Up Close and Personal (13 page)

But all that stops when I hear from Dr. Testa again.

Chapter 17

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Caitlyn

“YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, Dr. Testa?” I ask.

His dark gaze shines bright on me. “Yes. Thank you for coming, Ms. Bennett.” A handsome man in his early fifties, he extends his hand in greeting as I walk through the door to his office. No doubt he inherited his olive skin from his Italian ancestry.

“Is there a problem? Sterling—Mr. MacKay visited you, didn’t he?” I’d finally talked Sterling into making his appointment. That had been two days ago.

He leans back and temples his hands above his lean middle. Doctor types tend to be full of nervous energy, but he’s a restful sort of man.

A good thing since my stomach has been doing somersaults since I heard from him. I dread what he has to say.

“Yes. He came in. His situation has deteriorated.” He should know what he’s talking about since he’s a world-renown ophthalmologist who specializes in eye ailments. “We need to repair his optic nerve and reattach his retina, as well as reconstruct his eye sockets. Slivers of bone have done some major damage.”

No wonder Sterling is in so much pain at times. “Can you fix it?”

He sighs. “He’s refusing the surgery which means he’ll go completely blind. Within a matter of months, he won’t see even shadows anymore.”

“I don’t understand. Why is he refusing the surgery?”

Leaning forward, he fixes me with a steady stare. “This surgery carries a high degree of risk. If we’re not successful, he may may lose whatever sight he has left.”

“But he’ll lose it either way. Why is he being so stubborn?”

He opens his hands. “If I may be frank, Ms. Bennett.”

“Of course.”

“He relies on you. You’ve apparently accepted him as he is. He thinks even if he loses all his vision, he’ll still have you. To be his ‘eyes’ if you wish.”

“But that’s silly. He gets around the house just fine. He doesn’t need me for that. And I don’t accompany him to his office in D.C.”

“I’m not talking about the physical world, but rather the world in the larger sense. During his last visit, I cautioned him about what to expect if he doesn’t have the surgery. I told him he would lose his sight. That’s when he opened up about your relationship. You discuss the topics of the day, read books aloud, watch television with him. You’re interpreting the world for him. As long as he has you, he doesn’t need to see. You’re his beacon in the darkness.”

I do all of that, but that’s my job.
Not everything, Caitlyn
. Not the conversations in bed or the other things you do there. “I’m his personal assistant, that’s all.”

He gazes kindly at me. “You’re more than that, Ms. Bennett.” But then he drives his point home. “As long as you’re around, he won’t have the surgery.”

“What if”—I gulp—“what if I wasn’t there anymore?”

“He would be alone in the darkness. And that’s his greatest fear. I believe he would choose the surgical procedure then.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” I stand, shake his hand. “I have a lot to think about.”

On the way back to the mansion, I mull over what he said. At work, Sterling has his computer, his assistants, his reading machine. And at home, he has me to take care of whatever he needs. Read, talk, make love. I’d solved all his vision problems for him which means for him to regain his sight—

I’ll need to leave him.

Something seizes inside of me, a pain the likes of which I felt only once before. The day my mother died. The day I lost her. And now? Now I’ll lose Sterling as well.

During the next few days, I devise a plan sure to cause an unsurmountable rift between us. It needs to be unfixable because otherwise he’d find a way to keep me by his side. On Friday, when he arrives home from work and before dinner is served I ask to talk to him.

Stepping into his office, the place where I first met him, he pulls me into him, kisses me. “Ummm, I needed that after the day I’ve had.”

For a second, I’m tempted to ask him what happened, but that won’t do. Taking a deep breath, I say the words that can never, ever be taken back. “I’m leaving.”

His brow wrinkles. “Leaving. Where are you going?”

“New York.”

He shakes his head as if he can’t quite comprehend what I’m saying. “Going shopping for the weekend?”

“No. I’m moving there.”

The smile I love so much disappears. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Stu, my boyfriend—”

“You don’t have a boyfriend.” He spits out through clenched teeth.

He’s right. But I can’t let him know. “Yes. I do. We never broke up. He found a job for me in New York City. Junior Financial Analyst in an investment firm. I start on Monday.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stands there, nailed to the spot. His shoulders slump, the light dims in his beautiful eyes. Oh, God. I’ve hurt him. So much. Tears well in my eyes, but I can’t let on. I need to be strong, stronger than I’ve been my whole life. “I’ll need the rest of the money you owe me. I wrote a check for that amount.”

That old gaze of his resurfaces. The one filled with anger and disdain. The one he wore when I first started working for him. “Damn you. I believed you. I believed in you.”

My heart bleeds for him, for me. But I can’t break down in front of him. “The check’s on the desk. All you have to do is sign it.” I put a pen in his hand, guide him to the signature line on the check. He scribbles his name. It’s messy but readable.

“Thank you, Sterling.” Wanting one last kiss, I step toward him.

But he jerks back away from me. “Take your money and leave. You’ve earned it. I just didn’t know I was paying for the services of a whore.”

With tears streaming down my face, I run out of the office. Moseley, who’s probably heard the argument, stands by the front door. “Ms. Bennett. You’re leaving?”

“Yes. I must. Take care of him, Moseley. He’ll need you now more than ever.”

“I will. For what it’s worth, you were good for him.”

“And now I’ve hurt him. So much.” Angrily, I swipe at my tears.

“Moseley.” Sterling’s scream reaches us all the way from his office.

I drop my head as the tears flow down my cheeks. I can’t bear the pain.

“Go, Miss. I’ll handle it.”

“You always do.” I kiss him on the cheek and march out the mansion’s front door one last time toward the taxi waiting for me.

Chapter 18

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Sterling

“YOU’VE CHANGED YOUR MIND about the surgery?” Dr. Testa asks.

“Yes.” It took but a week after Caitlyn left for me to come to my senses. With her gone, I find my life infinitely more difficult. She’d become not only my personal assistant but the way I viewed the world. Except it had all been a lie, hadn’t it? She stayed with me only until a job she trained for came through. And I fell for her subterfuge like the idiot I am.

“Good. We should schedule it as soon as possible.”

“The stockholders’ meeting is this Friday. Other than that, my schedule’s clear. Just let me know the date.”

After a series of tests and the usual pre-surgery procedures, the surgery is scheduled for the following week. At home, I enjoy one last dinner. Alone.

“Surgery’s tomorrow,” I say to Moseley.

“Yes, Sir. The staff and I wish you a successful surgery and a speedy recovery.”

“Several nurses will be here for the first few days.” I’ll get round-the-clock care for three days and then only one will remain here and others on call. To help me acclimate to total blindness.

“I’ve made arrangements. The room next to yours will be available for their supplies and such. And, of course, the staff will cooperate as much as they can.”

“Thank you, Moseley. That will be all.” He leaves me alone in the dining room. I glance toward the chair where
she
sat recalling so many of our conversations. The way she spoke, her scent, the noises she made when she ate. She made me believe that she was good and kind when in reality she was like everyone else, a liar. I miss her, even though she wasn’t real. Even though she was a damn liar.

Next morning the staff lines up in the corridor to wish me good luck. At the head of it, of course, is Moseley. I shake his hand. “Thank you, for everything.”

The trip to the hospital is both too fast and too slow. But in reality it’s accomplished in less than an hour. The hospital is one of the best, not only in the East Coast, but the entire United States. And Dr. Testa is a world renowned eye surgeon. I’m truly in the best of care. Although the surgery takes several hours, unconscious as I am, for me it goes by in a flash. Late in the evening, I regain consciousness to find my temple and eyes wrapped in thick bandages. Total darkness surrounds me, but thankfully, I’m not alone.

“Good evening, Sterling,” Dr. Testa says.

Still groggy from the medication and disoriented from the lack of light, I don’t have much to say. “How did it go?”

“There was more extensive damage than we expected.”

My stomach plummets. “Will I gain more sight?” I’m not even asking for full vision, just something, anything to ward off the total darkness. I don’t want to be alone in the dark.

“Only time will tell, but I’m . . . hopeful.”

Hopeful, a lie to feed a blind man.

Forty eight hours later, I’m home, surrounded by a trio of nurses who make sure I eat and urinate. Within a day they have me walking and going to the bathroom. There they leave me alone. Good thing because I sure as hell don’t want to depend on them to pee. They hand me a cane, but I surprise them when I move around my room knowing exactly where everything is without bumping into anything.

A week later, at my first doctor’s appointment, the bandages come off. While they apply some liquid to my eyes, I keep them closed, but light filters through my eyelids which gives me hope.

“Slowly now, open your eyes,” Dr. Testa says.

I do, but a stab of light makes me shut them again.”

“Try again.”

I don’t know how to open my eyes slowly so I raise my hand and cover them to ward against the harsh light. When pain stabs again, I shut them.

“Again, Sterling.”

In fits and starts, I open and close my eyes, until finally, finally I can leave them open. And everything becomes clear to me. Dr. Testa, his nurse holding a bottle in her hand. The tray tables, old-fashioned eye chart.

“Well?” Dr. Testa asks.

“I can see!” A wave of emotion rolls over me and my eyes cloud with tears. “I can see.”

“Splendid!” Dr. Testa says a big smile on his face. “We don’t want to tax your vision, so we’ll cover your eyes with a temporary bandage.”

“I need to see.” I hate that I sound so desperate.

“You are, Sterling. But you have to give your eyes time to heal. Wear the bandage two hours on, two hours off. If your eyes start to hurt, put the bandage back on and call me.”

“Okay.”

I follow his instructions to the letter. The following week he prescribes special glasses which will help filter the light. I must wear them all the time, but at least I don’t have to wear the blasted bandage anymore. Over the next month, he allows me to read for an hour a day while cautioning me against over exerting my eyes. Although the surgery’s a success, I could easily slide back.

Within three months, he approves my previous activities. But cautions me against hazardous sports. “We had to construct new eye sockets for you, my friend,” he says squeezing my shoulder. “We wouldn’t want all that beautiful work of mine to be destroyed. Eh?”

I laugh. “No, we wouldn’t.” No more stock car racing or rock climbing for me.

That night, I think about how much I’ve gained. Caitlyn is only a distant memory, except at night when I slip into bed. Even though it’s not possible, I can still smell her scent.

Chapter 19

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Caitlyn

SIX MONTHS IN THE BIG APPLE and I still miss D.C. Don’t get me wrong. I love New York City but I also yearn for the sight of the Washington monument, the Capitol, the White House. This year for the first time, I didn’t get to see the Cherry Blossoms bloom. Even when my mom was ill, we’d travel down to the Tidal Basin to enjoy them from the car.

But most of all I miss him. Sterling. How did he get to be such a huge part of my life in a couple of months? I still crave him with every bit of my heart and soul. But I burned that bridge when I walked out on him. Not that there was a choice. His dependence on me prompted him to reject the surgery which would give him his eyesight back. So the only thing I could do was leave.

The money I earned as personal assistant to Sterling lasted only long enough to pay a deposit and two months’ rent on an apartment share situation on the East End and buy new furniture for my bedroom. Once I settled in, I pounded the pavement until I found a position at an investment company through a friend of a college friend. The pay’s not spectacular, but it pays the rent and a portion of my mom’s medical bills. It’s going to take longer to pay them off than I expected, but I don’t regret incurring that debt.