“Sam! Do something!” Maxime screamed as he took his brother’s hand. He couldn’t see the pool of thick blood.
“He can’t. Be realistic,” David coughed.
“No! You’re not going to die. You can’t . . .”
“Max, you found your girl, let me join mine.” Then David drew his last breath and let go of Maxime’s hand. Sam closed David’s glimmering eyes.
I put my hand on Maxime’s shoulder to try to console him, but couldn’t. “I’m sorry, I . . .” I couldn’t find the right words. It was useless. Tears ran down our cheeks. I couldn’t remember why people died or lived to perish. I felt a hole in my heart; David would be missed.
“Sir, I’m sorry. He was found at Maria by a school. He had this letter with him.” A young soldier handed a bloody piece of paper to Maxime, who handed it to me to read to him aloud. I struggled to hold it, but in a shaky voice I read:
Maxime,
I hope you take this to heart. I do not wish to make this more personal, but I couldn’t find Alexia or you, so this man had to be our messenger. I hope he was disposable. You know what I want, so turn her in. I give you my word to avoid burning your refugee camp if you hold up your end of the deal. Otherwise, see this as a threat. I understand there is little chance of this letter reaching you, but you are already aware of your choices, so this shouldn’t be necessary. Remember, you forced me into this as we discussed only yesterday. For now, consider this a reminder.
Matthew
He had done it on purpose. Matthew had struck David so Maxime would slowly suffer. And to add to the injury, he wrote the pinching letter, like pouring salt on an open wound. The worst part was that it had worked perfectly, devastating Maxime.
As I stared at David’s lifeless body, I knew what I had to do. This had gone far enough. I had to put an end to the misery. I had to return to Matthew.
“Burn it. I never want to see the letter,” Maxime pronounced calmly, holding back immeasurable rage and grief.
“Why don’t we turn her in?” the young soldier asked.
“Because that’s what Matthew wants. With her, he’ll only make matters worse for us. We can’t,” Maxime said calmly.
“We can’t take another attack!”
“I know.”
“So kill her.”
“No!” Maxime yelled as I jumped back in fear. I didn’t want to stand there as they argued over my life.
“One life for millions. Seems reasonable to me. Why not?” the soldier reasoned.
“It’s not that simple!”
“So explain!”
“Sam, take Alex back to David’s cabin and keep an eye on her.”
Before the arguing could continue, Sam escorted me off. I was already dead inside, so why not kill me?
“Forget that,” Sam tried to reassure me, but it was hopeless. “That soldier is only scared and confused. He doesn’t understand what’s happening. You’re safe here.”
It was a complete lie. No one was safe. Matthew could attack at any moment, and he would kill anyone in his way to find me. No one had any control over the situation, but Matthew.
“Sam! We need you now! Megan is busy,” a soldier called out.
I considered running away, but Sam closed his fist around my wrist. “Anton, please watch over her while I help Joe. Andrew wanted me to take her to David’s cabin.”
Anton’s eyes expanded in confusion and shock. He agreed and took my hand, and Sam ran off.
“I’m sorry for last night and today. I had to get by you, and since you knew . . .” I tried to sound penitent, but my voice flew away in the wind.
“I understand. Besides, you succeeded and proved me wrong,” Anton said.
“Not quite. I came back practically unconscious and—”
“But you came back and with Andrew,” he cut me off.
When we approached David’s cabin, I tuned out. I didn’t belong here. I took a deep breath as we stepped in. I didn’t know if Anton knew what had happened to David.
As soon as we stepped in, he pulled me down and cuffed me to one of the bed’s legs. I was completely helpless with one arm in a sling and the other tied. I knelt to stop the pulling at my shoulder.
“What’s this for?” I snapped.
“I can’t stop you from running away, and I’m sure that’s on your mind, so I’m hoping this will work.” Anton lost his sincerity with those candid, frank words. He sat by me and continued, “Think about it; last time we were alone together, you strangled me, and before that, you lied to me. You understand how trust has evaporated, right?”
“I’m sorry, but we needed to free Andrew.”
“You see, that’s another problem; you call him Andrew when others are around, but between you two, it’s Maxime. So who is he? Andrew or Maxime?”
“You know the answer to that.” I felt my heart darken.
“Yes, but how do you know? And you’re not supposed to call him Maxime, no one is.”
“Well, I guess I’m no one.”
“Amusing. Do you know him better than us? Do you think you relate to him more than we do? Do you love him?”
“That’s none of your business!” I screamed.
“On the contrary, it is my business. You are Matthew’s most prized possession. We’re attacked over and over again. We suffer and die in numbers while you get closer to our leader. He can easily lose his power being so young and naïve, but you will not get it.”
I was shocked. I could see where Anton was coming from, but it hurt.
“What? Cat got your tongue?” Anton tormented me. “Afraid?”
“No,” I calmly said.
“So what is it? Why so silent? You know I can’t hurt you, only threaten with words. You’ve always known that I had something against you anyway.”
“No, I didn’t. When I first joined The Shadows, you said that you admired my skill. It wasn’t until I turned myself in that you hated me, and I did that to save Andrew from losing his power, not take it. I never blamed you for hating me after that, but thought you had gotten over it after the challenges. You helped me, looked out for me, even joked about Emma when you danced with me. You forgave me. You’re only mad at me because of the attack this morning and need to blame someone. I accept it—it is my fault, I won’t deny it, but I also won’t deny that we are on the same side and you know it.”
Without another word, Anton stood up and left.
No one came for hours. I fell asleep alone, in the silence, until Maxime ran in.
“Alex! I’m so sorry. What happened? Are you all right?” He couldn’t see me, but I asked him to uncuff me. He ran his hands down my arm, then freed my wrist.
“What happened?” he asked worried.
“Nothing, really,” I tried to reassure him.
“Please don’t lie; you’re no good at it. Sam wouldn’t have done this.”
“Anton didn’t trust me after I choked him last night to get to you,” I mumbled.
“How long have you been here?”
“I don’t know. I fell asleep.”
“You missed dinner. Are you hungry? I’ll get you something to eat.”
“I’m fine. Thanks,” I lied. I just couldn’t cause any more trouble.
“You need to eat. How’s your arm holding up?”
“Fine.”
“You’re a terrible liar. The painkillers have worn off anyway. I’ll get you some more.” Maxime kissed me and held the door open. I felt distant from him. I had caused so much pain, trouble, and grief. I didn’t deserve his kindness, his help, his love. I didn’t deserve him, but I couldn’t let him go.
As we walked out, Anton came running toward us. A death stare burned my eyes as he glared at me. Maxime’s tense posture gave away his anger, although the look in his eyes was hidden.
“I’m sorry, sir. I forgot she was still there,” Anton apologized.
“You’ll need more than that to make up for handcuffing Alex to the foot of a bed and leaving her there for hours.Why did you do that in the first place? And one does not do anything of the sort and forget.”
“I thought she wanted to run away, so I figured it would help.”
“And you left her there for hours?”
“I didn’t want to come back.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t know what to say if I did.”
“Well, say it now.”
“Sir?”
“You came back, so you must have found the right words.”
Awkwardness reached a new level.
“I came unprepared.”
“Anton, of all people, you never come unprepared.”
“I’m sorry, sir. Alex, I’m sorry. To be honest, I still don’t trust you, but you were right. I’m sorry.”
“Dismissed,” Maxime said, and Anton disappeared, livid. “Talk about weird moments. He’s been challenging everyone lately, even his men from Jarva. I don’t understand. Do you mind leading me to the kitchen?” Maxime exhaled deeply.
I took his warm hand and walked with him, hesitating with every step.
Most of the camp had relatively quieted down, but all who had any medical experience ran around like maniacs. Shame clutched my heart as I saw children crying, women attending to their loved ones, and men suffering. Everyone would have to stay at the camp, although we didn’t have the space or means to provide anything.
A young girl about my age ran up to us, wiping away tears. “I can’t even find the right words for your brother, but I need your help, Andrew.”
Although she’d meant no harm, she had dug a spear through Maxime. He tried to hide his depression, but his shoulders slumped. “What is it, Sylvia?” Maxime said quietly.
“I know I should ask someone else, but everyone seems to be running around. I understand you are busy, but where can I find water?”
“We are headed toward the kitchen, so you might as well follow us. This is Alex,” Maxime introduced us as we walked.
“How old are you?” Sylvia asked me.
“Sixteen.”
“Sixteen? Isn’t it odd that your voice hasn’t changed yet?”
Maxime burst out laughing. I felt my cheeks burn. “Alex is a special case, Sylvia, in every category you can imagine,” Maxime teased.
“What happened to your arm?”
“I was shot.” The question seemed stupid because we were at war.
“Well, I figured that much. I meant, what were the circumstances? Does it hurt?” Sylvia laid her hand on my shoulder, and I tensed up.
I brushed her off lightly and responded with a simple “yes.”
“I don’t see how you do it. I’m also sixteen and can’t even imagine what the battlefield is like. How is it? How do you do it?”
I gripped Maxime’s hand tightly, signaling that I was fluttering for his help. I needed to get away from her.
“Sylvia, the water is on your left behind the shed. We shouldn’t be too far off from it.” Maxime saved me. “Do you need us to bring you a glass?”
“No, it’s for Leslie’s burns. I have a bowl with me. Thanks.” Sylvia walked off with a playful skip.
“Looks like you’re a ladies’ man,” Maxime chuckled.
“Shut up,” I laughed.
Maxime sat by me as I ate. Most of the camp fell asleep, but a significant number still ran around like a hurricane. A fire was lit, horses were rounded up, and sleeping bags were handed out. I couldn’t help but wonder what the poor villagers would have done had they known my identity.
Maxime brought me back to his cabin. A red stain was still prominent in front of his door. As I sat down on his bed, a surge of pain raced through my shoulder. Healing would take time, and The Shadows was out of painkillers with all of the injured.
“I’m on watch duty tonight. Sleep well,” Maxime said.
“You can’t see,” I stated.
“Relax . . . I’ve got this. Can I trust that you will stay put and sleep?” His tone was patronizing, but he was smiling.
“Yes,” I lied.
I stood up in pain and embraced him as best I could. I closed my eyes and tasted his sweet lips. A tear ran down my cheek.
“What was that for? Why the tear?” Maxime said sincerely.
“I can’t really explain,” I said honestly.
He kissed me once more and left.
I waited a couple of minutes with the lights off to be sure that the majority of people were sleeping. I crept out slowly and silently with the moon’s shadow as my guide as I made my way to the edge of the camp. Passing by the injured gave me determination and courage. I stayed focused on my goal.
As I skulked further from the camp, darkness engulfed me. I wasn’t far enough to be considered free, so I kept turning around, staying observant.
Something moved, and my back was pressed against a tree and a hand tightly wrapped around my neck. I tried to peel off the fingers with my left hand, but it was useless. I looked up, desperate for air only to recognize the one person I was avoiding most of all: Maxime. He couldn’t see me. He hadn’t recognized me either.
“Relax and surrender or I cut off all air supply,” Maxime said calmly.
My head throbbed as his pressure increased. I tapped his arm, tried to speak, but nothing worked. He tightened his grip.
“It’s pointless to try to escape. You’re only wasting time,” he continued.
I reached out for his cheek and caressed it. A spark lit in his reaction. Maxime quickly let me go, and I fell to the ground gasping for air.
“Alex? I’m so sorry! What are you doing here? I thought you were . . . it was precaution. I . . . are you all right?” Maxime helped me sit up.
Tears filled my eyes and flooded my words. “Let me help you back,” Maxime offered as he helped me up. I couldn’t return; it would ruin everything, but I desperately wanted to follow him. The desire was embedded beneath my skin, deep in my bones.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be. That was my fault.” He kissed me, and I shrank.
“I’m sorry . . .” I repeated, and my heart shattered as I started to run. He tried to follow, but couldn’t. He couldn’t see the trees.
“I don’t understand!” he yelled into the still, dry air.
“I can’t watch Matthew destroy everything. I’m sorry!” I ran. I couldn’t look back. I ran as fast as I could, drowning in my own tears.
I waited just outside of H.S.H.S.’s limits, hesitating as I listened to the snowflakes’ faint whispers as they melted on my skin. Although I was against it, I had made up my mind. I built up enough courage and walked in. I didn’t avoid alarms; it would have been pointless. In less than two minutes, I was surrounded and Matthew faced me.
“Put your hands up!” a soldier called out.