Unravel Me (21 page)

“How do you know he’s been lying to me?” The panic in my voice cut through the room.

“He likes to brag about what he thinks he knows.”

“What do you mean?”

A bitter smile curled his mouth, turning my stomach. “I’m not the only one who shows up unannounced to throw punches.”

I clasped my stomach as a horrible, stabbing pain sliced through it. “Did he hurt you?”

Alastair’s cold exterior defrosted slightly. “No, love. But he tried his hardest to hurt you.”

“I don’t understand. He said there was a trust account—”

“There is. It’s the account we set up for Olivia. She receives an undisclosed amount each month. He discovered the account but doesn’t know what it’s for exactly. He made up the story about my uncle paying that reporter.”

Resting my forehead against the cool glass did nothing to stop the spinning.

“Each month? I thought you said you paid her off.”

He shifted uncomfortably on the cushion. “The only people who know this trust account exists are me, my grandfather, Jason, the lawyers and Olivia. Even Brent is under the impression we wrote her a check and sent her off. What she threatened to use against me could destroy my grandfather’s company. We were backed into a corner.”

“Not to sound flippant or anything but if it’s just a sex tape how can it destroy a company?”

Alastair’s fair skin turned ashy. “I can’t say anything more about it.” His body language and aggravated tone were enough to keep me from firing off more questions.
What did you do?
My heart longed for the simpler moments we’d shared. Hell, I’d even relive the day he told me he blamed himself for his family’s death and would rather be dead himself. At least that was something I could quasi handle. This was a complete mind fuck.

“I can’t…I don’t…” I raked my fingers through my hair. “Jesus, Alastair, I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know who you are right now.”

I’d peeled back too many layers. I’d seen too much of the broken, scarred man beneath the expensive clothes. Persistent, unbearable tightness squeezed my chest. I needed to get away from him. I needed to clear my head and figure out how to proceed.

My brain and heart clawed at each other, trying to convince me of what I should do next. Surrounded by the beauty of New York City and this penthouse, all I could focus on was the ugliness poisoning my mind.

“You’re free to leave anytime you want.” The deadness in his voice angered and saddened me.

Thick, hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I wasn’t going to let him dictate this. “I’m not letting you push me away again,” I bit out. “I can’t be in the same room as you right now, but I’m not leaving. You don’t get to control the outcome this time. I do.”

I stood up and stalked toward the stairs. When I reached the closet, I kicked off my heels and went up to the roof deck. The infinity pool glistened in the moonlight. I sat at the edge and dipped my feet in the water. Leaning back, I inhaled the warm, summer night air. It did nothing to help sort through the cluttered mess that my brain had become. I tried to piece together everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks; the stalking reporter who wasn’t really stalking me, Nathan’s bizarre radio silence, Alastair’s abrupt trip to London and anger fueled panic after I told him his uncle was paying Rachel.

And what was the cherry on top? Tonight’s run in with Olivia. Jesus, there was too much to process.

I cradled my head in my hands, wishing all this would go away. I was too mentally and emotionally drained to give it any more thought. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams again.

Looking up, I noticed clouds gathering in front of the moon, blocking its light. I just sat and stared as they inevitably overpowered the moon, hiding it from view.

Nobody said our relationship was going to be a walk in the park. I wasn’t willing to throw it away because he used to act like a jerk. We’d come this far and I had a sneaking suspicion we still had miles to go.

Pulling my legs out of the water, I stood up and went back down to the living room. Alastair was nowhere to be found. I ran off to the bedroom but he wasn’t there either. I checked every room in the penthouse but couldn’t find him. Panic grew and spread through my body.
He left. He left me here alone
.

But that’s what I’d wanted, right? I wanted to get away from him. Sinking onto the mattress, I curled up into the fetal position. I wasn’t the one leaving this time. He was. He’d made the decision for me again and removed himself from my life.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I stared out the window at the illuminated steel playground. The city that never sleeps had company tonight. I snuggled deeper into the pillows, comforted by their softness but longing for something more. It was well past midnight and I had no idea where my boyfriend had disappeared to or if I’d ever see him again.

A shadowy reflection in the glass startled me. I sat up and turned. Alastair stood by the door with a single red rose in the palm of his hand. The long stem sat wedged between his fingers, dangling beneath. He walked toward me with great caution and sat on the edge of the bed. Still dressed in his suit from dinner, he looked beautiful and sad.

The skin on my cheek warmed from his soft touch. I was surprised to see that his impenetrable shield had dissolved. The yearning in his eyes burned with unwavering intensity.

“You left,” I said hoarsely.

“I wanted to give you the space you needed. I only went for a long walk.” He looked at the flower. “This is for you, if you want it.”

I reached out and touched the delicate petals, running my fingers over his palm. I took the rose and laid it on the bed next to me. “Thank you.”

“This day had been absolute perfection, Amelia. I’m sorry it ended so horribly. I hope that brings—”

Overcome by my fierce love for him, I climbed onto his lap and kissed his doubts and fears away, along with my own. Cupping my jaw, he hovered his lips over mine and whispered, “My Lia. Sometimes I think you’re just a dream and I’ll wake up. I want this to work. I want us to last. I'll do everything in my power to make sure that happens."

I let the weight of his words wash over me as he played with a strand of my hair.

“The way you make me feel,” he continued, “is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”

Tears burned the corners of my eyes.
Regardless of what he believes,
this
is the man behind the mask
. “You really are a big softie deep down, aren’t you?”

His beautiful, sculpted mouth curved. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Your secret is safe with me, chief,” I grinned, hugging him tightly.

“You’re not disgusted by me?”

I sat back with a start, confounded by his question. “No, I’m not disgusted by you. Don’t be ridiculous.”

He remained stoic and quiet.

“Listen, whatever you’ve done or however you chose to live your life in the past is just that. The past. I’m not going to sugarcoat it though. I don’t like that version of you. But it doesn’t diminish the way I feel about you now.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do,” I said, playing with his hair. “The Alastair Holden I know is playful and affectionate. You make me laugh and you frustrate me. There are some things about you that are still a mystery but underneath all this,” I tugged at his designer suit jacket, “is a loving, caring, amazing man.”

“I can’t ever lose you,” he said, his eyes blazing with need. “Ever.”

“You won’t.”

The last thing I wanted was to engage in another draining conversation, so I kissed him. All the unpleasantness of the night floated away as we lost ourselves in each other. Sliding my hands under his suit jacket, I pushed it off his shoulders. He tossed it to the floor, keeping his eyes fused with mine. I kissed him again with unbridled passion.

“Lia,” he moaned quietly.

The sounds he made always drove me crazy. I tangled my fingers in his hair and stared deep in his eyes.

“I want you,” I declared. “I want all of you. Every doubt, every fear, every smile, every secret. Love me, Alastair. I need to feel you.”

I sat up on my knees, pulling him up with me. We undressed each other and curled up together on the bed. He held me so close, I felt so safe. I kissed along his shoulder and up his neck.

“Look at me,” he requested.

I rested my head on the pillow, leaning forward so our foreheads touched.

"I want you like this tonight. Just skin against skin, nothing more." He caressed my back, tracing his fingers up and down my spine. "This is how I feel when you're with me. Wanted. Needed. I'm loving you this way tonight, Lia. I'm loving you the way you love me."

* * *

Of course it would rain on the day we decided to go out and do some sightseeing.

“Come on,”” Alastair grinned, jogging toward the aquarium’s main entrance. I sprinted behind him, trying to shield my head from the deluge.

“This is karma, you know,” I said once we were safe beneath the overhang.

“For what?”

“For wasting a perfectly gorgeous day inside yesterday.”

“I don’t see it that way.” A salacious grin spread across his face. “And I didn’t hear any complaints coming from you either. Besides, it’s only a little rain. This is considered a light shower in England.”

“Stop it,” I shoved him playfully.

Walking through the aquarium was like being transported to another world. Everything was so serene and bathed in dimly lit hues of blue. The reflection of the water from some of the tanks shimmered against the walls. I always loved coming here when I was a kid. My sister and I would spend most of our time staring at the colorful fish.

Alastair and I strolled through the exhibits. He paused by the jellyfish, placing his hands against the glass. Dozens of the dangerous beauties bobbed under the water, opening their translucent orange skin like an umbrella to move. I smiled, watching him watch the jellyfish. He looked like such a little boy. It was too precious. I snapped a quick photo of him with my phone.

“Sneaking pictures of me?”

“Maybe.”

He turned to me and smiled. “I haven’t been to an aquarium since primary school. I’d forgotten how awesome they are.”

“Well then, let’s go check out some more awesome sea life,” I grinned.

“Any suggestions?”

“How do you feel about sharks and whales?”

“So long as they don’t eat me, I’m okay with them.”

I laughed loudly and grabbed his hand, leading him to the giant underwater tunnel. Before arriving there, we stopped to see the beluga whales through the huge windows. Two of them swam gracefully right in front of us. The mammals circled one another, almost as though they were flirting. One of them even looked like it was playing hard to get.

“She’s giving him a run for his money,” Alastair remarked, squeezing my hand. “Looks familiar.”

I gave him a look. “Sharks are next. And I believe it’s feeding time.” I poked him in the stomach. “Hmm. Just squishy enough for them.”

“Wow. You’d give me up for shark bait just like that?”

“Nah. It wouldn’t be much of a challenge for them seeing as you can’t swim.”

Before he could respond, I let go of his hand and darted off to the tunnel. He caught me pretty quickly though and tickled me hard. I gasped, trying not to be too loud and cause a scene.

“I told you that smart mouth would get you in trouble every single time,” he said with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

“You love it.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Fair point.”

We sat on the platform edge next to the curved window and watched the sharks, turtles and other assorted marine life go about their business without a care in the world. I enjoyed watching Alastair more than anything. He took everything in with wide-eyed wonder. I could almost picture him as a little boy, before the accident, filled with curiosity and awe. It saddened me to think he’d spent most of his life closed off from all the beauty the world had to offer. At the same time, it gave me great joy to know he was moving past all of it. I didn’t want to give myself too much credit for being his catalyst but I knew some of it had to do with me.

A light kiss brushed against my forehead. I looked up at him and smiled. He lifted my left hand and admired the ring he’d given me, while stroking my ring finger.

“Why do you wear this on your middle finger?”

My vision tripled.
Oh Jesus, Stephanie was right
. Pulling myself together I attempted to answer him.

“Um, I don’t know. The stone is big, so, maybe…I thought it might look better there?”

“Hmm.” He laced his fingers through mine.

I couldn’t tame the insane pace of my beating heart. A huge fish paused in the window across from where we were sitting. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was laughing at me as it stared with its freakishly big eye.
Look at the human jumping to conclusions and giving herself a heart attack! Haha!

“Relax, love,” Alastair whispered. “It’s not happening yet.”

All the activity surrounding us vanished when I looked at him. “What are you—”

He kissed me so sweetly it numbed my brain. I was completely encased in his magnetic aura and delicious scent.

“No questions, kitten. Unless I’m the one doing the asking,” he smirked. “Would you like to go back to the penthouse or stay here?”

“Do I ha—”

He placed his finger on my lips to silence me. “You are only allowed to give answers.”

I narrowed my eyes, waiting for him to remove his finger. These little games he liked to play could be so annoying sometimes. Charming, but annoying.

“I think we should stay here,” I said when I was freed from the makeshift muzzle.

“Should we?”

“Yes.” I stood up. “I hear there’s a piranha tank.”

He raised both eyebrows. “More flesh eating fish? I’m beginning to think you don’t like me.”

I grinned slyly. “Whatever would give you that impression?”

“Breaking the rules already,” he said, rising to his feet. The hot, focused look in his eyes gave me a rush. He leaned closer, dipping his mouth my ear. “It’s too bad there are so many people here. I would love to have my way with you against these windows.”