Unleash Me, Vol. 2 (Unleash Me, Annihilate Me Series) (28 page)

“
So, who do
you turn to the most?
”
I
asked.

“
Oh, my
dear.
 
I went to Smith.
 
I received my master
’
s degree in
literature.
 
I could go on and on
about my favorites.
”

“
How about if
you just pick one?
 
I also have my
masters degree in literature.
”

“
From which
school?
”

“
The
University of Maine.
”

“
Oh,
”
she said.
 
“
Oh,
I see.
”

“
So I have to
ask.
 
Which author is your
favorite?
 
You know
—
of the classics.
”

“
Well, that
’
s easy,
”
she said.
 
“
James
Joyce.
 
J
’
adore
Joyce.
 
J
’
adore
‘
Ulysses
’
.
”

“
Not one of my
favorites, but I know his work well enough, especially
‘
Ulysses.
’
 
What is your theory behind his
scrotumtightening sea?
”

“
His what?
”

“
His
scrotumtightening sea.
 
From
Telemachus.
 
Certainly you have
theories on that.
”

“
You make it
sound so vulgar.
”

“
Do I?
 
Joyce is the one who wrote about it, and
this is just a conversation about your favorite author and his most-famous
book.
”

“
And you had
to go
there
?
”

“
Naturally.
 
It
’
s one of the book
’
s most talked about scenes
—
you must know that.
 
All academics know that.
 
So, let me ask you
—
what do you make of
Joyce
’
s association
of the sea with birth and mothers, and with death and drowning?
”

She gave me a look that suggested she was stunned that a University of
Maine graduate could even talk on such a topic, and when she moved to speak,
her words seemed to fail her.

I pounced on the opportunity.

“
And remember
Mulligan's two completely different ways of referring to the sea,
”
I said.
 
“
If
the sea is linked with mothers, then how do fathers figure in Telemachus?
 
It
’
s an age-old question.
 
Certainly at some point during your time
at Smith, one of your literature teachers must have raised the question.
”

“
I
—”

“
Or maybe they
didn
’
t.
”

“
We never
spoke about scrotums at Smith.
”

“
And that, my
dear friends, is a life unlived,
”
Blackwell said.

CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN

“
That woman is
nothing but pure poison,
”
Jennifer
said as we watched Tootie and Addy move into the crowd.

“
At least Addy
isn
’
t,
”
Alex said.

“
Agreed,
”
Blackwell said.
 
“
Regardless
of the fact that he
’
s
living a lie, he
’
s a
kind man.
 
I
’
ve come to appreciate him over the years.
 
What he has with Tootie can
’
t be easy for him.
 
But I get it
—
it
’
s
his position and his generation that keeps him in the closet and with her
—
as sad as that
is.
 
I just wish he
’
d tell his family to go to
hell and come out, already.
”

“
Oh, God,
”
I said.

“
What your
problem?
”
Blackwell
asked.

“
Mexico
’
s version of Jessica
Rabbit is here.
”

“
Why do you
and Jennifer always talk in tongues?
”

“
And I think
she just spotted me.
 
Shit.
”

“
Who are you
talking about?
”

“
Epifania
Zapopa.
 
How did she get invited?
 
Look at her.
 
Her boobs are at war with her dress,
which can barely contain the rest of her body.
 
She
’
s a mess, just like the last time I saw her.
”

“
She received
an invite because she
’
s
also a patron of the arts.
 
When her
husband Charles was murdered, she received his fortune, which was
…
what?
 
Five hundred million or so, Alex?
”

“
Something
like that.
”

“
People rely
on that fortune,
”
Blackwell
said.
 
“
She gets invited everywhere because of it.
”

“
Oh, I
’
ve heard about her money,
”
I said.

“
From whom?
”

“
Marco
Boss.
 
She apparently slept with him
at some point, which she shared with me when Marco and I attended Julian West
’
s birthday party
together.
 
Apparently, she assumed
that I was sleeping with him because she kept referring to his private parts as
a python, as if I knew
all
about it
—
and weren
’
t
we
both
lucky to have had a piece of that python.
 
To say the least, it was
uncomfortable.
 
I
’
ll admit that she has a
zest for life, but she has zip for manners.
”

“
They call her
the loose cannon of Park Avenue,
”
Alex said.

“
I wonder
why.
 
I was with her for only a few
minutes, and never knew what was going to come out of her mouth when we had our
festive little conversation.
 
That
’
s probably a good thing
because half the time, I couldn
’
t
understand her.
”
 
I looked at Alex.
 
“
Do
you know her?
”

“
I
’
ve met her a few times
over the years.
”

I turned to Tank, who was standing behind me.
 
“
How
about you?
”

“
Oh, I
’
ve met her.
 
Through Alex.
”

“
I guess I
’
m the lucky one,
”
Jennifer said.
 
“
I
’
ve never met her.
”

“
Prepare to lose
your virginity again,
”
I
said.

“
Oh, aren
’
t you clever?
”

“
She used to
clean toilets,
”
Blackwell
said.
 
“
All up and down Park and Fifth.
 
She was known for her scrubbing.
 
Her absolute conviction.
 
Then she cleaned Charles
’
toilet, and let
’
s just say she did a
thorough job.
 
She was the cause of
his divorce.
 
Then they
married.
 
The rest of it you know.
 
End of story.
”

“
That story
has a new beginning.
 
It
’
s still a nightmare, and
it
’
s headed straight
in our direction.
 
Brace yourselves.
”

We watched Epifania cut through the crowd toward us with a wide smile on
her face.
 
She was wearing a
glimmering, strapless black evening gown that left zero to the
imagination.
 
Even at this distance,
I could see the peaks of her nipples pressing so hard against the fabric that
it was as if they wanted to burst through it and dart away from her.
 
Her long dark hair was worn down and
over her shoulders in a way that made her enormous diamond earrings and
necklace pop more than they would have otherwise.

She was looking straight at Alex.

“
Papi!
”
she said.
 
She stopped and did a little
shimmy.
 
“
It been so long.
”

I shot a sidelong glance at Jennifer, who looked mortified.

“
Epifania,
”
Alex said.

“
Where you
been?
 
Epifania haven
’
t seen you in, like, over
solid year.
”
 
As she kissed him on each cheek,
her massive breasts mashed against his chest, knocking him a bit off
balance.
 
“
Good looking as always, but Epifania need to be
careful.
 
She got new man.
 
New hunk.
 
New stud in the stable.
 
No need making anyone jelly, right?
”

“
Very smart,
Epifania.
”

She looked at the rest of us.
 
“
Who these
people you with?
”

“
This is my
fianc
é
e, Jennifer
Kent.
 
I believe you
’
ve met Lisa and Tank.
 
And this is Barbara Blackwell.
”

“
What you
mean,
‘
fianc
é
e
’
?
”

“
Jennifer and
I recently got engaged.
”

“
So, you
finally gonna move on from dead wife?
 
Good for you, Papi.
 
And with
this one.
 
Ai yai yai
!
 
She hot, hot, hot.
”

She did not just say that to him.

But as usual, Alex was unflinching.
 
“
Thank you.
”

She turned her attention to me.
 
“
I remember
you.
 
We met at party.
 
Epifania don
’
t know which one
—
she go to so many.
 
People call Epifania all the time about
party, party, party
—
so,
she go.
 
She always go because
before Epifania
’
s new
big stud?
 
She was bored as
hell.
 
But she remember you.
 
She hope she was good girl that
night.
 
You never know with
Epifania.
 
She can get a little
crazy if the night gets a whole lot boring.
 
Epifania hate the boring.
”

“
I have to
wonder if you
’
ve ever
been bored in your life, my dear,
”
Blackwell said.

Epifania turned to her.
 
“
Who you again?
”

“
Blackwell.
”

“
That your
first name or last name?
”

“
It
’
s my name.
”

“
Oh, I know,
like the Cher.
 
The Madonna.
 
And the Charo.
 
That
’
s cute.
 
Maybe Epifania should just be Epifania, no?
”

“
It would suit
you,
”
Blackwell
said.
 
“
And it would be so much more efficient
—
just one name for
someone to cry out in the middle of the night.
 
Or in the back of a cab
—
or an alley.
 
May I ask who you
’
re wearing?
”

“
Something
something.
 
I forget.
 
Don
’
t matter.
 
I
go shopping, I buy, buy, buy until I drop, drop, drop, and then, in my dressing
room, I always surprised to find something I forgot I buy.
 
This probably two year old.
 
Used to fit a little better before
Epifania discover her love for a bucket of chipotle wings, but I don
’
t mind the tight.
 
Sometimes, the tight can be just
right!
 
Especially when you gotta
man who like the tight
—
if
you know what I mean.
 
Yeah, I
thought did.
 
And Epifania finally
got a man who make the tight even tighter.
 
Heyzeus Cristo, it took me forever to find the right guy.
”