Victoria's Got a Secret (13 page)

“It’s not like that.”

Good for Paul.

Jennifer didn’t care about Tracie’s problems. She created the situation and could live with it. “You can always get a roommate.”

Tracie reached out her hand but stopped short of pressing hand to hand. “Jennifer . . .”

She moved out of touching range. “What?”

Tracie’s body shrank in on itself. “Nothing.”

Jennifer thought the word summed up the state of their relationship really well. “That’s right. Nothing.”

A year passed before she heard from Paul again. They knew many of the same people and would wind up across the room at parties, but Jennifer tried to limit those contacts. Being near him made leaving again all that much harder.

When she heard his name on the other end of the phone this morning, a thrill moved through her. When he asked if they could meet downtown for a walk at lunch, she couldn’t say no. Despite everything, regardless of the wall she erected between them and continued to reinforce, she missed him.

She walked down the path with her coat wrapped around her and belted at the waist. The morning rain had broken open into a bright blue sky. Her heels clicked against the pavement as she approached the bench where they agreed to meet.

Even from a good distance away, she saw him. The sunshine lit his tawny hair. He’d clipped it shorter in a professional style that spoke to a grown-up job. He wore khakis and a blue sweater. The casual outfit suited him. He managed to look classy and sexy without being overdone.

As she moved closer, his head shot up and a warm smile burst across his lips. By the time she got to his side, he was on his feet. For a second she had a flash of the boy he’d been. The charm lingered there, but so did something else. A maturity and comfort she hadn’t seen before.

He held her hand and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “You look good. Always do.”

“And you can still sweet talk any woman you want.”

He held his body different from before. She noticed the change right away. When they sat down and he stretched his arm behind her on the bench and his legs out in front of him, he did it with a practiced ease.

“I was surprised you called,” she said as her gaze did a loving sweep of his face.

“Seemed like it was time.”

“Why now?”

“Things would happen in my life and I’d pick up the phone to call you and then hesitate.”

“There was nothing stopping you.”

He exhaled. “I didn’t like the way things ended.”

She hated that part, too. Losing the close relationship she thought she had with Tracie and all those years of investment and intimacy was bad enough. Walking away from him and breaking what connection remained broke her heart.

“Me either,” she whispered when her throat threatened to close.

“Thought we could see each other, enjoy an hour without all the other distractions and old arguments.”

“That’s a good plan.” A group of young men hollered and cheered while they threw a ball around in the field to their right, but she could hear Paul just fine. “How’s Tracie?”

Paul glanced at his watch. “It took you three minutes longer than I thought it would to mention her.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Actually, no.”

He looked at her then, all teasing gone.

“We were never together, Jennifer. What you saw on the couch that day—”

“Was none of my business.”

His fingers tapped against the bench behind her. “Yet what you think you saw then is between us even now.”

A huge ball of regret landed in her stomach. Amazing how a little conversation could shift everything into perspective. For weeks, she’d insisted to Heather that only Tracie was to blame. Now Jennifer realized she’d spread the blame evenly between Tracie and Paul, and it did him a disservice.

“It really doesn’t matter anymore.” She had to clear her throat twice to get the words out.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s convincing.”

“I guess Tracie keeps trying to make whatever you feel for her into something bigger.”

Paul waited until Jennifer glanced his way again to speak. “It will never happen.”

Jennifer went ahead and asked the question she’d been dying to ask. “Why?”

“First, I’m not interested.”

“Oh.” Jennifer hated how happy the information made her. “Is there another number?”

“And, two.” He touched her hair briefly before pulling his hand away again. “You deserve to be treated better than that.”

The silence thumped between them for a second too long before she spoke. “This doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Yeah, you keep thinking that.” He squinted into the sun before looking at her again. “You still event planning?”

“I’m impressed you remember.” That Paul could hold onto that piece of information after all this time made her ridiculously happy. She could feel the light spill through her.

“There isn’t much about you that I forget.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“That’s how I meant it. I’m moving,” he blurted out.

“Anywhere interesting?”

“Into the warehouse district.”

The news made perfect sense. Artists lived there and worked there. No doubt Paul’s outward calm radiated from an inner sense of peace for finding a place where he naturally belonged.

“That’s great,” she said.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I picked up a photography hobby and am playing in a band. Serious this time. We have some gigs.”

“Drums?”

He scoffed. “Of course.”

He’d expanded his hobbies and made them important in his life. He had a job and interests. He deserved all of the good turns. He was the very definition of a self-made man. But she couldn’t help but feel left behind.

She held her body still and kept her voice steady as her insides shrank to a hollowed-out shell. “Not a surprise. You were destined to play the drums.”

“I have a studio space and will be bunking there. Some big bands use the facilities, so I get experience and meet great people. It should be good.”

Suddenly he was living the dream she craved, and he was doing it without her. One day soon he’d have someone else. He was too handsome and special to be alone for long. Maybe Tracie hadn’t caught his attention, but some woman would.

Even though she’d loathed the idea, Jennifer had expected Paul and Tracie to get together. She figured Tracie would wear him down. But Paul’s newfound life would threaten any chance Tracie ever had. She needed stability and a little house and a guy who went to a stable job and came home every night. A relationship where she was in charge and everything revolved around her.

The old Paul might have accepted that. The new version in front of Jennifer appeared to want more. He was embracing a new, full life, and she was so happy for him.

It also devastated her. She sat there smiling and enjoying the sound of his voice but had to fight the urge every minute to touch him. A part of her wanted nothing more than to fall into the same old pattern and have him love her again.

The only thing holding her back was the reality that walking back into something with Paul had to be when—and if—they were both ready and available. This still wasn’t their time. He’d found a life and she continued to search.

“You should come hear me play sometime. I’ll even spring for a drink.” He winked.

“That’s impressive.”

“I’m a giving guy.”

“Tracie would love to walk in and see me sitting there with you.” A dig, but one she couldn’t resist.

His smile faded. “I’m asking you, not her. Besides, she doesn’t get a say. Whether she likes it or not, Tracie and I are friends. Nothing more.”

The reassurance allowed her to feel a little more charitable. At least when it came to accepting that Paul didn’t let friendships go easily—and that included the years he had invested with Tracie. She had been good to Paul.
Too
good.

“Are
we
still friends?”

“I’d like to think so, which is why I mentioned coming to hear me play.” He pressed his shoulder against hers, all playful and full of the youthful boy she remembered. “Friends do that sort of thing, you know.”

“Maybe I will.” But she wouldn’t. They both knew she was being polite. To save her sanity and the uncomfortable distance they had built between them, she wouldn’t. Couldn’t. A breach would lead them back down a road that sputtered to a dead end.

“I hope you do,” he said with that smile that knocked her breathless.

I miss you.
The words were in her mouth, but she bit them back. “I’m happy for you.”

He closed one eye and stared at her. “Why?”

“You seem to have your life together.”

“I’m trying.”

She laid her hand on his knee and savored the warmth of his skin through his pants. Muscles jumped beneath her fingers. “Let’s keep in touch this time.”

He slid his fingers through hers and held on. “We will.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for another fifteen minutes.

Fourteen

There are men who look good and men who are good.
Make sure you know the difference.

—Grandma Gladys, The Duchess

“I
THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO MEET ME OUTSIDE
.” Jennifer walked up to her sister’s desk at her office. She dangled the car keys in front of Heather’s face. “What is taking so long? We need to go.”

It was Easter weekend and the plan was to head out early and go to the cottage Jennifer had just bought on Lake Orr. An hour and a half north of Toronto, her little slice of heaven sat on a wooded piece of land that sloped right to the water. The interior was an open design with a king-size bedroom, a loft and a Jacuzzi that kept calling her name.

She wanted to hike and relax and watch the water. Heather’s tardiness made that impossible. She was moving folders around on her desk and generally not getting her butt in gear.

“We’ll go in a second.”

“You’re ticking me off.” Actually, Jennifer had passed that point as she sat in the car in front of the office building, waiting for her sister to come outside.

“There’s someone I want you to meet.”

Jennifer rolled her eyes. Usually she could sniff out these matchmaking plans before they hatched and squash them. “Not even a little interested.”

The guy she’d been dating lived in San Francisco. Not exactly the ideal distance for a relationship. He traveled, and their paths crossed infrequently. It hadn’t been all that serious, but she still felt neglected. Breaking up hadn’t been hard or messy. In some ways, that’s what had her frustrated. She wanted to care enough to have the end matter. So far that had only happened one time in her life, and she still had trouble living with her decision over Paul.

“You need some fun.” Heather eyed Jennifer’s shirt as she spoke.

She glanced at her trim red turtleneck and black pants and saw business professional instead of party girl. “I’m fun.”

“When?” Heather glanced behind Jennifer. “You’re twenty-eight, not dead.”

“I’m not debating that, but I want to get out of here. You might also remember that the last time you fixed me up it didn’t go so well.”

“If you’re talking about Paul, you’re wrong. You still love him, so I picked well. I can’t be blamed for timing issues and unceasing fighting. You guys are responsible for those.”

Two years had passed since Jennifer had seen him on a regular basis, and it still hurt to hear his name. She’d get a rare sighting on the street, but they hadn’t talked since that day in the park.

She had to take responsibility for that one. He’d left the door open and she closed it, on purpose and with a sense of finality.

Heather shrugged. “This guy is different.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Funny and smart.”

“So is Paul.”

Heather threw open her arms and looked around in mock confusion. “Is Paul here?”

“No.”

“This guy is.”

“Not sure if I’m the ‘this guy’ in question, but I can pretend to be.” The man with the deep voice and smile in his eyes moved next to the sisters.

Despite being angry with Heather and impatient to get home, Jennifer couldn’t stop staring. There was something compelling about this one. The man had coal black hair and bright blue eyes. He was her romance fantasy look-alike come to life.

With his height soaring past six feet and the way he held his shoulders back and flashed that dimpled mouth, he could have walked off of the pages of a magazine. He reeked of power and self-assurance. Jennifer knew by looking at him that he drove an expensive car and knew his way around a wine bar.

And there was a bit of darkness behind those eyes. This one didn’t always play by the rules. He likely took great pleasure in breaking them . . . as well as taking pleasure in a few other things. Yet he didn’t come off as a jerk or know-it-all. He had the sophisticated male thing down.

“This is Preston.” Heather turned to her sister and gave her a bug-eyed glare he couldn’t see. “This is Jennifer.”

“Hi, Jennifer.” He shook her hand, holding on just long enough to forge a silent bond. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

She wanted to stay aloof and see how he reacted, but she blew that in the first few seconds. “Really?”