Vein Fire (5 page)

CHAPTER
  5

Palms

1994

All of Hannah’s pills were yellow. She was sure it meant something significant, perhaps a secret message of sorts. Yellow Xanax was prescribed for her panic attacks, yellow Zoloft so she wouldn’t off herself, and yellow Percocet for her leg pain. She didn’t know how she lucked out getting the Percocet, but it wasn’t something she was going to sta
rt complaining about. Hannah was nineteen and worked as a filing clerk at City Hall—not exactly a job she couldn’t do high.

Donna was the only other person who worked in the basement filing area with her. Hannah liked Donna—she had trained her and they always took their lunch breaks together. After a year of lunches, Donna told Hannah about her splitting migraines. Hannah was happy to offer her a handful of Percocets. Donna learned quickly. She had other pains from all of the bending she did over the filing cabinets, and her husband’s back aches would frequently reach emergency status. Donna could have just asked for the pills, but Hannah figured it made her feel better to mention a story before an outstretched palm.

The friendship didn’t go one way; Donna often invited Hannah over for dinner, or they’d meet Donna’s husband, Bob, for beers after work. A few times a month, Donna and Bob took Hannah to drink with them at the bar near their house. The plan was always that Hannah would sleep on their couch instead of driving to her apartment, but willing lips and the inability to say no always led to Hannah going home with some guy she’d not remember when she was sober. Bob always had a use for anything yellow Hannah had in her purse. He was friendly and always made her laugh. During the week, he was a construction worker with a voracious appetite for neatly rolled joints. He could out-smoke Hannah and Donna and still drive home.

Bob met them for lunch every Friday. Afterwards, he always convinced them to smoke. The three of them crammed into the cab of his pick-up truck and passed the joint back and forth as they sat parked behind the post office’s dumpster. Hannah wondered how Donna didn’t notice Bob staring at her. His fingers lingered on the joint as he handed it to her, and he’d rub his leg against hers. She cursed herself for not being more assertive about wanting to sit on the end. She tried to figure out if Donna and Bob had an open relationship. Donna had slept with one of their co-workers for a few months over the winter, but still carried on with Bob like she was happily married.

The attention from Bob made Hannah feel insecure. Donna was far more desirable than she was, with her tiny, petite, doll-like figure, and her curly blonde hair. Her suntan never faded in the winter and her smile lit up her entire face. Hannah’s body was round in some places, scarred in most areas, eternally pale, and she hardly ever smiled. Even though she wondered what it would be like to sleep with Bob, she quickly shook the thought out of her head—Donna was her closest friend.

“Bob! We’re gonna smell like pot,” Donna giggled.

“Tell those City Hall crooks to go fuck themselves.”

Donna and Hannah laughed. It was Bob’s answer to most problems. He didn’t hesitate to tell people to fuck off at the slightest indication they were going to bother him.

“Did Donna invite you to our barbeque this weekend?” he asked in-between puffs.

“Yeah, I mentioned it to her.”

“Well, are you coming?”

“I don’t know,” Hannah hesitated.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Of course you’re coming.”

There was no arguing with Bob—Hannah would go.

*

Donna didn’t know about Hannah’s scars, so she dragged her around the barbeque, trying to introduce her to different men. A lot of Bob’s c-workers came, and his son’s friends were ther
e as well. Bob was in his forties, so his son was slightly older than Hannah. When Hannah’s conversations with Bob’s friends didn’t last long, Bob crooked his arm around her shoulder and walked her over to his son’s friends.

“We’ll find someone you like,” Bob said before he pushed her towards the crowd of guys and gave her a smack on her ass. “Listen up, everyone; this is Hannah. She’s lonely. Someone talk to her—she’s a good girl.” Bob tousled Hannah’s hair and walked away.

Self-consciously, Hannah smoothed her hair down and smiled.

“C’mon, Hannah—we don’t bite. Let’s get you a beer,” some guy in a baseball cap said as he reached into the cooler and popped the top off of a Rolling Rock.

“Thanks.” She took the bottle and drank from it.

“We’re about to play beer pong—you can be on my team,” the same guy said.

Even though it was her first time, Hannah had fun playing beer pong. She lost with the lowest score. The wooden picnic table was on a slant and no matter how exact she thought her aim was, she always missed. By the time she had six beers in her, she was no longer walking to the house when she had to pee, but squatting in the dry leaves in the woods. She’d already taken a break to give the guy in the baseball cap a blow job behind Donna and Bob’s camper. Soon after they resumed their pong game, an obnoxious guy in cowboy boots rubbed up against her.

“Hey!” she said, “You’re making me mess up my pong shot.”

“It’s okay, darlin’, your pong shots were off before I came. I’ve been watching.”

“You have?” Hannah gave him a drunken smile.

“Yes, I have. You wanna go for a walk?”

“Maybe in a little bit. I need another beer.”

“In a little bit? Can’t we go now?”

“No! I need a beer.”

Someone stuck a beer in her hand and she chugged it.

A group of guys who had been playing horseshoes all night joined the pong crowd. Hannah froze. She wasn’t sure—her facial recognition skills were terrible—but the one guy looked like Matt—cinder block Matt. His eyes met her stare and the surprised look that seeped across his face confirmed who he was.

Hannah turned and spoke to the guy in the cowboy boots, “How about that walk now?”

He grinned and pulled her towards the woods with him. She wanted to walk deep into the trees to avoid any spot where someone had already pissed, but the co
wboy stopped when the light ended and laid on the grass, not bothering with going so far as the woods.

Hannah was so
bering up—too afraid of Matt to leave the safety of the man she was with, but not drunk enough to fuck. The man tasted like cigarettes and calluses ridged his fingertips. He started to annoy her when his slobbering kisses wet most of face. He stopped, leaned back, pulled a flask from his back pocket, opened it, and took a swig. He handed it to Hannah. “Drink this.”

She took a sip and tried to hand it back to him, but he pushed the flask towards her and said, “No, drink all of it.”

Hannah hesitated, but opened her throat and poured the whiskey down, allowing it to burn in a flood as it emptied into her stomach.

“Now, what’s your name, little girl?

“Hannah.”

“Hannah…nice. Well, com
’ere Hannah.” The man pulled her close, kissed her again, and his spit soaked her face. She could feel his hard-on grinding into her leg. He pushed her shirt up and pulled her pants down. His jeans were around his ankles when he mounted her. She could feel him struggling to get his cock into her, so she stretched her legs back as far as she could. He rocked onto his knees and started rubbing himself.

“Come suck this a little bit. I’ve had too much to drink.”

Hannah leaned forward to rest on her palms and stuck the limp dick in her mouth. She sucked and ran her tongue over the man’s shaft, but it was useless. He was flaccid.

“Fuck! Not again! Listen, I drank too much. I got something in my truck that’ll help. You stay right here and I’ll be back.”

Hannah wasn’t sure if she should get dressed or not. The whiskey kicked in so she stretched back onto the grass, and looked at the stars. After a few minutes, she started to feel scared and cold. She was in the dark, away from the rest of the party—and Matt…he was somewhere out there. Months had passed since Hannah last thought about Matt being released, but they were over eighteen now, so it made sense.

The cracking sound of a twig made Hannah look to her left. A man’s black silhouette stood between her and the rest of the party. She couldn’t see his face, but the lights blared around his shape.

“Hannah Simmons?”

Hannah could smell her own fear and her piss released in a warm stream into the patch of grass beneath her. It wasn’t the man in the cowboy boots. This guy was much shorter.

“Don’t be afraid, Hannah. That’s all I wanted to tell you—don’t be afraid.”

Hannah did not move, and she did not breathe. The man, who appeared to be Matt, turned and walked back to the party. After his figure was swallowed by the crowd, Hannah stood up, put her pants back on, and ran. She sprinted to the o
pposite side from which he came—back to the beer pong crowd, leaving her panties on the grass. She stopped and went back for them, undressed, put them on, and redressed. If she had forgotten them there, she knew Bob would have hit them with his lawnmower, shredding pink onto his green yard.

“Whatssa mattta?” Bob greeted Hannah when she snuck herself back into the crowd. Her head spun from the liquor and her stomach lurched. She swallowed back the vomit and closed her eyes, but the darkness cycloned, too. She opened them and Bob was smiling as he handed her a beer. She drank it, fast, and her empty hand was filled with another bottle.

“Shit, Hannah, you can really drink.” Bob lit a joint. He passed it to her and she inhaled deeply before passing it back to him. “Nah, pass it that way; I got more.”

Hannah felt safe standing next to Bob. He fed her beers and joints over the next hour until she was lost in the ever-changing flicker of the campfire.

“Hannah, have you met Matt yet? He works with me.”

Hannah turned her stare from the fire and looked at Bob. Matt was standing next to him.

“I know Hannah. We went to school together.”

“Damn, I didn’t know you graduated from Laurel High, Matt.”

“Yeah.” Matt didn’t say anymore. Hannah knew he wouldn’t want to explain to Bob why he hadn’t graduated from there, but from the program at Oakmont.

“Well, if you know where she lives, she might need a ride home,” Bob laughed and lit another joint. He handed it to Ma
tt first who took a hit and passed it to Hannah.

Hannah took the joint and placed her lips where Matt’s had been. The paper was slightly wet. She took a small hit and held it in front of her for someone to take. Bob took it, puffed on it twice, and handed it to Matt.

“Here, you guys finish this, I gotta go find Donna.”

Matt stared at Hannah. She hoped he couldn’t tell she was breathing like a rabbit—fast and full of panic.

“Calm down, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”

Hannah didn’t speak.

“It was years ago. It was a mistake. Look, can we just finish this joint and talk?”

Hannah nodded her head and took the outstretched joint.

“So, have you seen any of the old gang? Joel or Brian?”

“Joel moved to Philadelphia to play in some band. I haven’t seen him since high school. Brian is at Penn State studying accounting.”

“Ack, Brian and his fucking numbers.”

“Yeah.”

“How ‘bout Olivia?”

“Pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” Matt laughed, “Would I know who the daddy is?”

“Nah, some hippy artist guy from Pittsburgh.”

“Oh, I bet her father’s pissed as hell.”

“Of course
, why do you think she did it?”

They laughed
and Hannah was calm. Once in awhile, the yard would spin.”

“What about you? You work with Bob now?”

“Yeah, I’ve been doing that for a few months. How about you?”

“I work with Bob’s wife, Donna, down at City Hall.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty decent job…boring. The hours are good, so I’m not complaining.”

There were a few minutes when they didn’t speak, but nervously drank their beers.

Hannah staggered a little bit and almost fell. Matt grabbed her arm, “Whoa! Be careful.”

“Thanks. I’m drunk as hell.”

“You’d better not drive home.”

“Yeah, I’d better not.”

“Where do you live now?”

“Downtown.” She nodded her head, trying to move the awkward conversation along.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” She kept nodding, but it didn’t speed things up.

“Yeah.”

“Listen, if you want, I can drive you home. I know you probably are still scared of me, but I swear, I’m a different person now, and if you’d ask Bob, he’d vouch for me. He’s known me for months. He even helped get me my job.”

“Wow, that’s impressive, he wouldn’t even do that for his son.”

“Yeah, we’ve been cool for a long time. So, can I drive you home?”