Vacation Hell: Princess of Hell #4 (10 page)

T
ristan’s idea
of blowing and mine were completely different. His involved exhaling into a magical version of a balloon that he used to encase me. It held some of the air in the room, and so long as we didn’t have too far to go, I’d survive.

It didn’t mean I didn’t tense when that opaque bubble floated to the top of the water hole. It hit the surface and sank a little. I stared down, but noted with relief that the water stuck to the outside. Also outside was Tristan.

What a strange enigma, that man. I could tell he wanted me. He couldn’t exactly hide it, yet he kept denying it and even trying to avoid it. Why?

Perhaps he has a girlfriend.
Jealousy reared its head and bared teeth. The idea of him having someone did not please me. I might have no claim on him, but my emotions seemed very determined that no one else would either.

Deal with it later.
I didn’t have time to worry about his possible messy breakup—because I should note blood did not come out of everything, contrary to what many websites claim. I had more important things to occupy me, such as the sudden recollection of physics and pressure and the fact that just the thin membrane of a magical bubble was all that separated me from a gazillion gallons of ocean water wanting to crush and drown me.

I might have hyperventilated for a second in panic, and then I was breathing hard because I thought I saw a merman.

Yup, I did. I did see a merman. And, wow, was he hot.

While I didn’t have enough magic to create a light, I didn’t need to because Tristan carried a trident made of pure energy. The white power glowed and illuminated his intriguing physique.

I’d already become fairly well acquainted with his muscled upper half, but this was the first time I truly saw him with his tail. It wasn’t green or mottled. Rather he was silver scaled, from right about where his belly button was missing down his legs, except those legs were now a tail, right to the forked fins on the tip.

The iridescent sheen on his lower half sparkled as he undulated in the water. His whole body moved in a wavelike motion that proved rather fascinating. My curiosity also wondered where his great big willy went when he was in his merman shape because it certainly wasn’t hanging out for little fishies to nibble on.

He pointed his trident, and my bubble lurched after him, gliding along behind as if pulled.

“How far are we?” I spoke the words aloud and wondered if he’d hear.

Since Tristan didn’t turn his head, I guessed not, leaving me to just glance at the passing scenery. Hold on a second, I could see! Phosphorescent lichen clung to the perforated rocks, illuminating a façade speckled with dark openings. Every so often, a fishy denizen would dart out, ranging from mouse to hellhound size, so nothing too daunting, but there was one oceanic monster that passed overhead, casting a large shadow, that could have eaten me in a single bite.

The colorful coral reef wasn’t the only thing to admire. I began to notice signs of handiwork in the form of carved colonnades. The remnants of a cobbled path meandered along the ocean floor. Bubbles, seemingly permanent ones, and much bigger than mine, dotted the landscape. Nestled within them were houses that reminded me of the Flintstones cartoon ones with stone monoliths laid in a square with a slab for a roof.

There were dozens of them, a mini village underwater. What a time to not have a phone to take pictures. It was really cute—if I ignored the icky sand all around.

The thickest cluster of bubble habitats and civilization nestled at the foot of a giant wall of stone. Slick and smooth, the rocky mountain showed only a single opening, and it was there the largest crowd of mini bubbles, like mine, and more aquatic creatures clustered.

Tristan didn’t slow, nor did he feel an urge to stand in line. Rank had privilege, and he used it, something I totally approved of. Given I was here with a prince, as his companion—even if reluctantly—I was noticed. With so many eyes, and stalks, that turned my way, I posed, adopting my most aloof air. As a princess representative of Hell, I had an image to maintain, an image that was currently filthy, yet that didn’t stop me from basking in the curiosity around me.

The princess awes the oceanic masses.

I could see the headline now.

The guards at the gates, barnacle-covered thick metal, were oversized crabs with razor-sharp pincers. They stood aside and clacked as Tristan wiggled through the open archway, dragging my bubble in his wake.

Within, I truly got to glimpse my first wonder, and I might have gaped in awe. It took a lot to impress me. I was raised in a castle after all, but where my father strove for foreboding and intimidating, Neptune’s kingdom went for fantasy.

Gone was the darkness of outside. Within, the polished rock walls gleamed opalescent. Carved archways led off to the sides. Most of those sporting tails and gills used those passages. As for us, we headed for the golden stairs at the far end that reached up out of sight. If I craned, I could just see the blur of water distorting whatever lay beyond.

As Tristan wiggled his sweet tail to those steps, I flicked my hair, rubbed my tongue over my teeth, and readied myself. When the bubble rose high enough to emerge into air, it burst. But I was ready.

I didn’t miss a step as I went from nothingness to a marble floor, the stone cool on my bare toes. Rapid movement out of the corner of my eye would usually have me leaping to action—it was always best to be faster than assassins. However, in this instance, I didn’t move because Tristan didn’t move.

If whatever approached didn’t scare him, then no way would I react. I still had the oddest belief that Tristan didn’t mean me harm. And if I was wrong, I’d kill him.

I wasn’t one to forgive easily. Just ask my mother.

A warm cloak of the softest fabric was draped around my shoulders. My fingers rolled the material, admiring the smoothness of it and the pure white. What a shame it covered so much of me. Tristan sported a similar robe, but his enjoyed a rich purple hue that contrasted quite nicely with his platinum hair.

Flip-flops made of some spongy substance were slipped onto my feet and the sea prince’s. Someone handed him a pair of chopsticks, and another idiot handed me a pair as well. Did they not realize how deadly those could prove in my grasp?

In this case, they weren’t meant as weapons but rather as hair ties, which Tristan displayed with an adeptness that showed practice.

I snorted. “Did you just seriously pull off a manbun with no mirror?”

No need for him to reply when I could see the result. Indeed, my merman had twisted the long, wet length of his fine hair, wound it atop his head, and weaved the chopsticks through it.

He should have looked like an idiot. Alas, according to the heat between my thighs, he didn’t.

Much as I hated to copy him, I emulated his movements, as wet hair really did suck when it dripped down your back, and I wanted the chopsticks handy in case my bare hands weren’t enough.

At a time like this, surrounded by unknowns, I truly wished I had my sword. I could have used its reassuring weight in my hand.

Instead, I got Tristan’s fingers laced in mine, tugging me. “Let’s go.”

“Go where? Where are we?”

“Welcome to Atlantis.”

S
ome guys took
a girl on a first date to a nice restaurant. Mine took me to a city that wasn’t supposed to exist. Or, at least, no one had ever told me it did. Mental note to self—kill my history and geography teachers for not properly educating me.

“My dad never told me Neptune lived in Atlantis.”

“Your dad doesn’t know everything,” was Tristan’s reply.

That would piss daddy dear off. Then again, hold on a second. I knew something my father didn’t. This date was getting better all the time. And, yes, in my mind, this was now a date. Why else would he be holding my hand—and dragging me along?

Despite our brisk walk, I managed to take note of our environment. It seemed historians got some things right about Atlantis, such as its name, but everything else? Mostly wrong.

First of all, the city itself resided at the bottom of the ocean within a mountain of black diamond harder than any known rock. Within that almost impenetrable mass existed an air pocket for surface breathers with ample vegetation to recycle it and keep it fresh. Strange, but not too strange so far until I discovered that, while three quarters of the city was in Hell, in the Darkling Sea as a matter of fact, there was a portion of it residing on the mortal plane.

Or so Tristan explained as he quick-marched me along streets paved in seashells, past buildings built of pastel-colored corals.

The road to the palace, a multi-tiered architectural feat glistening ahead, wasn’t exactly crowded with throngs of beings, but it was far from empty. Of interest, I noted, most of those scurrying did not appear human. As a matter of fact, Tristan and I stuck out like a horn on a horse. And, no, I wasn’t referring to the false image people had of fluffy, pure unicorns. The ones I’d met with the spiral impediment were psychotic, foaming-at-the-mouth killing machines. Those warped creatures never did like me and the feeling was mutual. One day I’d hunt down that last so-called unicorn and feed it sugar cubes and subliminal messages until it adored me.

What, wait, you didn’t think I was going to kill it? Screw that. I wanted one. With it as my steed, I’d trample my enemies and strike fear in their hearts—or bowels. With demons, things didn’t always work the same.

As my mind wandered, I wondered if we’d ever get to the damned palace.

“Is there not a quicker way to get there?” I asked. The flip-flops I wore, while cute, did not do much to protect my feet from the pretty seashell path.

“Is the little princess tired of walking?” Tristan taunted.

“Is the little princess going to make you cry in front of her subjects?”

He stiffened then laughed. “You have a mouth on you.”

“A very agile mouth good for all kinds of things.” He could take that whichever way he liked. A pity his robe hid that direction.

He choked, coughed, and did his best to keep his gaze away from me. “So, right now, we’re in the eastern part of Atlantis, the Hell side.”

“Is that tunnel we came through the only way in?” When in unknown territory, gather as much information as possible.

“The east, west, and north faces have access. In the southern section, which is where you’ll find the Earth side, they’ve sectioned it off with the only portal in and out of there heavily screened. We don’t need any stray mortals wandering in by accident.”

“Because that happens so often I’m sure.”

“More often than you’d think since humans began scuba diving. Anyone who strays into Earth-side Atlantis is heavily questioned. Only those with links to Hell can pass. I had a hard time trying to convince them I belonged.”

“Did you punish them for their temerity?”

“In their defense, they didn’t know who I was. I’d just found out myself.”

I frowned at him. “What do you mean you didn’t know?”

“I never knew because I was raised on the mortal plane instead of here with my true father.”

“You didn’t grow up in Hell?” That would certainly explain why we’d never met.

Tristan shook his head. “I never even knew Hell actually existed until a few years ago. I was an atheist in my other life.”

Nothing could have stopped my snicker. “You didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell?”

“I also didn’t believe in gods or other weird shit either.”

“How does that happen? I mean, you’re a merman. How could you be so oblivious?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t even know about my merman side and other abilities until my mid-twenties. I grew up in Nebraska. On a farm, I might add. Not much sea there. My parents never even put me in swim lessons when I was growing up.”

Despite my determination to ignore Tristan, his story intrigued me. “So the son of a sea god never learned to swim. That is seriously fucked up. Who adopted you and why? Why didn’t Neptune keep you?”

“The Goldsteins found me and raised me as their son. As to why Neptune didn’t raise me, blame my mom for that. Whoever she was, she never told my dad she was pregnant with me. Maybe she was embarrassed she had a child out of wedlock.”

“You’re a bastard.”

He frowned. “No need to be rude about it.”

“Oh, don’t be so stuffy. I’m a bastard, too. Lots of us are. As a matter of fact, on the latest census, bastards took the lead at fifty-one percent of our population. It’s the newest hot trend in parenting.” And I liked to think I’d started it with the birth of my daughter by not one but two men out of wedlock.

“Yeah, well, I never realized I was adopted. I might have never found out if I’d not gone on a Caribbean vacation. I took a few steps into the ocean and turned into a merman. Almost died, too, because I didn’t know how to swim, and sank. Lucky for me some dolphins found me and took me to the surface.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t drown.”

He shrugged. “Not so much luck as gills.” He patted his neck, and I noted the thin slits in the skin.

“So what did you do after you found out you were a merman?”

“First, I had to explain why I didn’t drown to the friends I was vacationing with and the authorities. They’d all seen me go under and not come back up.”

“They didn’t see you change?”

He shook his head. “Not that they’d admit. Given the amount of drinking going on, they probably thought they were mistaken. Once I convinced them that the tide washed me ashore farther down the beach, I called my parents and asked them if we had any family history when it came to the ocean.”

“And?” I leaned forward, fascinated by his tale.

“And that’s when they finally confessed that they’d found me on a beach, nestled in a large clamshell with a blanket, a large sum of money, and a note. The message said I was theirs to keep, but I needed to be kept away from salt water at all costs. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time. My parents claimed I should stay away from the ocean because of my allergy to seawater.”

“But you ignored the warning.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t believe it. And so off to the beach I went.”

“A day at the beach doesn’t explain how you got from the mortal realm to here, though, and how did you discover you were Neptune’s son?”

“The dolphins I’d met during my first swim apparently have cousins on this side, and they communicate back and forth. At the time, they didn’t know who I was, but there was speculation. I was kidnapped from my bed at the resort the next night and taken for a swim to Atlantis. Once we convinced the guards I belonged, I finally got to meet my real dad.”

“How did that go?” I recalled only too clearly my first encounter with my mother. There were times I wish the knife I’d thrown at her hadn’t missed. We were still ironing out kinks in our relationship.

“It went great actually. Turns out he’d always wanted a son, or even a daughter, but because of some prophecy, he’d abstained.”

“What prophecy?”

“Some nonsense about a child of his being used to bring back the biggest menace known to ocean kind.”

I narrowed my gaze. “Are you going to bring on the apocalypse?”

“No.”

“Why not? This place could use a little action. Ever since we vanquished Lilith, things have been too quiet. A girl needs a bit of action to liven things up.”

A moue of distaste twisted his lips. “I’ve already got enough dealing with all the things Neptune keeps dumping on me. I never knew being a leader had so much bureaucratic work.”

“Yeah, my daddy bitches about that all the time. It’s why he’s got so many departments funneling stuff. Only the truly determined make it to him. It’s great for weeding out the not so serious.”

“Maybe I should visit and see if I could get some pointers.”

“Visit my dad? On purpose?” I gaped at him. Only fools or those damned ever expressed an actual desire to meet my father. “How can you not have met my dad?”

“Our paths never coincided. Mostly because I don’t leave here often and the devil doesn’t visit. Apparently, we don’t have enough barmaids for him to pinch.”

“So you live here all the time?”

“Yup. In the palace.” Which was finally close enough for me to note it towered high overhead and sported fluted minarets as well as fluttering pennants.

“What’s it made of, like seashells and coral?” I said this jokingly, but Tristan looked anything but amused.

“I don’t see why that’s funny. It’s no worse than using rock or wood to build. It’s actually rather pretty.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Actually, you’ll get to see it since that’s where my dad is and your chance to get a ride back through a portal.”

Leave? But I’d just arrived in this fascinating place. However, exploration would have to wait for another time. My men and daughter were probably worried sick about me.

“So you were saying earlier you were dealing with some problems? What’s wrong, someone pee in the seawater? Did another oil tanker spill?”

“I wish. Those are tasks we can handle. Our problem is with the mermaids. We think they’ve found a way to fulfill the prophecy.”

I frowned. “Don’t they need you to do that?”

“That was what we were led to believe. Yet, according to sources, the mermaids have gathered. Our seer says it’s happening. Today. Which is why we need to move faster. I have to find out what the situation is.”

“You know there’s this handy little invention called a hellphone to keep in touch.” I angled my fingers at my ear and mouth to mime a handset.

“They don’t work down here. Too much salt in the air. It corrodes the workings. Our engineers have been working on shrinking our conchs.”

“Shrinking your cocks?” What an appalling concept.

“Conchs,” he enunciated with an emphasis on the N. “Spiral seashells with the ability to transfer sounds over a distance. However, we haven’t been able to make them small enough to comfortably carry.”

I shook my head. “And I thought I’d heard it all. That is just wacked.”

“This coming from the woman who has now called me into her presence twice and yet wants me to go away each time.”

“Because I don’t want you.”

“Then stop calling me.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose.” At least, I didn’t think I was. “So what are you going to do with those mermaids?”

“Depends on what they’re up to.”

Sounded like a battle in the making. What fun. Perhaps I could delay my departure a little bit. After all, as a princess of Hell and representative of my father, it was my duty to ensure all the denizens of Hell were safe from the machinations of the truly wicked—which was anybody who actively worked against dad, or me.

I stumbled over an uneven shell, my foot turning sideways, enough that the sharp edge of the shell caught my skin and drew a bead of blood. “Ow.” I hopped on one foot and glared at the offending pavement.

Then I was staring at the bristled underside of a jaw. Nice view. Before I could think twice, I nibbled it. I blamed my hungry magic for it. Never mind the fact that I totally enjoyed it.

Tristan enjoyed it, too, even if he did protest too much. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Nip and tug.

“Suck on me like that.”

“That’s not sucking. This is.” It didn’t take much to leave a bright red hickey on his neck. My magic approved and thought I should leave a hickey farther south, but I restrained myself. Even I had limits. My men might understand a little flirty touching, but anything hardcore might make them raise a brow. Or bring down a hand.

Hmm. I was really going to have to get them to change their mode of punishment because it wasn’t a deterrent.

“Did you just mark me?” He stopped dead in the road.

“Yes.” In this case, the truth was allowed, as it would cause more mayhem than lying.

“You can’t do that.”

“I did.”

“But you shouldn’t have,” he sputtered. “It’s not right. You’re committed elsewhere.”

“And you’re not.”

“I am not going to let you play games with me. Nor am I going to get caught in some jealous triangle with your lovers.”

“Actually it’s more of a square.”

“Stop confusing the point. I will not be another body for your harem.”

Rejection again? It didn’t sit well. “Why not? You’re attracted to me.”

“You are the devil’s daughter. I have my fins full enough with the drama that comes with being Neptune’s son. I don’t need the added chaos of dealing with you.”

We’ll see about that.