Upside Down in the Middle of Nowhere (15 page)

Memaw took a long deep breath and coughed. “One day he up an' asked ol' man Riley to fix him some
assurance
onto the end of his dern walkin' stick. And, don'tcha know, good ol' Riley did. PawPaw called it his poker. And from that day on, he never went nowhere without it.”

She looked over at me and Sealy with the little grin that always made me smile. “Ya know what else he never left home without?”

“What?”

“A kiss from me, that's what.” She sighed a happy sigh. “Yes indeed, a kiss from me.”

Daddy poke-drilled about fifty quarter-sized holes in the ceiling, making it so I could get a good fix on the sky. The gray of the sky matched the gray everywhere else, but seeing outside reminded me that there
was
something besides the attic.

The wind was gusting so hard, it whistled as it blew in and out of the flute holes all over the ceiling. I swear it felt like the house was gonna flip over, or maybe even just take off sailing into the sky like Dorothy's house in
The Wizard of Oz
. It creaked, it groaned, and it rattled so bad it most likely shook the nails loose.

A constant drip fell from the holes, making a
tink, tink
sound on the lopsided plywood floor. Water was under us. Water was falling outside. Water was coming in—and there was nowhere to go.

Memaw patted her shoulder, letting me know she wanted me to rest my head there. She gently rubbed my leg with her fingertips, causing a tiny tickle. She slipped one of them hard caramels into my hand and held her finger to her mouth. “Shh . . .” She winked.

I unwrapped the candy and plopped it into my mouth. It was the best piece I'd ever had. It was sweeter and juicier than usual. I was gonna ask her where hers was, but I didn't wanna give away our secret.

“How you doin', child?”

“I'm okay, Memaw. Are you all right?”

“Oh, I'm gonna be fine, darlin'.” We sat like that—just being close, for a good while.

“Armani, I have somethin' I wanna give you.” Memaw reached down inside the neckline of the yellow housedress and pulled out her locket. “Would you be so kind to unhook me, dear?”

“But, Memaw . . .”

She shook one crooked finger at me. “Please do this for your ol' Memaw. And don't argue.” Her eyes were watery and tired. I reached behind her and unlatched the necklace. She kissed it before putting it on me.

Memaw patted the locket resting near where my heart sits and said, “Yes indeed, that is
special
.”

“But Memaw, why are you giving this to me? This is
your
special locket.”

“I know what it is, child, but it's not mine no more. Truth is, it never really was mine.” Memaw opened the locket. Inside was a tiny dial under glass with a needle that bounced around and finally settled on the letter N sitting off to the left. I rubbed my thumb careful-like across the little glass dome protecting the compass. Memaw lifted her glasses up off her nose to swipe the sweat that had pooled up there.

Nested up inside the lid of the locket was a tiny little speck of a picture of Mama about my age, sitting on the porch swing with Memaw.

“You an' Mama are so beautiful.”

“Thank you, baby. I like to say we come from a long line of beautiful women. Legend has it the women in our family keep gettin' more
beautiful with each new generation.” She smiled. Happy, warm love spread from my heart to my cheeks.

“I put that picture in there for you the day you were born, NeeNee. I've been waitin' for the right time to give it to ya. My mama gave this compass-locket to me when I married your dear PawPaw. She said it would help me if I ever lost my way home.” Memaw's eyes got that far-off look and she let out another long sigh. “I wanted to give it to ya yesterday on your birthday, but everything got so . . . busy.”

A huge, pounding rumble of thunder shook the house like we needed reminding as to why yesterday got so . . . 
busy
.

I wrapped my arms around her, the best I could from a sit, and squeezed tight. “Thanks, Memaw.”

“Keep it close to your heart an' know that's where I'll always be.” Memaw kissed my forehead.

Mama swiped at a tear sliding down her face. She smiled and blew me a kiss across the shadowy attic.

The sky turned dark and ugly again, wrapping us up in darkness. The rain poured down sideways—the winds keeping most of it from coming straight down and into our pitiful, tore-up, leaky attic.

I rested my head on Memaw's shoulder with the locket tucked safe inside the palm of my hand. Her shoulder was wet from sweat. My eyes got heavier and heavier.

Shadows danced and shifted from one wall to the other. It scared and confused me. It took me a minute or two of looking around to remember that we were in the attic, and why we were there.

Sealy and Georgie played with a flashlight, making finger shadows on the dirty plywood floor and vibrating walls.

My neck was stiff. I needed to stretch, but Memaw's heavy ol' head was lying on top of mine. I tried to get out from under her without waking her up.

I got frustrated. “Memaw,” I whispered, nudging her with my trapped arm.

She didn't move.

“Memaw,” I whispered again, but louder.

She still didn't move.

I patted her cheek, and real quick jerked my hand away. Something was wrong. Her skin didn't feel normal. I touched her cheek again. Instead of feeling her usual silky soft skin, it felt like I was touching the outside of a chilled watermelon.

My breathing came faster—harder.

I didn't care if I interrupted her sleep or not. I pulled my head out from under the weight of hers. Her head flopped down. Her chin rested on her chest at an unnatural angle.

I jumped to my feet. My heart raced. Panic spread up from my toes.

My mouth went dry and I couldn't swallow. “Memaw,” I said, poking her shoulder with my finger.

She still wouldn't wake up.

My whole body took to shaking from the inside out.

I didn't see Daddy come up beside me, but I felt him there.

Mama was sobbing.

I just stood there.

I didn't move.

I didn't cry.

I couldn't breathe.

I just stood there.

Georgie paced back and forth with Cricket pushed against his chest, punching jabs at the empty air in front of him.

The wind was blowing fierce. Howling. Screaming. Something crashed down onto the roof.
Thud!

Sealy was crying louder than anyone. The twins fussed and wanted to be picked up. Mama was down on her knees. Daddy hovered over her, with his head all slouched down.

“Do something, Daddy!” I shouted, in a voice that didn't sound like me.

“It's too late, Armani. She's gone,” Daddy said, through his own tears.

“What're you sayin'?” I shook so hard my teeth chattered. “Save her like you did with Kheelin!”

Daddy still didn't move. He just fussed over useless Mama.

The house shifted under my feet. The world rattled and whooshed.

Why wouldn't he at least
try
to save her?

I all but pushed Mama out of the way. I grabbed hold of Memaw's shoulders so I could lay her down and do CPR like I'd seen Daddy do for Kheelin. But she was heavy and wouldn't move. Sweat poured off me. I was shaking and clumsy. I needed to hurry.

Daddy tried to wrap his arms around me.

I wiggled free, never taking my eyes off Memaw. Daddy put hisself between me and Memaw. I swung at him and landed a good one somewhere in the middle of his belly.

“Leave me alone!” I screamed at him. “Someone's gotta save her!” I kept trying to move her.

“Armani, please stop,” Daddy said, wiping his tears away with the bottom of his shirt. “It's too late, baby, she's gone.”

“No, she's not! Stop saying that.” I couldn't catch my breath.

I tried again to move her, this time with a big heave, but Memaw's lifeless body fell sideways, to where she looked like she was kissing her own kneecap.

Everyone gasped. Sealy cried louder.

Mama came to me. She stood beside me, barely placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Memaw's with Jesus, Armani,” she said, with tears streaming down her face. Everything was blurry through my own tears that wouldn't fall. My head throbbed.

Mama gave my shoulder a little squeeze. She walked away and went over to tend to Sealy, who fell into her arms like a rag doll.

Daddy was over in the corner, trying to get Georgie to stand still.

I took Memaw's hand into mine. I kissed the top of it where it was extra soft. I pressed her hand to my cheek. A tear fell and rolled across her hand. “I love you, Memaw,” I said, sucking in hot, thick air. I looked down at her crumpled body. My tears started flowing.

Without saying a word, Daddy came over and scooped up Memaw like she didn't weigh more than Sealy. He carried her to the far side of the attic and laid her down, careful not to let her head bump the floor.

I crawled over and sat beside Memaw, losing control of my crying. It came in long, loud sobs.

Daddy kneeled down and put his arm around me. “I know, baby, I know,” he said softly near my ear. My head started to fall toward his shoulder.

His arm went around me tighter. “It's going to be all right, NeeNee.”

A bolt stabbed into my heart. I pushed him away, all but knocking him to the floor. I jumped up, trembling, and glared at him. “Shut up! Don't
ever
call me that!”

He stared at me, his mouth half open, his eyes all puffy and wet.

After a few solid stomps in the clunky boots, I stood over by Mama. I whipped around and gave him a serious head slide, my eyes burning and glazed over. From the bottom of where all my meanness is stored, I said in a slow and even tone, “
No one
calls me that but Memaw.” We locked eyes for only a second, till Daddy slowly turned away with his head hanging down.

Tears streamed down my face as I watched Daddy bend down to kiss Memaw on her forehead. Then he unbuttoned his thin ol' shirt.
He took it off, and covered my Memaw. All the air, and happy, and knowin', and . . . 
everything
got pulled out of me and left me standing there empty on wobbly legs.

I threw myself into Mama's arms and cried till I had no tears left inside me. Daddy was holding Georgie the way Mama was holding me.

We stayed like that till the tree broke through the roof and landed in the middle of our attic, separating me from Memaw.

My brothers and sisters were all screaming and crying—I could see it on their faces. But I didn't hear anything.

I looked up through the huge hole in the roof. The black of the night fell into me and took me in. I closed my eyes. There was finally gonna be enough air to breathe.

The night was close to over by the time Daddy found a safe way for us to climb out of the hole in the roof that the tree had made.

When Mama and the kids started making their way through the hole, my brain and my heart got in a scuffle. Surviving the nightmare meant getting out of the attic, but I didn't wanna leave Memaw behind. She didn't like being by herself—always making sure one of us was close by for company. How could we just up and leave her so—alone?

Me and Daddy were the last ones left in the attic. I wanted to tell him it was wrong to leave Memaw, and that I was sorry for being hateful, but I wasn't ready to talk to him just yet. So I kept quiet, letting myself be pushed through the jagged hole and onto the roof.

The sky was midnight blue, with tiny white stars blinking everywhere. I took a deep breath and sucked in a huge gulp of the fresh night air. It was the first real breath I'd taken since Memaw had died. A new batch of tears filled my eyes. I squeezed the compass-locket between my hands.

I tore my eyes from the star-filled sky and seen the silhouette of Mama keeping watch over her babies. They were sleeping at her feet. She was holding herself and swaying from side to side. She stared up at the dark sky, the moonlight shining off the soft curves of her face.