Unraveling (12 page)

I laughed. “Yeah, well, today was my last day of self-defense classes and I wanted to say goodbye.”

“Are you planning on never seeing me again?” His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched.

“No! I just-”

“Sorry,” Jared said, shaking his head. “It’s just… the thought of never seeing you again, tears me up inside. You have no idea, how many times, I’ve woken up and believed you were a figment of my imagination.”

“Jared,” I whispered
, “even if I wanted to go, I’m too wrapped up in you.”

“I don’t want you to be ‘wrapped up’ in me,” he murmured, peering at me with those
chocolate brown eyes.

“What do you want Jared?”
I asked, sighing.

“I want you to love me,” he whispered, barely audible.

“Oh,” I took a step back.

“Katy, you said you wouldn’t run from me,” he warned.

I took a step forward, so that I was back in front of him. “I’m sorry, I’m not running. I’m just… surprised.”

He clenched his jaw. “I’m not asking you to fall in love with me today, Katy. That’s not true love. True love, takes time
.” He rubbed the back of his head. “One day, I just want you to look at me with love in your eyes, despite my past. I want you to know every dirty little secret about me, and love me anyway.”

Oh, wow.

Darn him, and his way with words. He always left me looking like an incoherent idiot.

“I- I don’t know what to say,
Jared,” I stuttered, trying really hard not to run away.

“Don’t say anything at all, some
times no words, speaks volumes,” his tongue flicked out, wetting his lips.

“O-o-
kay,” I faltered.

Jared chu
ckled. “Anyway, I sent Holden to get you because I wanted to ask you something,” he lifted his shirt to wipe sweat from his face.

My eyes automatically drifted to his sculpted chest. He had that delicious V that dipped down into his shorts. I blushed, when I realized I was gawking at him like an idiot.

“Ask away,” I spread my arms, hoping he hadn’t noticed my blatant staring.

He grinned. “I train here five days a week, and I thought maybe a couple days a week, you’d like to workout with me.”

“I don’t kn-”

“Let me finish, kitten,” he winked. “You know
, that Dan and Patsy took me in. I was an angry teenager, mad at the world and mad at myself. Dan brought me here, and taught me how to fight. I’ve found it to be much more therapeutic than talking to some shrink. It allows you to release your anger in a healthy way. Instead of bottling it up inside or taking it out on the people you love.”

What he said made sense. Maybe it
would
make me feel better to hit something.

“Okay,” I said, with a smile.

“Really?” He looked shocked.

“Yeah, I think it would be good for me,” I nodded.

“Great,” Jared grinned. “I’m here all day, Monday through Friday. I usually don’t start my one on one training with Holden or Dan until five in the evenings, so it would be great if you could come around the same time you’ve been showing up for your self-defense classes.”

“I can do that,” I nodded.

“So,” he rocked back on his heels, “will you come tomorrow?”

I laughed. “Missing me already?”

“You have no idea,” he murmured.

“Yeah, I’ll be here tomorrow.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he grinned crookedly. “Let me walk you out.”

He held the door open for me and then put his hand over the small of my back, just hovering there, not quite touching, but close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from him.

Rollo was sitting in my car, singing along to the radio. I shook my head.

I stopped outside the driver’s side door and faced Jared. “I’ll… uh… see you tomorrow.”

He chuckled. “Don’t flake on me, that would make me sad and you don’t want me to cry, do you?” he pouted.

“I’ll be here. I swear,” I smiled.

“I’m looking forward to it, more than you can begin to know,” he leaned towards me, and like the other night, I knew he was about to kiss my cheek, but once again he pulled away at the last second. “See you tomorrow,” he murmured.

“Bye,” I said, getting in my car.

Rollo turned to me and shook his head. “Holy crap, that was intense. He wants you so bad, Katy, and you want him too. I can see it.”

I clenched the steering wheel in my hands. “I do, I’m just afraid of losing myself.”

“Baby cakes,” Rollo
said as he put on his sunglasses, “you can’t lose yourself if you’ve never even found yourself.”

~***~

As soon as class was over, I went home and changed into gym clothes, and drove straight to Fight For It.

Jared was sitting in the waiting area, flipping through a magazine. He wore loose shorts and a sleeveless shirt. He looked up when I opened the door and sent me a relieved smile.

“I really thought I was going to have to track you down,” he stood.

I laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you what time I’d get here. I drove straight
here after I changed.”

“Couldn’t wait to see me?” he chuckled.

“Something like that,” I blushed.

Jared laughed and waved to Patsy. Then
he motioned for me to follow him into his workout room.

The space t
hat Jared called his was huge, there was a boxing ring in the middle of the space and then around that area were different pieces of workout equipment. A treadmill, a bike, and something that I think was called a rower. There were mats covering every surface of the floor and most of the walls had mirrors on them. The entire far left corner was devoted to a bench and about fifty different types of weights.

Jared led me to the right where several punching bags hung from the ceiling.

“We’ll start here,” Jared said, lightly pushing one of the bags so that it swung back and forth. He turned around and grabbed some of that white stuff I always saw on his hands. “I’ll need to do this for you,” he nodded at my hands.

“Oh, okay,” I tentatively held out my hands for him. He lightly touched me, but it was enough to freak me out.

I closed my eyes and kept telling myself that this wasn’t Preston. This was
Jared
. Jared, who was nothing but kind to me, always looking out for me. Jared wouldn’t hurt me, not like Preston had.

“All done,” Jared whispered.

I opened my eyes and found him at my eye-level.

“Why don’t you like to be touched?” he whispered.

“In order for me to answer that question, I’d have to tell you my whole story, and I’m not ready for that. Not yet.”

“Katy, I just want you to know that
, I would never touch you with any intention of hurting you… or taking your choices away from you,” his eyes bore into me.

“I know that, I do…” I looked at the floor and took a deep breath. “It’s just really hard to let go of the past.”

“Sometimes, you do though, have to let go, I mean. It’s the only way to heal yourself.”

“You’re very wise for a twenty-four year old,” I commented.

Jared snorted and began wrapping the white bandage around his own hands. “Most days, I feel like a middle aged man. My life has matured me beyond my years. But honestly, if someone told me they could redo my past, and give me a happy childhood, I’d say, no deal. Because, if I wished away the past, then I wouldn’t be standing here, with you. Everything in life, the good and the bad, happens for a reason. You shouldn’t question it, you should accept it, and take it as a life lesson, because maybe, just maybe, that bad experience is leading you down the road to the greatest adventure of your life.”

And then I went and said the most intelligent thing ever. “What’s this stuff for?” I pointed
to the white bandage wrapped around both of my hands.

Jared laughed. “Oh, Katy
,” he shook his head. “You are a Master subject changer.”

I blushed. “I really want to know.”

“They protect your hand and wrist when you’re punching. These,” he grabbed at one of the punching bags, “aren’t exactly soft. Basically, it keeps you from injuring yourself.”

“Oh,” I drew out the word.

“Now,” he said, “before I let you beat the crap out of my punching bag, I need to show you the proper way to hold your fist to throw a punch.”

“Okay,” I said, even though I already knew. Todd had taught us in the self-defense classes. I just kept my lips sealed, because it meant more time looking at Jared. After all, just because I had a no touching rule, it didn’t mean I had a no
looking
rule.

“You want to make sure your thumb is on the outside of your fist, not the inside. If you throw a punch with your thumb inside your first,
it
will
break. You’re going to want to curl your thumb around the outside of your fingers like this,” he demonstrated. “Keep your fists tight, but not so tight that you cut off circulation,” he looked at me to make sure I was paying attention. “Some people like to punch with their fingers lined up evenly, while others have their index and middle finger out farther,” he showed me the two different styles. “The choice is up to you. One isn’t going to make you punch better than the other; it’s just a personal preference.”

“Like this?” I held up my fist.

He grinned. “That’s exactly right… Ugh! Of course, Todd would have shown you the proper way to hold your fist.”

I laughed. “Yeah, he did.”

“I don’t know where my brain was at,” he shook his head. “Anyway, give it a go,” he stepped back, leaving me alone beside the punching bag. “Wait- Todd showed you the way to stand too, right?”

“Yes, Jared,” I giggled.

“Sorry,” he said, and I swear he was blushing. “I just don’t want you to get hurt on my watch. Sometimes, the way you stand is just as important as how you punch.”

“I think I’ve got this,” I assured him.

“Have at it, kittycat,” he said, moving behind the punching bag and holding it in place.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I looked at him.

He laughed. “That’s not likely, Katy. I get beat up, daily. If you do manage to hurt me, it will just be another bruise. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me,” I said, taking my ponytail out and then putting my hair up in a topknot so that it would stay out of my face better.

Jared watched my movement and murmured under his breath, “You’re so beautiful.”

“What?” I snapped my head in his direction.

“You’re beautiful,” he spoke louder.

“I look like a mess
,” I pointed to my leggings and loose t-shirt.

“Katy,” he peered at me around the punching bag, “some people need makeup and fancy hairdo’s to look beautiful. You don’t. Everything about you is beautiful, inside and out.”

I blushed. “Um… thank you, Jared.”

“Don’t thank me w
hen I’m only telling the truth. Now come on, kitten, let some of that anger out.”

I smiled and punched the bag, and Jared was right
, it felt good, really good.

I punched and punched. I pretended that bag was Preston and that with every punch I was erasing what he did to me.

Tears streamed down my face, but Jared didn’t say anything. I think he knew that I needed this.

Exhausted, I finally collapsed on the gym floor and buried my face in my hands so that Jared wouldn’t have to see me cry anymore.

I could feel Jared standing near me, and then sitting down beside me.

He just sat there, not saying anything, and not trying to touch me.

He would never understand how that simple act, affected me.

Jared saw
and understood more about me than I’d care to admit, without me opening up to him. He had X-ray vision when it came to me. For whatever reason, I didn’t care. I
wanted
him to see me. Not the old me. Not the new me. But the me that I was becoming. I wanted to open up to him. I wanted him to know all my secrets.

Really, I just wanted Jared.

14

I continued to cry and Jared sat
, patiently beside me.
When the tears finally began to subside, he got up and went to a cabinet in the gym, fumbling around.

He
sat down beside me and handed me a paper towel.

“Sorry, I know it’s not as good as a
tissue, but it’s all I’ve got,” he glanced at me sympathetically. I hated that he was seeing me like this, but he didn’t seem as freaked out as most guys would be.

“Thank you,” I sniffled and wiped my face. “I’m not normally this emotional, I swear. I don’t know the last time I’ve cried this much.”

“Everyone needs a good cry now and then. Even us guys,” he winked.

I laughed and balled the paper towel up in my hand.