Untethered (22 page)

Something’s different this time. Almost alien. I don’t know which sinews to settle into, which areas to embrace.

My body. It’s not the same. It’s heavier, warmer, and longer than before.

I move to sit up and hear something like papers drop to the floor. My body tingles. Papers. Cassie had the printouts on astral projection with her on the mattress. I put a hand in front of my face. It’s too dark to see clearly, but from the shadow in the moonlight I make out the long fingers. The strong wrist. I can tell they’re not my own.

It worked. Freakin’ hell, it worked.

It worked.

I let out a gargle of a laugh. I’ve done it!

I struggle to get out of bed, then move to turn my light on. But in this new body I’m confused. Isn’t the light switch here by my door? Everything seems backwards. My bedroom door isn’t where I thought it was and I trip over my shoes on the floor. Finally, I find the door and the switch. But when the light comes on, I panic.

Something’s wrong. Very wrong. My heart pounds faster and faster as I look around the room, recognizing the posters of women in bikinis, the trophies on the shelves. The bed, though. The bed is empty.
Oh, no. Oh, please, no.
I don’t dare look down at myself. But there’s a mirror across the room that I’m drawn to. I wade through the mess on the floor to get to it and stare at my reflection. Only it isn’t my reflection at all. And it isn’t Cassie’s. It’s Kevin’s.

I reel back and sit on the bed, swallowing bile.
This isn’t happening
.
This can’t be happening.
I can understand taking over an empty body, but how could I have pushed Kevin out of his own?

My heartbeat, Kevin’s heartbeat, is loud and fast. I can taste more bile working its way up my throat. I swallow again and then something on the floor catches my eye.

The corner of a book is sticking out from under the bed. I pick it up.
The Road to the Out-Of-Body Experience
. Another one, between the bed and the nightstand is called
Practical Tips on Astral Projection
. Then I notice the notebook that was across Kevin’s chest and fell to the floor. I open it. The pages are covered in blue ink with Kevin’s left-handed scrawl. The first page reads:

Butterflies.
Her walls, butterflies. Books on shelves. Butterfly chat rooms!! Get her with this?

Parents don’t pay attention. To do:
Make her feel wanted
.

Loves Sugar Babies. Every night and more.

Takes baths.

Sylvie like her sister. Sylvie the road to getting Cassie??

Has to be serious. Parents always loaded. Wants to have fun.
But definitely not easy
.

I stop reading and put a shaky hand to my mouth. No wonder Cassie said Kevin seemed to know her: he’s been doing to Cassie exactly what I’ve been doing to him, only for him it’s worked!

And tonight ... tonight he must have gone out of his body again, just in time for me to screw up and fall in. The presence I felt ... that wasn’t Cassie. That was him!

I’m supposed to be Cassie, not Kevin!
I want to scream, but I bite Kevin’s tongue instead.

I drop the notebook.
Don’t panic.
It’s okay, Sylvie. You can still do it. Just get out of him. All you have to do is relax and leave his body. You’ve left your own tons of times. All you have to do is get out. It’s simple.

Closing my eyes, Kevin’s eyes, I lie back on the bed and begin my relaxation technique.
Relax your toes ... Relax your toes.

They’re stiff and crampy.
No worries. You’ll get it
.

Relax your toes. Relax your ankles ...

Suddenly, a loud ringing breaks my concentration. The ringing continues until I realize it’s coming from Kevin’s cell phone on the night stand. I pick the phone up, wondering if I should answer. Then I see Cassie’s number on the screen.
Oh, no
.

“Hello?” The voice that comes out is Kevin’s.

“Oh, God, Kevin. Oh, my God!” Cassie sobs into the phone. Dread crawls through my limbs. “It’s ... it’s Sylvie. We were ... I can’t ... I can’t wake her up.”

I grab the phone tight. “Don’t try,” I say, my voice Kevin’s but sloppy. “Look, I can’t explain, but I know what you were doing. You just need to leave her alone long enough for her to get back in her body.”

“But how—? Oh! Mrs. Sydell! I ... I don’t know what to do. I can’t wake her up!” I hear a commotion and the phone jiggling. I yell as loud as I can, “Cassie! Cassie!” but she’s no longer there.

I have to get back to my body.

Outside Kevin’s room, a baby cries. There are footsteps then a loud banging on the door. The knob turns, but the door’s locked. A woman’s voice swears, then hisses, “What’s going on? David was sleeping!”

I freeze and keep quiet. Eventually, I hear footsteps going back down the hall. The baby’s still crying.

Get out of Kevin’s body, Sylvie. Now
.

So I try to relax, to no avail. I turn out the lights and try again. Impossible. I try again and again. My body, Kevin’s body, shakes with the effort of it. I am sweaty and worn out. But I keep on. Yet no matter how many times I try it doesn’t work.

I’m in Kevin’s body. And I can’t get out.

PART TWO

Twenty-Seven

Stuck (And, man, does it suck)

I look down at Kevin’s watch.
OCT 28 2:50 a.m.
I’ve been wandering around the halls for half an hour now, trying to find out where my body is. My hands are shaking like I’ve got delirium tremens. My head still isn’t clear; the same four-letter word fills it over and over again.

I’ve been in this body for almost three hours. It feels like three years. It already feels like that was another lifetime when I thought I could possess Cassie’s body.

Really good idea, Sylvie. Great one.

What the hell was I thinking? I mean, everything went wrong, but even if it had gone right. Even then.

Where is my damn body? Where is Kevin? He’s got to be in me. Has to be. Otherwise ...

“Hey! Kevin!” Cassie is in the hall hurrying towards me, getting my attention with a hard whisper. “What are you doing?”

I think of how she reacted when I told her the truth. I don’t want to make her angry again. “I’m looking for Sylvie,” I say as I open a door. A couple stands on either side of a bed, looking over a little boy. I let the door close silently.

“What is wrong with you?” Cassie stops dead in her tracks. “Why are you acting crazy?”

“It’s complicated,” I say. This time I look her directly in the eyes. Those evergreen eyes. Bitterness shoots through me like an arrow. And so does something else. A sort of swooping, like I’m in free-fall.

Whoa.

“The waiting area is that way.” A man wearing a paper shower cap points us down the hall.

We end up in front of some beverage machines. There’s a whole crowd here, families pacing the linoleum and downing Pepsi. Cassie punches in some numbers and a couple bucks for tea and coffee. “I’m the beverage girl,” Cassie mumbles. “I don’t know what else to do.”

Sadness and guilt and anger and regret all swoop over me at the sight of her getting drinks for my family. I feel for a second like I might pass out.

“Please,” I start and put my hand around Cassie’s upper arm. She looks up at me, but doesn’t say anything. Her teeth rake across her bottom lip and her eyes get greener the longer she stares at me. All of a sudden, the swooping I’d felt before comes back, along with a tingling in the core of me. What the ...? I know this feeling ... what
is
it?

Oh. No.

No. No, no, no
.
Not possible.

There is no freakin’ way in hell I am attracted to Cassie! I jerk away from her, accidentally knocking the tea and coffee from her hands. They spill onto the shiny floor. “I’m sorry ... I ...”

Oh, God.
I need to get it together. I run to the restroom.

An obese woman with tangerine colored hair is in front of the mirror putting on frosty pink lipstick. I move past her and to a stall.

“Hey! You can’t go in there!”

I stop. “It’s plugged up?”

“No, you idiot! Can’t you read?” She points to the door of the restroom. “This is the LADIES room!”

“Oh ... yeah, oh ... sorry!” I say, backing out of the room, suddenly very aware of the package hanging between my legs. With all that tingling going on, how could I have forgotten?

The men’s room is empty. I avoid looking in the mirror as I pass it and lean against the brown tile wall, counting to keep my head on straight.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ...
What the hell is happening? Kevin’s not in this body anymore. Could his body, even without him in it ... remember certain things? Like Cassie turning it on.

Freakin’ hell.

Well that’s one thing it’s going to forget ASAP. It’s called mind over matter.

I take deep breaths and tell myself to calm down.
Keep it together, Sylvie.
But suddenly, I’m totally aware of a different weird feeling below my waist. My bladder. Kevin’s bladder. It feels almost ready to burst.

There’s no way I’m going to pee as a boy.
Hold it.
I try to will the feeling away, but can’t.

The door to the restroom swings open and a middle-aged guy with dark hair and a Green Bay Packer jersey stands in front of a urinal. He spreads his legs a bit and lets out a long, satisfied sigh as he unzips his zipper.

I go to the sink and run the hot water, sudsing up, staring down at my hands. Kevin’s hands. I hear the urinal flush and then the whoosh of the door opening. Didn’t even wash up after. Typical guy. How disgusting is that?

Alone again, I stand in front of a urinal, staring down at the zipper on Kevin’s jeans like it’s a death trap. I’ve seen guys pee often enough — who hasn’t? I mean, I just had a perfect demonstration. But actually having to do it myself ... having to ... ugh. Even it being Kevin’s doesn’t change the fact that I’m grossed out.

I try to unzip Kevin’s jeans, but can’t grasp the zipper because my hands are already slick with sweat. I blow out two quick breaths, wipe my hands on my legs and try again. The noise of the zipper going down echoes in the empty bathroom.
Oh, crap
.
Here we go.
My fingertips get as far as the rough edge of Kevin’s briefs when I actually touch
it
through the cotton. “Agh!” I pull back and dance around shaking my hands like they’re on fire.

Okay okay. Calm down.
Maybe I don’t have to touch it. Forget the urinal. Pee like a girl.

I head to a stall and turn the lock.
Deep breath. In. Out.
I undo the button on Kevin’s jeans, shove down his pants and underwear and sit down on the toilet like I normally would (well, except with my legs wider apart).
Whatever you do, don’t look down
, I tell myself.

I pee. I can hear it splashing in the bowl and all is well until the tinkling noise changes to the sound of liquid being poured onto material. I glance down and see a yellow stream splattering out of the bowl and hitting the waistline of Kevin’s jeans.
No!

There’s no getting around it. I’m going to have to guide the thing.

Oh, God, oh, God.
I barely touch it with the tip of my index finger, but it’s enough to keep the peeing in the bowl, at least. And that’s when it hits me: I’m
inside
Kevin. Stuck inside him. For real. My breath starts to come fast and quick and the stall tilts. I’m on the verge of hyper-ventilating so I hang on to the toilet paper dispenser for dear life until my breathing slows. And then a low whimper leaves my mouth and I start to cry.

Get it together, Sylvie
,
or there’s no way you’ll ever get out of him.

I wipe my eyes with toilet paper and pull up my pants. I hear the door to the room open again. I decide to wait in the stall and just peek through the space in the door to see when it’s clear.

That’s when I see Sam.

I quickly look away. I actually think I’d rather die than watch my brother take a leak. When I hear the urinal flush, I say loudly, “You’ve always got your hands in your mouth. If you don’t wash them, I’ll puke.”

“Kevin?”

I come out as he’s pumping orange soap from the dispenser into his left palm. The sight of the back of his head relieves me. He’s here. He’s real.

“How’re you holding up?” I ask, moving to the sink beside his, turning the water to HOT.

He looks at my reflection in the mirror. His glasses are crooked and his eyes are an angry red. “All the times I was ticked at her, wished she’d just go away ... She can be a pain, but the thought of her
not
being ... ” He swallows hard. “It sucks, Kevin. Really, really sucks.”

And here I thought his life would be better without me.

I hug him and kiss his gelled hair. He seems a little embarrassed, but doesn’t pull away. I want to make him feel better. But he’s my brother, so I also feel a twisted desire to rub it in. I say, “You like having her as a sister, then?”

Sam nods.

“She’s pretty talented, huh? Great person?”

Sam nods again, but gets really pale. “I’d better get back.” He starts to move.

“Wait!” I say. Sam has to believe me. Just has to. He’s my brother. And I need help. I need to find Kevin and my body. “I’ve got to tell you something, Sam. It’s going to be hard to believe, but you have to listen all the way to the end. Okay?”

Sam shrugs.

I keep my voice even. “This sounds crazy, but it’s true: I’m not Kevin. I’m Sylvie stuck inside Kevin’s body. I need you to help me get out.”

Sam stares at me in the mirror, then slowly turns to face me. “They’ve just told us Sylvie’s in a coma.”