Unlucky in Love (22 page)

“Take him back? Is he
nuts
?” Katie cracked open a beer later that night after she and Lexi had settled Mom into bed. They sat on the wide front porch where Tristan had pulled his reappearing act, and the breeze was just strong enough that Lexi imagined she could hear the waves hitting the beach a mile away. “You said no, right?”

“Not—exactly.”

“Please tell me you're not considering it.”

“I'm not.”

Katie turned toward her. “Then why didn't you say no?”

“I think I was too shocked, to be honest. I mean, there I was, sitting there mooning over pictures I'd drawn of Gunnar, and then Tristan appeared. And for a wild, weird moment, I thought maybe it
was
Gunnar, even though that's insane, because he's in Montana.” She shivered, even though it was still seventy-five degrees out. “I don't know. It was just too…
weird
.”

Suddenly Katie laughed. “I have to admit, I'm kind of surprised he asked you, after seeing that karaoke video.”

Lexi tossed a piece of balled-up paper at her. “Shut up.”

“Is this one of those
be careful what you ask for
things? I mean, I know you probably asked all the gods you could think of to bring him back, right?”

Lexi sighed. “Feels like a lifetime ago that I did.”

“I think it feels like a
cowboy
ago.”

“That, too.”

Katie picked at the label on her beer bottle, looking like she was trying to figure out what to say. Finally, she spoke.

“Lex, do you wish you could go back?”

“Every minute of every day, yes.” Lexi frowned, surprised she'd come out and admitted it to Katie. “Sorry.”

“Do you hate Mom for ruining your chances with Gunnar?”

“Of course not, Kate. It's not Mom's fault.”

“Do you hate
me
?”

“What?”

Katie shrugged carefully. “Well, if I was—you know—a different person, one more like you, maybe you
could
go. I can't help but be afraid you resent not only Mom, but me.”

“I don't resent you, Kate. I resent the situation. I resent the hell that is Alzheimer's, and I resent the fact that I got such a precious, beautiful taste of what could be…and then had to let it go before I got to know more. But I don't resent you. None of it's your fault.”

“I wish—I wish I
could
be more like you, so you
could
go back out there. But omigod, Lexi, I'm just not. The thought of you leaving gives me nightmares.”

“I'm not going anywhere, Katie.”

“I know, but before this summer, you never had anywhere you
wanted
to go. You were my rock—the thing that would never change. And then you went out there, got your socks knocked off by this Gunnar character, and now…you're different.”

“I'm the same person.” Lexi felt her eyebrows furrow. This was the second time today she'd had to make the same argument.

Katie studied her. “You're not, Alexis. You're not at all.”

“I don't know, Kit-Kat. I'm not sure I even know
who
I am anymore.”

“Do you think—is there any chance—would Gunnar ever consider moving
here,
do you think?”

Lexi laughed bitterly. “No. Can you really picture a Montana cowboy fitting in around here?”

“Well, I mean, maybe. If he loves you. You don't think he'd even consider it?”

“No, and I wouldn't want him to. Really. He spent his entire life getting yanked around the country, and it took him till he was twenty-five to have anything he could call roots. He doesn't have any family to speak of—that he's in contact with, anyway—so the Driscolls
are
his family. He has
land,
Kate. Ma sold him a piece of her own property so he can build a house and stables someday.”

She sighed, realizing that no, there was absolutely no way she'd ever be able to rip him away from all of that, even if she was lucky enough for him to offer. He'd waited a long, long time to have his dream, and he was so damn close. He had land. He had a family. And he was settled in the part of the country he loved with his entire being. He'd never be happy anywhere else, and she'd never
ever
presume she could ask him to try to be.

“There's land here, too, Lexi.” Katie's voice was quiet, almost a reprimand.

Lexi shook her head. “You can't understand unless you've been there. When you walk onto that ranch, it's like a—a giant hug. I know that sounds ridiculous, but honestly, you can feel the whole place wrap around you. You come in a stranger, and within days, you feel like you'll probably be invited to the next family wedding. They're so close that they'd defend each other to the death against an outside threat…but they're so open at the same time. Ma is just so happy when people fall in love with her ranch and her family.”

Lexi broke off, realizing she missed far more than Gunnar. “It's just…different, Kate. It's not just about a man. It's about a
life
.”

“A life you think you'd like to have?” Katie's voice was impossibly quiet.

“I don't know.” She sighed. “But I think I might have liked a little more time to figure that out.”

The next morning, Lexi was back at work, but so tired she was moving on autopilot. The standard collection of kindergarteners had already been through, needing reassurance and magic tummy water, and now she was settled at her tiny desk making out a schedule for vision screenings.

The oblong window in her office looked out on a little courtyard garden that she'd always found kind of charming, but this morning, it felt claustrophobic. She missed her west-facing windows. She missed the mountain breezes. She missed the mountains themselves.

She took a shaky breath. Dammit. She missed Gunnar.

There was a knock on her door, and she looked up, feeling her eyebrows pull together. Nobody knocked on her door. They just came in. Then the door opened just wide enough for a to-go cup of coffee to come through, and she laughed.

“Very funny, Steph. You can come in. I won't bite.”

“Well, that's reassuring.”

Lexi dropped her pen at the sound of the voice—which wasn't Steph's voice at all.

It couldn't be. It wasn't. There was no way.

And then he stepped through the door, and she was pretty sure her heart flew right out of her throat and leaped across the room to meet him.

“Gunnar?”

“Oh, good. You remember my name.” He grinned, then braced himself as she jumped up from her desk and into his arms.

“Oh, my God. I can't believe you're here!
Why
are you here?” She pulled back, but didn't let go. She couldn't. He was here. In the flesh. Looking so good-God-gorgeous that she couldn't believe she'd ever been able to let him go before.

“Why do you
think
I'm here, cowgirl?” He reached out for her, pulled her back to him. “I miss the
hell
out of you, Lex. I didn't plan to, and—I'll tell you what—I didn't
want
to, but that's what happened.”

“Oh,” she said, because her thoughts were spinning so quickly in her head that she couldn't actually form more than that word.

He laughed. “Now, there's the Lex I remember.” He looked around. “Any chance I could steal you away for a cup of coffee? Do schools work that way? Can you leave?”

“No. Yes. I mean—yes. Hold on.”

Leaving him standing in her office, with that half-smile she adored on his face, she opened the door that adjoined the front office. As soon as she closed it behind her, the school secretary leaped up from her chair and did a silent mini-squeal.

“Who is
that
?” she asked.

“That”—Lexi felt a huge grin take over her face—“that's Gunnar. We met in Montana.”

“Holy cannoli,” Bridget said, fanning her face. “Can I book a vacation at that ranch next summer? Why's he here?” She peered over Lexi's shoulder, obviously trying to catch a glimpse of Gunnar through the window. “Did you know he was coming?”

“No. Total surprise.”

“Well, don't
you
have all the luck?”

“Not usually.” Lexi smiled as she reached for the log on Bridget's desk, signing her name and the current time. “But today, yes. I'm going to head out, okay? I'll keep my cell on if there's an emergency, but I've already handled the frequent fliers this morning. I think we're all set till recess.”

“If you don't come back, should I assume you've eloped with Mr. sexy cowboy in there?”

“Absolutely. Yes.”

“All the luck,” Bridget muttered, but it was good-natured. “Have fun. And see if he has any brothers!”

Lexi headed back into her office, finding Gunnar studying a print she'd recently framed for her wall.

He turned. “You drew this?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “You might recognize the place.”

“If I didn't know better, I might—looking at this sketch—think somebody here misses Montana.”

Lexi grabbed her keys and motioned him toward the door. “Somebody here misses a lot more than Montana, Gunnar Steele.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were seated at a little café in town, with laminated menus in front of them. Lexi was trying to sit still, but her entire body felt like someone had strapped live wires to her limbs.

He was here! Here, in Maine! To see
her
!

She was afraid to ask how long he'd be here—afraid to think about anything but the absolute present moment, because in that moment, she could suspend reality and pretend they were just a normal couple having a quick cup of coffee before heading back to their respective jobs.

Oh, who was she kidding? She had to know.

“So, how long will you be here?”

He looked up from his menu. “Not long enough. The only flight I could get back leaves tonight.”

“Tonight?” She looked down, devastated. She'd waited forever, thought maybe she'd never see him again at all, and now that he was here, he had only hours before he had to be back on a plane?

“I know. And believe me, when I saw the flight choices, I almost decided it wasn't meant to be. I thought it'd be more torturous to be here for the afternoon than to not come at all.” He sighed, sliding his hand over hers on the table. “But I couldn't
not
come.”

Lexi picked at the corner of her menu with her free hand, struggling to keep a smile on her face even while she was dying inside. To get a taste of him like this, and then have to say goodbye again, would be sheer, utter torture.

But seriously? She should be happy he was here at all. He'd come! He'd gotten on a plane this morning and traveled across the country to see her. It had to mean
something
.

“I'm glad you came. I hate that you have to go back.
Do
you have to go back?” She looked out the plate-glass window. “What if I disable your rental car or something? Make it so you can't get back to the airport?”

He smiled. “It's a thought. And I have to admit, I'm relieved you're not sending me back to Logan right now.”

“Why would I do
that
?”

“Well?” He shrugged slowly. “I know things are completely crazy here, and you've got way more on your plate than any woman
should
have, but I guess”—he took a deep breath—“I guess I'm kind of flying in a little blind here.”

Lexi blinked, tipping her head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, when I stepped off that plane an hour ago, I didn't really know whether you'd be happy to see me.”

“What?”

He laughed. “Well, that's a reassuring response.”

“How could you possibly think I wouldn't be happy to see you?”

“Well, we haven't exactly connected very well over the past few weeks. I'd started to convince myself that you were pulling back, deciding you just didn't have time—rightly so—to pursue a relationship that never actually got off the ground, anyway.”

“Um, no.” She shook her head slowly. “That's not—
no
. You are so unbelievably, terribly wrong.”

“Really?”

“Really. I have been
dying
here, thinking you had come to the same conclusions.”

He smiled, squeezing her hand. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that.”

“Well,
you
have no idea how happy it makes
me
that you got on that plane this morning, even if you do only have a few hours here.” Lexi felt tiny tears spring to her eyes, and she hated that she couldn't blink them back before he saw them.

“Aw, Lex. Sweetheart.” He took both of her hands in his. “Don't cry.”

“I can't help it. I'm sorry.” She blinked hard. “I'm trying not to, but you're
here
. All I've wanted for the past month is for you to be…here. With me. And now you are, but you'll have to leave, and it'll be worse than it was, and—oh, hell. Listen to me.”

She pulled back one hand, reaching for her napkin to wipe her eyes. “I'm sorry.”

He studied her for a long moment, then pulled his hands back. “Stay right here. I need to get something from the car.”

He slid out from the booth and headed for the door, and Lexi couldn't help but notice that every female in the café—married, elderly, or otherwise—locked their eyes onto him as he passed. He was just that magnetic, dammit.

Two minutes later, he was back, carrying a folder that he set carefully on the table as he slid back into his seat.

“What's this?” she asked.

“It's…a plan.”

“What kind of a plan?”

He tapped on the folder, looking far away for a moment, like he was trying to decide if he should really open it. Then he met her eyes, and his smile was warm, affectionate, oh-so-beautiful.