Violet (Suitors of Seattle Book 7) (6 page)

"He meant he's worried that if he keeps kissing you the two of you will end up fornicating.  I think you should go for it."

"Fornicating?"  Violet had heard the word of course, but she didn't know exactly what it meant.  She knew it was forbidden, though.

"Premarital relations, love.  You do know what that means, right?"

"Oh, yes, of course."  She had a vague idea at least.  Her sisters had talked enough that she wasn't totally in the dark.  They all seemed to talk as if they enjoyed it. 

Before Violet had left, Hyacinth had talked to her about the mechanics of lovemaking, saying something vague like, "Just in case the two of you can't wait to come home to marry."  Why did everyone assume she was going to marry Jonas?  She barely knew him!

"Oh, good.  I'd explain it to you, of course, but I couldn't answer questions well, because I've never really done it myself.  I wanted to.  I came close."  Edna shook her head sadly.  "Poor Harry."

Violet blushed.  "Yes, poor Harry."  She sat down on her bed, tucking her feet under her, liking the idea of being able to talk without actually seeing Edna or the older woman seeing her blushes.  "Tell me about Harry."

"Oh, Harry was wonderful.  He wasn't perfect, mind you.  No man ever is, but Harry came close.  I was in my thirties, and already a spinster when I met him.  He was a lumberjack who worked for my father.  He came to supper one night, and I thought he was the most handsome man alive.  I've always been one who finds a man's muscles attractive."

Violet stifled a giggle.  She could just see the older woman ogling a young man with muscles.  "Did he ask you to court right away?"  She enjoyed hearing a good love story.

"Nothing so formal as that.  He asked me to go for a walk with him after supper, and I did.  My mama had died long before that, so I was keeping house for Papa and working as well.  Well, I went out with him.  I really wanted to kiss him, so when we were far enough from the house to be hidden, I stopped walking and kissed him."  She sighed happily.  "It was my first kiss.  I immediately felt as if my body was on fire.  I wanted to drag him down into the leaves there on the ground and have my way with him right there and then.  Harry was a gentleman though.  He didn't even touch my breast until I'd known him for two weeks.  I tried, though!"

"You let him touch your breast?" Violet tried not to sound scandalized by her companion's words, but she knew nice girls didn't let a man do that.  She wasn't certain nice girls even did that after they married.

"Oh yes.  I think that women need to take happiness where they can.  I will always regret that Harry and I never made love.  Married or not, I loved him, and I would have enjoyed relations with him.   Women shouldn't be so prissy about those matters.  If a woman can get some happiness by making love with a man, then they should by all means do it!"

"But...what if you'd had a child?"  Violet tried not to be scandalized, but everything she'd ever known was in direct contrast to this woman's words.

"I would have loved that little bastard baby with everything inside me!  I
am
partial to bastard children." 

Violet smiled shaking her head.  If her mother had any idea her companion had these ideas, she would have a fit.  "But you don't think I should have relations with Jonas, do you?"

"Oh, yes you should," Edna insisted.  "If you have the opportunity, I think you should push him to the ground and have your way with him.  He looks like a man who knows his way around a woman's body."

"But...you're my chaperone.  You're supposed to tell me that's a really bad idea.  You're supposed to tell me to wait until marriage and help me protect my reputation." 

"Oh, I'll help you protect your reputation.  For instance, if anyone asks if you were alone with Jonas earlier, my answer will be 'no.'  I will tell them that I was with you the entire time, and you've only been alone with the door cracked.  We'll only be caught if you end up having his bastard child."  Edna peered down with her head hanging upside down from the top bunk.  "You're not carrying his bastard child are you?"

"You know I'm not.  I just told you we kissed for the first time a few minutes ago."

"Oh, well, if you do get pregnant, you just let me know.  I will help you any way I can."  Her head disappeared.  "I sure do love babies."

Violet smiled.  "I do too.   I'll never have one, but I love them."

"Don't say that, Violet.  I think you're going to have a baby soon.  Hopefully you and Jonas will marry first, but you'll have a baby."

Violet didn't respond.  How did one respond when they realized that what they'd wanted their entire life was different than what they wanted now?  Why, she'd almost be willing to give up painting if Jonas could keep making her stomach feel the way he had.

Chapter Six

Violet felt the train lurch to a stop and almost fell from her bed.  She stood, rubbing her eyes.  Seven days on a train.  Where were they?  She'd enjoyed watching the landscape as they'd passed through the Western part of the country. 

She stood, straightened her nightgown which had become bunched around her waist, and went to peer out the window to see if there would be any indication where they were.  They'd passed through so many cities.  She'd even seen Billings where her sisters lived, but she hadn't been there long enough to go find them for a teary reunion.  She'd asked if they could stay in Billings for a day or two, but they would have had to have their car unhitched from the train, and it wouldn't have worked.  She'd understood, but she certainly hadn't liked it.

Looking out she could see a huge body of water.  That couldn't be the ocean yet, so where were they?  She looked over to see Edna with her head hanging off the top bunk sound asleep.  Well, she certainly wouldn't know, would she? 

Violet cautiously slid open the door of their room and wandered into the hall.  She knew that Hillary was keeping track of where they were as they traveled so she could teach Nathan about a bit of geography pertaining to where they were each day. She knew the other woman would be up, because the sun was, and little Nathan was determined that if the sun was 'awake' he should be. 

She walked through the hall to Jonas's door.  She stopped for a moment and listened, wondering if she'd hear his snores.  She knew she should just walk on, but she was drawn to him as she'd never been drawn to any man before him.

Jonas had avoided being alone with her since their first day on the train, and she missed him.  She hoped that he wasn't angry with her for responding to him the way she had.  Edna kept telling her to sneak into his room at night, but she wasn't that bold. 

The door opened and she sucked in a breath with surprise.  She hated that she'd been caught lurking outside his door.  He was dressed for the day and stood looking at her for a moment, his height intimidating her slightly.  "Good morning," she murmured, pivoting to hurry away.  She wasn't ready to tell him why she was standing with her ear to his door when he opened it.  She must seem like an imbecile.

Jonas reached out and grabbed her arm.  Why had she been standing outside his door in her nightgown?  "What were you doing outside my door?" he asked.  He'd wanted to seek her out repeatedly during their trip, but he couldn't.  He had something he had to accomplish before he could ever start a relationship with anyone, no matter how much he wanted to.

Violet shrugged, trying to pull her arm away from him.  "I was just wondering where we are.  The train has stopped, and there's water.  We can't be to the Atlantic Ocean yet."

"Chicago."  His eyes wandered up and down her body, clothed only in a thin nightgown.  "Do you always walk about the train early in the morning in only your nightgown?"  Not that he was complaining now, but he would if another man saw her.  Only his eyes should feast on her beautiful body.

Violet gasped.  She'd completely forgotten she wasn't dressed yet in her endeavor to discover where they were.  "Of course not!  I woke up and saw the water, and I wanted to know where we were.  I knew Hillary would know so I was heading to their room to ask her."  Her words sounded off even to her own ears, but she didn't know what else to say.

"And you got stuck outside my door?"  Jonas enjoyed her discomfort a bit too much.  He wanted her badly, and it made him short tempered.  He kept telling himself she was too young for him, and she needed to be home with her mother, but his body wasn't agreeing with him at all.

"I...well, we haven't kissed since that first day, and I was wondering if you were awake or not."  The words made no sense even to her, and she knew he was going to think her a ninny.

"You wondered if I was awake because we hadn't kissed again?  Were you wanting me to kiss you again this morning?"

Violet blushed.  "No, that's not what I was saying."  Why was he twisting her words?  But...she did want him to kiss her again.  Maybe she should follow Edna's advice after all.  No, she shouldn't crawl into bed with him, but she could certainly tell him that she wanted him to kiss her.  What could it hurt?  "Yes, I do want you to kiss me again, though."

Jonas's eyes were drawn to her lips.  Her hair was still mussed from sleep, and he could see a red mark on her cheek from where she must have had her face resting against her hand.  "All you have to do is ask."  Even in her disheveled state  she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

He pulled her toward him by the grip he still had on her arm, leaning down and kissing her passionately.  He didn't want to frighten her, but all he'd thought about since their kiss was doing it again, which is why he had avoided her.  He put all the heat and emotion he felt for her in that one kiss, one hand going to her bottom and squeezing it through the thin fabric of her nightgown, the other hand going to her breast and cupping it, his thumb unerringly finding her nipple.

She let out a gasp at his intimate touch.  No man had ever seen her without a corset, much less in her nightgown.  To feel him touch her in those private places made her heart beat faster, and the feeling in her stomach intensified.  She wrapped both her arms around him, and met his tongue with hers.

"This really isn't a good idea," he whispered against her lips.

"But if we both enjoy it, I don't know why not."  She leaned her head to the side as his kisses traveled across her cheek and down her neck to give him better access.

"Because you're a virgin.  Because you should be with your companion, not with the man she's supposed to be protecting you from."  He gave her bottom one last squeeze and pushed her away from him.  "Go back to Edna, Violet."

"But why?  Who does it hurt?" She knew she'd been listening to Edna too much, but she was the only other person there.  The only person who would talk to Violet and answer her questions.  "If I like it, and you like it, I see no reason to deny ourselves the pleasure."

He stared at her for a moment, grabbing her hand to pull her into his room.  "Do you even understand what happens between a man and a woman?  In the marriage bed?"  He knew his question was blunt, but at that moment, she seemed to need him to be as plainspoken as possible.

"Yes, I do," she answered proudly.  She wasn't certain she was ready for that with him yet, but if she'd do it with anyone, it would be with him.  He seemed to understand her in a way other men didn't.  Every day she knew him, whether they spent time alone or not, she felt her feelings for him grow more and more.

"Well, you know that it all starts with kissing and caressing, right? If we keep this up, we're not going to stop.  What would you do if you became pregnant?"

Violet blushed, but met his gaze steadily.  "Well, I guess I'd have a bastard baby, wouldn't I? Edna says she loves them and would help me take care of it."

He blinked a few times, not believing she'd really said that.  "Your reputation would be in tatters.  You can't have a bastard baby."  Not that he'd let her anyway.  Any real man knew it was his duty to marry a woman who carried his child.

"I already told you, I'm not worried about my reputation.  I worry about the implications on my family, and I'll behave perfectly in Seattle, but I'm not in Seattle.  I'm in...Chicago."  It took her a moment to remember where he'd said they were.  The constant travel was starting to wear on her. 

"I know you don't think you'll ever marry, but you don't want to have a relationship with a man without a marriage.  You need to listen to me on this.  I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I took your innocence." 
Unless we were married
, a little voice added in his head. 
We could always marry.

She stared at him for a moment, wanting nothing more than to convince him that she wanted him to take her innocence, but honestly?  She wasn't certain if she did.  She wasn't entirely certain how she felt about him yet.  She only knew she enjoyed his kisses.  "Well, why can't we keep kissing and...touching, but not do that?  I enjoy your touch.  It inspires me.  It makes me want to paint beautiful things."  How could something that made her want to paint be wrong?

He shook his head.  "I really don't think any kind of touching between us is a good idea, Violet.  Not right now.  I have to stay focused on what I need to do once we get to New York."

"You mean get Emily Grace's house cleaned out?"

"That, and watching her murderer receive justice.  I'm going to be in the room when they put him to death."

She shuddered.  "How could you watch that?"  She'd never imagined even wanting to do something like that.

"How could I not?  If I don't see him die, I'll never believe that it really happened.  I have to know that he pays for what he did to my sister.  I will be there."

She took a step back.  "Well, I'll try not to be a distraction then.  If you find you need someone, I'm always here.  I do like you, Jonas.  I want to spend time with you."  She didn't want to walk away, but she knew she had no choice.  Until that part of his life was put to rest, he would have no time for her.

"I want to spend time with you too.  Under any other circumstances..." He let his voice trail off there.  "I can't have a relationship with you right now, Violet.  I have to see this done first.  After?  Who knows where life will lead us."

*****

Less than two weeks later, Edna and Violet were walking through Central Park with Nathan and Hillary.  Nathan was pointing out his favorite picnic spots, while Hillary was trying to keep him walking calmly along the path without getting too excited. 

Since they'd made it to New York, Jonas had made himself scarce.  Violet had barely seen him, and every time she did, he looked exhausted.  He was obviously taking meals somewhere other than the house, because she went down to dinner every night, hoping to see him.

She knew he was spending long days packing up different parts of the house, but he always did it with the door locked.  He wouldn't allow anyone to be part of what he was going through.  It was as if he couldn't do it if he knew there were people who cared for him and wanted to help him through it.

"Do you know what Jonas is doing today?" Violet asked Edna, trying to sound casual.

Edna sighed.  "He seems to be avoiding all of us.  I know he's done a lot of packing in the last week.  I think today may have been the execution."

Violet bit her lip.  She hoped Jonas wouldn't go through with seeing the man electrocuted.  She couldn't imagine anything more gruesome than watching a man die, but she'd never been in Jonas's position.  "I hope not.  I hate the idea of him sitting there watching that."

"You're too soft-hearted.  You hate the idea of anyone dying, and you don't understand justice."

"Would you want to be there?"  Violet just couldn't imagine it.

Edna stopped walking and looked at Violet for a moment before answering.  "I just don't know.  If it was someone I love, maybe.  I've never really thought about it at all."

"I hope he's all right after being there through it.  I can't even imagine what I would be going through as I watched someone executed."  Violet looked up and saw that Nathan and Hillary had gotten far away from them.  "We'd better walk a bit faster or we'll be left in the park without our young guide."

Nathan turned around and looked at them.  "Hurry up!  I want you to see where Mama and I went on a picnic for my birthday."

As sad as New York made Jonas, Nathan was in his element showing off all the places he loved to the three women with him.  Violet tried to join the boy for at least one walk in the park every day, but often she needed to be painting. 

Jonas had taken her to his sister's studio on the second floor of her home and invited her to make it her own on their first day in the city.  She had barely seen him since.

At first, Violet had a hard time using things that she knew had been purchased by another artist, but after a bit, it started feeling right to her that she would be painting in this place.

Nathan had shown her the only photograph he had of his parents, and she was making a painting from the photograph for him.  She thought it would be something that he would always treasure, especially if it was done in his mother's studio with her own paints.

That evening, Jonas wasn't at supper as usual.  Late after all the others were in bed, she came down the stairs from her studio to find him in his office with the door wide open.  He was sitting at his desk with a single glass of amber colored liquid in front of him.  It didn't seem as if he'd taken even a sip.

"Are you all right?" Violet asked from the doorway, after taking in his unkempt look and his sad eyes.

"Oh, I'm fine.  I'm always fine."  He sighed.  "Did you know that it hurts a man when he's electrocuted?  That you can actually see the pain in his face as he flops when the electricity is pumped into his body?"

Violet went into the room and shut the door quietly behind her.  "Did it help you to see it?"

He shrugged.   "I know justice has been served.  It doesn't help me to see a former friend of mine executed, but seeing Emily Grace's murderer killed is something else entirely."  He took a sip of his drink.