Unveiling The Sky (37 page)

I saw my father’s eyes brighten; apparently my thoughts were painfully obvious. “We both know how she feels about these holiday parties I host. It would mean a great deal to her if you were there.”

“If you know how she feels about them, then why don’t you cancel the damn things?”

He clucked his tongue. “You know I can’t do that. Business doesn’t take holidays off.” He paused and looked over my shoulder. “Speaking of business… have you forgotten about our agreement?” I remained silent. “Our agreement was that you had a year to get your dalliances out of the way before you came back to your,” he paused and allowed his gaze to shift over my shoulder once more before continuing, “
real
life. And I think coming home for this Thanksgiving party would be an excellent reinstatement of and commitment to that agreement.”

A throat cleared and I turned around to find Derek and Alara at the end of the hallway. Derek was glaring at my father while Alara simply wore a mask of confusion.

“Gabe?” she asked softly.

I walked over to her while rubbing the back of my neck. “Hey, maybe you guys should grab Naomi and head over to your apartment without me? I need to talk to him some more and then I’ll meet you there as soon as I’m done?” I phrased it as a question, trying to show her how much I didn’t want this, but I also hoped she realized it was something I had to deal with right now. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked a little unsure, but finally she nodded her head.

“Sure. I’ll see you in a bit.” She glanced curiously at my dad before disappearing into my room.

“Is everything—” Derek started.

“Everything will be fine. I just need you to get them out of here.”

Derek was starting to look a little pissed, but he nodded as well and fifteen minutes later they were all gone, leaving just my father and me.

“My real life is here,” I said, realizing that all that bullshit from earlier was for Alara’s benefit, designed to hurt her. “You can’t force me back into anything.”

My father’s eyebrows rose and a mocking smile adorned his face. “You’re right, I can’t force you into anything. But I can offer incentive.”

“I don’t want your fucking money.”

His eyebrows rose. “I wasn’t planning on giving you any. You’ll earn more than enough when you’re at the company.”

My nails dug into my palms as I fisted my hands. “I’m not coming back to the company.”

My father looked down at his watch before sighing. “This really isn’t the time or place to have this discussion.” He looked around like the apartment personally offended him. “The party starts in three hours. I expect you to be there, and even if Samantha says she isn’t expecting you, she will still be hoping you show up. So think about that while you’re with your
family
.”

…

I blew out a sad, tired breath as I hung my head and stared down at my phone.

Me: I’m so sorry but I won’t be able to make dinner tonight

Alara: Okay? Is everything all right?

Me: yeah, I just really need to be here for Sam

Alara: Okay, well, have a good thanksgiving.

Me: you too. I hope you know I’d much rather be there, I already miss you

I sent that last text four hours ago and had heard nothing back.

“Hey.” I looked up toward Sam’s soft voice and nodded my head before gazing out at our backyard. My mom’s garden was no longer vibrant and alive like it once was.

Sam sighed as she leaned on the railing and looked out with me. “You didn’t have to come. I know how you feel about—”

“Sam, I want to be here for you.”

“But you’re not.”

“What?”

She turned toward me. “Gabe, you’ve been on your phone or out here ever since the party started. And I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but it’s obvious that you don’t want to be here and I’m really okay if you leave.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before slowly releasing it. “No. I promised myself I’d be there for you more when I returned, but then I got caught up with…”

“Alara,” she said with a smile.

“Yeah, and she’s important to me.” I turned to face Sam so she knew the importance of my next words. “But so are you, and its time I started showing you that.”

Sam gave my hand a squeeze. “I already know that. You don’t have to make yourself miserable to prove it.”

“I’m only miserable because I’m choosing to be. C’mon. Let’s go liven up that party,” I said, offering her my arm. As Sam greedily accepted and a huge smile broke out across her face, I tried to assure myself that I’d made the right choice. But somehow, some part of it still felt wrong.

…

Later that evening when Sam was off talking to some of her former friends, Miranda and my father cornered me.

“Evening, Gabe.” Miranda opened her arms for a hug, which I halfheartedly returned, before she placed a swift kiss on my cheek.

“Miranda, you look very nice.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m glad to see you two are getting along again,” my father interrupted.

I groaned and scrubbed my hand down my face. “This isn’t going to work. It isn’t going to change anything,” I said, cutting right to the chase.
 

Apparently this was fine by my father. “Gabriel, this is all you’ve ever wanted. I don’t want to see you throw everything away over some girl—”

“What the hell are you talking about? First of all, no, this is not all I’ve ever wanted. Maybe at one point I thought I wanted this, but all I was really doing was settling. It was a default choice.” I paused, grimacing when Miranda flinched, but I had to carry on. “And Alara has nothing to do with any of this. I made this decision before I met her. How do you even know about her?”

My father gave me a patronizing look before shaking his head. “I don’t think you understand how serious I am about this. So, yes, I’ve looked into the people you’ve been spending time with.”

“Well, stop it—”

“How much do you even know about this girl? Do you know she’s on antidepressants? That she—”

“I love her, Dad. That’s what I know.”

Miranda looked embarrassed as she cleared her throat before nodding to the exit. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

“And what about Samantha?” my father asked, barely registering Miranda’s departure.

“What about her?” I asked slowly.

“She’s not eighteen until next May, and while she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself, I will be gone for the next few months and I could easily justify sending her to live with Wendy for the duration of her senior year.”

I stared at him as my jaw flexed and my fingers curled into fists causing my nails to cut into my palms. We stayed silent for several moments as I surveyed the man in front of me and tried to see the father I once admired, the husband my mother once loved. But he was no longer there. Despite Sam’s insistence, he was gone. Or maybe he was never really there and it was all an act; either way, it felt like a blow to my stomach to really, truly realize that I didn’t have a father. Because being a parent wasn’t just about giving a child life, it was also about teaching that child how to live.

“I really don’t understand how you can be this cruel and coldhearted. You know I’ll stay to keep that from happening. But it won’t keep me forever. You’ll never win.”

“This isn’t about winning. I’m trying to do what’s best for you; you just can’t see it right now. After you spend some time back in your old life, you’ll see it’s where you belong. I don’t want you throwing all this away and waking up one day regretting the choices you made because you were grieving.”

I clenched my jaw and shook my head because he wasn’t even listening. “That’s not what this is. Yeah, I grieved for a long time. But it made me realize that I want to enjoy every bit of life. I know there’s good and there’s bad and that’s always going to be the case, but I’m going to fit in as much good as I can. I’m not going to settle for a job and muddle my way through it, telling myself I’ll enjoy the weekend when it comes. I want to love every part of my life. The bad should only be things we have no control over, like dying and heartbreak and pain-in-the-ass parents. It shouldn’t be things of our own choosing, like a job or a girlfriend or a lifestyle. I’m sorry you don’t agree. But there is no scenario in which you come out on top here. So I guess you’ll just have to ask yourself whether you’re okay with me hating you or not. I’ve lost one parent, and as much as we disagree, I’d really hate to lose another. But if you force me to make this choice, that’s exactly how this will turn out.”
 

I hadn’t seen Gabe since Thanksgiving five days ago, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. We weren’t exactly fighting but we’d only shared a handful of text messages and phone calls in that time frame, and each and every time things felt off. I could tell he was stressing about something but he didn’t seem to want to talk about, which in turn made me not want to talk about… anything.

Apparently this made me extremely disagreeable, because Naomi spent the last two nights at Caleb’s place. Thankfully Sherry didn’t seem to notice anything, or if she did she blessedly said nothing about it. The two of us were hanging out at a coffee stand near campus; she had just gotten back from her mysterious trip last night and although we never talked about where she went or what she did, I always wanted to make sure she was okay. We had just sat down when—

“Hey,” a voice said from behind me.

I turned around and saw the last person I wanted to see. “Uh, hi.”

“It’s Alara, right? You’re friends with Gabe?”

“Girlfriend,” Sherry interrupted, already on the offensive.

I saw a brief flicker of pain and longing in her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by resolve. “I’m Miranda.” She held out her hand to Sherry, which Sherry reluctantly shook.

“Sherry. So you’re a
friend
of Gabe’s?” Sherry asked, throwing the word back at her.

She looked sad as her gaze traveled over to me. “Actually, I’m his fiancée.”

Fiancée
? “What?” I croaked out.

Miranda held up her left hand, displaying the very unique wedding ring that Gabe’s mother wore in the picture on his desk. My eyes widened and my stomach dropped.

“I’m sorry to be so tactless about it, but I thought it was time you knew, and I knew he would have trouble doing it himself.” She shrugged like she wasn’t ripping out my heart and stomping on it.

“Knew what?” Sherry asked, her tone razor sharp.

“When Gabe left for Europe, we put our relationship on hold. But it was always a temporary separation.” She looked at me with so much pity I wanted to smash something in her face.

Her words turned over in my head as I tried to process what she was saying. Gabe wouldn’t deceive me. No matter what she was saying, I knew I had to hear his side of things. But how else would she get that ring? I cleared my throat as she stared on, clearly expecting me to say more. “Why only temporary?”

“Grief does strange things to people, you know. People are always advised not to make major life changes after a loss, but Gabe… he turned his whole world upside down. I was just waiting for him to come back to himself. To his real life.”

I was going to be sick.
His real life?
Why did everyone keep saying it like that? Was I taking advantage of his grief? He was slowly making everything better for me, but was I really making things better for him? Or was I holding him back? I knew one of the things he wanted most was to repair his relationship with Sam, but how could he ever really do that if we were always together?

And what if he decided he did want to go back? Would he be able to tell me? Or would he feel guilty and worry about my reaction? As if she could read my mind, Miranda said, “He always wanted to take care of everyone and when he couldn’t, he got scared and ran away. His mother was sick and his sister was completely lost, and he could do
nothing
about it. But eventually he’ll realize that he can’t let that keep him from living his life. I hope you’ll help him see that this is the right thing to do. If you care about him at all—”

“Leave.” Miranda blinked in surprise at Sherry’s sharp command, and she actually seemed a little scared as she stepped back. With one final look between us, she gave me another pity-filled smile and walked away. And as I sat there, I couldn’t help but feel like part of my heart went with her.

…

“You okay?” I shrugged and twisted the coffee sleeve around the cup. “Do you want me to call Naomi?”

I shook my head. “I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest.”

Sadness consumed Sherry’s face as she nodded. “Okay. You know you can always talk to me, but I have to ask… why not go to Naomi? We both know she’s better at this.”

“Better is just a perspective. She’ll just give me all the positives and while that’s good… I need a little bit of realism right now too. Which is something
you’re
better at.” I tried to grin while elbowing her in the boob.

“Okay, so what’s the question?”

“Do you ever feel like you can’t tell me things because I’ll react poorly? Like you’re always walking on eggshells, waiting for me to crack?”