Veritas (35 page)

Knowing that leaving was the right decision did little to ease the ache that settled squarely in her chest, and Lauren shook her head as the urge to stay swept through her. She had been the strong one the night before, thinking rationally, doing the smart and mature thing, but it had not been easy. She had lain awake all night in the safe haven of Grey’s arms, letting her tears fall silently to her pillow as she wondered where she would find the strength to actually go back to New York.

She lifted her hand in greeting as Grey killed the dinghy’s engine and drifted toward the
Veritas
, and felt her stomach drop at the pained smile she got in return. The day had not been easy for either of them, and she knew that Grey was thinking the same thing she was.

Their time was almost up.

Lauren folded her arms over her chest as she watched Grey tie the dinghy’s bow line off to the cleat by the dive platform, and tried to force a small smile when Grey started up the stairs toward her. “Hey.”

“Lauren,” Grey sighed as she stepped onto the back deck. Her stomach twisted violently at the pained expression on Lauren’s face, and she shook her head as she pulled Lauren into her arms. “Come here, baby.”

The day had been long, and Grey tried to console herself with the idea that watching Lauren walk away the next morning would not be goodbye—but that did little more than take the worst of the sting away. Because no matter their promises to call, email, text, and Skype as much as possible, the fact remained that, after tomorrow, Lauren would not be aboard the
Veritas
with her.

Lauren melted into Grey’s embrace, which was far gentler than any they had shared all day, and her heart broke a little bit more as she buried her face in the curve of Grey’s neck.
God, I am going to miss this.

“Shh, I know.” Grey rubbed Lauren’s back gently. “It’s okay.” She blinked back her tears and leaned her cheek against the top of Lauren’s head. “It’s okay.”

“What time do you have to go back and pick them up?” Lauren mumbled into Grey’s neck.

“They’ll call. I have a feeling it will be late since this is their last night in the islands.”

Lauren sniffled and lifted her head to offer Grey a watery smile, and her stomach dropped when she got an identical smile back. “Good.”

The sight of Lauren’s tears made Grey’s spill free, and she swallowed around a lump in her throat as she pressed a tender kiss to Lauren’s forehead. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it,” Lauren half-laughed, half-sobbed, feeling like an idiot because she had been the one to insist that she return to New York. “I just…”

“I know.” Grey’s voice was just as rough as pulled back and took Lauren’s hands in her own. She tugged her toward the salon, and was relieved when Lauren followed her. A feeling of peace swept over her when she closed the cabin door behind them, and she sighed as she pulled Lauren into her arms once more. It felt so right to hold her, and she wanted to do nothing else for the rest of the night. She brushed her lips over Lauren’s ear and whispered, “Cuddle with me?”

Lauren traced Grey’s jaw with her fingertips and nodded. “Of course.”

Grey toed off her shoes and climbed onto the bed, and smiled sadly when Lauren
did the same. “Come here,” she whispered as she drew Lauren into her, wrapping her arms around her waist and holding her close.

The feeling of Grey’s arms around her was instantly relaxing, and Lauren curled herself around
Grey’s side. She rested her head on Grey’s chest, and let the slow, steady beat of Grey’s heart calm her. She sighed softly at the feeling of Grey’s fingers stroking lazily up and down her spine, the touch so gentle and reassuring, and she let her eyes drift shut as she selfishly took the comfort Grey was offering her. “That feels good.”

“Good.” Grey brushed her lips over Lauren’s forehead and, on her next pass, slipped her fingers beneath the hem of her shirt. “Is this okay?” she asked as she stroked the soft skin of Lauren’s lower back.

“Yes,” Lauren breathed. She licked her lips and let her left hand, which had been splayed across Grey’s stomach, drift beneath the brunette’s shirt as well. “This?”

Grey closed her eyes at the feeling of Lauren’s fingers tracing the line of her right oblique and sighed. “Absolutely perfect.”

“Good.” Lauren turned her head to press her lips to the underside of Grey’s chin. One kiss became two, and she whimpered when Grey shifted and the brunette’s lips landed lightly on her own. The kiss was achingly tender, and she pulled back with a gasp when Grey’s tongue flicked across her lips. Grey’s eyes were swirling with so much emotion that it stole the breath from her lungs, and she could not hold back the quiet groan that rumbled in her throat as she gave herself over to it.

Grey melted into the bed as Lauren rolled more fully on top of her, the redhead’s hand inching up her stomach until her fingertips tickled the underside of her breast. “Please,” she whi
spered, arching up into the touch.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” Grey covered Lauren’s hand with her own and pulled it higher. A shaky breath escaped her at the feeling of Lauren’s palm dragging over her nipple, and she nodded, answering the question she could see shining in Lauren’s gaze. She wanted this. Wanted her. It might be the thing that broke her completely, but she needed to fall apart under Lauren’s hands one more time before she watched her walk away. The next few months before she could make it up to New York to see Lauren again were going to be hell, and she wanted this memory to help her through them. “God, Lauren. Please touch me.”

Lauren’s heart thudded heavily in her throat at the desperate edge in Grey’s voice, and she moaned softly as she squeezed the breast under her hand. “Okay.”

They undressed each other slowly between languid kisses, fingers trailing lightly over warm skin as they gave up all pretense of control and lost themselves in the moment. Every touch burned with a depth of affection neither was willing to voice, but it was conveyed all the same in the soft sighs that tumbled from their lips.

Lauren’s head fell forward, her forehead bumping against Grey’s as long fingers pushed slowly inside her, and she immediately mirro
red the touch, thrusting swiftly into the wet warmth that waited for her. Her heart fluttered at the feeling of Grey’s body drawing her in deeper, and she moaned as Grey’s free hand curled around the back of her neck and pulled her down into a kiss that was so deep and passionate that it made her head spin.

It did not take long for their bodies to fall into the easy rhythm that was theirs and theirs alone, and Grey
gasped as her heart skipped a beat at the feeling of Lauren’s fingers filling her so completely. She opened herself to the woman above her, taking all that Lauren had to give and giving all of herself in return. She matched Lauren’s slow, deep thrusts stroke for stroke as they eased each other higher and higher, and she groaned when the white heat of impending release began to spread through her. “No. Not yet.”

“Yes,” Lauren encouraged softly, dusting the lightest of kisses over Grey’s lips.

“I’m not ready.” Grey squeezed her eyes shut and threw her head back against the mattress, straining against the traitorous euphoria building inside her. She wanted more, wanted more time to commit the feeling of Lauren’s fingers inside her to memory, to burn the feeling of Lauren’s body rocking against her own into her brain so that she would be able to remember every last detail without any effort at all. “Not yet.”

Lauren’s smile was sad as she brushed her lips over Grey’s chin. “Sweetie…”

“Please, Lauren,” Grey whispered, rolling her hips away from the hand between her legs, trying to lessen the sensation building inside her. She cried out softly as it instead sent bolts of electricity arcing through her. She clung to Lauren as release swept through her without her permission, suffusing her body with pleasure even as her heart broke all over again.

“I know,” Lauren whispered, nuzzling Grey’s cheek with her own as she cradled the brunette to her, her eyes squeezed shut against the truth they could no longer ignore. “I know.”

If Lauren had thought things between her and Grey had been uncomfortable her first few days aboard the
Veritas
, those days had nothing on her final morning. Waking up in each other’s arms only served to highlight the fact that it was the last time they would be doing so for the foreseeable future. They showered together, letting the water washing over them clear away their tears as they took advantage of their final time alone, fingers reverently tracing every curve and valley in an attempt to stave off the inevitable.

Breakfast had been an utter failure. Lauren had made waffles because they were Grey’s favorite, but neither of them felt much like eating. The desperate kiss they had shared in the doorway of Lauren’s cabin after the breakfast dishes were cleared was wet with their tears, and it took Grey more than a minute after they broke apart to get enough control of herself to make her way up to the helm.

Lauren spent the sail back to Charlotte Amalie packing. She wanted to spend the time with Grey, but she had put the task off for far too long already, and if she did not do it then, she would most likely miss her flight. Retrieving all of her things that had migrated across the small hall to Grey’s cabin had been pure torture, and she was so blinded by tears when she returned to her own cabin that she just blindly shoved the toiletries and random articles of clothing into her bag to get them out of her sight.

She had managed to put on a brave face that fooled nobody as they said goodbye to their guests, and had turned back to the
salon the moment they were gone to try and hide her tears. The feeling of strong arms wrapping around her waist from behind shattered what was left of her control, and she let out an anguished sob as she turned in Grey’s arms to bury her face in the sweet curve of the brunette’s neck. She knew that she needed to do this, that if what they had was truly meant to be that they would find a way back to each other, but at the moment it just felt like her heart was being ripped from her body. “I gotta…”

“I know.” Grey squeezed Lauren tightly and then relaxed her hold, letting the redhead slip from her grasp.
This is not goodbye. It’s just a see you later
, she reminded herself as she watched Lauren trudge slowly down the stairs to her cabin to retrieve her bag.

Lauren looked around the cabin she had only stayed in for a few short days
before she began spending her nights in Grey’s arms, and shook her head as she picked up her duffel. It was disproportionally heavy in her hand, as if the bag was protesting what was about to happen, and Lauren felt her heart lurch painfully in her chest when she returned to the salon where Grey was waiting for her. The sight of Grey standing there, back straight, her beautiful face twisted in a mask of resigned agony, made Lauren’s grip on her bag slip for the briefest of moments as the weight of what she was about to do made her knees buckle.

The voice of reason inside her head was resolute in reminding her that it was absolutely ridiculous to throw away her career for what essentially amounted to a summer fling. That no matter how much affection she felt for Grey, she would regret not returning to her life in New York. That two weeks of happiness did not constitute enough of a reason to throw away everything she had worked so hard for.

She did not want to leave, but she was going to. They would talk, get to know each other more, and in a few months they would see each other again. Somehow she knew that these next few months would do little to change how she felt about Grey, but she was determined to do the rational thing—no matter how badly she wished to be utterly irrational.

Grey tensed as she heard Lauren’s duffel hit the floor with a quiet
thud
, and she drew a deep breath as she turned to look at her. Lauren was as beautiful ever, even with her lower lip trembling and tears pooling in her eyes, and Grey opened her arms, beckoning her closer with a look because her throat was too tight to allow her to speak.

Words were unnecessary as they held each other, their faces buried in the sweet curves where neck and shoulder met. Grey’s heart
clenched at the feeling of Lauren’s tears soaking the collar of her shirt, and she swallowed thickly as she tried, and failed, to stem the tide of her own tears as she held her close. It was patently unfair that, after years of simply existing, she should learn to live again in the arms of a woman destined to leave her, but she had long ago learned that life was anything but fair.

The only bright spot in their situation was that it did not have to be permanent. It was not that final line demarking life and death that could not be crossed; it was just a few latitudinal lines on a map that would separate them. And those lines, wh
ile imposing, could be crossed.

But to cross that line, it had to be drawn, and Grey pressed her lips to the sensitive hollow beneath Lauren’s ear, lingering in the touch for a moment before she pulled away to look her in the eye. “Call me when you get to New York?”

Lauren did not bother to wipe at the tears running down her face as she nodded. “Of course.” She knew that she needed to go if she was to catch her plane. Knew that she had already stayed much longer than was prudent simply because she could not stomach the idea of actually leaving, but she could not move.