Upside Down in the Middle of Nowhere (26 page)

The color of Tabasco red crawled up her ripe-banana-brown neck and spread into her cheeks, turning her whole face purple. “I . . . I don't understand,” she stuttered. I could see the strain it was for her to keep the ridiculous smile in place. She never took the bag. I wanted to get right up in her face and scream,
You don't even know me! And you sure don't know nothin' about my boots!

“What's wrong? What's in the bag, Armani?” Sealy said all nervous, looking from me to the busybody woman.

“You wanna know what's in the bag, Sealy?” I snapped, never taking my eyes off Miss Nash. I flung the bag at my sister. She caught it and right away looked inside.

She held up the new white sneakers with sky-blue stripes and the bag floated to the floor. “Armani, it's just shoes,” she said like she was giving me some new piece of information.

“I don't
need
shoes. In case y'all haven't noticed, I've
got
shoes.” I held one foot up, to make sure they could see, and shook my foot in the air. The boot slid back and forth and almost fell off. I put my foot back down, knowing I'd made my point. I tore my eyes from the confused-looking woman and shifted my mad at simple-minded Sealy, who didn't wanna be my sister no more. “Put the shoes back in the bag an' give it back to Miss Nash so she can give them to someone who needs them.”

Sealy just stood there staring.

“Armani,” Miss Nash said slow and direct, “I'm here to help you.” A cry got stifled in her throat. “But I can't help you if you won't trust me.”

“But
why
do you wanna help us? We didn't ask for no help. You don't even know us!” My eyes stung and I wished that she'd stop looking at me with them eyes of hers.

She took a step toward me and I took a half step back. She stopped and gave me a tiny soft smile with her head leaning to one shoulder.

I couldn't look at her no more. “Fine. Whatever.” I snatched the shoes out of Sealy's hands. I shoved them back in the bag and tied the bag shut. I put the bag up under my cot next to the pile of clothes I had no intention of wearing. Without taking my eyes off the floor, I said, “Okay, well, thank you.”

Miss Priscilla Nash kissed her own hand and touched my cheek with it. “Things are gonna get better, child,” she whispered.

The lights faded away, spreading the gray everywhere. It was aggravating the way the huge lights hugging the ceiling buzzed even louder at night than they did during the day when they were on full blast. But every night at nine o'clock, somebody hit a switch somewhere and turned our new sit-and-wait world the color of nightmares. Up in my head, when I talked with myself, I'd started using the word
hell
. I didn't think Jesus would hold it against me on account of I wasn't letting the word leave my mouth. Besides, I figured He already knew the truth about where we were anyhow.

I was lying there on the rock-cot missing my life when I was nine when Sealy's voice came floating over my way. She was telling droopy-eyed Khayla a story, but the part that made my ears perk up and pay attention was when she said, “It must have looked like this to Pinocchio when he found himself up inside the whale's belly.”

I pushed up on one elbow so I could look over to where Sealy was stroking Khayla's forehead, staring up at the gray-soaked ceiling.
A whale's belly
. That was exactly what it looked and felt like—and smelled like too—all musky and poopy and stinking like someone burned the red beans.

I wondered what them sneakers felt like on the inside. I pushed all the air out from my lungs, then breathed in big and deep. I rolled over, said good-night in my head to Daddy, and Mama, and Georgie, and TayTay, and Memaw up in heaven, and forced myself to go to sleep . . . again.

“You must have prior approval to board the transport unit departing for Houston at eleven
A.M
. If you do not have your authorization code, please report to one of the transfer counselors immediately. Repeating: The first bus bound for Houston, Texas, will depart promptly at eleven
A.M
. You must have prior approval . . .”

The voice boomed through the stuffy morning shelter air. I flipped onto my belly and tried to fold the stupid paper pillow over my head to cover my ears. I opened one eye. Sealy was standing over me, holding her journal, looking down with a look of worry spread across her face. I flopped over and sat straight up. “What? What's wrong?”

“You were crying and kicking in your sleep again.”

“No, I wasn't.”

“Yes, you were. You can ask them.” I didn't have to look to know she was pointing at the three MawMaws. They were always staring, and whispering, and shaking their heads like it was their job to watch over us.

Khayla's head popped up off the cot like it was on springs. I moaned. I wasn't ready to get up. Even though my stomach was growling,
begging for food, I wasn't ready to start another long day of lugging fussy Khayla back and forth to the stinking bathroom, knowin' good and well that something was wrong with her, and knowin' at the same time there wasn't nothing I could do about it without exposing the truth about my family. I reached over and pushed Khayla's head back down on her cot and tried to shush her back to sleep.

“I think Khayla needs to use the bathroom,” Sealy said in a tired voice and sat down next to Khayla. The girl didn't have no good reason for being anything but rested.

I squeezed my eyes shut and said, “Well, then, go on an' take her.” It would've been nice to see her do
something
to help me out with our sister.

“Never mind,” Sealy said. “I don't think she has to go anymore.” She never took her face out from between the swirly green and white cover of her dumb journal. I stared at her wishing I was still a little kid so I could sit and scribble in a book all day.

“Khayla, do you need to use it?” I'd only been up a few minutes and I was already aggravated.

“No.”

“Good,” I mumbled to the air, “then I'm gonna go.” I scooted and huffed and puffed, and slapped at the crinkly, useless pillow—fussin' the whole time, trying to get up off my idiotic cot.

“You can't leave us here,” Sealy said in her Sealy way. “I'm too young, remember?”

I wasted one of the best crusty looks I've ever made when I threw it over at Sealy. She didn't see it 'cause the girl never looked up once, as far as I could tell. Whatever.

Khayla came walking up behind me.

I turned around, pointing my finger. “No, Khayla.”

From behind her journal, Sealy said all sweet-like, “Come see, Khayla. Come see Sissy.” Khayla turned around and headed back to Sealy. I was fixin' to tell her to put the journal away and pay attention to her baby sister, but right then she set the book down and planted them sad puppy eyes of hers on me. “Are you really going to leave us by ourselves, Armani?”

I turned away and started walking. “I'm so sick of doin'
everything
. Can't I just go to the bathroom one time by myself?” I was so wore down. “Y'all will be fine. You got them to watch ya.”

I let out a tired sigh and waved at the three happy MawMaws.

I hated being on that side of the shelter. There were too many red vests and too many sets of eyes and ears. I wiped beads of sweat off my forehead. I was thankful for the short line. I got in and out of the bathroom quick so I could hurry up and get back to our corner, where I felt safe.

“
Attention: The first bus bound for Houston, Texas, will depart promptly at eleven
 . . .” I don't know why they kept making the same announcement over and over. It didn't do nothing but add to the noise.

I was trying to make my way through the people and fuss when a big ol' woman pushed past me. Based on the size of her rear end, it was a good thing she didn't find no part of me with her feet, or I would've been crushed to death for sure.

“Hey!” I hollered. But by the time the words left my mouth, all I could see was the woman waddling away as fast as her short legs could go with a crying kid on her shoulder. A kid with a daffodil-yellow shorts set.

My heart knock-knock-knocked up inside my chest.

“Hey, are you okay?” Someone touched my shoulder.

I never took my eyes off the huge backside shifting from side to side as the crazy woman zigzagged through the room of cots and people. My head went to thumping. I tried to take off running, but tripped over my own boot-covered foot and fell to the floor.

“Whoa, girl. Slow down,” the person said, grabbing hold of my arm.

“I—I can't. I think that woman has my baby sister.” Panic filled my whole body when I said the words out loud.

“What?”

I finally looked the annoying stranger straight in the face. I blinked, trying not to get lost in the ocean blue of the boy's big eyes. I searched my brain for the kid's name. “Wh-what are you doin' here?”

The Boman kids. I couldn't believe my eyes. The last time I'd seen them kids they were all tucked up inside a tire drifting off to who knows where. Now, here they were, all four of them lined up like stairsteps from the tallest one down to the shortest. The name of the boy who'd grabbed hold of my arm didn't come to me, 'cause I never knew it to begin with.

“What's wrong? Are you okay?” the oldest Boman boy asked.

I pointed into the muck of people. “I don't know.” I started thinking maybe all I'd seen was a rude fat woman trying to run with a girl who happened to be dressed in yellow. Maybe the red-vested folks were handing out daffodil-yellow shorts sets to all the little girls. I stopped pointing and adjusted my shirt that was stuck to me like I was made of flypaper.
Khayla is safe with Sealy
, I started chanting up in my head.

“You sure looked scared.” The Boman boy's voice had a nice even tone that Memaw would've compared to butter.

“I'm not scared.” I tried to keep my lip from curling up like it sometimes liked to do. “It was just a case of mistaken identity.” I reached up with my free hand and made an attempt to smooth the hair bumps all over the top of my head. I wished I would've took half a second to check myself in the bathroom mirror when I'd had the chance.

The Boman boy smiled a gap-toothed smile. “Well, who was it that you mistakenly identified?” The other three Boman kids were making me uncomfortable just standing there watching and not minding their own business. I had half a mind to shoo them away.

“Oh, it was nothin'.” The feel of my smile was strange. I went to swaying side to side. “Well, see, what happened was, I was just walkin' along when some huge, rude woman flew by an' about knocked me down. I thought she was runnin' off with my baby sister Khayla in her arms.” I let out a nervous giggle that sounded more like Sealy than me. “But it couldn't have been her 'cause she wears a lime-green headband made from the hem of Mama's dress, and that baby girl didn't have one.” I wished more than anything right then that I could stop rambling.
Please let Khayla be with Sealy
.

“Man, that must've been scary.” The boy had a dimple that played hide-n-seek right alongside of his mouth. “I know how ya feel,” he said, and looked over at his brothers and sister. “If anyone ever tried to mess with one of mine, I don't know what I'd do.” His voice had a calming effect on me.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on just my nose. I took in a real good, long whiff. I moved my head back and forth to try and stir up any smells that might be trying to hide. All I smelled was shelter—pure and simple mildewy shelter. What I
didn't
smell was onion water.
I smiled, and the happiness of knowin' the smell wasn't there spread all the way across my face.