Up High in the Trees (8 page)

Louise, Mother told her.

Such a grown-up name, the lady said.

On the wall, there were two blue fish with gold bubbles floating up out of their mouths. The lady cleaned Mother's hands and knees with a clear bottle of alcohol that she poured on cotton balls. The alcohol burned, but Mother didn't cry.

I pretend to be asleep still when Cass comes in to wake me up for school. She sits on the edge of my bed.

Sebby, she says, it's late.

I don't open my eyes.

I know you can hear me, Cass says and she stands up now.

Her slippers swish-walk away on the carpet. Then I wet the bed on purpose. I didn't think I would really do it, but then I do and I feel bad.

Cass, I say, I had an accident.

She walks over to me and lifts my blanket to see.

Are you kidding me? she asks. We don't have time for this.

I'm sorry, I say.

Cass grabs my shoulders and pulls me out of the bed.

Go take a shower, she says. This is so gross.

I watch Cass peel the wet sheet off my bed. She turns around and sees me watching.

Go, she says.

I run into the bathroom and turn on the shower. Then I take off my T-shirt. My wet pajama bottoms are stuck to my legs. I pull them down and get in the shower. I stand there under the hot water with my eyes closed. I am really sorry. Now Cass will be mean and I don't want to go to school.

There's knocking.

Sebby, Dad's voice says, we're late already, let's go.

I don't move. Dad knocks again.

Sebby, he says, are you okay?

I open my eyes now. Dad knocks and then comes in. He turns off the water and wraps a towel around me.

Did you hear me? he asks.

I don't say anything.

You have to hurry, Dad says and carries me into my room. Get your clothes on.

I look at my bed. All the blankets are gone. There's a dark wet stain on the blue mattress.

At lunch, Ronny's telling how you can make yourself faint. Katya and I don't sit at his table, but we're listening to him.

You have to breathe in and out really fast for thirty seconds, Ronny says, and then you stand up against a wall and someone has to push hard against your chest.

Katya's eating her apple slices. She eats just the white part and leaves the red skin. I don't feel very hungry. I'm holding my sandwich but not taking any bites.

I was passed out for almost a minute, Ronny says. He closes his eyes and falls forward on the table, like he's fainting.

Stupid, Katya whispers to me. She spits out a piece of apple skin and wipes her mouth on the back of her hand.

Ronny sits up again and laughs. He looks around at everybody watching him.

My sandwich drops out of my hand.

You don't like it? Katya asks and picks it up for me.

I shake my head. I remember the air in Grandmother's house and how it made Mother faint. I don't want to be sad in front of everyone, but my eyes are filling up and that feels like burning. I close my eyes and try to push it back down. Then I'm crying.

Sebby, Katya says.

I'm crying without making any noise. Katya pulls my glasses off.

Sebby, she says, what do you want?

The other kids are quiet now. I know they see me.

Hey, Katya, Andy says, what's the matter with the crybaby? A balled-up napkin hits my cheek and lands in my lap. Katya picks it up and throws it back at Ronny's table.

What? Katya asks me. Sebby, she says, what do you want? She keeps asking me.

I'm looking at her skinny, pretty shoulder. Her yellow sweater is too small. The sleeves are short and tight. I lean forward and bite her shoulder as hard as I can. Katya doesn't move. Her yellow sweater tastes like soap.

Stop it, she says.

I stop and now Katya is crying, too.

The lunch-duty lady runs over to us.

What's going on here? she asks.

Ronny and one of the girls at his table tell her what I did.

I have to go home early from school. Dad's on his way to get me. I'm waiting for him in the principal's office.

Are you feeling okay? Dr. Fischer asks me again. He's sitting in a big, brown chair with his arms folded on the desk.

I look at him and nod.

When Dad comes, Dr. Fischer asks him to sit. In the chair next to mine, Dad stretches out his legs and crosses his ankles.

How're you? Dad asks.

Just fine, Dr. Fischer says. How are you and Sebastian doing?

Dad switches and crosses his ankles the other way. Then he looks up and says, I think we're all right.

Teaching's going well? Dr. Fischer asks.

Dad teaches at a college that's only for girls, but the teachers can be boys.

I'm on leave, Dad says, finishing my book.

Dr. Fischer nods and says, It might be best for Sebastian to stay home a few days.

Dad coughs and clears his throat.

Okay, Dad says, he may just need some extra rest.

I start to swing my feet. Without even looking, Dad reaches over and puts his hand on my knees to stop my feet.

I have to go to the bathroom, I say.

Hold on a minute, Dad says. He looks at Dr. Fischer and waits.

I'll give you a call on Friday, Dr. Fischer says, and we'll see how Sebastian's feeling then.

Friday's in two days, I say.

That's right, says Dr. Fischer. He looks down at the desk and moves some papers around. Very well, he says.

On Mother's funeral day, Leo helped me get dressed in a new suit that Cass bought for me. The light blue tie had tiny white stars all over it. Leo stood behind me in front of the mirror and tried to put the tie on me, but he couldn't do it right.

I have to get Dad, he said.

He left me in my room in front of the mirror. I was looking at my face and it was hard to breathe. I put my hand on the mirror to cover my face, because I didn't like how it looked.

Music started playing downstairs. The Otis Redding song about sitting on the dock.

Cass made Dad promise, no sad music. I think Otis Redding is sad music.

I went to Mother and Dad's room. Nobody was there and I wanted to go in the closet, so I did. Then I opened the secret door in the way back and crawled inside. The white stars all over my tie glowed in the dark.

I heard Leo calling for me and then Cass and Dad were calling for me, too. They couldn't find me, so Mrs. Franklin from next door had to come over and wait for me to come out. She walked all around the house calling my name, her voice getting louder and then quieter again. I knew that Dad and Cass and Leo went without me.

Leo wakes me up for dinner. It's almost six o'clock, he says. If you sleep anymore, you'll be up all night.

I'm sweaty from sleeping and my mattress is hot. I try reaching out with my foot to find a faraway spot that feels cool. Next to me, the wet stain from this morning is a smaller, dark blue egg.

Cass made you mashed potatoes, Leo says. He's leaning against the door with his arms folded.

I'm not hungry, I tell him.

Leo stands there, looking at me.

What? I ask him.

Nothing, Leo says. I wanted to tell you. Then he stops. He stands up straight and pushes his hands into his pockets.

I tried to throw a chair in fifth grade, Leo says. It was the day the spaceship launched. You know, the
Challenger
. We were watching and then it exploded on the TV. Mrs. Shapiro got up and, real calm, she turned off the TV and carried it out of the room. When she came back in, I remember she said, Sometimes these things happen. I hated her when she said that.

Leo stops again. I wait.

He says, Dad told me that the people on the spaceship were going to rescue Major Tom—the guy from the David Bowie song—and I kind of believed him. I started thinking about Major Tom floating around by himself in space with nobody to save him. Anyway, I picked up my chair and tried to throw
it against the wall, but the chair was heavy and I couldn't really throw it so I sort of just dropped it and this girl, Angela, laughed at me. I had to go to the principal's office. I sat there crying.

Leo takes a step backward into the hallway.

Anyway, he says, it's time for dinner. Come on.