Unforgiven (Wanderers #3) (39 page)

I found Gabe right outside his room. “Gabe,” I called
out to him, running down the hall to catch him before he went
inside.

He stopped and turned around. “Miss Ella, is there a
problem?” he asked formally.

“Okay seriously, I told you, just Ella.”

“As your guardian it is my
job
to address you
properly,” he said, putting emphasis on the word job.

I inwardly cringed. Then I reminded myself why I was
there. “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry.” I looked up and saw the lines
around his eyes faded a little. “I was an ass yesterday and I
didn’t mean what I said.” He crossed his arms over his chest as he
thought about my words. I noticed for the first time what Cameron
was talking about. To an outsider Gabe would be the ideal catch. He
was very handsome and carried himself very well. I shook my head to
clear my thoughts. “What I’m trying to say is you’ve done so much
for me and all I’ve done is treated you like shit. You are not just
my guardian. I consider you a friend, too,” I smiled at him.

“Miss Ella,” he began to protest.

“Just Ella,” I snapped then quickly apologized.

I saw the slightest hint of a smile cross his face.
“Ella,” he corrected. “I am partially to blame.”

“Huh?” I looked at him, totally thrown off by his
words.

“I let the lines between personal involvement and
professional go too far.”

“Wait, I’m confused. Are you apologizing to me?”

“Yes,” he said, letting his arms fall by his
side.

His face softened and I turned my head slightly.
“What would you need to apologize for?”

“I let my personal feelings interfere with my work
and I should never have.”

It took me a second before I realized what he was
referring to. “Oh, you mean when I left,” I said, no longer able to
meet him in the eyes. “Gabe, I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid
you’d try and stop me. I’m sorry I left without a word. It was
nothing personal.”

“I wouldn’t have stopped you,” he said unexpected.
“If I was in your position I would have done the same thing.”

I looked up. “Really?”

“I too know what it’s like to lose someone you love.
If I heard they were alive I would stop at nothing to find
them.”

When I looked into his eyes I could swear I saw a
small tear form. That was another shocking revelation. Not that I
didn’t think Gabe was incapable of love, it was just that Gabe to
me was always so serious and having a significant other would be
the last thing he worried about or so I thought. He always acted
like his job was his life and left little time for other
things.

“Then why were you mad at me for leaving?”

“I wasn’t mad. I was…” he broke off not wanting to
admit it. He was afraid of blurring the lines between personal and
professional again.

“You were worried about me?” He looked away. “Oh you
big softie. You’re just an over grown teddy bear, aren’t you?” He
glared down at me and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I really am sorry
for being a bitch.”

“I’m getting used to it,” he said, cracking a
smile.

I gave a dramatic gasp, making him smile even wider.
“Very funny. I would almost say you’ve been hanging around me too
much. I think I might be rubbing off on you.” I playfully hit his
arm and he coughed uncomfortably making me smile. “So I guess this
means we’re okay?” He nodded. “Can I come back to training with you
then?” I asked hopeful. I didn’t want to get up in the morning, but
if it meant training with Gabe I would do what I had to.

“As much as I did enjoy our little sessions,” he said
sarcastically. “I wasn’t wrong when I said you lack
discipline.”

“I can work on that I promise,” I jumped in.

“I believe you will but you will do it with
Zane.”

“But I –”

“Ella, Zane can work with you one on one and that’s
what you need. It will also be good practice for him when he
becomes a licensed trainer himself. I put you with Zane not to
punish you, but to help you. I have faith that Zane can train you
every bit as well as I can.”

“I understand.”

“Besides, I thought you’d be more than thrilled to
get to sleep in. If not I can gladly give you someone else who
–”

“No, no. I’m good,” I said swiftly, not wanting to
push my luck. He smiled and turned to open his door. “Hey Gabe?” He
looked over his shoulder at me. I slipped in front of him and
wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened at first, but then relaxed
and hugged me back. “Thanks for worrying about me.” He patted my
back and I let go. I walked away with a smile, but not before
turning back around to see Gabe wearing a smile of his own. He
nodded his head respectfully and then retreated to his room. My
heart warmed as I headed down the steps and to my first class.

I was making amends for my mistakes and it felt good.
Next were the students I abandoned after the attacked. I had
planned to stop by Aidan’s office to let him know my idea for the
memorial. After my extensive research I had found the best way to
honor them was to have a ceremony where we lit sky lanterns with
the names of those we were honoring on them. Traditionally sky
lanterns were used in celebrations, but I felt it was perfect for
the fact that we should celebrate their lives instead of mourning
them. I was hoping it would help to lift the spirits of those
students who remained.

I swung by Aidan’s office on my way to class and told
him my idea. He loved it and said he would get right on it to get
the supplies we needed. Having a slight hop in my step, I skipped
on my way to class. I was finally on the right path and undoing all
my wrongs. Next on my
‘to do’
list was Roman. I saved Roman
for last because I knew he would be the hardest. I tried not to
think about it too much so it wouldn’t burst my feel good mood.
Even when Mr. Grant reprimanded me for being late and Mackenzie
tried to trip me, I was still in good spirits. That was until I saw
there were no seats except for one next to Roman. My good mood
suddenly swooshed out of me as I took the only seat left. The
moment I sat down Roman shifted away from me.

Despite Roman being next on my list to make amends
with, I wasn’t quite ready yet. I knew with Roman it would take
time and a well thought out plan. Not wanting to let Roman fester
with anger I decided to skip ahead and just jump right into it, but
before I had the chance to say something Mr. Grant started his
lecture. I took a deep breath and let it out. Okay, all I had to do
was get through today and the next two days and then school was
done for the year –
well, for
everyone else at
least.

All throughout class I would try to look at Roman
from the corner of my eye to see if I could get a feel for his
mood. The only thing I saw was rage and irritation and it was
growing. Every time he would try to relax he would shift
uncomfortably. Because of his long body he had no choice, but to be
closer to me which clearly he did not like.

I knew this wasn’t going to go well and I knew there
was a possibility he might never forgive me, but we couldn’t
continue to be this way around each other. Sometimes he looked as
if I repulsed him and other times he just looked sad. Not wanting
to spend the rest of the summer worrying about tiptoeing around
Roman I thought I’d start with making an effort to keep the
peace.

Knowing he wouldn’t speak to me, I slipped him a
note.

We need to talk

He looked it over, scribbled something, and passed it
back.

I have nothing to say to you

Then you don’t have to say anything. You can just
listen. Meet me behind the library after dinner.

Mr. Grant dismissed the class before he had a chance
to respond. I left for my next class before he could turn me
down.

“Ella, how are you? You look well,” Ms. Kraft greeted
me with a smile.

“I’ve been better,” I said honestly.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

I looked at her curiously, wondering how she always
knew. “I’m not sure,” I said, having no idea why I said that.

“Sometimes when you set out to search for something,
what you find is not always what you truly intended to.” A part of
me understood what she meant. “We seek for the truth to only find
cracks in the foundation of what we once believed was the truth,”
she spouted on. Okay now I was lost. She smiled gently grazing my
cheek. “Trust me, soon enough you will understand.”

The class was piling in so I went to take my seat
only to find someone was already sitting there. I turned back to
Ms. Kraft questioningly. “Oh Ella, I’m sorry I forgot. While you
were gone we had to give Roman a temporary partner since I wasn’t
sure when you would be returning. There is a desk in the back if
you wouldn’t mind sitting there for the time being,” she said
kindly.

“No, that’s fine,” I said, walking back to the only
single desk in the room. It was pushed up against the wall and I
had to pull it out so I could sit. The desk was obviously not used
very much and when I moved it, it shrieked across the floor making
a noise like nails on a chalk board. Everyone turned to glare at me
for making so much noise.

I slid into my sear wanting to just disappear for the
time being. I couldn’t even pay attention because I couldn’t stop
staring at Roman. Even though his back was to me, I knew he could
feel me watching. His posture, the slight shifts in his body, the
way he would run his fingers through his hair, all indications of
tense nerves.

Throughout the rest of the day I couldn’t stop
thinking about the meeting with Roman. I still didn’t know if he
was even going to show. I thought about peeking into his head, but
I promised myself I wouldn’t invade people’s privacy unless it was
necessary. So I drove myself nuts all day wondering.

At training, Zane just had me show him what I already
learned and said we’d do a refresher course and go from there. I
was happy to have an easy session our first time around. Being as
distracted as I was, a refresher course helped keep my mind busy
and off the meeting with Roman.

After training I quickly showered – not bothering to
dry my hair – and headed to dinner. I barely ate because I was so
nervous. Dixon kept trying to get me to dish about Ireland and I
just kept telling him I didn’t want to talk about it, but he
wouldn’t leave it be. So I told him I found him and he dumped me,
end of story. Thankfully he kept quiet for the rest of dinner.

I left before everyone else. I was too antsy to sit
around and wait. I headed to the back of the library. Despite how
hot it was earlier, it certainly did cool off and I was regretting
not drying my hair. On the way over my stomach was grumbling
uneasily and I couldn’t do anything to calm it down. I had to keep
reminding myself not to throw up all the way to the library.

When I reached the back, to my disbelief, Roman was
already there. I knew he sensed me because his back tensed the
moment I stepped around the corner. “I wasn’t sure if you were
going to show,” I said softly.

“I didn’t think I was going to either,” he said
gruffly.

“What made you decide to come?” I asked, even though
I was pretty sure I was pressing my luck.

He turned around to face me and his expression showed
slight remorse. I didn’t know if it was because he felt bad about
what he said or because I looked pretty pathetic. I knew I had dark
circles under my eyes for the lack of sleep and constant worry. I
was wearing very unflattering clothes. I had on baggy sweats and
one of Xander’s old high school t-shirts that I swiped before I
left. With my hair still soaking wet it just made me look unkempt
and malnourished. The darkness made my already pale skin glow white
in the moonlight.

Roman’s face flinched slightly and then he went back
to his normal scowl. “You wanted to talk so talk,” he growled. I
took a deep breath knowing this wasn’t going to go easy. I had to
do this right, but I didn’t even know where to begin. There was so
much that had to be said and I didn’t exactly have time to work
through what I wanted to say. “I don’t have all night,” Roman said
impatiently.

“Okay, well, I wanted to talk to you because I…I
apologized to Gabe.” That was the best thing I could start
with.

“That’s just great. Is that all?” he asked. His body
language indicated he wanted to get this over with as quickly as
possible.

“No,” I fidgeted with my thumbs. “We need to talk
about us.”

“There is no us.”

“I know, but we need to at least learn how to be
civil with each other. We’re going to be stuck together the whole
summer and I just thought maybe we could…I don’t know…I think
neither of us wants to spend the summer miserable.”

“Ha,” he laughed. “I’m fine, better than fine
actually. You did me a favor. So thank you,” he smiled cockily and
pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “The only one
who’s going to miserable this summer is you and excuse me for
saying you deserve to be.” He leaned up against the wall casually
and lit up.

I bit my lip trying not to cry. Then I chastised
myself for not being stronger. Roman stared at me while he took a
puff of his cigarette. I crossed my arms over my chest feeling a
cold chill run up and down my spine. I wasn’t sure if it was his
cold stare or the chilly night that was making me feel like this,
but either way I didn’t like it. “I can understand if you hate me
and I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” I said, my teeth
chattering. “But I need you to at least hear me out.”

He stood up straight and I thought he was going to
take off. When he just stood there I took it as a sign to continue.
“I need you to understand why I did what I did.”

“I really don’t want to hear the details of your
infidelity,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me.