Un.Wavering (Claimed Series Book 3) (32 page)

“Hayden,” Blake whispered, tightening his hold. “I’m not going to let you shut yourself up. It’s not healthy—”

“I just need to be alone right now,” she insisted. “I can’t… it’s too much right now.” She avoided his searching eyes and slumped to the ground instead. “Please.” 

His hand remained on her shoulder. “You’re not alone, Hayden.”

It seemed like eternity before Blake stood up and quietly left the cabin. Hayden closed her eyes and pressed her face into the ground. Sorrow reared its ugly head and claimed her completely.

Finally alone, Hayden surrendered her control and succumbed to grief.

* * * *

There was laughter and joyous voices literally
booming
across the campgrounds. Night had fallen, casting everything in shades of black and grey. The scent of bonfires and cooking game were strong and entirely uninviting.

With her knees drawn up to her chest, Hayden sat in the corner of the cabin, staring listlessly across the empty room. Bright orange shadows mirrored off the glass windows, having caught the reflection of the large bonfires outside.

Her tears had dried a long while ago, but the emptiness inside her had only grown in size and persistence. She clutched at her knees and contemplated wild, stupid things. Her upmost desire was to leave behind the others. To find Celeste. To find Cole. To destroy the underground labs full of helpless victims.

But what if Blake was right in that there was no way to reverse the effects on Cole? As much as she wanted to deny his claim, she couldn’t help but to feel the emptiness inside her that had once linked back to Cole.

He was truly gone.

No matter if his person was living, breathing, the Cole she knew was no longer inside the body. Was it some sort of brainwashing? Had Celeste altered his memories and permanently triggered the part of the brain that possessed the canine? Had she altered his DNA so completely that Hayden’s wolf could no longer detect him as her life mate?

She released a low, hissing breath and trembled.

Nothing made sense. It was beyond her way of thinking. Was it silly of her to hold just the slightest bit of hope that it could be reversed?

The door to the cabin opened and Hayden pressed her back against the wall. She didn’t want to see anyone, and yet, she knew the pack would eventually come back to their sleeping quarters.

Fergus entered and quickly shut the door behind him. He held a plate in his hand that smelt like wild turkey and rice.

“Addie’s cooking… you… you can’t say you didn’t miss it.”

He tried to offer her a smile, though it faltered as soon as his eyes properly adjusted to the dark. A tremor passed across his face, a spasm that appeared as if he’d start crying again, but he quickly restrained himself.

Slowly, he approached her. 

“Things are getting a bit tense,” he started, trying to avoid emotions by speaking of business. “Most the males think there should be one Alpha ruling all the packs, at least until the war is over. And then there is Blake, who started getting pressure about the next Alpha to the Slayter pack… they hardly let us absorb the loss before… well…”

He sighed and set down the plate of food at Hayden’s feet. Tentatively, he peered into her listless face, easily noticing her detached expression and her unfocused eyes.

“We’ve been trying to form an alliance with the Hunters. They still think we are their enemies. We haven’t had the chance to inform them about Celeste. Actually, there is someone here to help with the Hunter situation.” He exhaled a nervous breath. “The others think she’s the solution to the whole mess.”

Her eyes slowly tore away from the far wall and gazed upon Fergus. “She?” she asked softly, too soft to her own ears. “What makes her so special?”

Fergus nodded and licked his lips. “Her name, I suppose. Her last name is Donovan.”

Hayden blinked. “Shane?”

It seemed so long ago that she’d seen Shane Donovan, the innocent human boy back in Albertville. The death of Red Donovan, his grandfather, was what started the whole conflict and scattered all the werewolves.

“Her cousin.” Fergus swept a hand through his hair, always a bundle of nerves. “She was a Hunter once… before she was bitten. She and her mate, Kieran, are here. They just arrived a few days ago.”

Hayden dimly remembered Kieran as the man who was originally supposed to take her into his pack. That was before Cole… before he had identified Hayden as his life mate.

“That’s great news,” she said, her tone thick with bitter mockery. She looked at the wall again. “It sounds like they have everything covered.”

Fergus bowed his head, clearly uncomfortable with Hayden’s behavior. “They are talking a lot about you. About your connection to Logan and your alliance with Nicolas. And they also say Cole’s still alive. Just not who he used to be.”

A dry laugh escaped her. “He’s gone, Fergus. According to the
experts
, there is no way to reverse the damage.”

“Things will get better, Hayden.”

Her eyes focused on the Omega. “They will not.”

Fergus straightened his slouched and submissive shoulders and levelled her with a firm, uncharacteristic stare. “They
will
get better with time. It won’t disappear, maybe not ever, but it will get easier. You know, we’re missing him too. Blake told us in advance, that he might not return to us, but it’s still hard. It’s hard being around others who don’t understand.”

She gazed at him with surprise, rarely hearing Fergus firmly speak his mind.

“He was our brother, our friend… our Alpha. We don’t miss him any more or any less than you do. But the only thing that makes our grief different from yours is that we are relying on each other. We’re a pack, Hayden. We’re grieving one of our own.”

Hayden swallowed thickly. She wanted to tell him everything. She needed to unburden her guilt, her grief, her darkness. But she didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know how to tell him it was partially her fault for what happened.

“It shouldn’t have happened,” was all she managed to say. “We should have never asked Cole to look for answers with us. He should have gone straight back to the pack.”

Fergus’ hand landed heavily on her knee and Hayden gasped when she
felt
soothing vibes warm her cold soul. His ability as pack Omega allowed him to experience what his fellow pack members were feeling and help them through it.

“It’s not your fault,” he reasoned. “Cole wanted answers about his father, Hayden. Even if it wasn’t good news to hear, at least he got his answers. And… and he was able to reconcile with his brother. To forgive him. To understand him.”

Hayden pressed her lips together to stop the cry.

“Plus,” Fergus continued hurriedly, “we have more information on Celeste. We finally have the knowledge to defeat her. Before your venture with Cole, we didn’t know what we were facing, or how to even proceed.”

She absorbed his words and his comfort. All too soon, he removed his hand and stood up. His tall form straightened and slouched lazily towards the door.

“You don’t need to go through this alone. We’d like to grieve as a
pack,
Hayden, which means you need to be there too.” He put a hand on the door handle. “Please, come out when you’re ready. Otherwise, we’ll be in here shortly.”

At her prolonged silence, Fergus quietly exited the cabin, shutting her in darkness once more. Hayden placed her head upon her folded knees and stared at the door, his words forever engrained in her mind. 

He was right. On many accounts. More so on the fact that she was not the only one in agony over what happened with Cole. The rest of the pack felt it just as well, even Nicolas, who was a skilled master at stoicism, was suffering.

Her conversation with Fergus did not alleviate any grief, but it did rekindle a flame that had extinguished upon Cole’s passing. Gradually, Hayden unwound herself and glanced at the sword lying next to her.

Nicolas had left it with her, though she did not know how to use it very efficiently.

Her fingers hovered over the weapon before they curled greedily around the scabbard. She hurriedly stood and escaped the cabin. Before her flame had the chance to extinguish again, she wanted to take full advantage of its presence.

Lifting her chin and channeling as much authority into her step as possible, Hayden walked amongst the other werewolves. Before long, she garnered all eyes, all attention, and yet, it did not slow her nor did it deter her.

“Hayden!”

She didn’t know who called her back, but she pressed forward, her eyes on one specific individual. The distance to the man’s turned back was short, yet it seemed to last an eternity. Amongst all these werewolves, she felt vulnerable—naked—without Cole, but she somehow managed to harness a controlled authority.

She stopped directly behind the man, waiting patiently for him to take notice.

The other males in his company abruptly stopped speaking, having noticed her long before her target. Though, as the man slowly turned to face her, Hayden knew he’d been aware of her even before she made her presence known.

Adolf, the silver-haired Alpha, gazed down at her with a raised eyebrow. His aristocratic features were always taciturn, and his silver eyes were just as unemotional.

“Hayden,” he greeted softly, his long hair falling in a perfect curtain over his shoulder. “What do I owe this pleasure?” His eyes immediately dropped to her hand as it trembled around the hilt of her sword.

He couldn’t possibly understand how much effort it took for her to stand tall and confident at this very moment. But as he peered at her stubborn face, something akin to understanding passed behind those cold eyes.

“I…” Hayden released a steady breath. “Time permitting, I would be honored if you could teach me how to properly wield a sword.”

For a moment, Hayden thought he’d refuse, rebuff her request.

He nodded once. “The honor would be mine to resume our lessons.”

She inclined her head in gratitude before turning her heel and walking back to the cabin. The eyes watching her every move began to grow unbearable and her strides became short and choppy. It was nearly impossible to stay composed under such intense observation, but somehow, Hayden managed.

Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she bypassed all the other werewolves and entered the sanctuary of the cabin. As soon as the dark embraced her, Hayden slumped against the wall and inhaled deeply to steady her racing pulse.

There were many things she wanted to accomplish. She promised herself she wouldn’t sit by docilely and let things unfold around her. Cole’s sacrifice had to count for something and Hayden refused to let it go unnoticed.

She just needed a bit more training to reach her desirable level.

The mind-numbing grief might never subside. But as long as she kept the flame rekindled, Hayden knew she would accomplish everything she intended to finish.

End of Book Three