Waiting for Him (Waiting Series Book 3) (22 page)

      “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.” I say, knowing that I need to get out of here now. I turn and walk down the hall without looking back and by the time I’m outside there are black spots hovering at the outer edges of my vision and a roaring sound in my ears. I bend over and drop my head down between my legs, breathing in the cool night air. After a handful of deep, slow breaths I’m feeling well enough to walk to my car and once I’m inside, I drop my head down into my hands and I start to sob. I know we never mentioned not sleeping with other people, but it never occurred to me that it would be an issue. I’m angry with myself for allowing real feelings for Jake to start to creep in. I knew from the start that getting involved with him was a bad idea, I just thought I’d be the one to hurt him and not the other way around. As I wipe the tears from beneath my eyes, I tell myself that it’s better I found out sooner rather than later. I shake my head in disgust at how pathetic I’m being. I hate that I’m so upset by this, but I need to look on the bright side. At least, I can end things with Jake before I’m in too deep.

      When I left Jake’s, I called up Max crying in his ear about what happened and he agreed to meet me at J.J.’s so I wouldn’t have to drown my sorrows by myself. He must’ve rushed right out the door because he’s already there waiting for me when I arrive. He even has tequila shots lined up in front of him on the bar. When I sit down on the stool next to his, he takes one look at my face and pulls me in for a hug.

      “What’s going on luvie, you look like shit?” I snort into his chest.

      “Why am I friends with you again?” I ask, and he laughs. I look at him as our hug ends. “I’m planning on drinking myself into oblivion. Can you make sure I get home okay?” He squeezes my leg and says of course before I throw back the first shot...the first of many. I lost track after a while and Max was as good as his word and he made sure I got home safely. He went above and beyond his friend duties when he held my hair back as I threw up every single bit of alcohol I had drunk. It burned twice as bad on the way up as it did on the way down. Somehow it seemed like a fitting punishment for falling for Jake’s line of bullshit and letting myself begin to hope for more. You’d think by now I’d know there’s no happy ending in my future.

        ***

      I spent most of Tuesday in bed and I was grateful that Garrett kept Liam until that night. Now it’s Wednesday afternoon and I’m supposed to be going over to Jake’s tonight. Obviously, I’m not, but I haven’t told him that yet. I’m trying to come up with a plausible excuse that he’ll believe. I’m not ready to talk to him, but I plan on ending things with him before Saturday. I have to text him because if I call him, he’ll know that something’s off by the tone of my voice.

      Late afternoon rolls around and I still haven’t texted Jake. Fuck. I need to suck it up and just do it. He’s the one that’s screwing someone else. Why am I worried about what he thinks?

Can’t make it tonight. See you Saturday.
I press send and feel slightly sick to my stomach as I wait for his reply. It only takes a minute before my phone chimes with his reply.

Are you okay?
Great, why couldn’t he get mad about it and act like an ass?

Yep.
I’m not even giving him a reason. He doesn’t deserve any explanation from me.

If you need anything, call me. See you Saturday night. Xo
Yeah, not likely buddy.
Fuck you and your hug and kiss.

     
I wonder if he’ll call up one of his other girls. He probably has one for each day of the week like those panties you can buy with all the weekdays on them. I guess I’m supposed to feel blessed that I got allotted two days each week.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jake

      When I received Shelby’s text message canceling out on tonight, I knew something was wrong. We haven’t seen each other for almost two weeks now and I know by the few texts we exchanged over Christmas, she was looking forward to seeing me as much as I was to seeing her. I can’t for the life of me imagine what happened to make her change her mind, but I know something must have. This is the last thing I need. This week so far has been the week from hell at work and then my next door neighbor Lena’s pipes burst and she asked me if she could sleep on my couch for the night. I didn’t want to let her, but what was I supposed to say when she put me on the spot? If it wasn’t bad enough that she was staying for the night, she had to shower here and parade around my apartment in her towel. She’s pretty, but she does nothing for me, but trying to convince her of that was another matter. I finally had to tell her I have a girlfriend to get her to back off. Some girls can’t stand to hear no from a guy and think that every man in the world must want them. When I told her, I had a girlfriend that I was in love with she looked at me funny. I have no idea why, but she did seem to back off after that. I locked my bedroom door when I went to bed just in case she tried to sneak in during the middle of the night. I

wasn’t about to take any chances.

      I will the next two days away as I long for Saturday to arrive. I can’t wait to see Shelby again. I’ve missed her so much and I think it’s time for us to sit down and have a serious conversation about where I want our relationship to go. Of course, I’m expecting her to freak out and say we’re not in a relationship, but then I’ll come clean and tell her how strong my feelings are for her.

      I went to the grocery store and bought all the ingredients needed for tacos, which I know she likes and I still have margarita fixings left from the last time. As I’m unpacking the bags and putting it all away, my phone dings with a text message.

I’m not coming tonight and I want to end our arrangement.
What the fuck? Why is she doing
this
?
I know that something’s not right and I’m going to find out what it is right now. I grab my keys off the counter and head out the door. She’s not getting away from me without a fucking fight.

***

      When Shelby opens her door, she doesn’t look happy to see me and that alone has warning bells sounding in my head. She just stands there and stares at me with no emotion whatsoever.

      “Can I come in?” I ask. She nods her head and steps back for me to pass by her.

      “Have a seat,” she says gesturing at her couch. We both sit down, but she won’t look at me.

      “What’s going on Shelby? Why the sudden change of heart?” Her shoulders move up and down in a shrug.

      “I’m just doing what’s best for me. This isn’t working out for me anymore so I’m ending it.” I know she’s not giving me the whole story. There has to be more to it than that. I have a difficult time believing this is all being motivated by some sudden change of heart. It has to be deeper than that.

      “I don’t believe that for a moment,” I tell her. “The least you can do is be honest with me about what’s going on in your mind. I deserve that much.” I’m trying to stay calm, but my voice is beginning to rise in frustration. I don’t want to lose her.

      “You deserve my honesty...that’s rich coming from you. If you had been honest with me, none of this would be happening now.”
What the fuck is she talking about? I’ve never lied to her about anything except for when I told her I wanted a sex-only arrangement. 

      “Shelby spit it out. I have no fucking idea what you’re referring to. Just say it and get it over with.” She grits her teeth and rolls her eyes at me and I swear it’s all I can do to keep myself from throwing her over my lap and spanking her frustrating ass.

      “I stopped by on Monday night to surprise you and your friend answered the door.” Friend? Who is she talking about?
Fucking Lena.
I didn’t know anyone stopped by and she didn’t tell me, that’s for sure.

      “That was Lena, my next door neighbor,” I say, trying to alleviate any worry she has. She snorts and I know that’s not a good sign.

      “I guess it must be convenient to have an arrangement with someone who lives right next door.”
An arrangement...oh Jesus she thinks that I’m sleeping with Lena.
“I think you got the wrong impression when she answered the door. She’s just my neighbor, Shell.”

      “What kind of impression was I supposed to get when she answered your door fresh from the shower and wrapped in one of your towels? She made it pretty clear that you were still in the shower and would be busy for the rest of the night. I think I got the correct impression, Jake.”
Oh, fuck this is bad. This is way worse than I imagined. How am I going to get her to believe that I’m not sleeping with Lena?

      “Shell, I promise you that I have never even touched her, never mind had sex with her. Her pipes burst and she asked me if she could stay at my place until the plumber was done fixing it. I didn’t expect her to shower there and I made her sleep on the couch. I even locked my bedroom door that night.” I hold my hands up as if to say, what else could I do?

      “It doesn’t matter whether you slept with her or not. My mind's made up and I don’t want to do this with you anymore. Thanks for stopping by and I’m sure I’ll see you at some point.”

      “Shell, I didn’t do anything with her.”

      “Jake, I believe you. I really do, but that’s not going to change the fact we’re over.” She gestures back and forth between us with her hand. “I’m not in the same place that you are in your life. I have responsibilities and I need to focus on that. We never should have slept together in the first place.” I take her hand and tug on it, making her look in my direction.

      “You don’t mean that,” I say. She stares into my eyes as she replies.

      “I do Jake. If I could go back and change things, I would.”
Damn.
That hurts, I’m not going to lie. Her walls are so high and it seems like I can never make any real headway with her. Am I wasting my time for a pipe dream that’ll never come to fruition? I need to get out of here before I do something I’ll regret. Right now I’m torn between kissing her senseless and shaking some sense into her.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Shelby

      It’s been almost a week since I ended things with Jake and I’m still conflicted about it. I believed him when he told me he wasn’t sleeping with her, but I’m so scared of being hurt again.  I can feel myself starting to fall for him and it’s too risky. No matter how many times I try to convince myself that Jake would never hurt me, I can’t seem to find the courage to take the leap. My heart’s been broken too many times to survive another bad break up. Not to mention that I still miss Jeff so much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and wonder what he’s doing. I try to picture him and what his life in Florida must be like, but I can’t.

      Jake has been texting me every day, just cute little messages; nothing of substance, but enough to make me smile. It makes me hopeful that our friendship is still alive and well.

      Liam’s been sick with his first illness this week and now just as he is starting to feel better. I’m starting to feel as though I’m coming down with something. My throat is killing me and feels like it’s full of razor blades every time I swallow. I have a pounding headache and I can tell I have a fever because I’m achy all over and I can’t seem to get warm no matter what I do. This is the worst possible timing for me to be under the weather. Garrett is out of town at a conference for the next five days and Viv can only be here during the weekdays and not at all on the weekend. I’m thankful it’s Friday, and I don’t have to work for the next couple of days.

      By the next morning, I can barely get out of bed and my teeth are chattering from the high fever I have. I call Hailey and ask her if she can come over and watch Liam, hoping to sleep this thing away, but she and Cory have a wedding out of town this weekend and they’re leaving in an hour. Greyson and Aiden both have fights tonight in Vegas, and no one answered the phone at my dad’s house. I’m completely screwed and I feel so miserable I want to die.

      I barely make it through the day until Liam goes down for the night, but somehow I manage to hold on. I’ve taken way too much ibuprofen and I’ve probably destroyed my liver and kidneys trying to get this fever to go down, but I still feel like absolute shit. I must have the flu because I can’t think of anything else that would knock me on my ass like this. I breathe a huge sigh of relief as my head hits my pillow for the night. Hopefully, I’ll be feeling better tomorrow.

       When I wake up in the morning, I can’t help the groan that leaves me as I move my achy body parts. My limbs feel so heavy and my head feels like it’s going to explode. The bright morning light is killing my eyes like I’m part vampire. I glance at the clock on my nightstand and notice that it’s noon.
Liam
. Oh my, God, I can’t believe I slept this late and he hasn’t cried. I hope he’s okay. I kick the covers off with my sore legs and rush to get out of my bed. My legs are unsteady like a newborn foal as I first stand up. As I make my way to Liam’s room I try not to panic, but when I get there and I find his crib empty all the air in my lungs whooshes out of me. My heart begins to pound faster than it should be physically possible and my knees shake.
Where is he?
I stumble down the hallway toward the living room where I left my cell phone and I hear the sound of the television. As I hurry around the corner to see who’s here, I come to an abrupt stop as I take in the scene before me.

      Jake is sitting on my couch with Liam in his arms and he’s talking to him as if he can understand every word he’s saying. There’s some football show on and I can hear what Jake’s saying.

      “That right there is Tom Brady, the best quarterback in the history of football. You don’t know how many lean years Pats fans had before they became the dynasty they are now. That’s why Pats Nation never takes how well they do for granted. We appreciate every single win and someday I’m going to take you to your first Patriots game. We’ll eat too much junk food and drink too much soda, but it will be worth the sick stomach you’ll have. I’ll buy you a sweatshirt or whatever it is you want because I won’t be able to resist your adorable face. Just like I can’t resist your mom’s.” He lowers his lips and kisses Liam’s soft, blonde head, closing his eyes like he’s savoring the moment.

      I don’t want to interrupt this touching moment, but I need to know how Jake ended up here.

      “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask as I collapse on the couch, my eyes barely open.

      “Hailey asked me to come over and look after Liam for you. Why didn’t you ask me, Shell? Don’t you know by now that I’d do anything for you?”

      “I just assumed you’d have plans already,” I whisper, my throat too sore to speak at the normal volume.

      “I didn’t and even if I did, I would’ve changed them for you. I’m about to put Liam down for his nap. He had his bottle and now that we watched some Football Network he’s ready. We don’t need you to tell us what to do, we’re all set. Go get your ass back in bed, I’ve got this.”
Am I in an alternate universe? Am I hallucinating? Since when does Jake Morse know how to take care of a baby?

     
As I crawl back into my bed, my mind replays what just happened. I can’t believe how great Jake is with Liam, and I feel bad that I’ve purposely kept him away from him. I assumed that Jake wouldn’t want anything to do with a baby and unfortunately, I think I assumed wrong.

***

      “Shelby.” A warm hand soothingly rubs my back as I hear my name being called. “Shelby.” At first, it’s painful to open my eyes, but once my lids lift and I get accustomed to the glow of the lamp on my nightstand, it’s better. Jake sits down on the bed next to where I’m lying and continues to rub my back.
“Come on, let’s get you up so you can eat. I made you some homemade chicken noodle soup.”

       “I don’t want anything to eat,” I mumble.

      “Shell, come on. You need to get some liquids in you and some nourishment. This will do both.” He lifts me into a sitting position like a ragdoll and props me up against the headboard. Once he’s got me situated the way he wants he begins to feed me spoonfuls of soup. It’s so delicious and soothing to my sore throat I moan in pleasure. He keeps feeding me, making sure to blow on each spoonful before placing it at my lips. He keeps this up until the bowl is empty and then he scoops me off the bed and carries me to the shower. He strips my panties and tee shirt off and removes his clothes before stepping under the water with me. He leisurely soaps my body and hair before rinsing me clean. Once I’m wrapped snuggly in a large bath towel, he directs me to the vanity bench and had me sit down. I can feel a gentle tugging on my strands as he carefully combs through the knots. Once he has them all taken care of, he uses the blow dryer on my hair. His touch is gentle as he runs the brush from root to end. The repetitive motion is lulling me to sleep. When he’s finished, he carries me back to my bed. He places me on the edge of the mattress and slips a clean tee shirt over my head and some p.j. bottoms over my feet. He stands me on my feet and pulls them up my legs before scooping me up in his arms once again. He places me down on my pillow so gently it feels as though I’m landing on a cloud. I burrow under the sheet and comforter, but my teeth won’t stop chattering. Jake climbs into bed with me and curls up against my back. He kisses the top of my head and wraps me in his arms. The heat he’s giving off feels wonderful.

      “You’re so warm.” I moan.

      “Go to sleep Shell, I’ve got you.”

      Sunday was a repeat of the day before with Jake taking care of Liam from the moment he awoke until he went to sleep for the night. I’m feeling slightly better, but I’m glad that Liam isn’t being exposed to this horrific flu I have. I got up at one point during the day to use the bathroom and I snuck out to see what Jake and Liam were up to. Jake was lying on his back on the couch with Liam asleep on his chest. When I went closer to take a better look, I realized they were both asleep. It was one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen and I can tell Jake will be an incredible dad.

      By taking care of us so well, Jake is truly a lifesaver. I still can’t believe he’s spent the entire weekend here and he made me homemade soup. I don’t even know how to make that and I’m not sure how I’ll ever pay him back for all he’s done. I don’t know how I would’ve managed without his help.

      I’m able to shower tonight without any help, although I miss Jake being with me. Last night having him soap me up from head to toe was pretty fantastic. By the time, I’m finished and I’ve dried off I’m exhausted and I don’t have the strength left to do my hair. Jake comes in the bathroom and takes over for me. Gently brushing through my curls and drying it as quickly as possible.

      He tucks me in and slides in behind me like he did last night. The warmth of his chest against my back is heavenly and I’m asleep almost as soon as my eyes close.

      I wake up at one point and guess by the complete darkness of my room, it must still be the middle of the night. I’m in Jake’s arms, my face buried in his chest. Our legs are tangled up and I feel so tiny with him holding me. I love sleeping in the same bed as him. He makes me feel safe and I know that I’m going to miss this feeling when he goes home. I also know that this has to be the last night he stays over. I’m enjoying having him here with me way too much and I’m getting more attached to him than I can afford to be. In fact, I need to get away from him now. Staying in his arms like this is just a tease of what can never be. Why should I put myself through that? I start to lift his arm off of me so I can pull away, but he only pulls me in closer. I try again and this time, he wakes up.

      “Shell, what’s going on? Are you sick again?” He asks as he places his hand on my forehead to check for fever.

      “No, I’m fine. I just don’t think we should be sleeping cuddled up like this.”

      “You mean like this?” Jake asks as he pulls my hips into his. I can feel how hard his cock is and I want it inside me in the worst way. My hands go to his chest and try to push him away, but he’s too strong to move. His hips begin to grind deliciously against mine and I’m torn between wanting him inside me and wanting to do the right thing. The right thing being, not having sex with him. I told him it was over and I need to be strong about it, but he’s pressing perfectly against my clit and I desperately need to come. It’s been over two weeks since he was inside me and I’ve missed his touch. He leans down, taking my lips in a slow kiss, sliding his tongue slowly along my bottom lip until I part my lips for him. Our tongues move sensually around each other as Jake lays me flat on my back. He settles between my legs, keeping his hips in motion, still teasing my clit. Gripping the waistband of his boxers in both of my fists, I push his boxers off until I can move them down his legs with my feet. He kicks them off before he removes my panties. I hold my arms up and he pulls my tee shirt over my head leaving us both naked. He pauses and studies my face in the darkness. His fingers trail along the curve of my cheek before he cups my face in his palm.

      “Are you feeling up to this?” He asks.

      “Yes, fuck me now,” I order him. I can see the flash of his even white teeth in the dark as he grins. He lowers his head down, nuzzling my nose with his as he lines his cock up with my entrance. As his length slides back and forth, I start to beg.

      “Jake, please...please. Now!” He thrusts inside me and I could cry I’m so relieved. He draws his hips back and I’m prepared for another hard slamming thrust, but he moves slowly back inside me. He grips my hands in his and holds them beside my head as he tortures me with long, slow strokes grinding against me perfectly.         

      “Go faster.” I pant. He shakes his head and kisses my neck keeping his slower pace.

      “No, I don’t want to fuck you, I want to make love to you.” His hips continue their unhurried torment and the intensity of this moment isn’t lost on me. He’s making me feel a level of connection and closeness with him that scares me. Jake has the power to invade my heart, but it’s not mine to give to him. Jeff still owns it and the last thing I need is to be in another situation where I love two guys.

How many times can one person’s heart break before it finally shatters beyond the point of return?