Unspoken (13 page)

“Me too,” I nodded.

“I know I’ve put us both in this weird relationship,” he said, and I braced myself for whatever he wanted to say. I was getting used to the new Jackson, the one that seemed a bit less than a shadow of the one that made me fall in love, the one that never said a thing. So, listening to him talk about his feelings was a bit weird; it made me wonder if that would be the last time we talked.

“…and I know is my fault but, Mar, I didn’t plan on coming back here, ever.” Ok, why don’t you just pull my heart out and stomp on it? “But I did, and I found you and…. Everything I had planned in my life changed,” he shook his head.

“What are you trying to say, Jackson?” I tried to look for his eyes.

“I have no idea, Mar.” he sighed “I guess, what I really want to say is that I am here, I haven’t left because I’m still figuring out what I want…” Well, he didn’t need to say that. I already knew it.

“Just,” I said as I looked at our hands entwined, “don’t break my heart, Jackson,” I said finally looking up to him.

“You are safe with me, Mar,” he hugged me and I let him. I knew I wasn’t safe with him. I knew that having Jackson around meant a lot of heartache but it could potentially mean a lot of happiness because when we were together the sun shone brighter and the nights were longer; nothing could touch us because together we were almost invincible.

“Stop,” said Alexa holding my hand and stopping me from biting my nails. I’d never been a nail biter but it seemed that Sara Bardwell brought the biter out of me.

“What if he doesn’t come?” I asked.

“He will. Nothing could stop him,” she said as she turned to grab a couple of beer glasses.

“His mother could,” I said still staring at the door.

“Was she that bad?” asked Alexa and I nodded. “Well, if he is persuaded by his mother that easily then he is not worth it,” she said and I pondered the thought. He was worth it no matter what he did.

“I just want to start the New Year with him,” I shrugged and turned to grab a beer from Alexa.

“You will,” she said, “look,” she said motioning towards the door where he was. Jackson, with the same halo that brought my attention to him that first night we met. I smiled,
You are here.
He smiled back,
Only for you.
My knees felt a bit week as I saw him walking like a man with a purpose towards me. I couldn’t spend one more second away from him so I walked the few inches that separated us and hugged him.

“Did you think I was going to leave you here alone for the whole Hamptons male population to prey on?” he asked me as we still hugged.

“I wouldn’t have stayed if you weren’t here,” I said disentangling from our embrace and looking at him.

“Yes you would have and you would have gotten drunk,” said Alexa from behind me.

“Alexa,” said Jackson with his hand around my waist.

“Ass,” she said raising her beer and then off she went, most certainly to find a man.

“She’s gone,” he said still with his hands on my waist.

“She’ll be back,” I chuckled.

“No, I meant my mother,” he said and I wanted to jump and down with excitement.

“Was it really bad?” I asked.

“No,” he shook his head vehemently, “nothing could keep me away from you,” he grinned and I kissed him. With that we decided to enjoy the party without thinking about had happened that day.

When midnight came along we were surrounded by a lot of strangers and some not so strangers but we still felt like we were in our own little bubble. I put my arms around his neck; he put his around my waist and we did the countdown to the New Year. I looked into his eyes and realized that something had changed in me; I had a tiny glimpse of what my life without him would be like and I was scared of that. It felt like a big abyss with no sense of time or reason of space. I didn’t want that ever and I had no idea how to explain that to him.

“We will always be together,” he said as everyone screamed,
Happy New Year!

“I know,” I said nodding “Just… don’t break my heart,” I said hoping he would understand the seriousness of what I was trying to tell him. I was giving him my heart for now and forever; he would be the owner of my heart from that day until the day I’d die and I needed to know that he would take care of it.

“You are safe with me, Mar,” I believed him just like I believed in everything he said to me; just like I believed that we were larger than life.

“Orange County,” I heard Jackson said as me and Alexa got everything ready for the day’s last rush of people. Usually, during week days, the busiest time of day was during the morning, when everyone stopped by for coffee and something to go with it, and after 6 when everyone came back from work and stopped for something to eat.

“California?” I asked as I placed a batch of zucchini muffins that were very popular.

“Nope,” he shook his head, “New York,” I stared at him confused.

“Dude, explain,” said Alexa as she cleaned the coffee machine.

“Your next contest will be Orange County’s culinary cupcake contest,” he said showing me the notebook where the cupcake tour was planned. I had already entered to 2 other online contests which, I might sound a bit arrogant or conceited but, I nailed. I won both of them and now it was time for me to move on to contests where they actually tasted what I baked.

“Theme?” I asked from the kitchen’s door.

“The Holidays,” he said shrugging as I rolled my eyes “there’s a Thanksgiving category and a Christmas one,” I nodded and went back to the kitchen.

After giving a bit of thought I went back out.

“I’m entering both,” I said and Jackson smiled,
Of course you are

“Shut up,” I said as I went back to the kitchen.

“He didn’t say a thing,” Alexa said looking at Jackson “oh,” she rolled her eyes “why do I bother with you two anymore,”

Later that night I was at Leonard’s place reading through the guidelines while he cooked a late dinner. He wasn’t the most skilled cook but he did know his way around the kitchen.

“So,” I heard him say from the kitchen “when is this fair happening?”

“It’s 2 weeks from today,” I said as I tied my hair in a messy bun. I was comfortable in Leonard’s place; it wasn’t the first time that I slept over in the last month, I’d done it every time he happened to be in town and I wanted to spend more time with him. My place was always a no sex zone because Jackson was always there. ALWAYS. Especially now that his mother knew he liked to hang out in the Hamptons. At least that was the version he gave her: he wasn’t staying at the Hamptons, he was still staying with Ray, he just came to hang out sometimes. According to Jackson that was the best way of keeping her away. I was up for anything that kept Sara Bardwell away from me.

“If I’m around I would like to go with you,” I heard him say as I heard some pots and pans being pounded. He was a noisy cook.

“I’d love that,” I smiled to myself. Yes I would love to see Leonard in a fair; not his scene at all.

“Here,” he said giving me a plate with pasta after going to bring some wine and a couple of glasses that he placed on the coffee table.

“This is really good,” I said after I tasted the pasta.

“Thanks,” he smiled and tried it himself “It’s one of the few things that I can cook,” he shrugged.

We ate as we talked about our days; mine were always a bit boring and uneventful especially since they revolved around Jackson, mostly, and I couldn’t let Leonard know about it. He always had cool stories about his clients. I never really learned much about their identities because he thought it was unethical, and I loved that about him, but I usually figured out who he was talking about because I often got to see the stories on T.V and immediately made the connections. It was pretty cool.

“So,” he said once we made it to dessert. Of course, I’d brought some espresso muffins so we could have some with coffee. “I was talking to my mom today,” he said and if that was anything as talking to my mom was I was sure she had been dying to know everything about us. I just nodded.

“She made me see something that I hadn’t really considered,” I begged on the inside that it wasn’t our age difference or that I was a baker and he was a business man, “does the kind of relationship we have bother you?” he asked and I frowned, confused.

“What kind of relationship do we have?” I asked because I didn’t get the question.

“We barely see each other,” he shrugged, “I’m always traveling and you never complain about that. It’s got to be hard,”

“Oh!” I nodded, “I don’t mind at all,” I said taking a sip of coffee. “I work too much myself, Leonard,” I shrugged. “I need someone that understands and bears with my schedule. You are perfect that way,” I smiled.

“Yeah?” he smiled wide.

“Yeah,” I nodded and he leaned in to kiss me.

“So,” said Alexa giving a sip of the beer she had opened while I baked a batch of muffins to decorate and experiment with, “What is going on with Jackson?” she asked and I just shrugged.

“Nothing,” I said, looking out at the pool.

She had come over on Sunday afternoon to hang out and since Jackson was off to the city I needed her around. I had gotten used to not being alone in my house. Jackson was always around. Mika was in the living room watching cartoons while we waited for the muffins to be ready out by the pool.

“Nothing?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said again.

“C’mon Marion,” she turned her body completely so she was facing me, “He is always here, he is always at the bakery. You are going to tell me that nothing has happened?”

“Really, nothing,” I shook my head, “we talked the night of the ball and then the night you guys came over and things… things are ok, I guess,” I said.

“You guess?” Alexa was inquisitive and I hated that.

“Well, he did say he is breaking up with
Sally
,” That’s right, I said it just like it sounded in my head.

“You don’t like her,” she said amused.

“I don’t know her,” I shrugged

“So, what? Vanilla-Lemon is just temporary?” Yeah, I’d asked myself that same question.

“No,” I said firmly. “We both know that Jackson can’t be trusted with a decision. I can’t spend my life waiting for him to break up with her,” I said, dismissing her name, “or worse,” I went on, “to be with me after they break up,” I shrugged. “I want to be with Leonard. He is perfect,” I smiled.

“I believe you,” she said giving another sip to her beer and I nodded. Of course she believed me, because I wasn’t lying. Leonard was perfect and available. I couldn’t spend my life waiting for Jackson. It didn’t matter that it felt like some imaginary hole was in my life as a constant. I still had no idea what would fill this hole because it was obvious that I had so much with Leonard and still I couldn’t find the right kind of filling. It wasn’t love. I wasn’t in love with Jackson anymore. Just a huge infatuation and longing for the perfect time we had when we were younger. The love would definitely come if we ever got together but right now it wasn’t love, right?

It was the day of the fair and I was getting everything ready to load into Jackson’s car. Leonard was supposed to come with me but at the very last minute an emergency with one of his clients came up and he wasn’t able to make it.

“Ready?” asked Jackson looking at everything that I had in front of me. The cupcakes were already packed into containers and ready to load, table decorations and recipe tags were filed.

“Yes,” I said nodding as I did a quick recount.

“Ok, I’m going to start loading the car,” he said smiling,
He’ll come.

“I know,” I said. I was waiting for Leonard to show up like he’d promised. He said he’d stop by before going to the airport to wish me luck and, yes, I was waiting for him.

I grabbed a couple of extra cloths from the kitchen and my black apron with
Bake it off!
Printed on the front then said goodbye to Greg, who was already working on that day’s menu. When I went out of the kitchen there he was, looking perfect and with a smile that wasn’t possible at 6 am.

“Hello Beautiful,” said Leonard.

“You came,” I ran to him and hugged him.

“I promised, didn’t I?” I nodded still hugging him. I saw Jackson looking at us from the window with a pained expression and I decided that I wasn’t going to pay much attention to that. I had to go on with my life and by the looks of me, the way I had being anxiously waiting for Leonard, I was going on with my life in a very awesome way.

“Are you ready?” Leonard asked and I nodded.

“Everything is in the car,” I heard Jackson’s voice and tensed a bit. It hadn’t escaped my attention that Jackson and Leonard had never met before. Jackson had seen Leonard at the bakery that time but Leonard had no idea what Jackson looked like or the way Jackson looked at me, for that matter.

“Oh,” I said taking a tiny step back, “Leonard, this is Jackson, Jackson this is Leonard.” The two most important men in my life, at the moment, were meeting. My two universes collided and I felt that I needed to walk on eggshells around this collision if I wanted everything to be exactly like it had been.