Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (61 page)

symbol,
109,
132; of partners, 78,

143–144,
148,
165,
171; in

women,
30, 32

Not Me, Not Now (curriculum),
252n. 39

Obligatory reciprocity.
See
Reciproca- tion

Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, 199

One-night stands,
107–108,
164.
See also
Acquaintances, virginity loss with; Strangers

Oral sex: before virginity loss,
71,
77–78,
92,
112,
118,
126, 147,

157,
162,
168,
172,
185; and defi-

nitions of virginity loss/sex,
4, 9,

44–45,
49–50,
54–55; historically,

21,
232n.
176; interview questions on,
233n.
2; preferences of gay men,
48; relationship to virginity loss,
1,
40–41,
48–50.
See also
Foreplay; Petting

Orgasm,
6,
17; timing relative to vir- ginity loss,
68,
147,
149,
173,
170.
See also
Ejaculation, rapid

Oxford English Dictionary
,
222n. 16

Pain: and anal sex,
48; at virginity loss,
65,
66,
78,
84–85,
128, 136,

149,
165–166,
169, 185–186,

173

Parents: ability/willingness to discuss sexuality,
62,
69,
82,
91,
104, 131,

145,
166,
192,
249n.
42; assis-

tance with birth control,
151,
168; disclosing virginity loss to,
67,
159–160; hiding virginity loss from,
107,
185–186; influence on

virginity loss,
62,
69,
74,
82, 91,

99,
116,
145,
153–154,
170, 175,

206,
240n.
80; next generation,
190; reaction to virginity loss, 150–151

Partners: choosing,
64,
105,
184; de- tection of inexperience by,
117,
121; discrepant beliefs from virgin,
84–85,
88,
93,
111; as means to end,
196; nonvirgins preferred,
114,
117,
168; not chosen, 75–76,

204–205; power over virgins, 88,

99,
115,
117,
121,
123–124, 138,

204; reaction to virginity,
113,
133; relationship duration after virginity loss,
67,
73,
79, 128,

150–151,
160,
169–170,
174, 186;

relationship duration before virgin- ity loss,
64,
70,
78,
84,
113, 127,

151,
169,
173; second,
67–68, 80,

87,
97,
108,
114,
123,
135, 151,

164,
174,
186; supportive, 168;

willingness,
112–113,
118, 129;

virgin preferred,
146,
148.
See also
Selectiveness;
and specific types of partners

Passing, as stigma-free,
102.
See also

Concealment

Passionlessness, ideology of female, 23–25

Paul of Tarsus, 19

Peer pressure, absence of,
114, 132,

145,
162–163,
167,
172, 175

Peers: dissenting opinions,
91; honesty with,
111–112; influence on virgin- ity loss,
69–70,
76,
112, 117–118,

153–154,
167,
206,
240n. 81,

243n.
30; support from,
70, 76.

See also
Friends

Penetration: difficult,
173; partial, 65

Penthouse Forum
, 6

Perfection: desired at virginity loss,
62–63,
65–66,
97; lack of concern

with,
137,
148,
159, 167

Permanence, of stigmas,
102 Personification, of giver in gift, 60

Petting: before virginity loss,
63–64,
70,
75,
83–84,
112,
118, 126,

146–147,
162,
168,
172; defined,

49,
226n.
76; historically,
28, 34,

40–41,
225n.
57; lack before vir-

ginity loss,
105,
133; by sexual identity,
162–163.
See also
Fore- play; Sexual activity;
and specific activities

Physical desire.
See
Desire, physical Physical pleasure: discussed with par-

ent,
166,
249n.
42; and emotional intimacy,
129; increasing with ex- perience,
67,
150, 169–170,

173–174,
186; lack at virginity

loss,
66,
84,
89,
169; less than ex-

pected,
109,
115; motivating vir-

ginity loss,
17,
62–63,
105, 113,

117,
137,
171–172; as purpose of

sex,
109,
113; at virginity loss,

78–79, 163

Pill, the: and sexual revolution,
39; ef- fectiveness,
198; used at virginity loss,
72,
97,
149,
168.
See also
Birth control

Planning, for virginity loss,
148,
157–158,
168,
185–186 resistance

to,
71, 78

Plastic Age, The
(novel),
29–30, 32

Playboy
,
6,
38, 62

Pleasure.
See
Emotional pleasure, from virginity loss; Physical plea- sure

Porky’s
(movie), 104

Pornography,
4,
6,
38,
41,
54, 116.

See also
Mass media Postponement, of sex after virginity

loss,
40,
87,
93–94,
108, 122–124,

135

Power: gendered, and virginity loss,
43,
85,
88–89,
99,
124,
138, 171,

175,
195–197,
204; in heterosex- ual relationships,
42; of nonvirgin partners,
117,
121,
143–144, 155,

165,
168,
171; of researcher,

210–211; of stigmatized,
103, 115,

123–124,
138.
See also
Agency; Equality, between virginity and partner

Pregnancy: adolescent,
18,
42, 191,

198; concern at virginity loss,
2, 5,

66,
72,
97,
114,
185; false alarms,

92–93,
122–123; premarital, his-

torically,
21–23,
25,
28; rarity at virginity loss,
194; social class dif- ferences,
232n.
174; and valuing women’s virginity,
6,
22,
150.
See also
Birth control

Premarital sex: acceptable with love,
32,
61–62,
69,
75,
83,
100; desir-

able,
109,
154–155,
199; public

opinion on,
190,
200; rates, 22,

25,
28,
34,
37,
39,
43,
191; as sin-

ful,
19–21, 186

Premarital virginity: as act of worship,
182–190; and gift metaphor, 181;

decline as ideal,
30,
32,
39, 100,

146,
202,
237n.
26; idealized, 3,

20–21,
57–59,
83,
142, 153–154;

impediments to valuing,
25–26,
33.
See also
Abstinence; Chastity; Vir- ginity

Preminger, Otto, 38

Pretty Baby
(movie),
236n.
21 Prince William, 58

Process metaphor: challenge to tradi- tional gendered approaches,
141,
176; in sex education,
181,
191; confirmed by experience,
150,
158–159; and mental health,
196–197; by race/ethnicity, 152,

170; and safer sex,
158,
168, 197; and satisfaction with virginity loss,
196–197.
See also
Rite of passage

Prom, virginity loss at,
16,
222n.
4 Promiscuity,
67,
87,
152.
See also
Ex-

perimentation, sexual

Prostitutes/prostitution,
26,
236n.
21; sale of virginity as akin to,
58,
101–102; virginity loss with, 24,

32,
34–35, 204

Protestant Reformation, 20–21

Protestant revival, 23–24

Pseudonyms,
233n.
1 Psychological health.
See
Mental

health

Puberty rites,
141–142,
245n.
1.
See also
Rite of passage

Public opinion: about sex education,
180,
200–201; on premarital sex,

1,
192, 200

Public policy: recommendations,
198–199,
201; reflecting moral

conservatism,
181,
190; on sex ed-

ucation,
180, 192–194

Puritans,
223n.
30,
224n. 35

Purity,
67, 70

Queer identity,
42,
218n.
20.
See also
Gays/Lesbians/Bisexuals; Sexual identity

Race/ethnicity: and approaches to vir- ginity loss/sexuality,
7,
25–26, 29,

34,
37,
39–40,
91,
97–99, 130,

139,
152,
170; sex prohibited across,
21; similarity between part- ners,
110; and social class,
40,
232n.
174; social purity cam- paigns,
28,
227n.
81,
229n. 121;

stereotypes,
32.
See also
Social identities;
and specific racial/ethnic groups

Racism, sexual conservatism as re- sponse,
26,
28, 100

Rape: and definitions of virginity loss,
19–20,
51–53,
89,
136,
138; femi-

nist understandings,
52–53,
55; as property crime,
236n.
22; as racist oppression,
25; and stigma,
134–135; virginity loss via, 88–89,

130–136.
See also
Sexual assault, among participants

Reagan, Ronald,
199 Reciprocation: direct vs. indirect,

238n.
58; failure of partner at,
79,
81; importance,
69,
98; likelihood,

60,
64; obligatory,
59; and satisfac-

tion with virginity loss,
88,
93,
195; of virginity with affection/commitment,
66,
69,
72.
See also
Gift giving; Mutual virgin- ity loss

Recreational sex.
See
Casual sex Regretful nonvirginity,
40.
See also

Born-again virginity; Secondary virginity

Regrets: lack of,
129,
158,
170,
188; partners not chosen,
204–205; un- safe sex,
108; virginity loss, 40,

79–80, 88

Reinisch, June, 54

Relief, at virginity loss,
79,
112,
134 Religion, religious beliefs: and ap-

proaches to virginity loss,
57, 60,

74–75,
81–82,
94,
98–99, 145,

151,
153,
162,
170,
183–188, 190,

206; change over lifetime,
251n.
32; declining influence,
7, 21–22,

190,
202; devotion and denomina-

tion,
74–75,
81–82,
100, 175,

189–190; geographical variation,
80; lack of influence at virginity loss,
69,
104,
116,
125,
139, 166,

175; in public schools,
182; and

sexual identity,
154–155,
157; U.S., Europe compared,
253n.
49; and valuing virginity,
2,
18–21,
24.
See also
Conservative Christians; Social identities

Research methods, 8–10; interview- ing,
10,
210; power dynamics,
210–211.
See also
Study partici- pants

Rich, Adrienne,
44, 147

Richardson, Samuel,
223n.
32 Ridicule, of virgin by partner, 115,