Verse (12 page)

Chapter 50

I can’t believe I slept so long. She’s at work I guess. I go outside and the limo is still there. The driver gets out and opens the door for me.

“Have you been here all night?” I say.

He nods.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Lord.”

“Do you want to come inside? Use the bathroom? Have some food?”

“I went to the gas station.”

“Okay. I have to pack up some things, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I go inside and find whatever boxes and bags I can and pack.

As I’m placing my alarm clock in the last bag, Mom says, “What’s all this? Where’s all your things?”

I set down the bag and look at her across my bedroom, in the doorway.

I think I can see her as others do. Not as my mom. Not as someone who used to be a giant to me. Just a woman. Just somebody living her life as best she knows how, like everyone else.

“I’m not going to let you do this,” she says.

“You can’t stop me,” I say.

“Yes I can, I’m your mom.”

“So what?”

“So everything. You’re seventeen. I’m still in charge of you. I thought about it and it’s not good for you to drop out of school and go live with a bunch of crazy Christians in LA.”

“What about the money?”

“I don’t care about the money, I care about you.”

Yeah, right.

She says, “I have a responsibility to you, and that’s more important than money.”

I say, “Thank you. But I can’t go back.”

I walk over to her and hug her and she hugs me back.

She pulls back and looks at me and shakes her head. “No.”

I look down at her, into her eyes, and I kiss her on the lips, just like I used to when I was a small boy. I say, “Goodbye, Mother,” grab the last bag and leave.

Chapter 51

I can’t sleep. I’m just not used to this bed.

I throw off the sheet. It’s so expensive, it has such a high thread count, it makes the one I used to sleep with seem like cardboard.

I go to the window and look outside. The Scheffields’ palatial backyard. They raised their kids here. What would childhood be like in a house like this?

I go to the bathroom and pee, shivering as I finish.

I flush and go to the sink and wash my hands. I look in the mirror, into the reflection of my eyes. I try to find something there, but I can’t quite settle on anything.

I sit down on the cold tile and rub my forehead and temples, getting them wet.

I’m hungry.

I stand up and go back into the bedroom and put on my pants and T-shirt and go downstairs.

The light is already on in the kitchen. I don’t want to see anyone. I stop and turn.

“Jesus?” Pamela.

Damn. I turn back and walk in.

She’s at the table, “I thought I heard you, Jesus.” I wish she wouldn’t call me that. “Have a seat.”

I sit.

She’s not wearing her usual half-pound of makeup and Aquanet and she looks almost normal. Except for all the surgery.

I say, “Can’t sleep either?”

“Oh I’m old, I can’t ever sleep. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you want something to eat?”

“I’m good.”

“Yeah, you should have something. That’s why you came down, isn’t it?” She’s up, bustling through the fridge. “What do you want? Some leftover chocolate cake? Some cereal? Do you want me to make you something? Waffles? Grits?”

“The cake. Cake’s good.”

“Okay, what do you want to drink? Milk?”

“Uh, water.”

“Water? Okay, water.”

She brings the cake and then comes back with a glass of filtered water. She pats my back as I take my first bite and then she takes her seat again and watches me eat.

She says, “You could turn that water into wine.”

I force a laugh, and say, “Water’s good.”

I have to find an apartment and get out of here.

Chapter 52

“Good morning, Lord Jesus!” Marcia greets me from the reception desk as I walk in the door.

“Morning, Marcia,” I say, walking up to her desk. She hands me a stack of mail and papers.

I push the button and the elevator doors open. I get on and push

14

I get off and go down the hall to my office.

I sit at my desk and hit the space bar and my computer wakes up.

There’s a sticky note on the monitor,

PLEASE call Mr Scheffield

with a heart over the ‘i’ in Scheffield’s name.

Marcia brings me a ham and cheese omelet with buttered white toast, a fruit salad, and a glass of orange juice. I check my email, read through my papers, and pick at my food.

I call downstairs on the desk phone, “Marcia, Mr. Scheffield wanted to speak to me?”

“He’s taping the show with Mrs. Scheffield right now. Do you want me to interrupt?”

“Oh that’s right. No, I’ll go over to the studio myself, have the car brought around.”

I take the limo across town. Traffic north on the 5 is awful.

We get to Burbank and they’re shooting
Cross Talk
in Studio A. I stand in the back. Hopefully no one will notice me.

An audience member asks, “If my husband cheated on me, is it right for me to ask for a divorce?”

Scheffield says, “Well, I could offer a
Bible
quote here. Heck, I could offer ten
Bible
quotes. The
Bible
has a whole heap to say about infidelity and divorce. But I’m guessing y’already know that. You probably already talked to your own pastor and your minister about that. And I’m guessing he gave ya’ll an answer you didn’t like. So before I answer this question, I’d ask you a question of my own. Are ya’ll looking for the right thing to do, for the thing that God requires of you? Or are ya’ll looking for permission to do the thing that y’already made your mind up to do?”

This could go on forever. I wander over to Studio B.

They’re rehearsing a scene for
Family Values
. The dad is talking to the mom in the kitchen, saying, “—it’s just like I always tell you,” and he moves in toward her, glancing down to see that his feet have lined up with a piece of tape on the floor, “boys will be boys, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to stop them.”

The director says, “Good. Mark, time on lighting?”

Mark, I guess, talks it over with some other guy adjusting a bright light. “Fifteen minutes.”

“All right, cast break for ten.”

The actors disperse.

There’s chatter in the hall behind me. I go out and the audience is leaving Studio A. I duck back inside Studio B, I can’t deal with a crowd right now.

They clear out and I head over.

I find Scheffield up in the edit bay, looking over the live cut, saying, “Cut to me fifteen frames earlier, while she’s finishing her question.”

I say, “Mr. Scheffield, do you have a moment?”

He looks at the editor, “You got it?”

The editor nods.

Scheffield says, “Yeah, let’s go to a conference room.”

We head across the lot to an empty room.

I lean back in my rolling chair and say, “I missed your call this morning.”

He says, “Tomorrow’s the big day, how are you feeling?”

Nervous. “Good.”

“Good. Viewership has been up 60% since we made the announcement about your deal. We’re expecting record numbers for the network tomorrow.”

I nod. “I know, I’ll be ready.”

Chapter 53

The girl powders my nose and my cheeks. She grabs a brush and shades under my eyes and around my nose and mouth.

The door opens and the production assistant says, “Fifteen minutes till you’re needed on set.”

I nod at him.

The girl puts gel in my hair and fusses with it. She says, “Looks good.” She pulls the paper out from under my collar and leaves.

I get my suit jacket, put it on, and check the mirror. I straighten my tie and head to set.

I stand next to the production assistant by the curtains, and watch Pamela and Scheffield.

The assistant director says from next to camera two, “We’re back in forty-five seconds.”

He cues them and Scheffield says, “Welcome back to
Cross Talk
. And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, a man I have been blessed to call a friend, a man who I believe is Christ reborn, our lord and savior, Manuel Kadur.”

The audience cheers with frightening intensity and my stomach drops. I step out in front of the curtains and to the lectern to the left of the Scheffields.

“Hello,” I say into the microphone. The crowd hushes.

I look at the teleprompter and read

I am Manuel Kadur. The
Bible
prophesizes about a Man who will lead the human race through the greatest war and into eternal peace. Born of a virgin and named Immanuel, both God and man in one vessel, I am that Man, the foretold leader of the human race. We live in an age when the meaninglessness of life is preached unendingly. An age where people no longer feel abandoned by God, they feel that He never existed at all. A new day is coming which will provide the meaning that you’ve been looking for. God does exist and His will is channeled through Me. You may believe you need to take God’s existence on faith, but that is no longer true. I am the proof of God. I will perform His miracles and I will show you His wonders. You may not believe in God, but that science will provide your answers. But science can’t tell you where you came from, why you’re here, and where you’ll go when you die. Science has brought us to the brink of destruction and the war will be here soon. We can destroy the world, but we can also save it. The modern world is a treacherous one, where you have no control over whether you live or die. Where you have to face existence alone. Where you are trapped in a world that does not want you. Embrace God and embrace Me as His Voice on Earth and this will never be true again. Become one of His chosen and He will make Himself known to you as He has made himself known to Me. Once you embrace the light, you will not understand how you ever lived without it. A life in the light is a life where you are never hungry, never cold, never scared, and never lost. Whether you believe or not, you have had doubts. Doubts about God, doubts about existence, doubts about life itself. Those doubts will disappear. You will stop trying to live your life and you will begin to live your life. If you want a world of eternal life and eternal fulfillment, then join Me. Join your Messiah and take your place at His side and at God’s side.

Chapter 54

Everyone applauds as I enter the meeting room. I smile and nod and shake hands with all the producers, the director, the executives, Scheffield, Pam, and John Jr.

We take seats around the table and I sit next to Pam. Scheffield says, “Well, the Nielsen’s are in, and it’s phenomenal. We got a 2.4. That’s network level numbers. Not smash hit prime time numbers, but respectable for a major network. And I have no doubt that’s what we’re gonna be soon enough.” He passes the ratings to me. “I tell you what, I’m really proud to be a part of what we’re doing here.”

With a big smile I say, “That’s so great. Wow.”

Pam says, “And what a moving speech you made. It just touched me so deeply, I can’t tell you.” The rest of the room murmurs in agreement.

I flush. “Thank you. That’s, uh, that’s wonderful to hear.”

Scheffield says to the others, “Okay, let’s talk about the next episode.”

Bernice starts going over the schedule.

Pam leans over to me and whispers in my ear, “How are you doing?”

I look at her and smile and nod.

She whispers, “I worry about you, being alone in that apartment. It must be so lonely for you.”

I whisper, “Thanks, I’m fine, I’m used to it.”

“I know you must be, it must be so hard to be the only one like you in the whole world. I just worry about you.” She takes my hand and squeezes it.

I smile at her and whisper, “Thank you.”

Bernice is saying, “—eight minutes on
Corinthians
, commercial break, then the Lord’s segment.”

Scheffield says, “Manuel, did you have an idea about what you wanted to talk about next week?”

I say, “I’d like to do a Q and A?”

Bernice says, “Pre-submitted?”

“No, that’s okay. It’s our audience, I think we can trust them.”

Scheffield says, “We’re getting more and more of a… diverse crowd lately.”

I say, “That’s okay.”

Bernice says, “Okay, thirteen minutes of questions and answers or shorter?”

I nod. “That’s fine.”

Scheffield says, “Better make it twelve,” and everyone else laughs.

Bernice says, “Okay, twelve. I’ll see about an ad sale for the extra minute. That’s our preliminary schedule. Tom, Reed, and Jim, can you come see me? Everyone else, we’re done.”

We’re walking out and Sheffield stops me and puts a hand on my shoulder and says, “I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me. For us. For everyone, of course, but for me, these last few weeks have truly changed my life.”

I say, “You’re welcome.” I look over at Pam talking with John Jr. and I say, “You too, Mr. Scheffield. You and Pam have changed my life too.”

Chapter 55

“Hello?” Iris says.

“Hey, it’s me,” I say, crooking the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

“Hey Manuel!”

“How’s summer break?” I fidget with a pen.

“Good, it’s been great. How’s the network?”

“Good. That’s why I’m calling actually. I wanted to ask you about… well, first of all, do you hear anything? Like about me or the network? I’m so insulated here. Are people talking about us?”

“Yeah… I’m kinda insulated too. My ears prick up every time your name is mentioned and people ask me about you, so… I don’t know how much anyone who doesn’t already know you hears about you or is paying attention. A little bit, I guess.”

“Okay so that’s why I called, maybe you can help me with that. The network refuses to do any advertising. Like what’s the point? They service a Born Again audience and every Born Again on the planet already knows about them and most of them probably watch. But I need a bigger, mainstream audience. You know about programming and stuff, could you help me do something online?”

“What, like a website?”

“Yeah, that could be good. But that’s like the network, who’s gonna come look for my site but people who already know me and are interested? I wanna draw people in.”

“Like advertising?”

“I guess.”

“You don’t need my help for that, you just pay for ads. They’ll put the ads up for you on whatever site you want.”

“All right.”

“Manuel…”

“Yeah?”

“What do you need ads for? The last time we talked, you told me you were God.”

I laugh.

“Do you really believe that?”

“I’m also a man.”

“But you also believe you’re God.”

“Yeah.”

“But God wouldn’t need ads.”

“But God does.”

She laughs and I do too.

She says, “But God could do anything! And you can’t! So doesn’t that tell you you’re not God?”

“I made this world and I made its laws. And I abide by them.”

“You choose to or you have to?”

“Both. Just look at it this way, I’m God and I’m man, but for now, in this form, I’m just a man, with the powers of a man.”

“Anyone could say that.”

“Look, God or not, I need your help.”

“All right. Fine. Hold on, I’m looking up rates. Ummm… okay, for these ads it’s a penny per click and 25 cents per thousand impressions, that means per thousand people who look at it.”

“Okay.”

“I assume you’ll be paying for this yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s gonna add up a lot, I don’t know how much they’re paying you, but it’s probably not enough. Especially if you want to go for big ads on major sites. If I do make you a site and it’s popular, you could advertise for other sites on your site, and that could pay for your ads, like a loop. I don’t know though if that’s actually true, I’d have to research how much ad companies would pay us. Not as much as we’d pay for the ads, I’m guessing.”

I say, “No, I don’t want to put ads on our website. That would cheapen it too much.”

“But covering the net with your ads wouldn’t?”

“You just said it wasn’t cheap.”

“Ha ha.”

I say, “I don’t know, what else is there?”

“Other ways to advertise? I don’t know. The grassroots thing? You could go onto other websites’ forums and post responses in threads and stuff. If it’s too obvious that you’re only doing it to advertise, people will get resentful, but if you’re actually engaging people I think you’ll be okay.”

“That sounds time consuming.”

“You could hire someone to pretend to be you. Or one of your followers.”

“No.”

“You gotta pay somehow, time or money.”

“What about a program that does it for me?”

“You mean a bot.”

“A bot? Like a robot?”

“Yeah, a spam bot. It posts on forums with fake comments and a link to whatever it’s advertising. The comments are always pretty generic and obviously fake. It doesn’t cost anything, but people hate it. No legitimate businesses use them. Mostly they’re for scams or worthless junk, like penis enlargement cream or weight loss pills. I’ve never seen a real business use them. I think it’d create a backlash.”

“Well we aren’t a real business. I’ll take the risk.”

“You’re gonna be seen as sellout.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“You’re already working for televangelists. Now you wanna do this?”

“They work for me. Well I work for them, but they’re helping me.”

“Okay, but this isn’t gonna go over well. You’re in Hollywood now—”

“Los Angeles.”

“Fine, whatever, but you’re working for a television network—”

“They’re working for me.”

“Fine, but they’re a fringe network. Actually, it’s worse than that, they’re snake oil salesmen who exploit a fringe. They’re selling ads between your speeches or whatever. Now you want to advertise yourself using fake diet pill techniques? What do you think people are going to think? You think Jesus sold ad spots between Sermons on the Mount? Now if that’s what you want…”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Of course it’s not. But public opinion is that simple. You’re either genuine or a sellout. You’re either real or fake. Look at these celebrities, one minute everyone loves them, the next they’re crazy or racist or a slut or whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s quick and it’s very simple in people’s minds.”

“Okay. You’re right. But nobody’s gonna give me airtime for free. And I can’t afford a real marketing campaign. So it’s not selling out or compromising my message, it’s doing what I have to do to be heard at all.”

“That may be the reality, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is what people perceive. You’re in Hollywood—”

“Los Angeles.”

“Whatever. You’re in show business.”

“But you just said I’m either real or fake, and I’m being real.”

“But it’s show business. It’s not about actually being real, it’s about putting on a show of being real, so that it’s more convincing than what’s actually real. Because real real looks fake.”

“Okay. How do you understand this, and I don’t? I’m sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant to say was—”

“I understand. It’s that I read
People
and watch bad television. You just read the
Bible
all the time.”

“I watch bad television sometimes.”

“I hope so, because you work for a company that makes awful television.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m doing the best I can. Let’s do the bot.”