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“Any kids?”

He grabbed me around my waist, kissing me on the cheek. “Hey, you haven’t completed your insane post-sex cleansing ritual. Don’t you have to shower to scrub away the beast?”

I looked down at my still naked body. I was sticky, dripping, and eating breakfast standing up. And for some strange reason, it didn’t bother me as much as usual.

“I’ll get around to it.”

I knew he was trying to distract me away from asking questions. It was annoying I couldn’t get anything out of him. But I couldn’t help but smile at the sparkle in his eyes.

“Well, I’m going to beat you to it for once. I’m filthy.”

He turned to go upstairs. I knew he didn’t care about the dried sweat on his body; he was trying to get away from me.

I looked down at the mess on the floor and counters- dirtied with food and from us- and grabbed a rag to start cleaning. The eggs on the floor bothered me. The beast in me may have been running free, but she still expected a clean house.

He was still upstairs by the time I finished cleaning. My cell phone rang. I looked at the name on the screen that had been calling me since news broke of my ended engagement. For the first time since, I hit the answer button.

“Hey, Kim.”

She blew out a long, loud breath on the other end before responding. “Thank God! I was starting to think you killed yourself or something.”

I cringed at her words, but maintained as much composure as I could. “I just needed a few days to myself. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me; I’m just happy to hear your voice. What
happened
?”

I gulped down the hard ball in my throat, blinking rapidly as tears began stinging my eyes.

“He-he said he wasn’t happy. He was cheating on me with Danni. He said it only started a month or so ago, but I don’t believe him.”

Kim gasped on the other end. “Oh, my God. And you had no idea?”

“None. I came to Telluride to… get away, and then they showed up at the cabin yesterday and kicked me out.”

“That is unbelievable. You just can’t trust anyone anymore. We need to tighten up our social circle-
Danni
?”

I blew out a breath, the sound of her name elevating my heart rate. “Yup.”

“So, are you back home now?”

“Still in Colorado. I’m um, staying in a hotel for a few days. I’ll be home soon.”

“Alright, well I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it, Kim.”

I hung up the phone; the last thing I wanted to do was talk about my feelings. In fact, I wanted to forget about them. Maybe that’s why I allowed the charade with Derek to continue for so long. Maybe there was no beast in me, and it was just something I made up, an imaginary second self to forget about my real one. To forget about Reggie.

I could remember the day Reggie and I met more vividly than I could remember what I’d eaten for dinner the previous night.

He was all class, and approached me in a respectful way, unlike most of the men I usually came in contact with.

It didn’t take me long to figure out he was lost: he had no career goals, no financial security, bad credit, a crumbling relationship with his family, and a lack of ambition. But he treated me like a queen.

He catered to my every whim unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. I quickly fell in love with him and invited him to move out of the apartment he shared with two other men and in with me. And although he couldn’t contribute to the household bills, he contributed in other ways. Sure, I didn’t like when he cooked because he always left a mess and he spent more time playing video games than looking for a job, but I was happy- and I thought he was too.

Some would see a lost cause, but I saw a willingness to change and potential. With gentle coaxing, I helped him figure out what he wanted to do with his life and helped him get a job in his desired career field. I helped him uncover the root of the anger he felt towards his parents and convinced him to make amends. I put him on a strict budgeting plan and got almost half of his debt paid off in three years.

He was now a successful, confident, and responsible
man-
and it was all because of me.

It never occurred to me he wasn’t happy. He would come home from work with a smile on his face every day. Our intimacy declined, but that was normal in aged relationships; I felt as loved as ever.

He never brought up my weight gain directly, but whenever
I
did, he would share his opinion. I knew he wasn’t a fan of the extra pounds, and I tried really hard to lose the weight- harder than ever.

But my metabolism slowed, and I couldn’t make a dent. The day I asked him if he was still attracted to me with my new body, I knew his answer was forced. I should have taken more steps then. I should have fought harder to lose the weight.

He worked out religiously and had a great body- I should have done the same for him.

Still, that was no excuse to cheat on me with Danni.

I wondered if he was happier with her. I wondered if the past six years were all a lie. Against my better judgment, I slipped into my snow boots and opened the front door to the cabin. By the time I put my coat on, Derek was still upstairs, so I had no one to talk me out of trekking through the blanket of snow towards the rental cabin Reggie and Danni were in.

I shouldn’t have gone. A part of me was hoping to see them arguing, or acting distant towards each other. But as I peered through the window, I saw them laughing together in the kitchen.

Reggie had such a great laugh, but I rarely heard it when we were together. Unlike Danni, I wasn’t the type to randomly crack jokes. That didn’t mean we were unhappy; he never seemed bothered by my more serious demeanor. Although whenever we were all out as a group, his face would light up at the jokes Danni and the others made.

He pulled her in for a kiss, and my stomach turned.

“What are you doing?”

My head snapped around to face Derek. He walked up to me, wiping away my tears with his gloved hand.

I wiped my face. “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize I was crying.”

“Why are you here?”

I shrugged. “It’s just… it should be me in there. I should be ecstatic, in love, and spending my week planning out my future. Instead, I just feel helpless.”

He folded his arms in front of his chest when a strong gust of wind whizzed by, peeking inside the cabin. “Well if it were you in there right now, you’d still be living a lie. You’d still be wasting your time on a man who doesn’t deserve you. Funny thing is, that’s exactly what you’re doing right now.”

I knew he was right. The longer I took to get over Reggie and his betrayal, the more of my life I would have wasted and wouldn’t be able to get back.

I nodded. “I know; it’s just a bad day for me.”

He grabbed me around my waist, and we followed our footprints back to the warmth of his cabin.

“Why is today such a bad day?” He asked once we were back inside.

“Not today really, but tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I was supposed to get married. It’s on my mind today.”

He nodded, his lips pursed together as he grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around my shivering body. He reheated some of the leftover coffee in a mug. “Want some?” I shook my head.

As he added cream and sugar to his coffee, I went to my suitcase, which was still by the front door. When he turned around, I had a white dress in my hand.

His face twisted when he recognized what it was. “Why did you bring that with you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, shaking my head. “I don’t know.”

After inspecting every detail of the simple A-line gown, I sighed. “Maybe I thought it was all a dream, that Reggie would regain his senses and come back to me.”

“But why would you want him to?” Derek cupped my cheek and tilted my face to meet his. “Look whatever you two had, it wasn’t love. He used you, manipulated your emotions, and disrespected you in a way no woman should ever be. You may not see it now, but you’ll have real love one day. And you won’t think twice about that guy.”

“I just don’t get it,” I said, choking back a sob. “We had so many good times, so many good memories. Was all of it a lie?”

My standard decorum was out the window as the tears flowed freely. Derek put an arm around my waist, and I leaned my head against his shoulder as I cried harder than ever before.

I’d spent the days after the breakup in tears, but nothing like this. I always had a shred of hope, a sliver of disbelief, thinking we’d find our way back to each other.

Even when I was trying to end my life, a part of me wondered if I should’ve held off for a bit longer to see if he would come back to me. Seeing Reggie with Danni in the cabin made it seem final. It really was the end. It was the end of my relationship with the man I’d put all of my faith in, and it was the very last time I was going to cry about it, so I let it all out.

My makeup stained Derek’s shirt when I pulled away. I looked up at him through my red eyes. “I’m so sorry about your shirt. I can get that out.”

He shook his head. I looked at my wedding dress, balling a fistful in my hand as I walked over to the fireplace. I stuffed the dress in with the logs and lit a match.

“We had over 150 guests coming. 150 people cared enough about our love to spend money on this trip. We had purple tulips and white lilies, a five-course meal, and one of the best DJs in the country. It was going to be an affair for the ages.”

He walked next to me as orange embers slowly burned my dress black.

“Was it your dream wedding?”

I turned to him with a smirk on my face. “Surprisingly, no. In fact, I think it was my
mother’s
dream wedding. She did more planning than I did. I followed her advice whenever she told me that what I wanted was a bad choice. Still, it would have been nice.”

“Well, I have no doubt you’ll have your dream wedding one day.”

I knotted my fingers together, the growing flames putting me in a serene, almost trance-like state.

“Have you ever been married?”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

Forcing my eyes away from the flames, I looked to Derek. “Ever want to be?”

He shrugged.

I stared at my fingers, studying the tan line where my engagement ring sat for 18 months.

I sighed. “Breakups happen to all of us, I guess. Still, I think mine is up there as one of the worst possible scenarios.”

He let out a quiet snort that I didn’t think I was supposed to hear, but he didn’t respond.

“Sounds like you have a war story of your own.”

He shrugged, downing the rest of his coffee. “Don’t we all?”

“That bad, huh? Spill it.”

“Nothing to say.”

“Oh, come on. Knowing I’m not the only one who’s ever gone through something might cheer me up.”

He walked his empty mug into the kitchen, and I followed close behind, knowing he was trying to get away.

“I don’t like living in the past,” he said from the sink, his back to me as he rinsed off the mug.

I threw my hands in the air. “Well, just tell me
something
about yourself, Derek. Anything. How old are you?”

His jaw tightened. “Too old.”

“Where do you live?”

“Everywhere. I stay here a lot, and a few other rental properties throughout the country.”

“Forget it.”

“I have to head out for a bit. New renters coming in one of the cabins today,” he said when he turned to me.

I pressed my lips into a hard line. “Gee, thanks for telling me. It must’ve been difficult for you to divulge all that personal information.”

I groaned and spun around to walk away, but not before noticing the small grin on his lips. He walked up to me, leaning over once he reached me. A chill ran down my spine as his lips lightly brushed against my ear.

“I’m going to get you for that mouth of yours later,” he said in a low grumble before whisking past me.

I spun around and watched him walk up the stairs. His indirect answers were beginning to annoy me, but at that moment I could only think about one thing.

10

He left the cabin a few minutes later, and the house became eerily quiet. I felt out of place. My get-away was hijacked, I was alone in a stranger’s cabin, and I had nothing to distract me from the fact that it was about to be my nonexistent wedding day. Why was I still in Colorado?

The snow had stopped, so it was time to check flights once more. There was a flight in a few hours; if I left right away, I could make it and be home by dinner.

My finger hovered over the button to book the flight, but I didn’t click it; why was I hesitant?

I sighed, trying to avoid the answer to the question that floated in my mind. Derek’s words before he left swarmed my brain.

My skin flushed, but my mood quickly soured. Time for fun was over. It was time to get back to my life. Derek was a temporary distraction, one I was growing too fond of. The sooner I got away, the quicker I could finally face my truth and heal.

But I still didn’t book the flight.

Dropping my phone on the couch, I stood to head to the kitchen. I was obviously having a mental break. The first time I got into Derek’s bed- well
couch
- I was unstable. It was a mistake. I based my actions off my emotions rather than common sense. The second time was out of curiosity. And my excuse for the third? I shook my head. I had nothing.

Sleeping around wasn’t me. I didn’t judge others for the behavior, but it made me feel guilty. Maybe because I was the type who liked to stick to myself. I only had a few friends, and I took any relationship I got into- no matter the type- very seriously. Except with Derek. Despite this, I knew the reason I didn’t book my flight was because I wanted to make that guilt-inducing mistake one last time.

One last time. One more night with that filthy mouth I was starting to enjoy, and that sparkling smile. A final farewell to the beast.

Call it one for the road. After I got to the airport, I would never have to look at those hypnotic ocean-blue eyes again. It would be a distant memory.

I finally booked the first morning flight. I’d be out without Derek even noticing.