Valley of Dust (13 page)

A
FTER A LONG private plane back to North Carolina, Lucian had decided the best thing to do was keep Anton close. We explained to the council that we had held Anton captive and had no more leads on where Marcus was. I decided it was best for everyone if I no longer had control of the council, and so I would be giving that seat back to Lucian. Anton was extremely low on energy since he had been in hiding for so long and not consuming women. Locking Anton in the basement was quite easy and the only thing we could think of at the moment that made any sense. I knew as of today my spell to bind Anton was not quite perfected. We both knew he would never tell us where Marcus was, but letting him go was out of the question; he had to pay somehow for his crimes, and this was the only thing we could think of until we could find a better way.

My loss of Marcus to Anton was too much for me, and I found myself drifting away from everyone every day that went by. Months had passed, and I realized I had a bump for a stomach now. I should have felt happy that I was pregnant with Lucian’s child, but I didn’t. I was becoming like the cryptic woman from my dreams every day that went by. Lucian was excited about the news of our first child together; even Carla and James were glad for us. Soon after we found Carla was keeping a secret from us. James and she were having a child and were trying to hide it from everyone. Lucian tried to explain to Carla that all children born between live strigoi and mortals were infertile offspring. He told her she was incompatible with James, and this drove a wedge between Carla and us. She wanted this child with the man she loved, regardless of the consequences. She was truly in love with James even if her child would live as a mortal than die and become an undead.

During the time of Carla’s and my pregnancy, I kept trying to reach out to her, but it was all in vain. Lucian’s mind was made up about Carla’s child, and his constant interference with Carla and I only made reconciling harder. James and Carla were forced unintentionally by Lucian to go into hiding. I knew something was wrong when the moment I called her cell phone I got a disconnected message. That message from the operator telling me my best friend’s phone had been disconnected proved to me she had given up on explaining to us her love for her child and James. I felt another loss I did not want to feel.

Carla and I both gave birth around the same time. However, like Lucian expected, Carla did not make it through the child birth. We had received the news immediately by phone. However, I knew my friend was gone and my heart broke even more. Lucian had stared at me for a long time before he could even mention who had called and what the news was. Lucian, James, and I were devastated. I secretly blamed James for the loss of my best friend. If only I was there, I could have given her the energy needed to survive. I hated James for hiding Carla from us even if it was her choice. I knew Lucian and I had caused Carla to hide from us in her final days. Who could blame her? We never gave James and her a chance. The loss of my best friend Carla was even harder to bear then I could ever imagine. Carla had given birth to a son named Charles, and I gave birth to a daughter named Serena. Charles had no mother to love and care for him, and I had no love to give to Serena. The poor children would suffer from this.

Lucian was in charge of Serena as the sight of her annoyed me. She was just like the dream child I thought was my first child, and I had finally become the cryptic person from my dreams. Lucian had had enough of my depression and attachment issues. He spoke up to me, which would mark our first fight since we had been together. “Selene, you need to snap out of it. Marcus is gone, but your daughter Serena is here and needs you as a mother,” Lucian said. “Don’t you dare give me lessons on parenting. Where were you when Marcus was stolen from me? You were stronger than Anton and Sebastian. Why did you abandon us, Lucian? How could you be overtaken so easily by them?” I accused. I love you and Marcus. I stood by you. Are you blind? Most men in my situation would never get involved with their brother’s leftovers, but I am different than most men, and most of all I love you,” Lucian said. “Leftovers? Was that what Marcus and I were to you?” I said. “I didn’t mean it that way, but do you have any idea the pains I went through all for you?” Lucian said. “Well I am hurt, Lucian. Carla and Marcus are gone. I have no one left,” I said. “You idiot. You have Serena and I. We love you, and I want you to try to be a mother for her. She needs you,” Lucian said. “You don’t understand what you’re asking. Everything I touch gets taken away from me. I cannot love anymore just to lose them. The pain is too great,” I said. “I want you to try. I am going to help you, but you have to try. I want my Selene back,” Lucian begged. Shocked at the revelation I was mad to experience, I ran to my room to remember the ones I had lost, and if possible, could I still love?

Lucian decided I needed something to remember my child Marcus; moreover, a place where Serena and I could go to and bond. That’s when he bought me a lake house. It was the same house as in my dreams. I thought to myself maybe I could reach out to my past self and warn her better. Trying to astral project was difficult, and I realized why my first dream was only of a reflection. As the years went by, I grew better at it and realized Serena’s presence helped amplify my powers.

Serena was five with long black hair and blue eyes. She looked just like Lucian. I wondered why I never recognized it before in my dreams. I wished I could fully love her, but I was scared. Everything I had loved eventually was taken from me, including Carla. Each time I visited the dreams of my past self, I kept giving her the same cryptic messages not knowing exactly what to say. I knew through my readings that messing with the past was never too good, so I stuck to what I could tell myself, which was nothing much. Eventually I relived my son’s abduction through the memories from my past self. I barely could help my past self or comfort her. I came back to my time insane at the thought of not being able to help my son or my past self again. I failed. I failed Marcus again.

The thought of losing Marcus all over again made me run inside to a room of baby items I had of his. I lay there crying for what seemed forever until Serena came to the room holding Marcus’s blanket. I grabbed it from her and screamed at her for touching my stuff. Serena didn’t flinch. Instead she smiled at me and said, “Do you feel it, Mommy?” “Feel what, Serena?” “Marcus. Can you feel him?” I paused and focused not on the past but the future. I felt Marcus. I saw him. I saw what he looked like; he was the spitting image of Anton, and he was a bucket of smiles. It was truly beautiful; tears fell down my face. Serena hugged me and said, “See, Mommy, we will be a family again real soon. He knows you have been looking. He has to.” I hugged her back with all the love I had suppressed these past five years. “I love you, Serena.” “I know, Mommy, I know.” With a smile, she gestured me up. “Hurry up, Mommy, Daddy is almost here to pick us up.” “Wait, honey, I have a question: how can you go into dreams too?” She smiled at me and said, “Silly Mommy, it is child’s play.”
I never did this as a child
, I thought. Serena looked at me and said, “You miss Carla, Mommy, don’t you?” I cried as she said that. “Cousin Charlie and I have been trying to warn his mommy, but we can’t do it. Can you, Mommy?” “I’ll try soon, my dear, but now let’s go see Daddy.” I smiled as I saw Lucian was arriving in his car. He looked shocked, and I gave him a hug. “What’s going on, Selene?” “Everything is gonna be all right soon.” And then I kissed him, something I had not done in the last five years since Serena was born. Lucian smiled and held us both like nothing was ever wrong. “Well, I hope you guys will share this someday with me.” Serena spoke, “Don’t worry, Daddy, this is only the beginning. Soon we will be a bigger family.” Lucian looked at me puzzled, and I said, “Let’s go home, honey.” He smiled with those words as we got into his car. Something, however, was urging me; how come I never did that as a child? Lucian said he knew I was one since I was little, but I never remembered doing what my daughter told me she could do. Fear and rage started to swell up in me. Had Lucian been hiding things from me again? I knew I would have to deal with him once we got home.

When we got home and put Serena to bed, Lucian and I went to the kitchen. That’s when I slammed the counter demanding Lucian explain why he couldn’t tell me children can astral project at such a young age. He looked at me, astonished that I knew. “Selene, I am sorry. In order to keep you a secret, I blocked your capabilities as a child with dreams.” That’s when I remembered all those wonderful dreams I had of Lucian. “Lucian, besides the point that you used me when I was a child, could we use this ability to find Marcus?” Lucian’s eyes looked amazed, and I knew I was on to something. “Selene, I am going on a business trip to the council in New York, please keep the house in order and protect Serena. I will see if we have any live strigoi trying to astral project to get into contact with us.”
There was finally hope
, I thought. When Serena woke up, I had told her that Lucian went to New York for an urgent business trip. She wasn’t surprised at all by this news. I started to wonder if my daughter’s powers were clairvoyant. I decided we needed to make a trip, and I knew Serena would be perfect help in finding a way to see Carla in her last moments. I hadn’t perfected the many ways of using the true name spell. It was tricky to use it as a form of immortality, but something in my gut urged me on. I knew we would need Charlie as he was the one most connected to his mother’s final moments even if he didn’t realize it. Serena had also been telling me he had been trying to see his mother with the help of Serena’s astral projections into different times. I was amazed at how much I missed out in my despair. I could have learned so much more if I hadn’t let myself be consumed with the loss of my firstborn, Marcus. I went to Serena’s room and asked her to get some things so we could go to Charlie’s for a play date. In an instant Serena had guessed what I was planning to do. “Mommy, Charlie really wants what you want. I cannot help him, but if you can, please, Mommy, help Charlie.” Tears welled inside of me as I heard my daughter utter those words for my best friend’s child. “Let’s go then, Serena.” She nodded and we got in my car to visit Charles and his father James. When we got to the door, James was shocked to see me at his door. We had parted on bad terms ever since Carla’s death. I had blamed him but spared him for Carla’s sake, but now I was here for a new purpose. “I am sorry, Selene, I am really sorry. I never meant for this to happen.” “Enough with the bullshit, James, you knew there was a chance, and I have come to see your son for a play date.” “Selene, please don’t take away my son. It’s all I have of her.” “Are you mad, James? Your son has been trying to meet his mother. I am here to help the children handle what had happened.” Tears welled on James face, ready to explode at any moment. “Can I go to Carla’s birthing room with Charles and Serena? We would like to play in there,” I asked. “Yes, yes, but please don’t do anything to disturb the room. I left it the way Carla would have wanted it,” James said. “Agreed, James, I am here to help the children recover from past trauma.” I felt guilty lying to James, but it was the only way. I had instructed Serena not to give Charles any information regarding what I was about to do. She knew deep down I was doing something very dangerous and I had no control if something were to go wrong. The astral projection would be for Carla’s eyes only; not even the children would be able to see her when I got to the past. It would be the only way to keep the children from danger if I did the spell wrong. My heart was racing as we walked through James’s mansion to Carla’s room.

I got into the room, and I lay in the chair where no one had sat during the child birth. Charles and Serena were with me holding my hands to help me see a moment I never got to see. I was surprised how easy it was for these two to do such a hard task, but I guess this was second nature to a strigoi child. I was a little vexed that Lucian had stopped me from experiencing what they had experienced; maybe I could have escaped my destructive childhood earlier, but this was not the time to dwell on the past. I needed to focus with the children. It felt hazy as I was trying to hit the moment when Charles first appeared in this world. Charles being here was a great help because he was there and the closest to her the moment she died. The haziness started to vanish, and that’s when I saw her, my precious Carla. She had just done her final push, and I could see her life about to leave her. No one could see me, I had made sure of it, and I had left the children in the haze by the chair where they stayed as instructed. I knew in the past I couldn’t absorb anything elemental since it really didn’t exist in my time. Then I saw her; she was about to die, and she looked at me to say thank you for seeing her off. I had allowed her in the room to see me and knew she would turn to look at me when Charles was out. She was smiling so much as she saw her bundle of joy, and then Charles left the room with one of the midwives to be cleaned. I bent down to her ear and said, “My friend, you will not leave me ever.” I took a part of my soul. It was a reversal of the true name spell; the pain was bearable as I saw her face smiling. Something like this I thought impossible but was being carefully put into Carla; her true name had changed, and so had mine. We were connected, but the spell wasn’t complete; this was just the start to keep her from passing on. I whispered a chant in ancient tongue that I had spent years studying and said, “Now you, Carla, are my only weakness. Please stay safe, for now you can live with your family forever. Do not tell anyone what has happened, just pretend you are an undead. Take care of my child and yours while I am not in my right mind to do so.” She smiled and said, “I love you, Selene.” With that she passed out, and I saw everyone running to her. She would make it, I was sure of that. I could feel the bond between Carla and me, and I knew we could never be separated again.