Unspeakable Truths (18 page)

“Are you going to try to do things to me in the shower?”

“Not when you’re sore baby,” he says, tugging my hand. “Come on.” He pulls me into the bathroom, lifts me up, and places me on the counter while he turns the shower on and grabs an extra towel for me. I use this time to examine him further; his slightly rounded ass is a sight to behold. I grabbed onto that ass many times today, and I loved every minute of it. He moves around fluidly, effortlessly with a certain air of confidence that I find increasingly attractive.

“Are you done ogling me now Ev? You think you might want to join me in here.”

I was so caught up with inspecting him that I missed the fact that he had already gotten in the shower. My cheeks redden with embarrassment, and I suddenly feel shy, but I slide off of the counter anyway and head into the shower with him. He reaches out to tag an arm around my waist and pulls me to him. I know what he wants because I want the same. I rise to the tips of my toes and give him my mouth. My arms go around his neck, and we stand there in the middle of the shower making out for a long time.

We take turns soaping each other up and helping to rinse one another off. We kiss some more, hug, and touch, letting the water run over our bodies, enjoying this time in each other’s company. It hits me that not once since my meltdown this morning have I thought of Tyler, and I’m grateful for it. Grateful that my mind is allowing me a reprieve from the constant sadness that comes with thoughts of him. Grateful that perhaps I can finally move on, that I’m finally
ready
to move on.

Luca’s in the kitchen making dinner, and my ass is planted on his granite countertop watching him work and drinking a glass of wine. As I watch him move around, I notice that he seems perfectly relaxed, completely at home in the kitchen. I realize that I’ve never had a guy cook for me, not even once. Cooking was not in Tyler’s repertoire—if it wasn’t ready to serve or microwavable he couldn’t hack it. I never minded cooking and taking care of him but this feels amazing too.

“Are you sure I can’t do anything to help?” I question, feeling guilty about just sitting here doing nothing.

He chuckles and shakes his head at me. “You just can’t sit still can you?”

I shrug but respond honestly. “I’ve just never had anyone cook for me before. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

He looks up at me with a hint of surprise in his eyes. “Never?”

“Well, I mean my parents obviously, Morgan too but other than that no.”

He nods, and then goes back to seasoning the chicken he had defrosted earlier. “I like to cook.”

I don’t know why this surprises me but it does. “How’d you learn?”

He throws his head back and lets out a laugh. “Believe it or not my dad taught me how to cook.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, he said it was important for me to be able to fend for myself instead of ordering pizza every night when I was old enough to live on my own. And…” he drags out coming toward me. He places his hands on my knees and pushes them apart so he can position himself between my legs. I spasm down there again as he wraps his arms around my waist. “He also told me that the key to attracting a beautiful woman was to impress her with my culinary abilities.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that’s so. Are
you
impressed yet?” He chuckles.

“I don’t know, I mean I have to taste this culinary masterpiece before I can answer that.”

“Alright.” He nods. “A challenge. I can handle that.”

This all feels so surreal to me—being here with Luca, spending time with him, being involved intimately with him is something I never would have dreamed about. I guess that’s not entirely true either, I did think of him that way after we first met, before Tyler became a part of my life.

I can’t help but to wonder what would have happened if Luca had wanted me all those years ago, or if he would have made a play for me at some point. If there was a choice to be made between him and Tyler would I still have chosen Tyler? A few months ago I wouldn’t have had to think twice about the answer to that question. Now I’m just not so sure. I cup his face in the palm of my hands and place a kiss on his forehead. “I’m glad you came home Luca.”

He says nothing just looks at me, taking in my words. I’ve spent so long hating him for things that he never really had anything to do with, hating him for problems in my own relationship that I never knew existed. Then he came home and I certainly didn’t make anything easier on him, I wasted no time in throwing around old accusations. But if he hadn’t come back I wouldn’t be here now—finally knowing the whole truth behind my husband’s death—not feeling so confined by my existence, by my history, and not constantly feeling so alone.

“I know that I wasn’t the nicest person to you when you came back,” I admit.

“You thought I was responsible for Tyler’s death. I understood your anger toward me.”

My eyes are glassy with unshed tears, it’s a struggle to contain them but I try. “Yeah, I know and I’m glad that you told me. I’m glad that I know the truth now but mostly I’m glad because when I’m with you I feel more like myself than I have in years. I never thought I’d get that back again.”

“You deserve to be happy.”

“I’m trying.”

He squeezes my waist before letting me go and going back to the stove to continue cooking. He places his now seasoned and cut strips of chicken in a frying pan and adjusts the heat on the stove before looking up at me.

“Are you happy at work Ev? Is that what you want to do?”

“What’s wrong with being a paralegal?” I ask defensively.

“Nothing.”

I sigh and simultaneously roll my eyes “I’m just so sick of people telling me what to do about my career.”

He walks over to me and grasps my chin, holding my face in place forcing me to look at him. “No babe, I don’t mean it like that. There’s NOTHING wrong with what you do. It’s a great job, it pays well, and I think it’s amazing. But I also know you, and I remember that you wanted to be a lawyer.”

“It just didn’t seem all that important after everything that happened.”

“And what about now?” he questions releasing his hold on me.

“Now, I don’t know, I don’t mind the work, I’m content there. I don’t know if I’ll ever really be ready for more. I don’t know if I have the passion to pursue becoming a lawyer,” I answer as honestly as I can.

“If you ever decide you want to go for it, I can help if you want.”

“Thank you.”

He nods and grins at me before returning his attention to his task. That conversation was easy, much easier than when Ty’s father brings it up. He pushes, nags, and tells me what a mistake I’m making. He makes me feel like less of a person because I didn’t do what was expected of me. I suspect that’s what Ty often felt when dealing with his father, like he was constantly letting him down. It makes me sad for the boy I once knew, for the man I once loved.

“So? Did I pass?”

We’re sitting at the dining room table in Luca’s apartment having just finished a wonderful meal. He made chicken served over rigatoni with a sauce made out of crushed tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, and basil. It was seriously one of the best dishes I’ve ever tasted. The conversation over dinner was light, easy and free flowing. I can’t believe how far we’ve come in the last twenty-four hours.

“Pass?” I question, pretending not to know exactly what he’s asking.

“Yeah, did I impress you with my culinary skills?”

He looks boyish sitting there, waiting expectantly for my answer. Hopeful. I like this look on him. “I must admit this was great. I’m definitely impressed.”

“Good,” he states, looking pleased with himself. “I’m glad you liked it.”

I nod then take a final sip of my wine. As I set the glass down on the table, I decide that I should probably end this for tonight. Too much of a good thing is probably not the best idea right now—we should probably ease into this slowly. Plus time alone might be good for me; it will allow me the space I need to process everything that’s happened here. So… even though I really don’t want to go, I decide it’s what I’ll do. “It’s getting late. I should probably be getting home.”

His eyes flicker with disappointment, and he makes no attempt at hiding it. “Do you have to go?”

“Well…”

“You should stay Ev. It’s Saturday, and we don’t have to be at work tomorrow. In fact, we don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. Stay, spend the night with me.”

My heart flutters yet again, all I really want to do is melt into him—stay here and let this unfold however it may. “I don’t have any clothes.”

His eyes are full of mischief. “You don’t need any clothes.”

“Luca.” I smile timidly at him.

“But if you insist I’ll lend you a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I help him carry the dishes into the kitchen, and I rinse them while he arranges them in the dishwasher. It’s a very domestic scene, one that I’m all too comfortable in with him. Maybe even a little too comfortable, but it feels good to be here like this. It feels strangely normal, and normal is just another thing on a long list of things that I haven’t had in a very long time.

After dinner dishes Luca and I settle into the couch to watch a movie. I snuggle closely to him and dose off halfway through the film. When the movie ends, he wakes me up and leads me into his bedroom.

I stand in the middle of the room while he walks over to his dresser and rifles through the drawers.

“Here.” He snatches up a black t-shirt and hands it to me. “You can put this on while I go turn off all the lights and set the alarm.”

“Okay.”

He moves to walk out of the room but I feel him come up behind me, and his fingers dig into my waist, his warm breath on my neck. “Ev, Just the shirt, nothing else.” My breath catches at his command then he’s gone, leaving me standing here a little vulnerable and severely aroused. It takes me a second to recover from his words but I eventually do. I walk into the bathroom and quickly change into the t-shirt Luca’s provided. I contemplate his words for a moment wondering if I should do as he asks. He’s already seen me naked; I’m not sure what my hang up is. Maybe I’m just a little embarrassed around him still, but I let that go and do as he asks, pushing my panties down my legs.

I wash my face with warm water and use the spare toothbrush that Luca gave me earlier to brush my teeth again. When I walk back into the bedroom Luca is already there wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms and pulling back the covers on the bed.