Untrusting (Troubled) (19 page)

I soften my voice, “I told ya then
I didn’t know what happened.  I still don’t, but I don’t want to fight
about it.  You’re the one that made up your mind about why I reacted the
way I did.  I’m tellin’ you, I’m not afraid of you or what happens when
you kiss me.  I may be nervous about what it could lead to, but I’m not
afraid of that either.  I know I’ve missed you the last few days.  I
thought I’d lost ya and that scared me.”  I turn away from him.

He stands there a minute then comes
to stand behind me.  “Did you think I was mad at ya?”  I nod. 
“I wasn’t.  I’m not.  I just don’t want to rush ya, or scare ya, so I
backed off.  Today, I didn’t know what to do.  Bob made me
come.  We almost got into an argument before I’d come.  Sher, look at
me.”  I turn, but can’t look up at him.  He puts his hand under my
chin and tilts my head up.  “Why are ya crying?”

I lift my hand to my face to find
it wet.  I start to speak, but find I can’t and shrug instead.  He
pulls me to him, the side of my face against his chest, and holds me.  I
put my arms around him to hold him and find myself sobbing and holding him
tightly.  We don’t speak we just stand there ‘til he kisses the top of my
head.  I look up and he has tears in his eyes, too.  I tiptoe to kiss
him and his eyes turn dark and bedroom hot.  I kiss him on the cheek,
knowing we’d never come out of the stratosphere before it was too late if I
kissed him proper.  He’s still on crutches and I don’t want to injure his
ankle again.  And here and now isn’t the time or place for what could
happen between us, either.  He pulls me closer, saying my name into my
hair.  “Are we okay again?”  I ask.

“Better than okay, now. 
Sher….”  But he doesn’t finish.  “We’d better go in.”  He lets
me go and we walk back to the clinic.

“You two get things worked out?”
Bob asks as we come in.  Steve says “Yeah.”  “Aunt Lili said you
weren’t to come in ‘til ya did.  She had to leave to get the basket
brigade lined up for tomorrow.  Maria says you two are going to stay at
her place to hand out candy tomorrow.  Maybe we can get out of helping
Aunt Lili and join y’all or y’all can join us.”

“They have a better chance of
gettin’ loose than we do.  Grams hands out the baskets and we hand out the
candy, except for our favorites, of course.”  Steve and Bob are laughing.

“Aunt Lili sure did read us the
riot act when she found the candy wrappers last year, didn’t she?”

“For a minute or two I thought she
was gonna get a switch to us.”  Steve’s laughing so hard he can hardly get
the words out.

“The sad part is we would’a let her
switch us if she had’a gotten a switch.  She’s isn’t young enough to chase
us around like she use to when we were kids.”  They’re laughing so hard
they have to sit down.

“I’ve often wondered if she
would’ve used it on us if she’d ever caught us.  I don’t think she wanted
to do anything but scare us.”  They sober and get a fond look on their
faces.  It shows how much they love her and from the story, she,
obviously, loves them just as much.

“Strange, she never told our
parents about our misdeeds with her.”  The guys smile and shrug.

It’s time to lock up and go
home.  We say ‘bye to the guys, but they want us to come over to Miss
Lili’s for supper, so we can see the haunted house she’s put together this
year.  So we agree and take on the usual drill.  Steve and I go get
pizza for all of us and Bob and Maria go get Shay.

We tour the living room which is
the epitome of an abandoned haunted house.  Spider webs, thick dust,
rattling chains, ghosts and spirit sounds are all through the living
room.  Then we eat and Maria and I prepare to go home.  Steve kisses
me goodnight gently and holds me for a few minutes then lets me leave.  I
don’t want to, but I know I can’t stay with him yet.

Today’s as slow as yesterday, but
the guys come in to help do nothing, they think.  Maria and I leave them
to answer the phone while we give the clinic a good cleaning.  We know
it’ll need it again when we get back, but we’re leaving it clean.  I let
Maria leave early so she can get Shay fed and ready to go trick or treatin’
early.  Bob goes with her.  I’m busy finishing things and
straightening the office, feeling awkward alone with Steve.  He comes up
beside me but I keep working, so he goes out to the waiting room and sits down. 
Steve and I leave for Maria’s an hour later.

Bob’s helping Shay get into his
costume.  It’s a fireman’s costume, wonder where he got that idea. 
Maria wanted him to be an astronaut, but Shay wanted to be a fireman and it
almost came to a scene in the store, before she gave in.  “I want to be
like Bob and Steve,” Shay tells us.

“We’ll have to bandage your leg if
you’re going to be like us and a pair of crutches in your size would be
impossible to find.”  Bob’s teasing Shay.  Shay hugs Bob and laughs
at him.

Maria’s sister comes in and the
guys are introduced.  “So this is the infamous fireman duo Shay can’t stop
talking about.  I hope you two can live up to his stories.  Short of
putting out a fire the size of the world, single handed, I think you’ll fall a
little short.  He certainly looks up to you two.  Bob, ya break my
nephew’s heart, and I’ll have to set fire to your boots.  Now, Chief Shay,
if you’ll get your treat bag we’ll be off to relieve the neighbors of their
candy.”  The guys chuckle, but Shay hugs them before he leaves.  He’s
a chief fireman now so he can’t hug his Mommy or his “aunt,” he’s too big for
that.  He turns and marches out the door with his head up and his helmet
bobbing because it’s too big.

After he’s gone, we laugh at his
antics.  “He’s too cute, but a good boy,” Bob says putting his arm around
Maria’s shoulders.  “I’d like to have a couple more just like him. 
You want more kids don’t cha?” Bob says to Maria.

“I’d like to be married before I
have more kids, but one or two more would be nice.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Bob reaches
into his pocket and turns Maria toward him, “Maria Gomez, will you be my Mrs.
Stuben?”  Maria’s shocked and surprised.  “I love you and Shay too
much not to ask you to be my wife.  Will ya?”

Maria’s crying, but shakes her head
yes.  Bob kisses her and puts the ring on her finger.  Maria kisses
him and they don’t come up for a while.  She’s laughing when they break
the kiss.  “Bob there’s one thing I have to say, I don’t want a ‘for now’
marriage.  Shay could be hurt very badly if anything happened and you
left.  I have to know it’ll be forever, so can we have a long engagement?”

“How long?”

“’Til I can rely on this being
forever.  I don’t know how long.”

“Will ya mind if I nag ya for a
wedding date from time to time?  I’m anxious to make you my wife, Shay my
son and start our baby.”  He hasn’t let her go yet.

“Will six months to a year be too
long?”

“Yes.  But I’ll wait if ya
need that much time.”  She smiles at him and kisses him.  “I hope you
won’t mind my telling ya how much I love ya in the mean time.”  She shakes
her head and he kisses her again.

Steve steps over to congratulate
them and drags me with him.  I hug them both, but I’m not sure Maria
didn’t feel pressured into accepting.  I decide to talk to her when we’re
alone in Corpus.

The kids start arriving and Maria
and I hand out candy ‘til seven when the younger kids stop coming.  When
the junior high kids started showing up we closed up shop, opting for going to
supper then to Miss Lili’s to meet up with Shay.

We decide where we’re going to eat
and leave to have a nice supper.  While we’re waiting to be served I look
at Maria’s engagement ring.  It’s pretty big for a fireman’s pay and it
looks older.  “Where did you get such a nice ring, Bob?” I ask.

“It was my grandmother’s. 
Only she and Maria have worn it.  I didn’t give it to my first wife. 
She wouldn’t have appreciated it, but I thought Maria would.”  He took her
hand and kissed it and the ring, as if to seal it in place.

I believe he means what he says
about loving Maria and Shay and wanting kids with her.  I think this could
last, if he doesn’t touch her in anger.  If he does, I, personally, will
skin him alive.

Supper was good, but then Bob
suggested the best place in town, a celebration, and paid for the entire
meal.  After supper, we go to Miss Lili’s to pick up Shay and find them
asleep on the couch.  When we leave Miss Lili’s, we drop the three of them
off then I have to get home.  Bob hollers at Steve to be sure to stop by
to get him on his way home.

On the drive to my office Steve and
I talk about the engagement.  Steve’s sure Bob’s ready to settle down and
he loves Maria and Shay.  Steve says he can’t talk about anything
else.  I know what will happen if I ask Steve what I want to know. 
He’ll be mad, but I can’t help trying to protect my friend.

“Steve, Bob is in love with Maria
and loves Shay, that’s pretty plain.  But has he, maybe, built this up
into more than it is?  Is it more an internal clock thing than love?”

Steve’s pissed.  “You don’t
believe in love, do ya?  Are you capable of love?  I understand you
wanting to save Maria and Shay from harm, but Bob won’t hurt them
intentionally.  Bob’s ‘internal clock’ alarm didn’t go off ‘til he met
Maria.  Did he want to love someone?  Doesn’t everyone?  Don’t
you?  Or do you?”

I wasn’t prepared for such a
personal attack.  I stop in front of my office and turn to look at
him.  “Just because I’m careful doesn’t mean I don’t want to love some one
or be loved.  It means I want to be as sure as I can be that it is
love.  Like Maria, I want a forever kinda love.  I know ya have to
kiss a-lotta-frogs to get a prince…or princess, in your case, but how do ya
know a royal frog from the other frogs?”

“In case ya haven’t noticed we’re
all frogs.  But there’s only one frog that makes ya feel ya want to be
with them the rest of your life.  It’s so strong, it hurts whether you’re
with them or not.  Ya can’t be close enough and yet ya can’t get too close
for fear of smothering it.  And ya think it’s so special that ya don’t
deserve it, but ya can’t stop wantin’ it, touchin’ it and tryin’ to make it
yours.”

“That intense?”

“It’s intense and yet gentle, but
it’s always there.”

“So you’ve been in love, real
love.  Was it bad when she ran off with the band?”

“I wasn’t talking about my feelings
for her.”

“Must’ve been something.  I
haven’t felt that way for any man I thought I was in love with.”

“Sher, you have a long trip ahead
of ya tomorrow and it’s almost midnight.  You’d better go in.”  His
voice is soft and sounds hurt.

“ You’re right.  Thanks Steve
for tonight, I had fun.  I’ll see ya in the mornin’.”  I start to
open my door and Steve grabs my hand to stop me.

“Sher, I’m sorry I got so upset
with you.  Bob’ll be good to Maria and Shay.  Can I walk you to your
car?”  I nod and he gets out on his side and I get out on mine.  He
walks me to the car and kisses me, gently at first then more demanding. 
His tongue moves across my lips causing them to open and accept the tangling of
tongues that sends crushing blows to my stomach and chest.  My legs are weak
and threaten to give way under me.  I’m pushed against the side of my
truck and hear the creaking of the shocks as the truck lifts slightly from the
pressure against the side of it.  Steve’s merciless with his kiss, if I
could I would pour down the side of the truck and into a puddle right here in
the middle of the street.  But he’s not through, his hands are against my
skin in the curve of my back, massaging the muscles there and sapping any
strength I have left.  He breaks the kiss and whispers my name into the
hair at my temple and moves to hold me up when one of his crutches falls into
the side of the truck sounding like a rock hitting it.  We’re both brought
abruptly back to our senses and he steps back on his sprained ankle.  He
lets out a yelp and stumbles so I have to catch him to keep him from falling.

After he’s steady I set him down on
the bench that’s outside my office and elevate his foot.  He’s cringing
and clenching his teeth from the pain.  I open the office door, grab a
blanket to put behind his back and try to get him comfortable while the pain
subsides.  I wipe his face with my hand and feel the tears the pain
brought on and I start crying and apologizing.  He puts his arm across my
shoulders as I squat beside the bench and leans me into him.  I put my
head on his chest and cry ‘til I feel his muscles loosen a bit, signaling the
pain has subsided some.  I ask him if he wants a drink of water and he
nods.  I get the water and help him take a few sips.

He’s hoarse when he starts
laughing.  I’m shocked at first, then I start laughing, too.  When he
could speak through the laughter he says, “The sound scared the hell outta
me…forgot about the ankle.  I don’t think I’ll try that again for a
while.”

“I think this week I’m away will do
ya some good.”

“I didn’t mean I won’t try the kiss
again, just in a better situation and not on crutches.”  He’s still
laughing.

“Must not’ve hurt too bad if you’re
laughing.”

“As much pleasure as kissing you
was giving me, and that was a tremendous amount, that’s how much it hurt. 
There wasn’t a nerve in my body that wasn’t reacting to the pain shooting
through it.”

He drinks the rest of the water and
decides he’d best get Bob and get home.  His pain pills are there and he
doesn’t expect the ankle will feel better ‘til he gets them.  I help him
into the truck, he kisses me goodnight, says he’ll see me in the morning and
drives slowly away.

Maria and I are at Lili’s at nine
thirty, a little late.  We didn’t get much sleep last night.  I was
in bed at two and Maria got in bed at two thirty, last minute packing. 
Shay had her up at seven and I got to sleep ‘til eight.  I guess I’ll be
driving to Austin and Maria will be driving to San Antonio.  I’ll have to
drive in San Antonio, I guess, not something I’m looking forward to.