a time, Juliette took her daughter away, and Amelia stood. At last, she ventured up the stairs to find out what had happened to Christine. It had gone quiet, and when she reached the hall, she saw her husband standing outside the room, his head bowed. Both of his hands rested upon the wall, and from his posture, she suspected the worst.

“Is she—” She couldn’t bring herself to voice the fearful question.

“She’s alive,” David answered. “The worst has passed, and she was able to move her upper arm a little while ago.” He didn’t look at her, but the relief that struck her was so strong, Amelia went to embrace him.

“I’m so glad.” She waited for his arms to come around her, for him to share in her joy. But he held himself back.

“I need to go to her. Forgive me.” He extricated himself from the embrace, and it was as if her own limbs had turned to ice.

Amelia’s heart was aching, but she didn’t follow. She needed a few moments to gather her composure. As soon as she entered her room, the tears blinded her. She sat in a chair numbly, so grateful for her stepdaughter’s life. But she didn’t know how to bridge the distance with David. He continued to shut her out, and she didn’t know what to say or do now.

You’re overreacting
, she told herself.
He was simply hurrying to see Christine.
Though she wanted to believe it, she wasn’t quite certain.

Amelia sat for a long while, fighting back the tears, until she had control of herself. When at last she had locked away her emotions, she returned to see her stepdaughter.

Inside, the room was hot and stifling. Christine was awake, while Dr. Fraser was taking her pulse. David was seated beside his daughter, and his eyes were heavy from the sleepless night.

Amelia crossed the room and pulled the white rose bloom from Christine’s hair. “You see. Your mother was watching over you.”

The young girl slowly lifted her hand to take the blossom from her. “I think so, yes.” She managed a smile. “And I had another mother with me, too.”

She wasn’t prepared for the catch in her heart. Never had she imagined Christine would accept her as a stepmother.

“Yes,” she said quietly. “You had me, too.” She smoothed back the girl’s damp hair. With a teasing smile, she asked, “Has Mrs. Larson been in to douse you with water again?”

“It worked,” Christine said. “She can pour water on my head as much as she likes.”

Lightly, Amelia kissed the girl’s temple. “I’ll go now, and let you rest.” She didn’t speak to David, but crossed the room. Inwardly, she felt brittle, like a piece of cracked porcelain.

“Will you stay a little longer?” she asked Dr. Fraser.

“I’ll stay a few days more,” he said. “Until I know she’ll make a full recovery.”

“I am grateful to you for all that you’ve done,” David said to the physician. “There are no words.”

Dr. Fraser nodded. “I’m glad the lass has improved. Now, I think you should be getting a bit of rest yourself, Lord Castledon.”

The earl nodded. “I think I will.” He leaned in and ruffled his daughter’s hair. “Sleep well, my dear.”

He walked past Amelia, and though he ventured a relieved smile, she sensed the distance between them.

“Amelia asked to accompany us back to Falsham for a visit,” Dr. Fraser informed him, after David stepped out of Christine’s bedroom. “If you don’t mind her spending time with her sister.”

It had been several days since his daughter’s illness had abated, and Christine was now able to move all of her limbs, though she’d been weakened severely.

“If she wants to go, she may,” he agreed. But it made him realize how he’d neglected Amelia these past few days. He’d been so caught up in helping his daughter to get well, he’d barely given any attention to his wife.

She’d never once left Christine’s side, nor his. And though he’d been so consumed by worry, he’d taken comfort from having her there. Her quiet presence had given him strength when he’d reached the end of his reserves. It had felt right to have her there, and he’d been grateful.

David started to continue down the hall, but the doctor stopped him. “If it were me, I wouldna be letting her pay a visit to Falsham just now. The lass has that look in her eyes, of a woman hurting. But ’tis no’ a physical wound.”

“She’s tired,” he agreed. “We both are.” It had been a grueling week, one he wanted to forget. But the look on the doctor’s face suggested that there was more Fraser wasn’t telling him. “Why? Has she said something to her sister?”

“Aye. And women are complicated creatures. If it were me, I’d be finding out her reasons for the ‘
visit
.’”

David wasn’t certain he understood what the man was implying by emphasizing the last word. “She is free to travel as she chooses. I have no quarrel with her.”

The Highlander sent him a twisted smile. “My God, your head is made of wood, is it no’? Go and seduce your wife, before she leaves you.” With that, he moved toward the staircase, leaving David more than a little confused.

Was he implying that Amelia wanted to leave their marriage? Whatever for?

David continued toward his wife’s bedchamber, and when he knocked, she called out for him to enter. He turned the door handle and found Amelia seated beside the window. Her belongings were packed in a trunk that suggested she intended to stay with her sister for quite some time. His instincts grew uneasy, for it
did
look as though she intended to leave him.

“How long were you planning to visit with Juliette?” he asked, eyeing the baggage.

“I haven’t decided.” She kept her gaze averted from him, which wasn’t a good sign. Though logically, she had the right to go with her sister whenever she pleased, he sensed that something was very wrong. This wasn’t Amelia’s way, to run from her problems.

A sense of foreboding caught him in the gut. He didn’t want her to go at all, particularly if she was unhappy.

Amelia rose from her chair and walked toward him. “How is Christine today?”

“Each day she improves,” he said. His wife nodded, but her attention remained upon the packed trunk.

She’s leaving you, unless you stop her
, a voice inside taunted him. And perhaps directly addressing the problem would be best.

“Are you planning to return to Castledon?”

She stared at him and let out a slow breath. “Do you want me to?” Before he could say yes, she continued, “You hardly spoke to me when Christine was ill. I tried to be there for you, but you didn’t want my presence.”

That wasn’t true at all.

“I was afraid of losing her,” he insisted. “Katherine died, and all I could imagine was having to bury Christine, too. I couldn’t think from one moment to the next.” He crossed his arms, eyeing her steadily. “But I knew you were there.”

He had done a poor job of showing his gratitude, but every time he let himself think of Amelia, confusion knotted inside him. He didn’t want her to leave.

“Thank you for staying with both of us, all those days,” he continued. “And for all that you did.”

She stood without speaking for a long moment. Then at last, she admitted, “I felt like an outsider. As if I wasn’t supposed to be there at all.”

“No you’re wrong,” he admitted. Far from it. He’d needed her, more than he could have guessed. “But I didn’t know what to say to you, after you saw me lose my temper.” He didn’t doubt she was shocked by what she’d witnessed. He’d lost control of his rage, and it had felt so good to release the anger within him. “That isn’t who I am.”

“I wasn’t afraid of you on that day,” she said. She clenched her hands together and confessed, “But it’s too hard for me to be here, knowing that you don’t love me.” Her eyes filled up with tears, and she continued, “It hurts too much, when I want more than you can give.”

He didn’t know what to say, especially when it struck him that he
did
care. If she left him now, the house would return to the emptiness that had haunted him for so many years. Amelia had quietly slipped into his life, making him aware of how badly he needed her.

But if he said that now, she wouldn’t believe him. Instead, he took her hand in his. “Let’s go outside and talk.”

It was a means of delaying his answer, for he needed time to come up with all the logical reasons why she shouldn’t go. He took her gloved hand, suddenly aware of how nice it was to have her fingers intertwined with his.

But her face remained pale, as if nothing he said would change her mind.

As they walked together toward the gardens, he went over the list in his mind. There were many reasons why she should remain at Castledon, and he fully believed that with the right one, she would agree to stay.

It might not have been the best idea to bring her to the moonlight garden, but at least here, they were away from eavesdroppers.

“I believe that we are well suited to each other,” he began. “It might not have been the marriage you dreamed of, but you have a good home, enough money to spend however you like, and all of your freedom.”

“I never cared about money,” she reminded him. “And I thought that this…existence…would be enough for me, once. It isn’t now.”

The flat sincerity in her voice brought another ripple of unease. She sounded as if she truly meant to leave, no matter what he said. Damn it all, he was making a mess of this. He laced his fingers with hers, as if the physical gesture could stop her.

But maybe he could say the words she wanted. He would say anything if it meant keeping her here.

“What if I told you that I
do
love you?” The words felt foreign on his tongue, as if it were another man saying them. But the moment he spoke, they felt right. It was as if the years of ice had cracked apart, filling him with a strange sense of purpose. There was relief in admitting it to her, and the more he thought of it, the more he realized that he wasn’t giving her false words.

He
did
love her. His earlier belief, that he was incapable of loving a woman again, was blatantly wrong. His love for Amelia wasn’t less than his love for Katherine—it was equal in a different way.

Amelia had given him strength when he’d had nothing left. He’d needed her desperately, and she hadn’t shied away from him when he’d been at his worst.

Perhaps logic wasn’t the way to a woman’s heart at all. Perhaps it was about loving her and telling her so.

“You’re just saying that.” Amelia let go of his hand, dismissing his declaration as if he’d told her it was going to rain.

But no, this was more. So much more.

“I don’t want a husband who pretends I don’t exist, whenever problems happen.” She started to pace across the garden, and he rather liked the way her hair was falling out of its arrangement, her green eyes filled with fire. She was a beautiful woman, and one who never failed to speak her mind. He’d always liked that about her.

“Well?” she demanded.

David blinked, not realizing he’d been supposed to answer that. He’d been contemplating the best way to show her he cared.

“I wasn’t trying to ignore you,” he said. “It was a terrible week, and if I was inattentive, it was because I was afraid of losing Christine.”

Her expression grew pained. “It wasn’t that I needed attention, David. I wanted to ease your pain, to share it between us. Don’t you think I worried about her, too?”

He knew she had, for she’d been as exhausted as he was. Every hour that his daughter had fought for her life, he’d looked across the bed, and Amelia had been there. “I’m not explaining myself well.”

“No, you’re not.” But she stopped pacing and waited for him to try again. That, at least, gave him hope. He was reaching the end of his list of arguments, and he decided that Dr. Fraser was right. Women were far too complicated, and words weren’t going to get him anywhere at all.

“I’ve made mistakes,” he admitted. “I’ll likely make many more in the next few years. But give it time, and our marriage will be just fine.”

“I don’t want our marriage to be just fine,” Amelia countered. “I want it to be wonderful.” Her voice was wistful with longing. “I want you to kiss me as if you love me. I want you to smile and enjoy the life we have together. And I want to share your bed at night and awaken with you beside me.”