Vicious Carousel (21 page)

And it wasn’t like they wouldn’t be seeing each other a lot, and spending nights together. But that last little bit of fear in her, she suspected, would disappear if she had a place again that was only hers.

Well, hers and her landlord, but she felt confident Kel wouldn’t just boot her out.

She felt the men’s sad confusion the morning of moving day, and didn’t blame them for it. She could sense how hard they were trying to be supportive of her. She knew they didn’t want her to move, but she loved them even more for not trying harder to coax her to stay.

In the kitchen, she pulled Kenny and Nolan’s arms around her and kissed them both.

“Guys, remember, this isn’t about you. It’s about me. I need this time to make sure I’m giving you two the best me I can. I swear, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re moving,” Nolan said. “That’s going somewhere.”

“I’m moving over to Kel’s,” she said. “Fifteen minutes away.”

“You could stay in the spare bedroom here,” Kenny said.

“And I’d still be here. You guys can spend the night with me there, whenever you want. But…” She tried to think of how to phrase it. “There’s still a little part of me that’s chained up in that duplex living room,” she said. “And I need to get it back. All of me.”

“You have feelings for Jack?” Kenny asked, sounding shocked and hurt.

“No! No, that’s
not
what I meant at
all
. I need to let my body and mind settle in and heal. I don’t want to wake up in your house five or ten years from now, terrified that I fell for you guys because I wasn’t strong enough to be on my own. Does that make sense?”

“No,” the men said.

“Do you love me?”

They nodded.

“I love you both, too,” she said. Then she reached up and fingered the shark’s tooth. “This is my collar from you both. I meant it. That’s what I think of this as. But if you both meant what you said that day, if you were serious that you want what’s best for me, let me do this. For me. For all of us. You won’t lose me. But I have to make sure I’ve found the real me.”

Unlike the last time she’d moved, where it was an all hands on deck emergency, it was just the three of them. With all the other stuff now in a personal storage unit she’d rented, stuff she wouldn’t need because Kel’s apartment was furnished, all she’d needed to move were her clothes and things from her room.

In a way, it was reminiscent of her moving in with Jack, only instead of feeling bitter that she’d had to leave stuff behind, she felt free that she had things she loved, that had been given to her in love, and with love, and no one could take them away from her anymore.

* * * *

Kenny knew they couldn’t stop her, couldn’t force her to stay there.

They damn sure couldn’t chain her, literally or figuratively. No emotional manipulation to keep her there with them.

This was something she felt she had to do, and they had to let her do it.

Hopefully on the other side, they would be able to prove to her they loved her and wanted what was best for her.

Tilly had told them to let Betsy set the pace, and the course, and that was what they’d do.

He’d be lying, however, if he said he wouldn’t miss her being
there
, with them, and he hoped whatever it was Betsy had to do to finally be at peace happened quickly.

When Kenny and Nolan helped her unload the very last of her things, they sat on her bed as she stood in front of them, holding their hands.

“Thank you for this,” she said, smiling. “This means a lot to me that you trust me this much to let me do this.”

“Promise us you’ll stay safe,” Nolan said. “Use the security system. Be careful. I don’t like you being over here by yourself at night.”

“Kel said it was safe. Tilly and Eliza wouldn’t have signed off on it if they didn’t think it was safe.”

“We’re going to worry,” Kenny said. “Kind of what we do.”

“I know. And I love you both for it.” She squeezed their hands. “Tomorrow night, dinner, here. Right?” She smiled. “And more.”

“Have fun with the girls tonight,” Kenny said, pulling her hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it, tasting her.

“Thank you. I will.”

Nolan brought her other hand to his mouth, kissing it. “Tomorrow night, we’re going to rock your world.”

“I hope so.” She laughed, and it sounded like such a sweet, beautiful sound. “And you guys can even spend the night, if you want.”

“We want,” they said together.

* * * *

Once she’d bid the men good-bye, Betsy sat on the couch in the apartment and closed her eyes, trying to think about the lessons June had taught her that first day out on the beach on Manasota Key.

Hell, if Ted had asked her that first day she talked to him where she’d be in a few
weeks
after escaping Jack, she never would have dreamed she’d be here. Emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Romantically.

As much as she wanted to be sharing a house with her men, she knew she needed to do this. Maybe it was a little overkill on her part, but she needed to be out on her own again for a while before deciding to merge households with not just one, but two Doms.

Two handsome, hunky, sexy Doms, yes.

Two Doms she absolutely trusted, yes.

Two Doms who came Tilly-approved, yes.

But this was for her, to prove she wasn’t making a mistake.

Under the same roof with them, romantically, for now, she’d always be second-guessing herself. This way, she could be as crazy as she wanted with them and still have her own sanctuary to which she could retreat.

Would she one day move from here back to their house?

Signs point to yes.

Then again, she might save up a little, get a regular apartment somewhere, and live there for a year first.

But the point being she had a
job
. She had a life again. She had a
car
.

She had hope and freedom, and giving all of that up this soon wasn’t something she thought was very smart.

Taking to heart what Tilly and Ted had both said, she’d devoured the self-help books on the Kindle. That was another point, while she didn’t have people to pay back financially, she needed to make sure she took steps to make them proud.

Not for their sake, but for hers. To pay them back in the only way they would let her pay them back, living proof that their faith in her, their trust in her, hadn’t been misplaced. That she wasn’t some emotional wreck just bouncing from harbor to harbor once she’d been torn free from her secure moorings by the hurricane that had been Jack Bourke.

Tonight, in
her
apartment, she’d be cooking dinner for Eliza, June, Gabe, Laura, Brooke, and Loren. Tilly would be joining them from California via Skype. Not quite the same thing, but close.

She wanted tonight to be about her being able to personally thank these women. Her tribe, her band of adopted sisters who’d not just given her help, but strength and hope as well.

And first, to do that, she needed to go grocery shopping.

* * * *

Nolan didn’t speak much after they got home. The house felt lonely, empty without her there, when before her arrival he’d never noticed the gaping voids of quiet before.

He didn’t feel like cooking dinner, and neither did Kenny. They both scrounged for themselves, sitting in front of the TV and eating without talking.

Loneliness.

Yes, they had each other.

But it felt like part of them was now gone, even if they were getting more of her back in the process.

She wasn’t
here
.

“What if she decides she doesn’t want to come back?” Nolan asked. “What if she decides she likes it better on her own?”

“That’s a chance we have to take. She knows how we feel about her. We have to trust her that she’s telling us the truth about how she feels about us. We can’t force her to stay with us.”

He set his plate on the coffee table and laid over, his head in Kenny’s lap. “Please tell me this is going to work out all right.”

Kenny set his plate on the coffee table, too, and stroked Nolan’s hair. “It’s going to work out all right.”

Nolan laced fingers with him. “Please tell me she’s still going to want us when she figures out what it is she needs.”

Kenny looked down into his eyes, those sweet, deep mocha eyes of his. “She’s still going to want us, because we’re still going to want her. This is only temporary. And we’ll be spending tomorrow night with her.”

“It’s not the same. She’s not
here
.”

* * * *

Kenny knew he had to keep it together for Nolan’s sake. Honestly? All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. Logically, yes, he knew she wasn’t “gone.”

But like Nolan had said, she wasn’t “here,” either.

And despite what he’d assured Nolan, no, he had no crystal ball. All he could count on was their promise from her not to lie to them.

And if she was telling them the truth, then this was just a temporary transition she needed to make to be healthy and happy with them later.

She still was “theirs.” Their submissive. Kenny kept his hopes high that she would return to them permanently. And if she did, he’d ask her if she’d become their slave, a commitment to them, their commitment to her.

He stroked Nolan’s cheek. The man hadn’t shaved that day, and a light spray of stubble covered his face. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Kenny leaned in and kissed him. It reminded him of the early days, when they were still exploring, still learning each other, what they liked, what turned the other’s crank. After a few minutes, Nolan rolled over and Kenny helped him open the front of his shorts. Nolan fished Kenny’s cock out and started sucking it while Kenny stroked the back of his head.

Closing his eyes, he focused on the feel of Nolan’s mouth on his cock, sucking, licking, trying not to compare and contrast him to Betsy’s soft skin, smooth cheeks, silky mouth.

“Don’t get me all the way off, buddy,” Kenny said as he reached down Nolan’s body and squeezed his cock through his shorts. “Just get me hard enough to fuck you.”

Nolan let out a soft groan as Kenny squeezed his cock again. It grew harder under his fingers. “Yeah, right here,” Kenny said. “Gonna fuck you right here. Have you sit on my cock and fuck your sweet ass on it while I stroke your cock.”

Another groan from Nolan, this one deeper, more throaty. Yes, Nolan was in the zone.

He tried not to think about how the only thing better would be Betsy sitting on his other side, kissing him right now.

After a couple of minutes, he grabbed Nolan by the back of the hair and forced him off his cock. “Go get the lube and stuff and bring it back here,” he said in Dom tone, watching the way Nolan’s eyes looked heavy, glazed.

Tonight, his guy needed a mental break. That was fine, he’d give it to him. That was what being in love and being partners was all about, the give and take.

Nolan stumbled up off the couch and headed to the bedroom. Kenny stood, stripped, and then sat down again. He fisted his cock and slowly stroked, trying to keep himself hard.

He couldn’t shut his brain off tonight. He couldn’t stop worrying about Betsy, couldn’t go park outside the apartment and sleep in his car without her knowing, so he could assure himself she was safe.

He couldn’t.

She was an adult and needed this.

He’d have to give it to her.

Nolan returned, naked and with everything they’d need. Kenny spread his legs and pointed at the floor in front of him. When Nolan knelt, Kenny grabbed his hair again and leaned in. “Worship my cock first before you put the condom on.”

Nolan didn’t need to be told twice. He went down on Kenny again, all the way to the root, laving his tongue over it and making him even harder. Then he finally ripped open the pouch and rolled the condom on him, slathering Kenny’s cock with lube. He lubed himself, wiped his hands on the towel, then straddled Kenny’s lap.

Kenny grabbed Nolan’s ass cheeks and held them apart as his lover slowly lowered himself onto Kenny’s cock.

“That’s it,” Kenny told him, watching him do it, his gaze never leaving Nolan’s face.

The other man’s eyes had dropped closed, lower lip caught under his teeth as he slowly impaled himself. The head of Kenny’s cock breached his rim and he started rocking, slowly, gaining a little more ground each time before he finally settled all the way on Kenny’s lap.

Kenny smacked Nolan’s ass. “So, so fucking good,” Kenny said. He reached up and played with Nolan’s nipples. When Nolan tried to reciprocate, Kenny stopped him. “Hands behind your back.”

Nolan complied.

“That’s good.” He watched Nolan’s cock twitch, pre-cum pearling at the slit. “Slowly fuck my cock,” Kenny ordered.

Nolan began a slow, rhythmic rocking, the long, deep strokes he knew Kenny wanted. Kenny wrapped his right fingers around Nolan’s cock, sweeping the pre-cum from the head and licking it off his fingers before fisting it again. He rested his other hand on Nolan’s hip, slowing him down, guiding his motions, his speed as he began stroking Nolan’s cock.

“Let me set the pace,” Kenny said. “I want to do this together.” He knew his lover’s body almost as well as he knew his own. He knew when to speed up, when to take firmer strokes with his hand, when to thrust up a little on the bottom of a stroke with his hips to get a little more of his meat deep inside him.

Nolan’s blue gaze had totally glazed over as he stared down into Kenny’s eyes. Yes, like this, they were equals because of trust. They could take turns giving and taking when the other needed it. It didn’t make either of them any less Domly for it.

It made them human. It made them stronger. Individually, and as a couple.

Hopefully, when Betsy worked through what she had to, it could be the two of them giving her everything she needed from them.

Nolan’s ass tightly fisted Kenny’s cock, drawing him closer to release as Kenny pumped Nolan’s cock with his hand. Finally, Kenny felt his own climax close and started stroking Nolan faster, harder.