Vintage Love (255 page)

Then she felt someone take her arm and glanced up to see that it was Alan. She felt relief at having him to depend on. He gave her an inquiring glance.

“You didn’t tell me you planned to come here,” he said.

She managed a wan smile. “I didn’t make up my mind until the last minute.”

Alan struggled to keep them from being shoved about by the impatient crowd, bent only on getting down the stairs in the least possible time. “Stay close to me,” he told her, “and I’ll see if we can get out of here without being torn to bits.”

The next few minutes were given over entirely to a descent of the steep, winding stairs. When they emerged in the refreshing cool air of the early summer evening at last, she gave a deep sigh of thankfulness.

“That was some experience!” she exclaimed, glancing toward the doors of the courthouse from which the noisy crowd was still spewing.

Alan nodded grimly. “One I could easily do without,” he said. “What did you make of it all?”

“Senator Lafferty played the comedy out like a veteran,” she replied. “I’m sure it was all cut and dried. He knew exactly how the vote was going to go.”

“So it seems,” Alan said. They were standing on the edge of the sidewalk a little distance from the entrance to the courthouse.

“What happens now?”

“A report of the vote will be turned over to me as chairman of the bridge authority. Then the petition will go to Concord for the Governor to consider and act upon it.”

“And after that?”

“I’ll undoubtedly receive instructions to halt work on the bridge until the matter is settled,” he said. “If a North End spur is to be added, it will have to be done before we begin the second half of the structure.”

“I see,” she said bleakly. “Then the work will go on for a few days, anyway.”

“Possibly a few weeks,” Alan said. “It will depend on the Governor’s agenda. If he’s busy, he may take some time getting around to it. But sooner or later it means calling a halt.” He paused. “My car is down the block. I’ll drive you home.”

When they were in the car and driving down King Street, he glanced at her and said, “I don’t feel much like going home yet, and I’m not hungry, so a restaurant isn’t in order. Do you mind if I just drive around for a while?”

She smiled in the shadows of the car’s front seat. “Just as long as you don’t take me to a drive-in.”

He gave her a startled glance. “What’s that?”

“Pay no attention to me,” she said. “It’s a private joke.” And she huddled down comfortably against the seat. “Drive as long as you like. I don’t feel like going directly home, either.”

So Alan drove aimlessly through the night-cloaked streets in an effort to dispel the restless, troubled feelings that ran deep in both of them. Perhaps it was inevitable that he should finally park the big car on a hill beside an old church in the West End of the city that offered a fine view of the construction site. The completed spans of the bridge were marked with lights that gave the illusion it was already being finished and ready for traffic, except for the gaping black void where the steel had not been put in place at the eastern approach.

Alan stared at the distant lights. “Do you think this is the beginning of the end?” he asked.

For his sake, Judith simulated a confidence she didn’t really feel. “You’ve made a fine start, and I think it’s too late for them to ruin things now.”

“I’d like to believe that,” he said pensively. “I’m afraid it’s not so.”

Judith studied him with troubled eyes. “I think it’s especially important that you believe you can win out, that you have confidence in yourself.”

He turned to her. “Of course you’re right,” he said. “But the truth is that I haven’t much foundation for confidence. It seems to me that up to now I’ve done nothing but make a muddle of my life.”

“You’re not being fair to yourself,” she protested.

“Let’s look at things objectively,” he said. “From the beginning, I’ve tried to please Father by emulating Brian. And it hasn’t worked. He feels I’m inferior, and deep down, so do I. Instead of measuring myself against what I’ve been able to accomplish, I’ve insisted on following Father’s example and comparing what I’ve managed to do with what Brian would have done if he’d lived.”

“That’s stupid!” Judith exclaimed. “I knew Brian well enough to be certain he wasn’t the confident golden boy your father pictures in his imagination. He was as insecure as any of us. There’s no telling whether he would have accomplished even as much as you have. It’s unfair to his memory and to your own abilities to go on trying to use Brian as a barometer of your achievements.”

He smiled at her. “You sound very worked up on the subject.”

“Because I know how important it is that you see clearly now!”

“Thanks, Judith,” he said. “I can’t forget that my most stupid mistake was giving you up because I thought Brian was interested in you. Following my usual practice, I turned my back on a situation I didn’t understand.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” she said softly.

Alan sighed. “At this point it all adds up to one gigantic failure!”

“Another exaggeration,” she said. “But if you feel that up to now you’ve been wrong, make this the time for a new start.”

He nodded. “I can try. And let me begin by telling you that if I’m sure about any one thing, it’s that I’m in love with you!” And he took her in his arms.

Judith couldn’t pretend Alan’s embrace was unexpected, but the strong declaration of his love for her certainly was. And the ardent manner in which his lips caressed hers underlined what he had said in a way that left little room for dispute or doubt on her part. Although she was fully aware he was engaged to another girl, she felt a glowing happiness and a sense of rightness in feeling his arms around her.

At least he released her a little, his arms still about her, and stared down at her with a sober look on his sensitive face. “I can’t pretend any longer,” he said. “You’re the only girl who has ever counted in my life.”

“Alan!” she said gently in utter confusion. And then, “What about Pauline?”

“Pauline is a wonderful person and a good friend,” he said wearily. “I’ve played her a mean trick. I let us become engaged, knowing I didn’t love her.”

“You must have felt something!”

“Loneliness and despair at losing you,” he said. “Pauline was merely a substitute for the person I’d given up hoping to have — you!”

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Alan!”

“Make up your mind,” he said quietly. “One minute you’re telling me to take stock and build myself a new life. When I attempt to begin by admitting the truth about my feelings, you beg me to be a hypocrite.”

“No!”

“Either I begin honestly or I don’t,” he said.

“I’m thinking about Pauline.”

“She’ll understand,” he assured her. “It’s better to be frank to her about my feelings than to allow her to make a second fraudulent marriage.”

Judith knew there was strong truth in his words, but she still hesitated.

“Alan,” she said in a low troubled voice, “however much I want to help you, there is still my side of it. It seems to me you’re forgetting about my feelings in this. All I’ve heard is your great need for my love. You haven’t discussed how I feel about you!”

He frowned. “Are you saying you don’t love me?”

“No,” she said. “I’m trying to make you understand that in the years we’ve been apart, I’ve had to make my own adjustments as well. You’re bringing all this to a head so suddenly that you’re leaving me uncertain. I’m not sure that I’m still in love with you.”

“I don’t understand.”

She sighed. “Give us a little time, Alan. Let me think about it and get used to the idea. And you consider as well. It could be that in the end you’ll discover it’s Pauline who would make the best wife for you after all.”

Alan was silent a moment. “Are you trying to say you think you may still be in love with Miles Estey?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because that’s what I think this indecision on your part means.”

“I don’t agree.”

“Can you honestly tell me you no longer have any love for Miles?”

“We were going to be married,” she reminded him.

“I know that. You haven’t answered my question.”

She smiled wanly. “Before, you said you were in love with me. Yesterday, I might have been willing to admit that it was all over with Miles; that he had been merely a substitute for you, as you say Pauline was for me. But now that I am faced with a final decision, I can’t be that sure. Perhaps I’d have to see Miles again and talk with him before I could really know.”

“I see,” he said unhappily. “In other words, my indecision may have caused me to lose you.”

“Not necessarily,” she said. “Let us take this in our stride calmly, give ourselves time to be truly certain. That’s the only way we can be fair to each other and to Pauline and Miles.”

“Meanwhile, you know where I stand.”

She nodded, her eyes bright with happiness. “I know,” she said softly. “And I want you to realize how much you mean to me and be strong, no matter what problems arise in the days ahead.”

“I have to be satisfied with that?”

“It’s all I can offer now,” she said.

He sighed. “Then it will have to do.” And he pressed her close to him for another long kiss.

On the drive back to Mount Pleasant, he began to talk of other things, chiefly his problem with his father. “I’m not sure I should have gone into the firm with him now,” he said. “When this present crisis is over, I think I’ll either strike out on my own or join another firm.”

“It might be better,” she agreed. “You can see how things develop.”

“Dad is friendly with North as well,” Alan went on, “although I can’t say the firm gets much business from the North enterprises. Having their own legal firm, they don’t need us. But my opposing the establishment this way is probably causing Dad some headaches.”

“I can’t see how he can criticize you for your stand,” she said.

“Nor will he endorse it,” Alan said. “And I shouldn’t need his endorsement. Whatever I do about this, I should make it clear it’s my own decision. The actions I take will be my own. I want the Senator and North to know that.”

“At least you have one good friend,” she said. “Fred Harvey.”

“I wish he hadn’t gone to Washington,” Alan said, his attention on driving through the midnight streets. “I could use him here for advice at this time.”

“He seemed to think you should chart this out on your own.”

“I gathered that,” he agreed with a slight frown. “I’m not sure I think he was right in suggesting I go along with the decision on the bridge, whatever it may be. I can’t picture myself agreeing to stay on as chairman if the North End spur is authorized.”

“Fred Harvey seemed very sure it would be.”

“Which is a pretty fair guarantee that it will be.”

“I’d expect him to be encouraging you to oppose North,” she said. “Instead, he seemed to think you might gain more in the end by going along with him.”

“Fred Harvey is sly,” Alan reminded her. “Whatever he has in mind, it’s first going to be for the benefit of Fred Harvey. Secondly, no matter what he may say, underneath he is North’s most dangerous opponent. I can’t begin to fathom what he has in mind concerning the bridge, but he must see some ultimate twist that will make it possible for him to turn the tables on North, the Senator and that whole gang.”

She sighed. “It seems that S.C. North is bound to play a part in my life,” she said.

“Since you live in Port Winter, that goes without saying.”

“I mean in a personal way,” she said. “It’s not only that we are forced to do business with him through a dozen different firms and services, but he has actively opposed both the men in my life: first Miles Estey and now you.”

Alan laughed shortly. “I hadn’t thought of that before. It’s true. You think Miles did actually get a bad deal here?”

“I know it,” she said emphatically. “If North had really sound proof that Miles embezzled money from the timber company, he would have had the authorities on him in no time. Instead, he allowed Miles to leave under a cloud. And I’m certain he did it to shift the blame from his own son. I’ve no doubt Charles North was responsible for the thefts.”

“It sounds reasonable,” Alan agreed. “But why didn’t Miles fight the charges?”

“You shouldn’t have to ask that,” she said with some scorn. “You know better than most people the chances of winning a fight against S.C. North in this town. They probably had enough rigged evidence to convict Miles if he had been foolish enough to deny the theft.”

“So he left knowing that he was innocent but unable to do anything about it.”

“He couldn’t stay here. There was nothing for him. And I believe North has seen to it that his reputation as a thief has followed him.”

“You haven’t heard from Miles lately?”

“No. He was very bitter. I can’t imagine what’s happened or where he’s gone.”

They were in front of her place now. Alan shut off the motor and turned to her. “I’ll talk to Pauline about us as soon as I can,” he promised.

“Don’t be too hasty,” she warned him. “You’ll have enough on your mind with the Senator pushing his bridge plans in the next few days.”

“Are-you trying to say you don’t love me?”

“We’ve been over that ground thoroughly. No! Just try to be patient.” She smiled at him. “And, Alan, if you’re going to kiss me good night, please do it here in the car and not on the steps. My mother happens to have a peeping-Tom complex!”

“Anything to oblige a lady,” he said easily, and drew her to him once more for a parting kiss.

Thus it was that a new understanding between them came about. But there was no surface hint of it when they met in the office the next morning. Alan was anxious to get all his routine business out of the way early in the day so he could then devote his energies to the crisis created by the Senator’s petition.

They were making good headway when Alan’s father put in an appearance. As soon as the thin, patrician Brandon Fraser stepped through the doorway, Judith was aware that he was in an ugly mood. His deep-set eyes gave her a passing glance as he offered her a faint nod of greeting and strode into his son’s office. Judith bent over her typewriter, knowing she was going to be witness to an unpleasant interlude that she would have preferred to miss.