Velvet Chains (Historical Romance) (44 page)

The Raven merely laughed as he strolled down the sandy beach. When Season continued to struggle, he plopped her across his shoulder and she pounded him on the back with her fists.

When they reached the longboat that rested on the shore, The Raven placed her in it, and Season lapsed into silence, knowing she was wasting her energy.

In the dim moonlight she recognized the men who were rowing the boat out to sea, but she was too angry and upset to acknowledge any of them.

In her mind she pictured Molly's distress at finding her mistress missing and she imagined Lucas coming home and finding her gone. If he discovered she was with The Raven, would he think she had gone with him of her own free will? That thought made her feel empty inside and tears gathered in her eyes. She wished with all her heart that she was with her husband.

She wanted to beg The Raven to take her back, but she knew he wouldn't listen to her. She had been planning to leave Lucas anyway, but not this way—never this way. The man who had married her and then abandoned her had stolen her heart. It was he who fit the realization of her youthful fantasies.

Suddenly Season wanted to feel her husband's arms around her. She ached to be held tightly by him. A sob escaped her lips when she thought of never seeing Lucas again.

The longboat bumped against the hull of the
Andromeda
, and Season had no time to think as The Raven lifted her into his arms and climbed the rope ladder. Season didn't voice her protest as he carried her below, knowing it wouldn't gain her anything. Once in his cabin, he placed her on her feet.

"Put out to sea," The Raven said to someone who stood just out of Season's view.

"Aye, aye, Captain," Briggs replied.

The Raven closed the door softly behind him and turned to Season. As he took a step in her direction she moved back a pace.

"Don't do this to me," she pleaded. "Please allow me to go back to my husband."

"Were you not going to leave him tomorrow? Why would you want me to take you back to him?"

"I don't expect you to understand this and I am not sure I understand myself. ... I love Lucas and even if he does not love me, I want to be with him."

The Raven stood so still it was almost as if he had been turned to stone. "You are right, my lady, I don't understand. You were prepared to leave him tomorrow.

I happen to know your trunks were already packed. Why should you suddenly decide that you love your husband?"

"I ... it was a mistake to think I could run away from my heart. I had learned that Lucas has been seen with another woman. I suppose I was hurt and wanted to hurt him in return."

"What did you hear?"

"I…do not want to discuss it with you. It concerns Lucas and myself."

"I know what you are referring to. You think your husband betrayed you with Lady Southerland."

Season looked at The Raven. "How could you know that? If you tell me one more time that you have ways ol finding out everything I'll scream. Everyone but me seemed to know my husband is in love with another woman."

"Believing this, you still want to return to Lucas Carrington, my lady? Would you not be better off with a man who loves you?"

"You?"

"Yes, me."

"No. I once thought that I loved you. I suppose it was because you made me feel things that I had never experienced before. Perhaps I do love you in a way. There were many times when I couldn't separate you and Lucas in my mind. I will say this about you, Raven. I admire many things about you. I found you to be a man of very strong loyalties and convictions. You fought valiantly for what you believed in . . . but 1 don't love you. How can I love a man whose face I have never seen? I love my husband."

"If you were blind and had never seen Lucas Carrington's face, would you still have loved him?" The Raven asked.

"Yes, I suppose so. One experiences love through the heart, not through the eyes."

"What does your heart tell you about me, my lady?" he asked softly. Season sat down on the edge of the bed and was surprised when The Raven knelt down beside her. She could feel the ship rock as the waves lapped against its hull. "I told you I admire you."

He removed his glove and touched her face softly. "It's more than your admiration I crave, my lady."

When Season felt his touch, a shiver of delight passed through her body and she was momentarily startled. How was it possible that he could so easily make her react to his touch?

"You will get no more from me than admiration, Raven," she said quickly, trying to cover up her overreaction to his nearness.

But The Raven had seen her eyes dilate and knew what she was feeling. "I am not sure you speak the truth, my lady. I believe you will never forget what we shared. We were once bound together by the child you carried inside of you." His hand moved down to rest on her stomach, and Season quickly drew in her breath at his tenderness.

"Our baby died, Raven. I want my memory of you to die as well."

He pulled Season into his arms and she could feel herself melting against him. "No, no," she pleaded. "I don't want this. Please don't make me love you. I love Lucas."

"Perhaps you love both of us," he suggested softly against her ear.

Season rested her head against his shoulder as his hands ran up and down her back. "It isn't possible. How can it be?" she asked in a tortured voice. "I don't want to love either one of you; yet I do. As surely as I live and breathe I love you both," she whimpered.

The cabin became strangely silent and the only sound that could be heard was the wind catching at the canvas sails. Season sobbed in The Raven's arms. He tried to soothe her by kissing her cheek and gently rubbing her back.

"It would seem that neither Lucas Carrington nor myself are worthy of your love, my lady. We have both taken too much from you and have given back very little in return. Why should you waste your time with either of us?"

"I . . . want to go home, Raven. Please take me back," Season pleaded.

"By home, do you mean back to your husband?" he asked, almost tenderly.

"Yes. Take me back to Lucas."

"Will you forgive him for what you think he has done?"

"I don't know if he will want my forgiveness. 1 don't think he wants me."

"What if you were to find out that your husband has been faithful to you as far as other women are concerned, but you learn that he has deceived you in other ways, Season?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," she said, staring at the leather mask The Raven wore, wishing she could see his eyes.

"What would you think of a man who had deceived those who trusted him, my lady? What if you were to discover that I had lied to you time and time again? Would you ever forgive me, ever believe in me again?"

Season stood up and turned her face away. She didn't know what point The Raven was trying to make, but for some reason he was frightening her. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say against my husband. You and Lucas were on opposite sides in the war, but that doesn't give you the right to condemn him."

When Season turned back to The Raven he seemed to loom over her. "You are very quick to his defense, my lady. Could it be you truly love your husband and would forgive him many things?"

"Yes. Is love not forgiving? I once hurt Lucas by implying that he was a coward. He told me then that a wife should believe in her husband. I now know he was trying to tell me to trust him. I do trust him, and I want him to know he can trust me. He will think that I went away with you of my own free will. I wish there was some way I could let him know I would never betray him."

Season watched as The Raven's hands went up to his leather mask. "If you are willing to forgive Lucas Carrington, my lady, then perhaps you will also forgive me. There is no longer any reason for me to hide my face from you, for I know you would never betray my secret."

Season caught her breath as she watched him slowly lift the leather mask. Her heart was drumming within her breast as she waited to see the face of the man who had divided her heart in half. She watched him step out of the shadows into the dim half-light of the cabin.

A loud sob escaped her lips and she shook her head in disbelief. "No! It cannot be! You are trying to trick me," she sobbed, placing her hands over her face. "Dear God, say it isn't true!"

33

"Did you mean what you said about forgiving me, my lady wife? Since I am both men who have wronged you, there will be twice as much for you to forgive."

Season covered her mouth with her hands and backed up against the wall of the cabin. "I don't understand, Lucas—how can you be The Raven? You are the last person I would have suspected. Surely there is some mistake."

His golden eyes sought hers and she saw a softness there. "Did you think after I had tasted your sweet lips that I would ever let you go? Have I not told you as The Raven and as myself that I loved you."

"You don't love me or you could never have deceived me so, Lucas," she said, feeling she had been betrayed.

"Come and sit beside me and I will try to make you understand why I had to deceive you, Season." The searching gaze he gave her revealed his deep need for her understanding.

She walked stiff-legged toward him and sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't think you will ever be able to make me believe anything you tell me, Lucas. You should be ashamed even to face me."

He sat down beside her and stared at the ceiling. "There is no reason you should forgive me Season, but I will tell you my reasons for deceiving you, and then leave the final decision in your hands. If you so desire, I will take you back to your father. But should you find it in your heart to forgive me, I will consider myself the most fortunate man. Ask me any question and 1 will answer it honestly."

"I want to know about the beautiful widow, Lorona Southerland," she stated quickly, her jealousy coming to the fore.

Lucas smiled slightly. "I did pay marked attention to Lady Southerland, but not in the way you think. Lorona was born in America. She married Lord Southerland and was a devoted wife to him until he died. She was also a spy and my only contact with George Washington. Since she was a woman as well as an American, she was able to carry my messages to Washington without arousing anyone's suspicion. No one but myself and General Washington knew that her true loyalty was to the land of her birth."

"Did you ever kiss her?" Season asked, looking deeply into his golden eyes and trying to discern the truth from all the lies that divided her and Lucas.

"No, never. Lorona knows how much I love my wife. If you believe nothing else, Season, believe that I never kissed another woman after I came to know you on board the
Andromeda
. I was too much in love with a green-eyed seductress who had stolen my heart."

544

"What about Maude? I know she was expecting you to make love to her the night I was locked in her bedroom. You must also have seen her again if you got my necklace from her. Dear lord, now I know what Edmund was talking about that night down by the river. He knew who you were!"

"That is true. He had every intention of unmasking me after he killed me."

Season shook her head in disbelief. "I don't understand any of this, Lucas. Did Maude know who you were?"

He touched her cheek. "No. Maude had no notion of my true identity. I will admit that Maude and I were once lovers, but I have made love to no one since the first time I came to know the joy of your body. Briggs brought me the necklace after he learned you had been spirited away by De Fores. Because of the necklace Edmund realized I was really The Raven. He had been watching me for some time. I suppose he found the necklace before you and I were married. Tying the loose ends together, he came to the right conclusion about me."

"Poor Edmund didn't deserve to die. I will never forget that it was I who ended his life." Her eyes shone brightly with tears. "I couldn't let him kill you that night."

"Put all that is bad behind you, Season. Remember only that I love you."

"How can I trust you?" she said, blinking her eyes. Everything you have ever said to me has been a lie."

"Not everything, Season. I never lied to you when I declared my love for you, and I will never again tell you anything that is untrue as long as we live, you have my word on it. I will not blame you should you never forgive me—but I hope with all my heart that you will."

"Why didn't you tell me you were The Raven, Lucas? You allowed me to make a fool of myself. How you must have laughed at me when I confessed that I loved you a moment ago."

He softly touched her golden head. "No, I didn't laugh," he said softly. "I felt overpowering joy, because I had waited a long time for you to say you loved me, Lucas Carrington, and not me as The Raven."

"You still haven't told me why you kept your identify a secret from me after I was your wife," she said, wanting to believe him, but afraid to trust her heart.

"I wanted to confess everything to you many times, Season, but I suppose I was a coward. At first, I couldn't tell you who I was because you were one of the enemy. Later, I couldn't tell you because I feared you would turn away from me in anger when you found out the man you had married was also the man responsible for getting you with child. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. When I kidnapped you, I wasn't sure whether I did it to get my uncle back or because I wanted you. I felt sick inside that the woman I had searched for all my life had a soiled reputation, but the night I took you in the cabin and found you to be untouched, I was horrified that I had stolen your innocence."

Suddenly a thought occurred to Season. She had believed that The Raven had abandoned her when he had handed her over to Lucas Carrington, but that was not the case. Her confusion deepened.

"Lucas—"

"No, allow me to finish, Season, and then you can ask what you will. Even now, I fear I will lose my nerve." Lucas seemed not to know what to do with his hands and Season realized he was indeed nervous.

"Go on, Lucas—I am listening," she said, wishing she dared reach out and touch his hand.

Lucas took a deep breath. "After the night I had taken your innocence away from you, I made myself a promise I would never touch you again. As you know, I didn't keep that promise. That night on the beach, you were so bewitching I knew I had to have you. When I made love to you, Season, you not only filled the emptiness in my body, but you filled my heart to overflowing. When De Fores helped you escape, I was in torment, fearing what he would do to you; but in my mind he was no worse than I was, for had I not taken you against your will?"

"No, Lucas you didn't force yourself on me. I was more than willing to . . ."

He reached out his hand to touch her, but then allowed it to drop. "My foolish love. Do you not know that although I didn't force you physically that night, I wooed you into submission. You were so young and innocent that you didn't know how to fight against the feelings you were experiencing for the first time."

"Are you saying that you deliberately set out to make me want you?"

"Well…yes, though it pains me to admit it. I was seducing you into submission. I have never taken a reluctant woman. Of course, I must add in my defense that I thought you had been with many men before me. I was horrified when I found you to be a virgin, but I was also delighted. Selfish brute that I am, I didn't want to think that any man had been with you before me.

"I am a bit confused, Lucas. Who was The Raven the day I was handed over to you as Lucas Carrington?"

He smiled slightly. "I persuaded Robert to play the part that day. I must say he wasn't too pleased with the notion. Robert, Briggs, and James had all three been hounding me to take you back to New York. They weren't at all happy that I was keeping you with me at Rosemont, but I just couldn't bear to part with you. I suppose, deep down, I hoped I could make you love me as much as I loved you."

"I take it then that both Robert and Rebecca know you are The Raven?"

"Robert knows, but Rebecca does not."

"Why did you ask me to marry you, Lucas?"

He looked into her eyes and she saw a soft glow in his golden gaze. "I would have thought that was obvious. I loved you and couldn't think of any way to convince you to marry me. I would never have turned you over to Edmund, Season. When f found out you were carrying my child, I knew I had the means to convince you to marry me. I wanted to shout to the world that I had planted my seed in you, but instead I had to act as if I were being magnanimous by offering my name to another man's child."

Lucas tilted Season's chin up. "When you lost my child I was devastated because I knew it was my fault."

"No, Lucas, I will not allow you to blame yourself for the loss of the baby. If either of us is to blame it is I."

"Perhaps, you are, after all, forgiving me, Season. But I, alone, was responsible for your accident. I will have to live with that guilt for as long as I live."

"If I can forgive you, Lucas, why then can you not forgive yourself?"

Season saw a misty look come into his golden eyes. "My God, Season, are you saying you forgive me?"

"Yes, I forgive you, Lucas," she whispered, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes. "I know now what you went through when I lost the baby, Lucas."

She saw his throat muscles working and knew he had indeed felt strongly about the loss of their child. He looked away from her and spoke in a hoarse voice. "For days I thought you would die, Season. You cannot imagine the hell I lived through as your life hung by a thin thread. Finally, in desperation, I spoke to you in the voice of The Raven, hoping you would respond—and thank God you did."

Season was beginning to recover from the shock of knowing her husband and The Raven were one and the same. She now realized why she had loved both men. "Lucas, you were a very convincing actor, because I thought you were jealous of The Raven."

"I wasn't acting, Season. The strange part in all of this is that I became insanely jealous of my other self. I was competing with myself for your love. I hated the fact that you seemed to love the part of me that wasn't real. As The Raven, I seemed to have a part of you that I could never possess as myself. I waited and hoped for the day you would say you loved me—Lucas Carrington—which you did tonight. Although at one time you told me you were beginning to love me, that wasn't good enough. I wanted all of you, Season."

He turned to her and pulled her into his arms as if he feared she would draw away from him. "Have I killed the fragile love you have come to feel for me, my lady? Will you ever be able to look into my eyes and say that you love me?"

Season raised her head and touched his face. "I am looking into your eyes, Lucas, and I love you. I am a bit confused and I don't understand everything that has happened, but I know I love you."

Lucas' hand trembled as he reached out and touched her lips. "My dearest lady wife, I have done nothing to deserve your love, but selfish beast that I am, I want you—heart, body, and soul."

Season saw tears gather in Lucas' eyes and a sob escaped her lips. "Lucas, my dearest love, how could I not love you? We are from enemy countries, and both of us will probably be condemned for our love, but nothing can keep me from loving you."

"Not even the fact that I deceived you over and over?" he asked, still not able to realize she had forgiven him.

She pressed her cheek against his. "Not even that. You can call yourself Lucas Carrington, The Raven, or whatever name you choose, and I will still love you. Even when I thought you were a coward I still loved you."

"You did sorely wound me that day, Season. I wanted to be the man you would be proud of, but I had to bear your contempt in silence. I feared you would hate me even more should you find out the truth about me. Even now it's hard to believe you do not fault me for playing the friend to your country when, in truth, I was their worst enemy. Let no country stand between you and I, Season."

Season raised her head and he saw sadness in her green eyes. "I love you even though our countries stand apart, Lucas. Sometimes it is hard to know where my loyalty lies."

"You are my wife, Season. We should allow no loyalty to the king on your part, no loyalty to my country on my part, to rip us apart. Allow me to bind you to me so firmly that nothing can ever separate us. The war between our two countries has ended; let us lay down our weapons and love one another."

Season was still reluctant to give her love to Lucas wholeheartedly. "Why didn't you ever write to me, Lucas? You were gone so long and never sent me any word."

"Most of the time I was at sea, Season, and unable to communicate with you. At other times, I suppose I was punishing myself. I would have liked nothing better than to have received correspondence from you. I also felt that you didn't want to hear from me. At one point, I did write you a letter and confessed to you who I was. I suppose I thought it would be easier than facing you with the truth. But too many lives would have been jeopardized had it been intercepted, so I threw the letter away."

"I would never have betrayed you, Lucas."

His eyes rested on her lips. "Don't you think I know that. I tested you many times, but not once did you say anything that would incriminate me as The Raven. If you will remember, the day I first brought you to Rosemont I asked you if you knew the name of the crew members of the
Andromeda
and you denied any knowledge of them. I wanted to take you in my arms that day and tell you how much I loved you, but you would have been a little distressed if Lucas Carrington had done such a thing. You didn't betray The Raven to me, and later, you didn't betray me to The Raven. I can still feel the sting of the dressing down you gave me when you told me you would never betray your husband."