Vernon God Little (34 page)

'B-ooom! Suck shit muthafucka!'

That better not be loaded,' says Betty. 'Bradley Pritchard! Don't you point that thing, or it'll go right back to the store!'

I ignore him by rubbing lips with Ella. Then we both turn to watch Mrs Porter stand her toys by the roadside. She's setting up a fucken stall for chrissakes. We just swallow giggles.

'Ma'am,' I call over the road. 'Mrs Porter!'

She cocks her head, in a kindly way, and flaps a little wave.

'Everybody's gone, Mrs Porter. Everything's back to normal …'

THE END

Acknowledgements

Give me a spirit that on this life's rough sea

Loves t'have his sails filled with a lusty wind,

Even till his sail-yards tremble, his masts crack,

And his rapt ship run on her side so low

That she drinks water, and her keel ploughs air.

George Chapman

Love to Katz for gently stitching and filling such fine new sails; to my parents and family for this taste for the sea; and to all whose faith opened space beneath a ragged keel.

To the Burnbury Court of Miracles: Strawberries to Dawn & Mark, who practiced friendship with the stealth many reserve for crime; Lisa for energy and chocolate; Bubbles & Frog, who didn't put me up in Hong Kong; Val Wilson, Martinez, and the Cavendish milieu for enlightenment and vodka; to the CWs - Hawker Siddeley!

May the Watras be with Hog, Hildegard, and all Bara crew; Abrazos pa Toño y los cuates - ora si verda carnales; to Junius and family for longevity of faith; Lynn Pearce & family for mindful encouragement; to all whose shores remain littered with my sins - this could be the handle of a mop …

Special thanks to Clare Conville, of Conville & Walsh, Lee Brackstone and all at Faber and Faber, for the vigor with which they hoisted this sheet to the breeze, and to Grant Stewart, whose keen eye first sighted the craft approaching.

P.S. Gumby - still want that assassination?

About the Author

DBC PIERRE divided most of the first twenty-three years of his life between Texas and Mexico City. having dabbled in filmmaking and advertising, and lived the high life that proved costly along the way, he settle down to write Vernon God Little two days before his thirty-eighth birthday. He is currently working on his second novel.

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