Unsung (29 page)

During the entire car ride Harper had sobbed uncontrollably, her head in Celeste's lap. When they'd gotten to the house they'd sat in the car—parked in the driveway with the air conditioner running—for a good ten minutes before Harper had calmed down enough to get out. At that point, all she'd wanted to do was take off the clothes that smelled like vomit. That and to wash off the last hour of panic and sweat that had settled on her skin.

The hot shower had been helpful, and the tea had calmed her stomach…but nothing was helping her heart. The ache at the center hadn't been dulled in the slightest. And try as she might she couldn't shut her brain off long enough to fall asleep.

She'd been lying in the bed in her aunt's guest room for what felt like forever, staring at the wall and doing everything in her power to not start crying again. She was also fighting with the need to have Liam in bed with her while at the same time wanting space to breathe.

How was she going to do this? How was she going to deal with this kind of life and not lose her damn mind every single time something like this happened? It was too much…way too much for anyone to deal with in normal circumstances, but these weren't normal circumstances.

It had been less than four months since she and Liam had met each other. Two and a half since they'd found each other in Jacksonville. It was more than a little terrifying when she looked at it that way, especially as she'd only had a handful of weeks with him in between all of that.

Barely any time at all, and was it enough to really
know
each other?

Had they
caught up
in such a short amount of time? Was that possible? She wasn't sure. She did know that she was in love with him…and that he loved her. But did that mean they were ready for all that was going to follow?

Sofia would be here in five months. Five. Months. It was all happening too fast. She just wanted more time to figure it all out. Time she didn't have.

Lights lit up the window behind the closed blinds as a car pulled into the driveway.

Liam.

The engine turned off and a car door shut a moment later. She counted the seconds, breathing with them and finding a steady rhythm as the front door opened and closed…and then two minutes of whispered murmuring between Liam and Celeste.

The bedroom door opened four minutes and twenty-nine seconds from when his truck had pulled into the driveway. He moved around the room slowly, trying not to make too many sounds.

There was a shuffling as he pulled off his shirt, and then his boots hit the wooden floor with two barely audible thuds as he set them down one at a time. His belt buckle rattled only slightly before the snick of his zipper filled the space.

And then he was pulling the sheet and blanket back, climbing in behind her and pressing his body to hers. His mouth brushed her neck as he buried his nose in her hair and inhaled. The oversized T-shirt she was wearing was pushed up as his hand moved under it, his palm on her belly.

“My girls,” he whispered, his breath washing out across her skin.

At some point Harper had stopped counting her breaths and started counting the steady taps of her tears hitting the pillow.

I
t was the tiny popping against Liam's palm the next morning that woke him up. Sofia was kicking.

Harper shifted against him and stretched, her hand moving to the space next to his.

“Morning,” he whispered in her ear.

“Morning.” Her voice was rough, way more than it should be from just waking up. No, this was ravaged from her getting sick and hours of crying, most of that while he'd been lying right there next to her.

It made every part of him hurt. He'd known she'd been awake when he crawled in bed next to her. But she hadn't rolled over seeking his comfort, hadn't wanted him to know she was still up. It had taken her hours to finally fall sleep, and only then had Liam been able to do the same.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, trying his damnedest to keep his voice even.

“Okay,” she said with absolutely no conviction.

He kissed her shoulder before he shifted, moving so he could gently pull her to her back. He needed to see her face, and when he did it was that much more painful. Her eyes were puffy and filled with a sadness that he hadn't seen since that morning in Jacksonville…before he told her he still wanted her.

“Honey, what happened?”

“I just…I just got a little overwhelmed at the concert. And I think whatever I ate at dinner didn't sit well…it all just kind of hit me at once.”

“That's it?” he asked. “That's all that happened?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, looking him straight in the eyes.
Lying
to him as she looked him straight in the eyes.

Well, that was new.

“Harper—”

“I'm fine,” she cut him off. “And I need to use the bathroom.” She pulled away from him, heading for the attached bathroom and disappearing behind the door before she closed it.

Liam rolled to his back, staring at the ceiling and the spinning fan above him. Why was she lying to him?

The rest of the day passed in an unsettlingly slow pace. It was like Liam was watching from the sidelines as Harper started to build up that wall again. Brick by brick. But what was he supposed to do? Push her for answers? Ask her why she was lying to him?

She'd just had an emotional breakdown and the truth of the matter was being with him was the root of it. This lifestyle wasn't easy, he knew that, but she hadn't known it when this had all started.

She hadn't been the only one hiding things in the beginning. When she hadn't known who he was at that bar all those months ago, he'd ran with it. And he'd kept running with it that entire weekend.

The thing was, when it was just the two of them, it was
just the two of them.
There weren't outside factors impacting what they had…at least not to this extent. Sure there'd been those stupid blog posts by that Bethelda woman, and that tabloid the week before. But in the end it was nothing to what they'd already worked through.

This though…this was different. This was Harper getting a taste of the life Liam had and the life they would have together.

Between what Celeste had told him when he'd gotten to the house the night before and the few things that Harper had told him, Liam knew that she'd gotten upset
before
anything that had to do with Kiki had happened. Whatever that woman had said had just been the icing on top of the shit cake.

And Harper wasn't revealing anything else.

They'd gone back to the cabin late that morning, leaving when Celeste was called in to the hospital for a patient who was having complications. Liam was with Harper the entire day, but she was only there physically. Mentally? She was somewhere else entirely. She took a long nap that afternoon, clearly wanting to be alone. She barely ate anything, picking at her food and moving it around her plate like he wouldn't notice.

After dinner, he cleaned up while she went to get a shower. The walls of the cabin were starting to make him feel claustrophobic, closing in on him as this beyond shitty day came to an end. So he poured himself a tumbler of whiskey before he headed outside to sit on the porch.

The sun was sitting low over the lake, and he grabbed one of the Adirondack chairs off to the side, putting his feet up on the banister that ran around the house.

He'd really thought coming up here would be good. They'd get a different ending than the last time they'd been in this cabin. He'd planned on proposing, that night in fact. He'd planned on recreating their first date…with a few minor alterations, like no gin and tonics.

Some things would've stayed the same, like the menu of food he'd made before. And he'd planned on singing “Forever” to her in the first place he'd ever performed it. But this time it would've been in its entirety and where she'd realized she'd fallen in love with him.

Love at first sound.

Yeah, none of that was going to happen.

Definitely not. Especially as he couldn't deny the feeling that she was running again. That she'd experienced something she wasn't sure she wanted.

And she wouldn't talk to him about it. That was the part that was really killing him. The part that made him want to down the rest of the amber liquid in the glass that his hand was currently wrapped around.

Instead he took another sip before he set it on the table next to him.

The door behind him opened and he looked over his shoulder as Harper stepped out. She was wearing one of his oversized T-shirts and a pair of cotton shorts, her wet hair pulled over her shoulder in a braid.

“Can I sit with you?”

“Never have to ask that.” He pulled his feet from the banister as she crossed over to him. He held out his hand and she grabbed it, letting him help her as she settled into his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder, pressing her lips to his jaw.

They sat there for a good five minutes, Liam silently willing her to talk to him as he ran his hand up and down her back. His other hand rested on her thigh, tracing her knee in slow circles.

“I'm sorry we had to leave early yesterday,” she finally said.

Both of his hands stilled and he moved the one from her leg to her face, pushing her chin up gently until he saw her eyes. “You don't need to apologize for that, Harper,” he said as he shook his head.

“The first half was really good.”

You mean the first half before something sent you into a panic attack so severe that you made yourself physically ill? Well, that's good to know.
But he couldn't exactly say that now could he? So he just nodded.

“Sofia liked it. She was moving around more than ever when you were singing. She loves the sound of your voice.”

For just a second he forgot everything besides the words that had just come out of her mouth. For just a second all he could think about was that his daughter had been moving around in Harper's belly while he'd been singing. For just a second all he could think about was that his daughter had been affected by the sound of his voice.

But only for just a second.

“Harper, what happened last night?”

Something flickered behind her violet eyes, and the small window that had been cracked for just a moment closed with a snap. “I told you. I just got overwhelmed. I—I'm fine now.”

He really wanted to ask her if she promised…but there was a part of him that believed she wouldn't tell him the truth. He didn't think he could handle it. Didn't think he could survive her swearing on a lie.

And it killed him that he was pretty sure that was what was going to happen.

So he said nothing instead. He just nodded and did everything in his power to not lose it, because all he could think about was that he might be losing her. That he might be losing everything. Because in the end
she
was everything to him.

And it was that fact that he couldn't get out of his head when they went to sleep that night. That fact that he couldn't stop thinking about as he held Harper in his arms. That fact that he knew he had to fix.

Had to. There was no other option.

Now that he'd had her in his life there was no possibility of going back. Now that he'd tasted her lips, woken up with her in his arms, held her hand, felt their child move.

No going back…

At some point the thoughts of a life without her morphed into a nightmare. Him coming home to an empty house. Harper marrying another man. Them sharing custody of Sofia

God no.

Liam woke from his nightmare with a start and the second consciousness hit him, he knew he was alone. His arms were empty and even though the soft orange light from the pre-dawn glow of the sun was doing nothing besides showcasing the vacant side of the bed, he groped at the empty sheets.

Harper was gone.

No. No, that wasn't right. She wouldn't have left. There was no way.

He pulled the blankets from his body, forcing himself to wake up as he stumbled out of the room and down the hallway into the main part of the house.

Harper was on the opposite side of the kitchen, her back to him as she looked out the window at the lake. She had a glass of cranberry juice in her hand, and when she lifted it to her mouth it pulled the bottom of her T-shirt up, flashing just a glimpse of blue lace.

Liam stood there, staring at her as he repeatedly told himself she was here… in this cabin…not gone.

Not gone.

His heart was still pounding out of his chest and he hadn't caught his breath. Her eyes landed on his reflection in the glass and she jumped just slightly as she spun around.

“You scared me.” She put her free hand over her heart. “Are you okay?” she asked as her eyes focused. She set the juice on the counter as she crossed the room, stopping in front of him.

He shook his head.

“Liam, what's wrong?” Her hands touched his chest as she looked up into his face. The warmth of her palms did nothing to combat the cold that had settled into his bones.

“I thought…I thought I could do this. I thought
we
could do this. That we were figuring this out. Moving forward.”

Her hands stilled, her eyes going wide. “W-we are.”

“No. We aren't. We're right back to where we started. I've been terrified to talk to you, terrified to push because all I can see is you running again. All I can think about is what it was like to wake up four months ago with you gone. And I swear to God, Harper, I woke up just now and I thought you'd left.”

“I'm not running anymore.”

“You aren't? Then why have you been lying to me since the concert?”

She took a step back, her hands falling from his chest at the same moment her eyes left his, her gaze moving off to the side.

“You're not going to deny it?” he asked.

She shook her head, a low sniffle filling the kitchen as she reached up and wiped at her face.

Her crying was breaking him…
everything
about this moment was breaking him.

“I asked you flat out what happened, and not once did you mention Kiki. I know that she was there. I know that she might not have been the catalyst for what upset you, but she was part of it. And whatever that catalyst was I think it was much more than you being
overwhelmed
. You don't think I see that you're scared, Harper? Because I do.”

Her head came up and she looked at him again. That fear was right there at the center of her eyes, but it was surrounded by hurt and anger and confusion. “What do you want from me, Liam? It's scary, okay? It's scary that you're famous. Scary that you're only going to get
more
famous. That you get up on that stage and almost every woman in that audience wants you.”

“I don't want them back.”

“It doesn't change it. It still is what it is, and it's terrifying. It's terrifying to see a line of more than willing and able women.”

“Don't you trust me? Don't you believe me when I tell you that you're all I want?”

“I do trust you, but that's not what this is about. It's about
not
being able to control…any of it.”

“You don't think you have control?”

“No, I don't, Liam. I can't control those stupid tabloids and how seeing you linked with someone else makes every part of me hurt. Or this thing with Kiki, and her vendetta against you and now me. Or how much it hurts when you're gone for weeks on end and I don't get to see you. How much it hurts me when I wake up and you aren't in bed next to me. You're scared of me leaving? Well I'm scared of the same thing, and a life with you will always involve you leaving me.”

And there it was. The truth.

“But I'm always going to come back.” He took a step forward, reaching for her, one hand at her waist and the other palming her cheek. “I want
this
life with
you
. I want to build something with you. I want our daughter, and God willing more kids, running around a home that's ours.”

“I want that, too…but…”

“But
what
?”

“Just because you want something doesn't mean you're going to get it.”

His hands fell from her body and he took a step back. The ground beneath his feet was unsteady, his world tilting on its axis. Here he was thinking that a life without her wasn't a possibility…where she was still trying to figure out if a life with him
was
a possibility.

How had he missed that one?

“Liam.” She reached out for him, but he took another step away.

Her touch would surely break him. The hurt in her eyes was unmistakable, but the pain radiating through his body was more than he could overcome.

“What are you saying?” He somehow managed to get the words out.

“I just need more time to figure this all out. I still need to catch up. I thought that was what we were doing. Catching up.”