Until Tomorrow (18 page)

This is just great! Since when did Todd become everyone's counselor?
That used to be Doug's job. Todd should be here, with me
.

Christy watched Todd until he passed through the sliding door to the next compartment. She wondered if she should write out her frustrations in her new diary. She didn't feel like writing the way she had from Salzburg to Munich. Instead, she pulled Todd's navy blue sweat shirt from his pack and draped it over her to protect her bare arms from the air conditioning, and to feel close to him. If his real arms couldn't be around her, then she would settle for the arms of his sweat shirt.

With her eyes on the door, Christy waited, watching for Todd and Katie to return. She considered going to find them, but then she would have to carry all their packs.

The earphones came in handy as she waited. The scenery outside the window resembled what they had seen in Austria—green hills, small towns, tunnels, and an occasional small train station. The main difference was that all these things were going by so fast everything was a blur of color. Inside the air-conditioned train that was traveling at such great speed, Christy had a hard time absorbing that they were in Germany now rather than Austria. On the second-class train in Italy, when she had to hang her head out the window to breathe because all she could smell was garlic, she had known she was in Italy.

Selecting classical music on her radio dial, Christy let the sounds of a cello be her companion and comfort. She tried not to make a big deal out of Katie's exit and Todd's going after her.

To distract herself, Christy looked through the tour book. What caught her eye in the section on Germany was a picture of a light blue castle with several pointed turrets rising into the sky. The castle was set on a high place overlooking a brilliant blue lake and vast, rolling green hills. The forest, like a velvet green skirt, hugged the base of the huge castle grounds.
The words
Famous Neuschwanstein Castle
appeared underneath the photo.

Christy pulled out a pen and marked the places she really wanted to see. She had just drawn a circle around a Rhine River castle boat tour when Todd returned and sat next to her.

“How's Katie?” Christy asked.

“Good. She just needed some space.”

“Is she mad at me?”

“It wouldn't hurt for the two of you to talk everything through.”

“What do you mean by ‘everything'?”

“You would have to ask her that.”

Christy's irritation built toward Todd as much as toward Katie. He made it sound as if some big, unsettled issue lay between Christy and Katie.

“Should I go talk with her? Where is she?”

“She's sitting by herself in the next car.”

“I'll go talk with her.” Christy really didn't want to. She wished Katie would come back so the three of them could all talk openly. Slipping past Todd, Christy put his sweat shirt back on the seat and said, “Sure you don't want to come with me?”

“You want me to come?” He sounded surprised.

“Yes. I think it would be better if we could all discuss whatever this is about. We're on this journey together, you know.”

“I think you're right,” Todd said, looking past Christy. “But you can sit down. Katie's coming back.”

Christy returned to her seat. Katie plopped into the seat across from her. “Okay,” Katie began. Her face was red. “I just decided I don't want to be alone and have my own space anymore. As soon as Todd left, this really creepy guy sat next to me and asked if he could buy me a beer.”

“What did you do?” Christy asked.

“I told him to get lost, but when he didn't move, I came crawling back to you guys. I'm sorry I took off like that.”

“It's okay,” Christy said.

“No, it's not. I need to tell you something, Christy. I told Todd, but I told him not to tell you because I wanted to.” Christy braced herself.

“I met this guy,” Katie said after a long pause. “I met him the last week of school. Great timing, huh? I didn't tell you about him, Christy, because there wasn't much to tell. He plays baseball on the team at Rancho Corona, and I happened to go to the last game. His name is Matt. Number 14. That's all I know. We talked after the game for a while. We hit it off great. The problem is, I've been thinking about him day and night for the last two weeks.”

Christy didn't think that was too unusual for Katie. When she got going on a project—any project, including relationships—she jumped in with both feet. That's how she was with Michael, the guy she had dated her senior year of high school.

“Will you see him again?” Christy asked.

“I'm pretty sure he's coming back to Rancho in the fall. But that's not my problem. My problem is that I'm being eaten alive with jealousy. I'm so envious of you and Todd that I can't stand it. I know this is really bad to tell you, but Todd said it was better to get things out in the open than to let them burn holes inside of me.”

“I agree,” Christy said. “So what should I do to make things more comfortable for you?”

“Nothing. That's just it; you're not doing anything to make me feel this way. If anything, I think both of you are holding back and not being as close to each other as you would like because you don't want me to feel left out.”

Christy glanced at Todd. He had a calm, steady expression on his face and was concentrating on Katie. Christy could tell
from the way Katie was talking that this was difficult for her to discuss.

“I really, really wish a guy were in my life,” Katie said. “I want what you two have. Is that wrong to wish for?”

Just then an older guy who was walking down the aisle stopped and looked over at Katie. He looked as if he hadn't bathed for a month. When he saw Katie he said, “There you are.”

Christy could tell from the paralyzed expression on Katie's face that this was the same guy who had offered to buy her a beer in the other train car.

“That seat isn't available,” Todd said without moving any of their day packs.

“I don't see anyone sitting there,” the guy said. He talked like an American, and from the way he slurred his words, Christy guessed he was either on drugs or drunk. “Unless you paid money for that seat and can prove it, that seat is open.” He picked up the first pack and dropped it on the floor by Todd's feet.

Christy's heart pounded. She had never seen Todd confronted like this. Would he stand up and punch the guy in the nose?

“We were just leaving.” Todd spoke in a calm, even tone. He picked up Christy's pack and handed it to her, motioning with his head that she should stand up. She stood. Todd handed Katie her pack with the same gesture to stand.

“There you go. The seat is all yours,” Todd said to the guy. Then Todd stepped into the aisle with Katie and Christy right behind him. Without a word, he led them to the dining car.

“Is he following us?” Katie muttered over her shoulder to Christy. “I don't want to turn around to find out.”

Christy cautiously glanced back. “Nope. He's going to the car behind ours.”

“Do you want to go back to our seats, Todd?” Katie asked. “I think he took your hint.”

“No, I'm not very good at trying to talk to drunk guys. We might as well eat since we're halfway to the dining car.”

It turned out they were a full eight cars from the dining car, and when they arrived, a line of people was waiting to be seated. Christy knew it wasn't unusual for Europeans to eat their main meal at two in the afternoon. That's what they did at the orphanage where she worked in Basel. Since this was Sunday afternoon, people were more likely to linger a long time over their meal.

“We could be here awhile, you guys,” Christy warned them.

“It's too far to go through all eight cars again, turn around, and come back here in half an hour,” Katie said. “I don't mind waiting, if you don't.”

“No, that's fine.” Actually, it was pretty squishy. Christy wouldn't have minded being this close to Todd if it hadn't been for the way they had left Katie in midconfession over her struggling as she watched Todd and Christy together. Christy knew this wasn't the time to wrap her arms around Todd and lean on him in an effort to condense space.

They didn't talk. It was too noisy with all the conversations going on around them. The four people in front of them spoke in a deep, loud German dialect and laughed even louder.

By the time the three of them finally were seated, they were eager for a huge meal. The dining car chef on this deluxe supertrain didn't disappoint. They all had roast beef with potatoes, carrots, turnips, a creamy broccoli cheese soup, and dinner rolls. Christy ordered hot tea to drink with her dessert of apple cake, and the tea came in a white ceramic pot with a matching creamer.

“Katie, when we move into the dorms this fall, let's find
some little teapots like this and buy two of them. Then, on long nights, when we need to keep ourselves awake, we can brew up our own little pots of tea and have a midnight tea party.”

Katie smiled at Christy's suggestion. The excellent food had done wonders for all of them, and just like the “locals” seated around them, they took their time over dessert.

Katie commented on how dark and rich her coffee was and asked Todd about his cappuccino.

“Not as good as I had in Italy. But not bad.”

“Katie,” Christy said, holding her teacup in her hands to warm them from the chill of the air conditioning. “Do you want to talk some more about what you were saying before that guy came and interrupted us?”

“I don't know. Sometimes I make too big of a thing out of nothing. We can drop it. It doesn't matter.”

“I think it matters because it's been bothering you, and if you stuff it away, it might come back and bother you again before the trip is over. I'd like to talk it through now, if we could.”

“It's dumb. I know it is. I get my eyes off the Lord and my perspective goes crazy. I told you guys I was jealous, and I am. But I know that's wrong. I know God says we're not supposed to envy what someone else has. The thing is, I don't know what to do with my feelings. I try to ignore them, but then they overwhelm me.”

“Pray,” Todd suggested immediately.

Katie sighed and looked down at her half-empty cup of coffee. “Yeah, pray. That's what I should do. I don't know why I don't. I get tired of confessing the same thing over and over. But whenever I do talk it through with God, I always feel better.”

“And He always forgives us no matter how many times we come to Him,” Todd said. “I think it helps to find out what
triggers those weak areas and recognize the warning signs before you get blindsided.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, what triggers the jealousy?”

Katie paused a moment before saying, “I see somebody with something I wish I had, and I start to compare myself. Then I get jealous.”

“We all do that,” Christy said.

“That doesn't make it right,” Katie said.

“I know,” Christy agreed.

“One thing that helps me is when I see the cycle beginning. I can almost stop the sin in midair before it hits me,” Todd said. “Like the comparing part. I memorized a couple of verses that relate. Whenever I start to compare myself with somebody else, I repeat those verses and get my heart back on track with God.”

“Then you better teach me those verses, quick!” Katie said, “Because I have a horrible problem of comparing myself with other people.”

“One is real short. It's in Isaiah 45:9. It just says, ‘Does the clay say to the potter, “What are you making?” ' The other verses are in the same book, Isaiah, in chapter 64, verses 6 and 8. The first time I read this it put me in my place, if you know what I mean.”

“Yes, I think I probably know what you mean,” Katie said. “What are the verses?”

“ ‘All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. Yet, O L
ORD
, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.' ”

“Let me see if I caught the same meaning here that you did,” Katie said. “When you start to compare yourself with someone else, you think of those verses and how all of us are
basically the same before God. Like the clay.”

Christy jumped in and said, “And God is the artist. The craftsman. He's making something out of us, the clay. We're not supposed to say to Him, ‘Why did you make me like this?' or ‘Why can't you make me like her?' ”

Todd nodded. “Exactly. Each person's life is a different work of art. God's design for me is different than what He has planned for you.”

“Does that really work for you?” Katie asked.

He nodded again. “I find it hard to be jealous when I realize God is the one in control, not me. If He chooses to bless someone more than me, who am I to tell Him what He's doing isn't fair? Do I ever say it's not fair when someone is going through a tough time? Do I tell God it's not fair because He hasn't given me as many difficulties as the other person?”

“You better write those verses down for me, Todd. This is a huge area in my life. I think I have it figured out, and then it comes back stronger.” Katie downed her last sip of coffee. “You guys ready to go back to our seats and see if my guardian hobo is still waiting for me?”

He wasn't there when they returned. Instead of sitting beside Todd, Christy sat down next to Katie. She had a lot of questions for her friend and started by saying, “Thanks for being so open, Katie. I'm glad you let both of us in on what you're feeling.”

“I wasn't going to. I was going to try to figure it out myself. But Todd was right when he said it's better when we get everything out in the open.”