Unravel (13 page)

“Does anyone know?”

“Just my mom.” She said her words so casually, as if we were shooting the breeze and talking about what we ate for dinner.

“A-and she’s done nothing?” I whispered.

“It would be shame on the family,” Lana whispered back. “So she sweeps it under the rug and pretends nothing’s happened.”

I was stunned speechless.

When you look at Lana’s mom you see heels, pearls and lipstick. She’s always so put together. She’s a throwback to the era of Susie Homemaker.

Quickly, I was realizing that her image was just smoke and mirrors. That mist was starting to fade and I saw the truth.

I had no words. At least nothing that could erase what had happened to her.

“I’m so sorry,” I said brokenly.

They were just three simple words. But said in the right way, said with truth and compassion, they could put a soul back together again.

A choked sound came from Lana. It sounded like an animal dying and it was gut wrenching. Tears instantly pooled in my eyes, my vision blurred.

I didn’t hug her and I didn’t bother her with any more questions. I just lay there next to her and let her cry.

After a few minutes, her sobs turned into hiccups and then sniffles. She turned her face and was staring up at the ceiling with me.

“I’m not going back to school,” she announced.

I looked over at her sadly. I wanted to be shocked and ask why, but I couldn’t. My heart was stuck in my throat.

“I couldn’t hack it,” she continued. “It was torture. I tried to make friends, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to allow those small conversations to snowball into a friendship. I tried to study, but I could never focus. I would have panic attacks during my classes and pretty soon I stopped going to class altogether.”

Lana brushed away her tears with the back of her hand. “I stayed at school, trying to tell myself that each day would get better. I locked myself in my apartment and…” her voice broke. “It felt like I was going crazy. It felt like there were no other options for me. I had planned to get away from this house my whole life. Going to college where I could finally start my life. But knowing that would never happen, that I couldn’t hack it… it killed me more than anything else.”

My brain was maxed out with everything she was telling me.

“I thought school was going good for you. I… I talked to you every day and you seemed fine.”

“I made you think it was okay,” Lana replied.

I shook my head, my hair rustling against my pillow. I didn’t know what to say, or where to go from here.

For the first time in my life, I was at a complete loss.

Eventually, Lana drifted off to sleep.

It was sometime in the early morning before I did. I think I could have stayed up the entire time, but the birds started to chirp outside the window. As crazy as it sounds, their chirps were soothing. It was a comfort to know that some other being was up.

And now a blinding light was slanted across my face.

I cracked open one eye and immediately winced. That blinding light was the stupid sun pouring in from the window.

I wasn’t in the mood for clear skies and anything associated with ‘happy days’. I wanted to go home, draw the shades in my room and hibernate until this entire memory became a distant thought.

I wanted to take the easy way out.

I sat up and stretched my neck. I looked down at my body. I guess sometime during the night I had changed into some pajamas. My hair was tangled around my face and my eyes were still heavy with sleep. I didn’t need a mirror to know I looked like complete shit.

How I looked was the least of my problems though.

I glanced over at Lana.

She was perched on the windowsill. The brilliant light didn’t seem to bother her. I could just see her thinking to herself that if she soaked in enough light, maybe, just maybe, all the darkness in her life would fade.

I cleared my throat.

Her head whipped in my direction. She gave me that small smile of hers. “Morning.”

I grumbled a reply.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“8.”

I rubbed my eyes. How I was even functioning right now, I’d never know.

“I was going to let you sleep in.”

“No, it’s all right. I needed to get up.”

She crossed her arms, digging her feet into the carpet.

“Do you want some breakfast?” she offered.

I peered at her carefully. “No, I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure? Because I smell eggs and bacon and I know how much you love that. Or we could make something else,” she rambled. “How about French toast? Do you like French toast?”

She was out of her mind if she thought I would go downstairs to eat breakfast and take the chance of seeing her parents.

“Lana.”

“Yep?” she asked brightly.

Before I fell asleep this morning I had planned everything out. I was going to talk to her about getting away from her dad, no matter how terrified she was. But the look on her face was desperate.

I swallowed and put a fake smile on my face and said, “Let’s go lay out by the pool.”

“That sounds good,” she said, looking visibly relieved.

I could pretend for a few hours.

Maybe for a day.

I would do that for her.

After an hour, I was done pretending.

I tiptoed around the house, trying to avoid her parents. Her dad had already left for work and her mom was walking out the door by the time I walked downstairs.

I was in the clear… for now. I couldn’t avoid them for the whole summer. If I was going to stay here, I had to figure out how to rein in my anger. I would have to figure out how to be around Lana’s dad. I just didn’t know how that was possible, though.

The pool was steps away from us, with water as clear as the sky. The smell of freshly cut grass was in the air. The radio was on, playing a song that made Lana’s foot tap against the chair.

We lay there, the sun shining down on us. Beads of sweat started to form on my neck. I was pretty sure that if I held my hand out in front of me it would waver in the heat before it slowly started to melt.

I was starting to get restless. Too much silence between us and too many thoughts in my head.

“We should do something,” I said.

“We are doing something,” Lana said tiredly.

“No. I mean something fun, like a road trip.”

I knew Lana was controlled by her fear, but maybe if I turned the leaving part into a fun vacation, she would agree. It was a long shot, but it was the only thing I could think of right now.

She gave the sun her cheek and looked at me. “What?”

“Yeah!” I said anxiously. “We could go to California. Instead of laying out by a pool, we could have the ocean in front of us and the sand beneath us!”

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. But Lana shot my idea down in a heartbeat.

“Why not? This is summer time. This what people our age do.”

She stared solemnly at me, never answering. We were the same age. Our eyes should reflect that. But hers showed she had lived a lifetime filled with more darkness than light, more tears than smiles, and more brutality than happiness.

“You promised you wouldn’t bring it up.”

My shoulders stiffened. “I’m not.”

Lana lowered her sunglasses. “How long have we known each other?”

“Ten years.”

“Yeah. Ten years. And in that ten years I’ve kept this a secret. Do you know why?” She leaned in, never giving me the chance to answer. “Because I wanted to protect you.”

Lana was the one that needed protecting. Not me. I was fine. I stared at her, unable to say a damn thing.

“Naomi,” she said slowly. “I knew you couldn’t handle it. You can barely handle it now.”

“But you can?”

Lana shrugged. “It’s all I know.”

She accepted her pain fiercely. So much so that it was almost crippling. Her thoughts and dreams and fears were woven and created by her past.

“So that’s it?” I ask. “You’re just going to live with this pain for the rest of your life?”

Lana shifted in her seat. “Can we drop this, please?”

If I kept persisting she would bolt and I might make things worse than they already were.

“Yes,” I finally said. “For now.”

She gave me a smile and straightened out her towel. Before she lay back down, she looked at me, the smile gone. “You’re going to keep this a secret, right?”

I looked away.

“Naomi,” she said my name softly. “Please tell no one.”

Later in the day, Lana fell asleep in her room. I left her and went downstairs. I should’ve been the one tired, but I had adrenaline coursing through my body. Sooner or later, I would crash, but not right now.

I had just gotten off the phone with Max. He would be coming over soon. I’d only seen him mere hours ago, but our date and kiss felt like it’d happened weeks ago. I was so caught up in Lana that I really hadn’t had the chance to think about him… or us.

Did I want the summer with him? When I said yes, I meant it. Even now I wanted to. Yet the situation with Lana changed everything. I didn’t see how I could have both in my life without the two of them interconnecting. Lana was my best friend—a sister more than anything else. Max… he was something. I could feel it in the way my heart tightened and flipped whenever I thought about him. And being something meant that sooner rather than later he would find out about Lana. It was too big to keep hidden.

I sat at the computer desk. I had swiped her laptop before I left the room. I clicked on the Internet icon and waited for the Google home screen to appear. I nibbled on my fingernail, impatiently waiting. When it did show up, my heart went into overdrive. I felt scared and nervous, questioning why I was doing this.

I typed in
US Senator Virginia
before I could talk myself out of it. Instantly Lana’s dad appeared, highlighted in black and directly beneath the search bar. I clicked the option and waited for the page to load. I knew I was safe. No one was here besides Lana, but I still looked over my shoulder in paranoia.

There were pages of sites that came up. A campaign website. His own personal website and a Wikipedia page. He even had a fucking Facebook page.

But I ignored the websites. I clicked on the photos first. Most of them were pictures of her dad shot at different angles, speaking to a crowd, with dozens of mics in front of him. There was one of him walking down the street of McLean with a nameless man beside him. Her dad was pointing to something off in the distance, the nameless man looking impressed.

There was nothing damaging connected to his name. His record was squeaky clean.

What did I really expect though, one quick Internet search and I would have the answer to all my problems? My Nancy Drew skills were pathetic.

I opened a separate page and typed in the word
rape
. My stomach started to churn. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew the meaning behind the word. I just didn’t know how to handle what came
after
the word. I was clueless, and after this afternoon, I was deflated and more confused than ever. I rested my chin on my palm. My fingers drummed against my lower lip as I quickly scrolled down the page.

“What are you looking at?”