Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) (8 page)

WHEN I FINALLY come out of the bathroom, Ben is passed out on the couch. I stare at him for what seems like hours but in reality is only minutes. When he’s sleeping, he seems normal. Only he’s not, I don’t know who he’s become. I contemplate what to do next, and there’s the thought of chopping off his dick. There really is.

I don’t know when he became this person, and more so, when I became the person who allowed it.

As the memories of the last hour surface again, it’s not a hard decision to make. I need to get out while I still can. And before Ben does something I won’t be able to escape. Touching the bruises forming on my cheek, I know what this means. His behavior has been getting more and more unpredictable lately. I don’t know if it’s the drugs he’s been doing or just his natural paranoia.

My decision is made, and I quickly pack a bag. Unwavering in my choice, I only grab what I need, a few changes of clothes, not caring to take with me any reminders of my life here. As I throw everything into the back of my bronco, I quickly look back at the trailer.

I should be scared, but in reality, all I am is determined.

Determined to get away.

Determined to prove Ben wrong. I can make it without him. He doesn’t control me.

Determined to finally do something for myself.

I’m sure fear will find me, but right now I’m high on adrenaline and for the first time in a long time, I’m alive.

THE MOON GUIDES me through the night as I make my escape into the unknown. It’s a calming presence allowing me to do the things I couldn’t do in the day. In the confines of the night, I can run.

When you’re in pain, you’ll do just about anything to make it stop. But sometimes you can’t. Nothing makes it stop, and the more you try, the worse it gets. I tried with Ben. I really did because I wanted something in my life to work out. For someone like me who’s never had much of a family, God did I want that to work out with him. And then he turned into a total fucking dick.

The night’s sky releases its hold, the sun dancing over the distant mountain peaks. My mind wanders and my hands shake as the adrenaline is finally wearing off. I struggle to grasp what I’ve done. I did it, but I know this isn’t the end. I’m always going to be looking in my rearview mirror.

The first person I call is Eric, only he doesn’t answer, so I leave him a voice mail letting him know I’m not returning to the shop. I know I’ve put him in a bind now, but I can’t live like this. If I stay, who knows what Ben would have done to me in the morning, or the next day.

I drive for hours, and I don’t plan on stopping until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Bursts of orange, clouds parting to reveal beauty in the two-lane highway, my mind clears like fog clearing. Beside me in my bronco is my life in a bag and a few tools I managed to grab. The wind moves through the open cab, the early morning giving me strength to continue.

I had to leave. I tell myself that over and over again.

I had no other choice, even if I have $400 to my name and one bag full of clothes.

The last thing I wanted to do was run away from my life or obligations. I was never that kind of girl. I was the one who was pushed away.

Growing up in foster care, I was moved from one house to the next, hoping one might keep me. My mother gave me up when I was two, and though I know her name was Tess, that’s about all I know about her, other than she was a crack whore and died about a year after she gave me up.

I never quite found my place in life. In many ways, I was invisible to everyone around me. I
was
invisible. Nobody even knew my name half the time.

By the time I was ten, I was living with a couple in Kennewick Washington, a set of foster parents that took me in. It was the longest I had ever lived in one house and at times; it even sort of resembled a home. Maggie was kind to me, and Wes mostly kept to himself, which was fine by me.

They had family close by, so in the summers, we would spend our time in someone’s backyard enjoying a BBQ and hanging out. I even started to make friends with her nephew, Tyler.

Everything was going well until Maggie died of pancreatic cancer when I was fourteen. The thing was, I liked Maggie too and when she died, it was as if I’d lost the one person who cared about me.

After Maggie died, Wes moved me to Fairview Oklahoma where his family was from. The thought of Wes sends shivers down my spine. Though he never touched me, I wouldn’t have put it past him that he wanted to. He was a dirty, vile old man who moved me away from the closest thing to family I had ever known to a small town in Oklahoma where the rest of my life was destroyed. Wes didn’t give a flying fuck what happened to me. I was a paycheck for him. When I turned eighteen, I moved out.

Unfortunately from that point on, he was the only family I kinda had until I met Ben. Seeing how I didn’t exactly have a good understanding of how a woman was supposed to be treated, I had developed a thing for bad boys and the ones who basically treated the girl like shit.

That was Ben Snider. And the sad part was I thought that type of behavior was completely normal.

KNOWING I NEED a plan and gas, I stop my bronco sometime after I cross the state line into Colorado. The only person outside of Oklahoma I know is Tyler, Maggie’s nephew, my kinda sort of cousin who lives in Lebanon Oregon. I don’t want to call him, but I know I need to. As much as I would like to do this on my own, I need help. Tyler is a good guy, and I’m grateful that we have kept in touch over the years. He’s the only person I trust.

I hold the phone against my shoulder and ear, closing the door to the phone booth and dial his phone number. I don’t use my cell phone because if Ben has any brains, once he figures out I’m gone, he’s going to track it. I’ve watched enough television to know I need to dump it and get one of those prepaid phones, but it’s just something else I’ll take care of once I figure out where I’m going. “Tyler… is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” His voice sounds distant, cracking with the poor connection. “Who’s this?”

“Lennon.”

“What?” he asks, again, our connection fading with the sound of the rain.

“Lenny! It’s Lenny, remember me?”

“No shit? Wow! How the hell are you, girl?”

That heaviness in my stomach returns, the one reminding me just how stupid I might be to think I can get away with this. “Not good.” I stumble over the words, drawing in quick breath to blurt out what I’m saying. “That’s kinda why I’m calling. I need your help.”

“Anything you need. Talk to me.”

I tell him what happened with Ben and everything I haven’t told him in the past six months since I talked to him last. He takes it all in, breathing out slowly like a whoosh of breath he’s been holding in. “Did you tell anyone where you were going?”

“No.” My voice shakes around the words because I’m so damn nervous that this isn’t going to work. Right now it’s still all in my head that my plan to actually leave might actually work. “I didn’t even tell my boss. I mean, I left him a voice mail but I left in the middle of the night. I have a bag of clothes and a few tools. I left everything else behind.”

“Okay,” Tyler finally says. “Come to me in Lebanon and I’ll do what I can for you.”

It’s not that I wanted to put any burden on Tyler, but I also have nowhere else to go. What choice do I have?

I PROMISED TYLER I’d call him once I got into Oregon, so I stop off at a diner outside Boise Saturday night. It has a gas station next door, so I purchase a prepaid phone to make the call.

“Hey,” Tyler answers, his voice somewhat cheery given it’s nearing eleven at night. “I got a job for you.”

“Really?” After paying for my coffee, I shove what’s left of my money in my wallet. “Please tell me it’s not stripping.”

“No.” He laughs and I can almost remember what he looks like. Tall, brown hair with bright green eyes and a boyish grin.

I remember when I was twelve I had the biggest crush on him because he was an older boy and paid attention to me. It was the little things back then. That was until I realized I was technically related to him. He just had this adorable look to him, like you didn’t know if you wanted to kiss or hug him, maybe both.

“Not stripping,” he finally says. “At the shop I work at.”

Stirring my coffee, I’m silent because I’m not prepared for that. It’s perfect. The only thing I’m any damn good at is working on cars. “Dude, please tell me you’re not joking with me.”

“Nope. Not joking. My buddy owns the shop. He said you basically have the job. Can you be here by Monday morning?”

“Holy shit… okay.” I draw in a deep breath sitting up straighter in the booth. “Yes. I’ll be there Sunday night probably.”

I can barely contain my excitement. “What’s the address and I’ll meet you there first thing.”

Tyler rattles off the address, and I write it down on a napkin and shove that in my bag as we hang up.

In a rush to get back on the road, I pay for my coffee and drive straight through until I reach Lebanon around midnight Sunday night. I pull off the highway and into a truck stop to catch a few hours of sleep.

As I lay in the back of my bronco, I think about Tyler’s friend giving me a chance without even knowing who I am. I’m almost afraid to think it, but my mind keeps pointing to the fact that for once in my life, things may actually be heading in a good direction. It’s a foreign thought. One that hasn’t crossed my mind in a long time.

LEBANON IS A small town tucked in between the trees off the interstate. Everywhere I look are small privately owned shops, it’s the type of town people come to and never leave. Not because they’re stuck here, but because they want to stay. Hell, I’ve been here all of four hours, and I don’t want to leave.