Up Close and Personal (3 page)

“Easy to see why you want to keep the Beast,” he noted wryly. “A vicious guard dog such as this one would make you feel safe.”

Beast snored even louder.

“He’s company.”

“Aye,” Ronan mused, “quite the conversationalist.” He bent down, rubbed one hand across Beast’s exposed stomach and said, “Wake up, you lazy hound.”

The dog’s eyes reluctantly opened. He saw Ronan and rolled over, pushing himself up high enough to welcome his former owner with a kiss.

Ronan laughed and the sound seemed to rumble through the room before settling in the pit of Laura’s stomach and jittering there. She tried to remind herself that they were exes. Tried to remember how she’d felt the night he left her. Tried to remember the pain she’d suffered later when she lost—

Steeling herself, she said, “Ronan, you don’t belong here. You should leave.”

“But I
am
here, and I’m not ready to go just yet.”

In the lamplight, his blue eyes shone and she read amusement in their depths, which only served to make her angrier. A good thing.

“Yes, you’re here. Without invitation.”

“And would you have invited me in?”

“No.”

“There you are then.” He shrugged and took a seat at the end of the bed. Beast moved to lay his big head on Ronan’s thigh and both man and dog watched her.

He was far too close.

“So, your guard dog doesn’t seem to mind me being here.”

Feeling oddly compelled to defend the dog, she said, “He knows I’m not in danger from you.”

Ronan tilted his head to one side as his gaze speared into hers. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that, were I you.”

Her stomach did a slow swirl and spin. She shoved one hand through her hair, then grabbed up the duvet again and held it even closer. “Ronan, you should go.”

“No. Not until you tell me what it is that’s really at the heart of all of this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She scooted even farther from him, smacking her back against the headboard.

“Aye, you do, but for some reason, you’re not telling me.” Nodding, he glanced down at the dog, then back to her. “It’s not about Beast at all, is it? There’s something that’s driving you.”

“If there is, it’s none of your business,” she countered.

Outside, the wind moaned under the eaves and the rain hammered at the window glass. He was watching her as if waiting for her to speak up and give him exactly what he wanted. Which was just so like him. Well, Laura wasn’t going to satisfy his curiosity.

“You broke up with me, remember? How did you put it? Oh, yes.” As if she could forget. “I believe your exact words were,
It’s been a grand time for the both of us and now it’s done.
”

He frowned thoughtfully. “And you weren’t ready for it, were you, Laura love?”

She gritted her teeth at the easy endearment, knowing it meant nothing.

Smiling now, he gave Beast one last pat on the head, then stood up and paced off a few steps before turning and walking back to her. He stopped in the circle of the lamplight and looked down at her thoughtfully. “You see, I’ve done some thinking, and I’ve figured out what the problem is.”

“Congratulations,” she snapped, scooting to the other side of the mattress. She couldn’t stay in her bed and talk to him. It was disconcerting. Tempting. And oh, how she hated to admit that, even to herself. Once her feet were firmly on the floor she added, “Now, go away.”

Still smiling, he walked around the bed and came close to her. Here, there were more shadows. The golden glow of the lamp didn’t reach this far. She refused to back up and let him corner her against the wall. So she stood her ground.

“Don’t you want to know what it is I’ve discovered?”

“Will it make you leave if I say yes?”

He grinned. “It might.”

“Fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “What is it then?”

“This isn’t about keeping my dog from me,” he said, reaching out to lay both hands on her bare shoulders.

God, why had she worn a tank top to sleep in? She should have worn flannel. Head to toe.

Heat from his palms slid into her system and washed through her like a fever. She had to fight her own reaction to him. Her own instinct to lean into that broad chest. To go up and kiss that mouth that had done so many amazing things to her such a short while ago.

“I know what you really want, Laura,” he said and bent down until they were eye to eye. “And I came here tonight to tell you, you don’t have to try this hard to get back into my bed. You’ve only to ask.”

Time stopped.

Later, Laura would think she must have been struck dumb to be able to remain speechless for so much as a second after that incredible statement. But she wasn’t quiet for long.

“You dolt.”

“What?”

She brushed his hands off her arms, and then planted both palms on his chest and shoved hard enough to rock him back a couple of steps.

“Neanderthal.”

“There’s no reason for all of this, Laura,” he said, that accent of his dancing along her nerve endings, promising romance.

She fought past it.

“Are you crazy? You really think I took Beast to get
you
back?”

“What other reason would there be?” he asked, irritation now sparking in eyes that were still glinting with desire.

“Oh, I don’t know. Because I felt sorry for the dog? Because I didn’t want to see him abandoned? Because I think you’re a big jerk who doesn’t deserve Beast?”

“Now just hang on—”

“No.”

“So you’re saying you feel nothing for me,” he said, taking a stand, unmovable no matter how hard she pushed.

“I am,” she said, glaring at him since that was all that was left to do.

“You’re a liar.”

“You—”

He swooped in then. Simply grabbed her up, yanked her in close and claimed her mouth in a kiss that stole what breath she had and fogged her mind. Sensations coursed through her in a wild stream. The feel of his mouth on hers. The taste of him. His strong arms holding her pinned to his chest. All of these things and more tied her up into so many knots, Laura was helpless to unravel any of them.

And she didn’t care to.

Instead, she surrendered to the lush moment. Gave herself up to the rush of being in Ronan’s arms again. Even though she knew it was a mistake she would regret deeply in the morning, for this one instant, she simply let herself feel.

And just as she was really beginning to enjoy herself, it was over.

He let her go and took a step back. Even with her mind reeling, she saw amusement in his eyes again and wanted to kick herself.

“I think we’ve both got our answers now,” he said.

“Get out,” she whispered.

Behind them, Beast whimpered.

“All right.”

Surprised, she watched him warily. “Just like that?”

He shrugged. “I’ll not stay when you tell me to go. But I won’t
stay
away, Laura. What’s between you and me isn’t done, is it?”

“Yes,” she said, realizing how stupid that sounded coming from a woman who had just willingly given herself up to a kiss hot enough to burn down the house. “It is.”

He reached out, cupped her cheek in one palm and stroked her skin with his thumb. “We’ll see about that, won’t we?”

“Why, Ronan? You left two months ago without looking back. Why do you care now?”

He let his hand drop. “There’s something you’re not telling me, Laura. You want me, that’s easy enough to see…”

She grimaced and huffed out a breath.

“But it’s more than that, and I think you know it. There’s something…else. And I’ll know what it is before we’re done.”

She was in trouble, and she knew it. Her own body betrayed her when she was around Ronan. And she knew, if he put his mind to it, he would discover the truth about the surprise pregnancy that had ended in a miscarriage. Maybe Georgia was right. Maybe she should just tell him.

But the baby was
her
secret.
Her
loss.

She’d known from the first that there was no future in a relationship with Ronan. The day he’d walked into their real estate office and told her in brief, concise terms exactly what he wanted. What he needed from her. And maybe it had been the Irish accent that had done most of the seducing. But it hadn’t mattered in the end. She’d allowed herself to be swept up into an affair that had burned so brightly, it had gone to ash before its time.

“Now, see there,” he whispered. “It’s that flash of something…off…in your eyes that intrigues me. You’ve a secret, Laura.”

“No, I don’t,” she lied.

He laughed and shook his head. “All women have their secrets, darlin’,” he said, “and all men find a way to reveal them.”

“Sure of yourself, aren’t you?” Of course he was. It was one of the things she’d liked most about him. At first.

“Be foolish of me not to be, wouldn’t it?”

He would see it like that. Laura had never known a man as self-confident, as completely convinced of the rightness of everything he did, as Ronan Connolly. She envied that as much as it irritated her. Which was, she was forced to admit, quite a lot.

He turned to go.

“What about Beast?” she asked.

He shot a look at the dog that had moved to stand in front of Laura, like a big, furry shield. A smile curved Ronan’s mouth briefly. “He can stay with you. For now.”

Laura’s fingers curled into the dog’s long, shaggy hair. “Ronan?”

He stopped and looked back at her. The lamplight didn’t climb as high as his face, so his features, his eyes, were in shadow when she asked, “Why is it so important to you? Why do you care what my secrets are?”

A long moment of silence stretched out until all she heard was Beast’s gentle breathing and the tap of rain at the window. Just as she decided he wasn’t going to answer her at all, he spoke.

“Because I want what’s mine, Laura Page.”

“But I’m not yours.”

“You were,” he reminded her, “and if those secrets still belong to me, I’ll have them before we’re done.”

He left her then, quietly closing the door behind him.

Laura dropped onto the edge of the bed, finally giving in to the weakness in her knees. She lifted one hand to her mouth and swore she could still feel the buzz of his kiss sliding through her.

Then she sighed.

He hadn’t returned her key.

Three

L
aura got a late start the next morning.

While Georgia was out dealing with business at the post office, Laura stayed home to wait for the locksmith. Once all of the locks had been changed, she felt safe enough to leave Beast at home and go into the office.

Of course, her eyes were gritty from lack of sleep and her temper was more than a little on edge. And it was all Ronan’s fault.

This wasn’t right, she told herself as she unlocked the real estate office and flipped the sign on the door to ‘open’. She was supposed to be free of Ronan. Getting on with her life. Getting him out of her system.

The phone rang and she snatched at it gratefully. “Brand New Page Realty,” she said, plastering a smile she didn’t feel onto her face.

“You’re late today,” Ronan answered.

“Had to wait for a locksmith,” she told him, with just a bit of satisfaction. “Oh, feel free to throw that key away now.”

He chuckled. “Think I’ll be keeping it in the way of a souvenir.”

“You want keepsakes now?” she asked, sitting at her desk and riffling through the stack of mail. Bill. Bill. Bill. She sighed, tossed them to the desktop and leaned back in her chair.

Through the front window, the only signs of yesterday’s storm were the puddles in the street and the soaked piles of leaves that had been torn from trees. Thanks to the rain, the sky was a brilliant blue and the cold wind that rushed in off the ocean was drying everything out quickly.

“It wasn’t so long ago that you were telling me we were through,” she reminded him.

“Times change,” he countered and as he spoke, a long, black car pulled up in front of her shop.

Laura watched the driver of the car get out and she shook her head as she met Ronan’s gaze through the window. He was holding his cell phone to his ear and grinning at her.

“You know, it’s illegal to drive in California while holding your phone.”

“Ah, but I’m a dangerous man who likes a risk.”

He really was dangerous. To her peace of mind if nothing else. But damned if she’d let him know it. She’d spent hours during a long sleepless night berating herself for giving in to that kiss. No way was she going to slip up again.

Ronan was like any other bad habit.

The only way to quit was cold turkey.

“What are you doing here?”

He walked around his car, pushed open the door and a bell overhead jangled to announce him. Only then did he shut off his phone and tuck it into a pocket of his black slacks. “Giving you another chance to show me how much you want me.”

“God, you’re an impossibly arrogant man.”

“If you think that’s insulting, you’d be wrong.” He walked farther into the room. “I do wonder though, why you’re so on edge around me. Didn’t used to be.”

“Times change,” she shot back, throwing his own words at him as she set the phone back into its cradle.

“I like a woman with a temper,” he said. “Call it a flaw.”

“The very notion that you’re willing to admit to a flaw might ordinarily be a cause for celebration—”

He smiled as if everything she said amused him, and it probably did. That smile of his, along with the accent that seemed to ripple over her skin like a caress was a formidable weapon to a man who already had too many at his disposal.

“You’ve left Beast at home then?” He glanced around the office then back to her.

“He’s fine. And he knows I’ll be back.”

“Whereas, he wept and pined for me in my absence?” he asked.

Frowning, she shuffled the bills into a neat pile all while keeping one wary eye on him. “Ronan, why are you here?”

“To tell you I’ll be gone a few days.”

In spite of everything, she felt a ping of disappointment. Stupid. She should be glad he was leaving again. “So you’re proving my point about Beast. You’re gone more than you’re home.”

“I would have taken him with me this time,” he told her.

“Beast on a plane?”

“Did I mention anything about a plane?”

“No,” she had to admit.

“Aren’t you going to ask where I’m going?”

“No again,” she told him, though she was dying to know. Was he off to protect someone else? Putting himself in danger again? Or just rushing to get away from her again?

“I’ll tell you anyway. I’m off to the training grounds where our newest guards are taking their final tests.”

He had told her about the bodyguard training all of his employees had to take and pass before coming to work for him. She knew it was out in the desert somewhere, though he had kept the exact location a secret. Security reasons, he had told her, and she remembered being hurt that he didn’t trust her enough to be specific.

Seemed he still didn’t.

Laura glanced out the window to the busy street beyond, wishing someone—
anyone
—would come inside desperate to find a house. She couldn’t count on Georgia showing up, because she was at the post office with a stack of packages to mail and that could take either minutes or hours, depending.

Taking a breath, Laura resigned herself to being alone with Ronan no matter how hard it was. All she had to do was
not
think about that kiss. Better that she remember that he had walked away from her once already.

“So why are you telling me this?” she asked, deliberately keeping a distance from him.

“To give you a chance to miss me, of course.”

She blinked at him. “What?”

Ronan smiled easily and leaned against the corner of her desk. Crossing his arms in front of him, he looked her up and down and then met her eyes again. “I want you to think of me while I’m gone.”

“Why would I do that?” she demanded, though a part of her knew she would be doing just what he wanted her to. The real question was
why
he wanted her to. “You were gone for six weeks, and I didn’t miss you.”

“Liar.” His eyes flashed knowingly.

“I didn’t miss you before, and I won’t now, either,” she said and hoped she sounded more sure than she felt. “Why would I? You’re the one who broke things off between us, Ronan.”

“Aye, I did at that, and I’m thinking perhaps that was a mistake…”

“Wow,” she muttered, trying to cover the flutter of nerves, “admitting to flaws
and
a mistake all in the same conversation. Maybe you should see a doctor.”

He laughed. “What is it, I wonder, about that sharp tongue of yours intrigues me so?”

“I don’t want you intrigued, Ronan,” she told him and tried to ease past him to head for the file cabinet on the far wall.

She didn’t make it. He stopped her with one hand on her arm and the heat of his touch sizzled against her skin.

“Don’t you?” he asked, leaning toward her.

“No,” she answered, her gaze on his mouth as it came closer and closer— “
No
.”

She said it louder this time, and he stopped in response. Narrowing his eyes on her, he cocked his head to one side to study her. “You’d deny us both the kiss we each want?”

“Yes.” When he moved in again, she scuttled back. “I meant yes, I would deny us both.”

He blew out a breath and straightened up and away from the desk. His blue eyes were cool, his tone brisk as he said, “Fine then. I’ll not push you on this.”

“Good.”

“For now.”

Sunlight streamed through the front window, backlighting Ronan until he looked as if he’d been gilded by angels. Just that thought was enough to make her laugh silently. There was nothing angelic about Ronan Connolly. The man was temptation. He was warm when he chose to be and cold enough to freeze you solid if he thought you were getting too close.

Laura had already lived through that once. She had thought she could be the kind of woman to have a red-hot affair and not think of tomorrow. She’d learned fast—though not fast enough—that she wasn’t.

She’d lost her heart to him once. And she’d lost a child. She wasn’t prepared to lose more. Those thoughts steeled her spine and had her lifting her chin. “I’m not interested, Ronan.”

“Another lie,” he said, mouth quirking into a half smile.

“Fine,” she snapped, crossing to the file cabinet and blindly yanking open one of the metal drawers. She pulled out a manila folder, not caring which one it was. This was to prove to him she was too busy to play his games. “It’s ridiculous to try to pretend that you’re not…attractive.”

He snorted.

“But,” she said pointedly, “I’m not going down that road again. Heck, you’re the one who wanted to get
off
the road.”

“Will you forever be throwing that back at me?” he wondered aloud.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Carrying the folder to her desk, she scooted past him, then took a stand, figuratively and literally. “We were together three months and you ended it two months ago. Time to move on, don’t you think?”

He looked at her again and the flat, steady stare he sent her way had Laura thinking that he was looking into her heart, her mind.

“What I think,” he said, “is there’s more going on here than you’ll say.”

“If there is, it’s my business,” she retorted and dropped the file to her desktop.

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He planted both hands on her desk and leaned in until they were eye to eye. “If you wanted me gone from your life so neatly, Laura Page, you should’ve returned Beast to me. But you didn’t and that tells me you want me bothered. Troubled. And I have to ask myself why.

“So we’ll not be finished until I’ve got my answers.”

Damn it.

“You can end this today by telling me what it is you’re hiding,” he told her, lifting one hand to push her hair back behind her ear.

She flinched from his touch, and he frowned. He hadn’t liked that, but Laura couldn’t let him touch her because every time he did, it weakened her resistance to him.

“Tell me,” he whispered, all hint of a smile gone from his face. “Tell me why I see sadness as well as passion in your eyes when you look at me. Tell me why you took Beast and held him hostage. Tell me—”

She shook her head and held up one hand in an effort to stop him. “I don’t have to tell you anything, Ronan.”

“You don’t, but you will.”

“Because you say so? I don’t think so.”

“No,” he countered, coming around her desk to stand beside her. “Because it’s eating you up inside to
not
tell me. It’s on the tip of your tongue at all times, but you keep biting it back. So let it out, Laura. If you truly want me gone from your life, then tell me.”

Well, that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? If she told him, she’d have the satisfaction of seeing shock jolt into his eyes, but then he’d be gone, wouldn’t he? Really gone, and she didn’t know if she was as ready for that as she claimed to be. But it was more than just that. Sharing her secrets would open herself up to the pain of talking about her loss. And she wasn’t willing to do that.

The front door opened, the bell jangled a welcome and Georgia stepped inside and stopped dead on the threshold, staring from one to the other of them. “Am I interrupting?”

“Yes,” Ronan said.

“No,” Laura disagreed.

“Okay, then, it’s a draw, and I get to decide,” Georgia told them, walking to her desk. “And, since I just spent an hour and a half with the slowest postal employee on the face of the planet, all before coffee, I choose to interrupt.”

Ronan’s gaze never left Laura’s and though she heard her sister speaking, the words were lost and muted, as if coming from a distance. She paid no attention when Georgia left the room and went into the mini-kitchen where the coffee was waiting. She was too tied into knots to do much more than nod at Ronan when he murmured, “I’ll be going then.”

“Goodbye.”

He eased away, walked to the door and gave a quick nod to Georgia before looking back at Laura. “You’ll miss me.”

Not a question, but she answered anyway.

“No, I won’t.”

He grinned. “Liar.”

* * *

Ronan calmed his mind, let his thoughts slide away and paid no attention to the wind rushing in off the desert, stinging his skin with grains of sand. Instead he aimed, setting his sights on the silhouette target a hundred yards away. Slowly, he let out his breath and squeezed the trigger. Then he did it again and again until the clip in his automatic pistol was empty.

Taking off his ear protection, he hooked them around his neck and ejected the empty clip.

“Not bad.” Sam Travis walked up beside him, hit a red button on the wall and a humming sound buzzed into the air. The target flew toward them on a wire, the paper fluttering wildly. When it arrived, Sam nodded as he noted twelve shots expertly placed on the silhouette. Six in the head, six in the body, all closely grouped.

“Gotta stay on top,” Ronan said, then set his weapon into the zip bag and closed it. It was good to get out on a range and test his own reflexes, his aim. He expected the best of his guards and would accept nothing less from himself.

“You always did push yourself hard.”

“No point in doing something if you’re not going to be the best, now is there?”

“Suppose not,” Sam said, then asked, “So, want to tell me what’s weighing on your mind?”

Ronan shot Sam a quick look. Since when was he so easy to read? Hell, all over Ireland, Ronan Connolly was known to have the best poker face in the country. No one could tell what he was thinking. For years, he’d worked at locking down his emotions. Until now he would have said it was second nature.

Irritating to know that his control had slipped enough to allow Sam a glimpse of the turmoil within.

Covering as best he could, he said, “There’s nothing.”

“Yeah. Sell that to someone who doesn’t know you as well as I do.”

True, Sam did know him well. The two of them had been friends for five years, since meeting in the Middle East when they were both guarding politicians. That friendship had eventually become a partnership. Ronan had given Sam Travis the start-up capital to open his training facility and now he personally trained all new Cosain employees.

“So, what’s got the great Ronan Connolly twisting in the wind?”

Ronan frowned. “Would it do me any good to tell you I don’t want to talk about it?”