Valley of the Moon (10 page)

“And if you look hard, you can still see their footprints. Look, baby! Do you see them?” I never could, but I knew they were there, eternally stamped in the dust.

Just like my mother. Eternally stamped into the cold, merciless dirt.

I cried until there were no tears left.

***

I maintained radio silence with my friends for the rest of spring break. On the first day back, I walked to our usual spot for lunch. Bernadette saw me first and waved.

Piper glared.

I braced for her onslaught. And prepared my own.

“Okay, where the HELL have you been? I have been texting you for days! How was Hawaii?”

I took a deep breath. “I didn’t go.”

Bernadette choked on her Diet Coke. Piper’s jaw dropped. “WHAT?!”

I shrugged and unpacked my sandwich. “I changed my mind. But I did learn something interesting. Did you guys know Caleb and Cressida used to date?”

Piper glanced at Bernadette. Bernadette slid her sunglasses down off her head and onto her nose.

“Piper?” I asked. “You knew, right?” She grimaced and looked around. There was no one else near our little lunch spot under the tree. Piper put her face in her hands.

“How’d you find out?”

“Caleb admitted it after Cressida confronted us when he came to pick me up that day. He tried to lie about it, but I busted him. You both knew?”

Bernadette shook her head. “I only knew because Piper told me.”

Piper groaned. “Gee, thanks, Bernie. I’m so sorry, Lana. I didn’t know how to tell you! She was like in love with him, you know. She never shut up about him that year. It was way before I was friends with you. And it was all so perfect, Caleb and you, Wyatt and me, Evan and Maya—I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“Well, it’s ruined. But thanks anyway.” She could have saved me a lot of humiliation. She could have warned me. As hurt as I was, I didn’t have the luxury of losing a friend.

Her brows knit angrily. “Lana, come on, don’t be mad at me! So they dated. So what? Wyatt has ex-girlfriends. Am I supposed to let it ruin our relationship?”

“At least he didn’t lie to you.”

“Good point,” Bernadette said.

I gritted my teeth. Piper had details. I wanted to know it all, no matter how much it hurt. “Caleb said he met her at ski camp.”

Piper nodded. “Yeah. At Whistler. After that she was always calling him, texting him. She even drove down to San Jose in the middle of the night and tried to break into his house. Didn’t stop her from hanging around with Brett and Trevor, though.” At the sound of Trevor’s name, my skin felt like it was crawling with bugs.

“Does she still hang out with those creeps?”

Piper looked around and then leaned towards me. “I heard they were her dealers,” she whispered.

Now it was my turn to be shocked. “Was she into drugs when you were her friend, Piper?”

She shrugged. “She hid it from me. She knew I couldn’t mess around. That’s what she had Ginger and Valentina for.”

Bernadette shrugged. “Kids with bad parents do bad things. Sex, drugs. It’s a cry for help. I think Cressida wants attention. Poor thing.”

Piper pondered this. “True. I almost feel sorry for her.”

“Poor little Cressida?” I said. “You guys don’t know her like I do.”

“I said,
almost
, Lana.” I stewed silently. I was so tired of thinking, talking, reacting to all things Cressida. I picked up my sandwich but had no appetite. “So, what about prom?” Piper asked slowly. “You can come with Wyatt and me, you know.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure, sounds fun.”

Bernadette put both her hands up. “If you losers can stop talking about your loser boyfriends for five seconds, I have news, too.” She unbuttoned her uniform blouse and pulled it open. Underneath, she was wearing a t-shirt with the word DARTMOUTH emblazoned across it. “Read it and weep, ladies!”

“That’s awesome! Congrats,” I said. “Piper, what about you?”

Bernadette rolled her eyes. “Get ready to puke.”

Piper punched Bernadette on the shoulder. “Shut up, Bernie. This is crazy I know, but Wyatt and I both got into UCLA! We’re both going!”

Bernadette stuck her finger down her throat. Piper kept on grinning like a maniac. “I’m not just going because of him. The tennis team is rated like number three in the country. But it will suck to be away from you guys.”

She’d be in the same city as Caleb. I’d be across the country.
If you’re lucky.

“Maya accepted an offer from Berkeley, so she’ll be sort of nearby.” Piper rubbed her hands together.

“What about you, Lana? Did you get what you wanted?”

For once, I sort of had. “Columbia, plus a couple others.” Bernadette reached over for a fist-bump. I returned it.

“Ivy League, baby!” she cried. I’d gotten into all eight schools I applied to. Personal essays about your mother’s suicide work like a charm in college admission offices.

There was one catch. I wasn’t a star athlete or student body president or a STEM prodigy. I had excellent grades and decent test scores (thanks for nothing, calculus), but mediocre extracurriculars. Secret valet-parking jobs apparently don’t count. No school offered me more than a partial scholarship. I was grateful, but that left a lot of tuition for my dad to cover.

My Dad…and Victor Savitch, probably. What would my dad have to do to get my tuition money?

What had he already done?

***

When my phone rang late that night, I was half asleep and I forgot to look at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Finally!”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” I had been avoiding Caleb’s calls for three days.

“Don’t hang up! That was THE worst trip of my life. Sharing a room with my thirteen-year-old brother was so not awesome.” My face got hot with rage. All the hurt of that day at the airport came flooding back.

“Aw, poor you.”

He was silent for a moment. “The whole Cressida thing is a part of my past I want to forget.” I knew how he felt. I clutched the phone to my ear, unable to hang up. “Especially since there’s only one thing I’m interested in now.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I asked.

“You,” he whispered. My stomach fluttered and I caught my breath. But before I gave him a chance, I had to know something.

“If you were so interested in me, why didn’t you want me to be your girlfriend?”

“Huh?”

“You never asked me.”

He laughed. “Are you kidding? You think I’d invite a random chick to Hawaii?”

“You took Cressida.”

“Nope. I was there with my parents on that trip. She showed up at the same hotel. Now can we please stop talking about her already?
You’re
my girlfriend. I thought you knew that.”

The phone burned hot against my ear. “Okay, fine.” And just like that, I had a boyfriend.
Is this what being someone’s girlfriend is supposed to feel like?

“Here’s the real reason I’m calling. According to Wyatt, the infamous Briar formal is in two weeks and he scored an invite. Are you going?”

“Nope.”

“Wrong.” He laughed. “I’m a great prom date, I swear.”
How many other proms had he been to?
I pushed the thought away and tried to think of the meanest way to say no. A million cruel ways to hurt him. I failed.

“Caleb, is that how you ask your girlfriend to the prom?”

“Well, you should be asking me, but I won’t hold it against you.” He was so cocky, but I loved it. I couldn’t help it.
Cressida will be at the formal. You, Caleb, and Cressida. What a nice reunion that will be.

The thing I wanted so badly was finally happening.

I ignored my nagging sense of dread.

To the OLDER girls at Briar
, spring means one thing: the formal dance. It was notorious; I’d heard the jokes.
Virgins go in but they don’t come out!
Was that going to be me? Piper already had it all planned out for her and Wyatt—hotel suite, new nightie from Victoria’s Secret, and a bunch of beauty appointments at the hotel spa.

I had a date and that was about it. At least it was a date I liked. Too much, maybe. It was the
after
part of the night I was worried about. Was I going to be another spring formal cliché?

Everybody was on edge the week before the big event. Seniors were melting down all over the place—bursting into tears at the lockers, frantically whispering into phones in the parking lot, and in class, everyone was texting with everyone else.

Piper was the eye of the storm—totally unfazed. Maybe because she had planned out the whole night like a wedding. Her parents reserved a suite at the same hotel as the formal, since they didn’t want her driving around. They only gave her two conditions: I had to sleep over with her and no boys were allowed in our room.

We planned to break that rule immediately.

***

Cressida cornered me in the parking lot two days before prom. I was in my car on the phone with Caleb. I told him I’d call him back and rolled the window down.

“Hi. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t.” At least no more than she normally did. “What’s up?” I figured she’d heard who I was taking.
She must be working on a new scheme to ruin your night.

“How was Hawaii?” The trip she helped kill. She didn’t need to know that, though.

“Oh, it was great. Amazing, actually.”

She shifted on her feet. “Can I sit in your car for a minute?”
So she can stab you in private.

I unlocked the doors without saying a word and she slid in next to me.

I left them unlocked, just in case.

She rubbed her temples. “This is awkward. But I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

“Oh, really?” She took off her sunglasses and looked at me. Her eyes looked bloodshot and her skin was blotchy. There was a faint blue smudge under one eye. “For what?”

“All of it.” The air in the car was suffocating. My bare thighs stuck to the leather seat but I couldn’t move. “Ramona and I have been fighting, so she made me start going to this stupid therapist. But Dr. Greene turned out to be pretty smart, and she thinks part of my problem is that I’m…unfair. To a lot of people. Especially you.” I stared straight ahead. She sounded sincere, but then again, it was Cressida. “She said I’d be happier if I, quote, make amends to those I’ve hurt, unquote,” she said, making air quotes with her fingers.

“You’ve hated me since the day we met, and now just because some random therapist—”

Cressida rolled her eyes. “I don’t hate you, Lana. I never hated you. I was just jealous, obviously. You have a great dad, I have an asshole dad. My sister liked you more. God, so many reasons.” Her voice cracked and died. The afternoon sun broke through the clouds and filtered through my windows.
All the times she hurt you, humiliated you. That night at Trevor’s house. Messing with you and Caleb.
She reached over and put one of her hands on mine. Her long fingers were light and cold.

“So you tried to ruin my life.”

“Okay—I admit I was kind of a bully.”

“Was?”

She smirked. “Well, I’m trying to fix that. Starting with you.”

I pursed my lips. “You know I’m taking Caleb to the formal. That doesn’t bother you?”

She shrugged. “Please. I mean, we did go through a
ton
together, but that was years ago. It was never meant to be.”

My eyebrows shot up. “You know he’s my boyfriend now.” I watched her carefully when I said
boyfriend
. She blinked and smiled.

“Good. You deserve to be happy, Lana. After what you’ve been through.” She cast her eyes down. “I mean, with your mom and everything.” My mouth dropped open. She had never mentioned my mother before—not once. I didn’t think she knew if she was dead or alive. “Well? Can be friends already?” The late afternoon light caught her curls and turned them into a glowing halo around her head. Her face shone with what seemed like genuine hope.

Part of me wanted to believe her. Part of me also wanted to shove her out of my car and go home. But there was only one way to find out if she was being real. A new, nicer Cressida would be a huge improvement—even if she was faking it.

“Okay, Cressida.” Her mouth stretched into one of her long, narrow smiles. Then, just like that, it was like lead weights disappeared from my shoulders and I felt like I could float right through the window and out over the valley. Was it really all over? Just like that? I smiled back at her.

She threw her head back and laughed. “Dr. Greene was right! I feel better already.” She rubbed her hands together and unleashed a huge grin. “And now—you can come to my party!”

“What party?” My brain was stuck in mud, still reeling from our surreal change in status. We were friends now?

“Duh, the prom after-party! Everyone’s coming. It is going to be sick. Ramona’s staying at a hotel with her
friend
”—she made air quotes again—“and I’m turning Chez Crawford into Club Cressida. You
have
to bring Caleb, of course.”

She wrapped me up in a big, bony hug. I could feel her new breasts press into me.

It was all-new Cressida, inside and out.

***

In bed that night, I ran through a greatest-hits reel of all the times had Cressida tormented me. I placed each painful moment on a giant imaginary scale. On the other side of the scale, I put her apology. There was no way one “I’m sorry” could lift the weight of her past sins. I still hated her. But I wanted to give her a chance. I couldn’t forget how much I’d wanted her to like me—ever since we were eleven. Wanted her to be my real sister. I was so tired of carrying the burden of hate. I wanted to be free.

What did I have to lose?

***

Shiny white tiles covered every surface—floor, ceiling, walls. Water hissed and billows of boiling steam surrounded us. I could barely see my friends through the fog.

“The ladies at this spa do some creative things with their pubic hair. Or lack thereof,” I reported. The walk from the changing room to the steam room had been like a tour through the Land of the Middle-Aged Nether Regions.

Piper cackled. “It’s called a
Brazilian
, Lana.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I got one this morning!”

“What!”

“Well, not a full Brazilian. Something called a ‘landing strip.’”

Bernadette leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “Did you know they’ll even wax your behind at this spa?”

“But—women don’t have hair on their butts!” I said. Did they?

She wagged her finger at me. “Not on. In.” She added a helpful hand gesture, like she was parting heavy curtains. I cringed at the visuals.

“Okay, I so did not need to know that.”

“Come on, Lana,” Piper said, “if you had a hairy butt, wouldn’t you want to get rid of it?”

“But that must kill.”

“Can confirm. It kills,” Bernadette said. Piper and I looked at her with our mouths hanging open. “Yep, I’m like a newborn baby down there. You guys want to see?” She started to pull up the towel wrapped around body.

“No!” Piper and I yelled at the same time. We all cracked up.

The steam cleared a little and I realized with a start that we were not alone.

It took me a second to recognize her. Glossy black hair pulled tight into a bun. Tan shoulders. I made eye contact with her. The steam room was suddenly chilly.

“Hello, girls,” Ramona purred.

Piper reacted first. “Mrs. Crawford! Um, we were just leaving.” Piper and Bernadette hopped up and scrambled to the door clutching towels around their bodies.

“Have a wonderful time tonight, girls. Lana, will you stay for a moment?”

My friends looked back at me. I nodded to them. “I’ll be there in a minute.” The door swung shut behind them. Hot steam hissed and sticky mist swirled, swallowing Ramona. I couldn’t see her anymore, but I could hear her.

“Looking forward to the dance?”

It was over a hundred degrees in the steam room, but a violent chill rolled through my shoulders.

“Um, yes.”

“And Caleb Weaver, of all people, is your escort for the evening, is that right?”
Ramona knows him.
The boy her daughter used to like—the boy who had scorned her daughter. Of course she knew him. My shoulders tensed. I knew something unpleasant was coming.

“Well, I wouldn’t normally interfere like this, Lana, but I have to warn you. Caleb is not the Prince Charming he seems. Believe me.” The mist cleared and her black eyes found mine.

“What are you talking about?” My breathing got shallow in the choking, wet air.

She slid her sandals onto her manicured feet. “I heard he likes his girls, shall we say, not quite sober. Makes the conquest easier. He tried it with Cressida, but I’d hate to see you get hurt. The way he hurt her.” The word flew from her mouth like poison blow darts aimed straight at my heart. Ramona stepped down off the steam room platform and walked out without glancing at me.

The glass door swung shut behind her. The steam had almost completely dissipated but my skin burned hot. I knew she was lying; but I couldn’t understand why she’d bother to go out of her way to make me doubt my boyfriend—and myself.
Because she’s sick.
But I also knew she never acted out of pure spite, like her daughter. She always had some motive.

It’s obvious—she wants you to break up with Caleb so her daughter can have him.
Well, if that was the case, she was out of luck.

I was shaky and disoriented and I needed fresh air. And a huge glass of ice water from the pitcher by the locker room that had all the cucumber slices floating in it. I stood up and shoved my feet back into my flip-flops. A fresh burst of steam started to fill the room again. Feeling slightly less disturbed, I took a step towards the door. As the mist pressed against the glass door, words appeared on it. Right in front of my face.

Someone had written something with their finger on the steamed-up glass. I hadn’t noticed it earlier. The letters were a little faint but I could make out the words.

TANITH FREMONT.

***

Our suite was fantastic. There was a private bedroom with a four-poster bed, and a huge living room decorated with elegant furniture. Everything was white, crisp, and immaculate. Or would have been without seventeen tons of teenage detritus littering the room. It looked like Piper’s bedroom. There were extra shoes, discarded clothes, rejected pieces of jewelry, and cell phone chargers strewn on every surface, plus at least three hair dryers. Which we didn’t even use, since we’d gotten our hair done in the salon downstairs.

Piper wore an elaborate updo, but my hair hung full and loose in shiny waves around my shoulders. We did our own makeup—I even let Piper glue a few fake eyelashes to the outer corners of my eyes.

I didn’t say a word about my chat with Ramona in the steam room. It was ridiculous—according to my ex-stepmother, who cared so deeply about me, Caleb was some kind of monster.
Yeah, right.
You’re the real monster, Ramona. You’re wrong about him. I won’t let you scare me away from him.

The writing on the glass—I couldn’t explain that one. Unless the letter-writer had been at the spa. Getting a Brazilian, maybe.

The other explanation—that my friendly neighborhood ghost wrote it—was the craziest. I let Piper think my jitters were all pre-prom nerves. I vowed to get to the bottom of the entire letter/Tanith Fremont/ghost situation as soon as I got home.

Even if I had to go hire the little woman who cleaned haunted houses in the
Poltergeist
movie. Because enough was enough. But there was a leaden pit in my stomach and I could barely touch the fruit and cheese plate Piper ordered up to the room. I pushed away my nerves and fears and tried to focus on the night ahead, which would involve me and Caleb, alone in a hotel room. Technically Piper and Wyatt would be there too, but they had a whole bedroom to themselves.

As soon as we were beautified, we stood together in front of the mirrored armoire in the bedroom. Piper looked like a queen. Her strapless black satin gown hugged her tall, lean frame. I wore the dress Candy had made me. She’d insisted, and I was thrilled not to waste any more of my pitiful savings on a dress I’d only wear once—I was still suffering the financial effects of my Hawaii shopping spree.

The snug bodice cinched my waist and the flowing skirt hit the floor, even though I was in three-inch heels. I’d found the material at a fabric store in Santa Rosa. Candy used three layers of emerald-green chiffon over a layer of lustrous green silk.