Unspeakable Truths (12 page)

I ask again in a less abrasive tone. “Why Luca?”

“I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I left here. I was confused and a little out of it in all honesty. I had been accepted into law school in Chicago, so I went, ended up staying with my uncle there. I did a lot of security work for office complexes while I went to school.”

I nod my head, taking it all in. I don’t understand why all of a sudden I feel bad for this person, or more importantly, why I feel like a bad person for sending him away four years ago when he was so obviously hurting. Was my anger really worth it? The thing is, I was distraught, overcome with grief. I had just lost my husband. Had he approached me a few weeks later would I have dismissed him so quickly? I’d like to think that I’d have heard him out, but the truth is I was so fucked-up in the head that the end result would have likely been the same, and for the first time since it happened, I feel like I made a huge mistake.

“Are you happy with your choice now?”

“Yes, I am, because now I have a job that I really enjoy at a great firm. I’m learning a lot. ”

Dinner comes just as I’m about to ask him for more details and before long the conversation is forgotten replaced instead with a more companionable silence. We get back in the car after dinner and I think to myself that spending time with Luca isn’t quite as terrible as I thought it would be.

“What movie do you want to see Ev?”

“Would you mind if we call it a night? I’m really tired, I don’t know if I’d stay awake during a movie.”

He looks at me for a minute before speaking, probably trying to gage my mood, wondering if I’m actually tired or just full of shit. Truth is I’m a little of both.

“Alright, rain check?”

I don’t answer him, don’t even know what I would say. Do I want to hang out with Luca again? It certainly wasn’t the worst experience in the world, but what would that mean for me and all of the time I’ve spent making him into my own personal villain?

He pulls out of the parking lot heading back in the direction of my house. “Come on, a night out with me wasn’t so bad right?”

I unwittingly smile. "Why are you making it seem like I’m the mean one? You never liked me very much anyway."

I can see the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. "I liked you plenty. I just didn’t think you were right for Ty."

"I loved Tyler!" I claim, preparing my defenses for battle.

"Of course you did,” he remarks, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. “I never said you didn’t.”

As if on cue that all too familiar build-up of anger where Luca is concerned resurfaces. "Then what the fuck is that supposed to mean Luca?"

"Oh Everly come on...He gave in to everything you ever wanted, he tied himself up in knots trying to make sure that you were happy and you loved that shit. It was too easy, he never challenged you."

This! This is the Luca I know and loathe; this is very reminiscent of the old days where he would give me a hard time for even breathing in his direction.

"Who doesn’t want a man who will do what he can to make his girl happy? How does that make me a bad person? And I didn’t always get my way, not where you were concerned."

"I never said you were a bad person,” he says, shaking his head. “You just needed someone who wouldn’t let you walk all over them."

"What like you?"

"Not me exactly, just someone like me. But for argument’s sake if you had been mine, you would never have gotten away with half of the shit you got away with."

I raise my hands in the air as if I were praising the Lord. "Thank God I wasn’t yours then," I reply, unable to hide my disdain.

He laughs at my reaction, and I hate how the sound of it vibrates through me, making me feel something I most definitely don’t want to feel.

"Ev,” he calls out after the laughter dies. “A guy like me would have made you happy in many other ways. Someone like me is more than capable of making you happy, and not by breaking his back to buy you a house he can’t afford, or a purse that costs more than the rent."

I glare at him unable to compute how we went from pleasant to this in a matter of minutes. "I hate you. I never asked for any of that shit."

"You wish you hated me," he says pulling up in front of my house.

"Can I go inside now? I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than enough of you."

His voice drops into a husky tone. "I like it that you ask me for permission.” My heart races and he holds my stare for a beat before finally speaking again. “Yeah sure go inside. Have a goodnight Ev.”

I recover quickly and open the door, but he grabs my hand before I can get out. I turn my head to look at him.

“Next Saturday, be ready, same time,” he commands before releasing me. I get out of the car and rush inside locking the door behind me. What was that back there? All this talk about me being his—was he really talking hypothetically or was he serious? Was he just trying to prove a point? Did I really just agree to see Luca again? Fuck!

~Luca~

Being around Everly is bad for me; it’s always been like that for me where she’s concerned. She makes me want things I shouldn’t want. Things that I was supposed to let go of a long time ago—the minute she began to date my best friend—but I’m coming to realize that maybe I never let it go. I masked my feelings by treating her badly, I allowed for her to see me as a villain, and I made her hate me. Even after Ty’s death, it was easier for me to take the blame, to keep up the charade, even though I knew it was a lie. I have never been able to confront my emotions for her or come to terms with how I missed my opportunity with her.

How many times did I flirt with her tonight or drop stupid innuendos? How many times did I glance at her inappropriately or imagine that we were more than just two people having dinner. I felt people’s eyes on us, admiring the young couple that we appeared to be, and I liked it. I liked that they thought it, I liked that it looked that way, and I didn’t want it to end. I want more, I want a lot more moments like that, and I’m sure that makes me wrong, but I don’t know if I care.

My intentions were good, I want her to let go of her grief, put it in her past and move on. I want her to look forward to getting up everyday knowing that she has something to look forward to—a purpose. The point was to get her out of her shell, not scare her off, but I can’t seem to help myself around her. And me telling her how things would have been if she had been with a guy like me instead of Tyler… What kind of asshole am I?

I should stop, I know. I should leave her alone, but that one smile she gave me tonight… the one she was unaware she gave, that smile made it worth it, that smile sealed my fate. I’m going to keep forcing her hand, getting her out of that fucking tomb she lives in and at the very least I’m going to make her my friend. I can be her friend if she’ll let me. I can put my feelings for her aside if it means that she can have her life back.

At the same time I can’t help but to feel an unhealthy claim toward her. If I’m being honest with myself, I always felt that pull, and it’s why I had to make sure she hated me when she was with Tyler. If she had given me any indication that she felt the same way for me as I did for her, I would have gone after her, and it would have killed my friendship with Ty. God knows I wasn’t happy with him when he started seeing her.

I walk into the apartment focused mainly on grabbing a change of clothes and getting in the shower. I spent the majority of my morning shooting hoops at the gym, and I smell like shit. Ty’s grabbing his car keys off the table just as I’m walking in.

“Yo,” he says tipping his chin up in acknowledgement.

“You headed out?” I question, noticing he looks to be in a rush, and these days when Ty’s in a rush, he’s up to shit that I don’t like.

“Got some shit to do.” He picks up his cell, slides it in his pocket never looking up at me.

I nod, as I go into the kitchen and grab a water bottle. “I think everyone’s getting together at Cal’s tonight. You going?”

“No, not tonight. I have plans.”

“You have plans that don’t include going out and getting shit-faced or placing bets?”

He flinches but recovers quickly. He shrugs on a jacket and finally looks at me. “I have a date.”

This gets my attention. “Wait what?” I say on a chuckle. Tyler hasn’t been on a date in forever. He has his priorities straight (or his father does) and dating is not high on that list.

“I said I have a date, man. You heard me.”

“Yeah I heard you, I just thought I heard wrong.”

“Nope. Gotta learn how to make time for a little of everything right?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” I say, unable to hide the humor in my voice.

“Well I finally listened.”

“Who’s the girl? Is it the chick you were talking to at student union the other day?”

“No. It’s uh… It’s Everly.”

I place my water bottle down in front of me and place my hands on the countertop, gripping it as hard as I can. “Excuse me?”

“I said it’s Everly, she’s in my Western civ class, sat next to me on the first day, and we got paired up for a project.” His words hit me like a physical blow, he must be shitting me.

“Everly as in my Everly? The girl I met at the bookstore, the girl I pointed out to you? The girl I told you I was into? That Everly?” I try to control the fury in my voice, but I know I’m failing.

“Dude come on, you let her walk away from you, you never even made an effort to get her number. You talked to her one time, it’s not like you wanted to marry her. You don’t even know her.”

“That’s not the fucking point.”

“Yes it is. It’s exactly the point man, if she was yours I’d never go near her but she’s not.”

I have to get the hell away from him right now. I need to get my head on right, and I don’t want to do something I might regret later.

“You know what, fuck it man, go out with her. It won’t take long for her to realize what a dick you are,” I spit out before grabbing my water bottle, walking away grabbing clean clothes out of my room and jumping in the shower. I hear the door slam shut a few minutes later, and I know he’s gone.

I know I shouldn’t be pissed, but I’m infuriated. If ever there was a time I wanted to punch the shit out of him this was it. Do I have a claim on Everly? I’m not delusional, and I’m not stupid, so no, technically I don’t have a claim on her and that’s my own fault, but he knew. He knew that she was on my radar, and he didn’t give a shit. That didn’t stop him from making his move. All of the fucking women on this campus, and he chose to go after her. I close my eyes and let out a breath letting the hot water release some of the tension in my muscles. I have to be the bigger man here, I need to let this shit go. I’m not going to let a girl I’ve only spoken to once come between me and Ty. He’s like a brother to me, and I’m man enough to let this shit slide. It’s just a date, they’re not getting married. Tyler’s priorities are set, he knows what he needs to do, what’s expected of him, and he takes that very seriously. I just can’t see him putting all of that in jeopardy for a girl. Even a girl as beautiful as Everly.

I thought that they’d go out on a date or two and be done with each other. I thought that Tyler’s drive to impress his father and fulfill his legacy would be more important than having Everly. I was wrong. He fell for her fast, and she did the same with him. It was the most painful thing to witness because somewhere in my mind I knew that I had wanted that for me. I had wanted her for myself, but I bowed out gracefully so that my best friend could have what he wanted. I watched as he made her fall in love with him, never being completely honest with her about the things that he was doing behind her back, the chances he was taking that would one day cost him his life and her, her heart. Knowing the entire time that I could have done better, I would have done better, given her something that was real and honest, without the secrets that would leave her life in ruins.

But the time for thinking about what could have been is over. Now Tyler’s gone, he’s gone, and I hate it. I miss him, but Everly’s alone and I’m done. I’m done burying what I feel, I’m done denying myself what I want, what I’ve always wanted. So I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring Everly back to herself and make her see me as something other than her dead husband’s best friend.

~Everly~