Until Forever (Women of Prayer) (33 page)

Jessi ran back to her room and gathered her coat and her purse. She left her classroom to the assistant principal and her aide. When Jessi saw the conditions of the roads, she became dizzy and had to hold on to the side of the building. She called Mark from her cell phone to let him know what was going on and where they would be. “Mark, I’m so scared. I can’t do this again. I just can’t.”

After hearing what little she knew, Mark tried to comfort her while making his way to his own car. He’d have to hurry if he was going to arrive at the hospital anywhere close to when she did. Thank God he was working fairly close to the hospital. “Listen, sweetheart. The principal is probably right. Those buses are so big, the odds of the kids getting hurt in an accident are very low. Let’s wait till we get there to see what we’re dealing with. We’ll probably give her a big hug and be able to take her home right away.”

Jessi pulled into the hospital parking lot and saw one of Olivia’s classmates leaving the building with his mother. He was still obviously upset and crying but seemed to be more scared than anything. His mother smiled at Jessi as she ran past them toward the hospital emergency entrance.

Mark saw Jessi running and yelled to her, “Jessi, wait up!”

She heard him and watched him run to catch up with her. They both hurried into the emergency room. There were parents and grandparents everywhere. One woman was sobbing, while others looked like they were waiting to see what their fate was. Mark approached the check-in desk. “Hi, we received a phone call that our daughter was in a bus accident. Our daughter’s name is Olivia Jensen.” He pointed to Jessi. “This is Jessi Jensen, her mother, and I am Mark Jensen, her father. Can we see her please?”

The receptionist wrote down their names. “Do you happen to have a picture of your daughter, Mr. Jensen?”

Mark pulled Olivia’s picture out of his wallet and handed it over.

She glanced at the picture and left to show it to a doctor who was just coming out of a room. After looking at the picture, the doctor followed the woman to where Mark and Jessi were standing. He extended his hand in greeting. “Mr. and Mrs. Jensen, I’m Doctor Carlson. We have been waiting for you to arrive. I will take you to see Olivia. She has been asking for you, but first I need to talk with you about the injuries she has sustained. Olivia has a damaged spinal cord. The CAT scan shows she has fractured the fifth, sixth, and seventh vertebrae in the thoracic section of her spinal cord. We will have to see what her limitations are. While she seems to breathing just fine on her own, we are still watching her in ICU to make sure there are no respiratory problems. It is important that you are both positive. Her attitude in rehabilitation is going to be key in how much progress you see in her ability to overcome her injuries. She will feed off your attitudes. If she sees you being negative and worrying, she will be negative and worry. If you are positive and see her getting well in your attitude, then she will think that getting better is the only option. Come on. She’s been asking for you.”

Mark took Jessi’s hand and led her behind the doctor through an open room with only curtains separating the patients. Dr. Carlson looked back at them. “Don’t be surprised when she doesn’t reach for you. Presently she has no ability to move her arms and hands. She is scared. Try to be calm.” He continued walking and pulled back the curtain where a nurse was sitting with Olivia.

The nurse looked at Jessi and smiled. “This must be your mom and dad now. I told you they were on their way. I’ll just leave so they can fit in here. It’s kind of small in here, isn’t it?”

Olivia looked from the nurse to her mother. Tears filled her eyes and the corners of her mouth made a downward turn. Jessi rushed to her side, desperately trying to keep herself from crying. “Hi, sweetheart. I heard you had a bad accident. Your daddy and I got here as quick as we could. I hope you weren’t waiting too long on us.”

Olivia looked at her mother. “Momma, can I have a hug?”

Jessi reached down and held her daughter close, resting her cheek on her daughter’s.

Mark and Jessi spent as much time as they could keeping Olivia company, reading to her, telling her stories, and doing their best to bring laughter to her lips. The reminder of days in intensive care with Ethan were always close at hand, and for Mark, the guilt at not having been there to support Jessi during the stress of those days was sometimes overwhelming. He just thanked God that he was here now.

They both took breaks to call and inform everyone of Olivia’s injuries. Jessi called Aunt Merry. The answering machine that Jessi insisted Merry buy when she was there activated instead. “Aunt Merry, this is Jessi. Olivia’s been involved in a bus accident. I really need you to pray, and get everyone else praying too. They say her spinal cord is damaged and she may never walk again. Call me on my cell phone when you get a chance. Love you.”

Mark called the church where he and Olivia attended. It wasn’t long before people all over were praying for Olivia.

When Jessi and Mark sat down in the waiting room while Olivia was being taken to have an MRI, Jessi about lost it. “I am not going to make it through this, Mark, if something happens to her. I won’t make it. I just know I won’t. I can’t do this again.”

“Jessi, nothing is going to happen to Olivia. I have a peace about all this. I trust that God knows what he is doing, even though we don’t understand why this could happen, not again, not after everything that happened with Ethan. God is God. I know you haven’t come to accept that yet. But you are going to have to make some decisions, Jessi. You say you cannot handle this, and you are right. But you won’t lean on the One who will help you get through it and trust in him no matter what the outcome is.”

Jessi’s eyes betrayed a deep-seated fear as she spoke. Her words already sounded defeated and without the strength he was used to hearing in her voice. “What if she doesn’t make it, Mark? What if she never walks again? Am I supposed to just accept that is God’s will and be happy about it?”

“If ultimately it is God’s will, then we will have to accept it. But I don’t believe for one minute that this is God’s will. I have a peace, Jessi, that our little girl is going to walk again, and soon. I believe she is going to astound the doctors and nurses and all the naysayers. But until that happens, we have to let God be our strength.”

Jessi looked like she had retreated into a place where Mark couldn’t reach her. Her facial expression alarmed him, and he began to take hold of her. She almost whispered. “I shouldn’t have let her ride the bus. It’s all my fault. I knew better. I didn’t listen to the voice in my head. How could you even think of loving me, Mark? I am such a horrible mother. I don’t deserve to be a mother.”

“Jessi, you have to stop taking the weight of the world upon your shoulders.” Mark grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her slightly. “Jessi, look at me. Someone with much bigger shoulders has already done that.” Jessi still looked away with that look that proclaimed her failure at trying to be perfect once again. Mark shook her once again. He practically shouted to get her attention. “Jessi, look at me!” Jessi turned her face toward him, he who had begun to mean something in her life once again. What was he saying to her?

“Listen to me, Jessi. You have to let go of blaming God and blaming yourself. You have transferred the blame from me to yourself and God a long time ago. He isn’t the taker of life, Jessi. He’s the giver of life. He’s the one who gave you Ethan to love and take care of. Yes, he ultimately is in control, and yes, technically he could have put his hand forth and stopped everything that happened. But think about it, Jessi, that would be no life for us. We’d never know pain and sorrow and choose—and yes, I mean choose—to love our God, because we need a Savior who has chosen to love us first, through it all. He loves you Jessi, and he wants to carry all your pain on his shoulders. It’s time for you to give it up. Give it to him, Jessi.”

Jessi felt the sobs erupt from deep within her soul. She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t square her shoulders and make it through another tragedy. She needed God to give her the strength she so desperately yearned for . She cried out to him. “Oh God, help me. Be my strength, oh Lord.”

Everything she ever knew about him came pouring over her. His love, his strength, his patience, his loving-kindness, and especially his forgiveness filled a void in her that started in her toes and washed up through her to the top of her head. A refreshing river of life completely filled her being. Jessi wept in Mark’s arms. Together they prayed for their daughter and all the other children who were in the bus accident. Together they prayed for a miracle for their little girl.

***

Olivia was transferred to the rehabilitation center after the results from the MRI were confirmed. There were no blood clots or anything else forming that would have to be surgically dealt with. Now was the time to watch and see just how much damage was done. Sometimes Mark and Jessi spent time with Olivia together, and sometimes they took turns, one going to read to her and one going to the chapel to pray. Already Jessi could tell what a difference God made in the waiting process. Even though there was sadness, she wasn’t without peace. It made all the difference.

***

When Merry got home she saw the light on the new machine blinking on and off. She had tried to tell Jessi she didn’t need the thing. If something was that important, the person doing the calling would call back. But Jessi insisted, saying that every person should have one. So she had relented and let her pick one out and help her hook it up. Now the thing was blinking. She walked over to it and pressed the play button. After listening to Jessi’s message, she sat down in the chair, not trusting herself to stand up right without falling. “Olivia? In an accident? Oh, Lord, please help her now. Touch your daughter, Lord, and please give Jessi peace of mind, Lord. Lord, I don’t understand this, but I trust you and I believe your will, will be done.” Merry picked up the phone and dialed Jessi’s number. Mark answered the phone.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Mark. It’s Merry. I just got Jessi’s message. What is happening there?”

“At the moment we’re just waiting. Apparently, when the bus rolled, the kids were thrown about pretty good, and one of them landed on top of Olivia. Of course, there is no way to tell exactly what happened, but the position she was in, along with the position of the child on top of her, indicates that the child was thrown with some force into Olivia’s back. Maybe an elbow or something strong hit first; that’s our best guess. Things could be much worse, Aunt Merry. A couple of children were Med flown out of here to the university hospital in Madison, and two of the children, along with the driver, died in the accident. We are very blessed. Things could be much worse.”

“I doubt Jessi is seeing it that way, though.”

“Actually, Jessi is holding better than you’d expect. She accepted Christ through all this. As a matter of fact, while we’ve been waiting, she has been offering to pray and talk with other parents who are in the same place as we are.”

Merry instinctively understood that God, in all his wisdom, knew that Jessi would have to hit bottom before she would be able to look up. “My Jessi finally has a place in heaven. Oh thank you, Jesus.” Merry was quiet a moment before she remembered Mark was still on the line. “Mark, I’m calling the airline now and booking a flight as soon as I can. I will call you back with all the details.”

Merry hung up the phone and called the airline. The next flight was for seven the next morning. She booked the flight and called Mabel and the others for two reasons—first, to see if Mabel could take her to the airport again, and second to see if she and the ladies could gather together tonight for an impromptu praise meeting. Her Jessi had given her heart to Jesus. If ever there was a time to celebrate, it was now. Jessi might not have understood how they could bring themselves to be happy at a time like this, but give her time and growth in their Lord, and she would eventually understand. She called Mabel first and then the others. Everyone was coming over at seven o’clock. She had just enough time to throw a casserole in the oven.

Jessi went from person to person in the waiting room. She didn’t know all the parents yet wanted to encourage them as much as possible. There were as many different types of injuries for as many different children as there were in the accident. The initial assessment of the bus driver was penetration of a tree branch directly to his heart. They found him still strapped into his chair upside down with a piece of the tree protruding from his chest. He died quickly from rapid blood loss. One of the children who died was Olivia’s best friend, Sam. She and Olivia had been sharing a seat when the bus rolled over. Jessi was trying to console her mother, Kristy. She had arrived shortly after Jessi and Mark and was just told about her daughter. Her husband was on his way, and Jessi was sitting with her until Tad arrived.