Waiting for You (36 page)

Yes. She would only
see one side, the side that was deceitful and that I kept something from
her,
protected her from a lie that would break her heart and
mine.

I no sooner put the
battery back in to call Drew and he called again.

Anger raged
,
I threw something, a fist into the wall and a crashing
dresser when she reached for the phone.

“You’re acting
crazy,” she said, panic in her voice when the phone rang.

“You haven’t seen
crazy yet, brown eyes,” I said blowing smoke in the air and ripping the phone
from her hand, a chest full of smoke and a head full of haze.

I took one last
drag from my cigarette and answered the phone before turning around to face
Bailey, for her to see how bad it really could be, how much he could destroy,
had destroyed.

Every lie was
merited and every secret justified when I he said he was in Birmingham. He was
here. Here to destroy what he wanted. Every stolen moment between us was
because of him and I hated him for it.

“You come here and
you will destroy her,” I said to him hoping he heard me. “Are you ready for
that?”

He didn’t. For
once, he hung up.

Bailey looked at
me, apprehension, concern, and sighed. “He’s here?”

“Somewhere,” I said
walking to her stumbling over the mess I created.

“Let’s go to
dinner,” she said, she knew, she wanted to make the moment last.

Desire, the fucking
monster it could be. I gave in. I wanted and I took despite the consequences
and what they had the power to destroy. I could have justified it in the
beginning.
Told her the truth.
It wasn’t my place.
That lying sack of shit needed to own up to it. See firsthand what he hand
done.

20.
  
Lies
– Bailey Gray

His eyes were
closed, drifting, his features relaxed from earlier. He seemed close to sleep
or maybe he was already sleeping.  Our relationship had changed over the
last week, since that night in his car. Dylan wasn’t as careful with me or
maybe he never was. Maybe now I noticed more, felt more, believed more. It’s
like the colors again, ones you didn’t see, now lighted for you to see. Their
beauty lies deeper than you ever knew, holds more meaning, has stronger
beliefs.

“What will you do
if he comes to find me?” I asked. “You know he’s going to.”

“I’ll kill him,”
Dylan said with a dark laugh.

“You’re not a
killer Dylan, nice try. And don’t do that. Then you’d be in jail and remember
what Drew warned you about.”

I grabbed his ass
and he slapped my hands away. “Don’t joke about that.”

Dylan twisted
around taking my hands in between his bringing them to his lips, he held me
close, and his lips hovering over my knuckles, his eyes on mine, serious. “He’s
the reason. He’s the reason for all this shit.”

“What?”

We were in the
living room at Drew’s house, standing near the bar that Dylan had been drinking
from all night. It was becoming a habit, one I didn’t like and felt slipping.
He was turning to a substance and Drew and I knew it. We talked often, Drew and
me. He helped me understand Dylan in a way I never knew.

He’s Dylan Wade.
He’s this crazy, willful, incorrigibly passionate, all heart and soul, the boy
that I couldn’t and didn’t want to live without now. I held on to him with
everything I had knowing what we had was a dangerous love.

And though Drew
hadn’t been around Dylan in years, he still understood the side I didn’t.
The reckless side.

Drew stepped in
between us knowing Dylan had too much to drink. “Dylan man, sleep on it buddy.”

Dylan, on most
days, was a man of few words. Sometimes his nonchalance bothered me. He had so
much talent, a passion that spoke volumes but he thought it wasn’t there or
maybe, as Drew said, he didn’t care. But lately, he was more than a few words.
He was full of cryptic sentences that left me pondering the change that I saw
since my dad called.

Dylan was
complicated. He was like a
Rubix
Cube. Hard to solve
but once you had a pattern, some movements came natural while others you would
never solve.

Here’s where my life changed. I never
saw it coming but I guess with change you never do. How could you? If you saw
it coming you might have stopped it.

Dylan and I left on a
Friday.
June seventeenth to be exact.

On August fifth, my
world was shattered.

Dylan stood when he saw
my dad, as did I, at the end of Drew’s driveway, waiting for me. “I can’t
believe you had the nerve to fucking come here,” Dylan growled slamming the
front door. I followed.

My dad looked
different, anger had settled over him. It was evident he hadn’t slept in days,
bloodshot eyes and wrinkled clothes.

“Why are you here?” My
voice shook, his parental stance was intimidating.

Dylan’s hand shook in
mine and then I noticed it wasn’t just him shaking, it was me too. Drew stepped
from the house coming to stand behind us. “What’s going on out here?” His eyes
followed Dylan’s glare to see my dad. “You need to get off my property,” Drew
said, forcefully and with anger I didn’t know he had.

“I’m here for my
daughter,” my dad said, his somber response bit. He looked at me. “Get in the
car Bailey.” His right hand was on the top of the white Toyota Camry he was
driving. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit and it’s time to come home. You
start school soon.”

“I’m not going to
college dad.” My voice was still soft and I spoke more into Dylan’s shoulder
than anything.

Dylan
noticed,
his stance more protective, his grip a little more
possessive.

“Why
don’t you tell her why you really forced her to come along, Dylan.”
My
dad looked from Dylan to me, his eyes blood shot and weary. He was drunk. I’d
never seen my dad drunk before.

My gaze shifted to
Dylan when he turned to look at me. My heart stopped. He stared at me, his
expression turned from anger to hurt as if someone had punched him. It was that
feeling. I felt it the morning we left, in my room, my sunrise, I felt it
again.

Dylan
blinked,
I was brought back into the moment, this moment.
His brow pulled together. “Bailey…I—”

“Dylan was only using
you to get back at me.” My dad said interrupting Dylan walking toward me and reaching
for my hand. Drew moved closer to, anticipating what he knew was about to
happen. “I was driving the car that killed his mom. He knew and used you to get
back at me.”

Anything could have
happened right then but all I felt was the world crashing upon me.
Drowning.
Suffocating.
Heart ripped
from my chest fucking hatred, lies, deceit.

“How long have you
known?” My voice was distant to even me. I looked from Dylan, to Drew, and then
back to Dylan, waiting, demanding something.
                                        

“When I turned
eighteen,” Dylan paused, his breathing low and harsh, his body shaking, “I saw
the paperwork with the help of an attorney and found out who set-up the trust
fund.”

Gestures, responses,
reactions, hidden meaning, cryptic warnings were validated.

“That’s why you blew up
the prosecuting attorney’s car?” Dylan nodded, his brow scrunched, he was
hurting and on the verge of either blowing up or falling to my knees. The gasp
of breath he took sucked the breath from me. Distant yelling was near, Drew and
my dad, but it was Dylan and me, right now.

Dylan nodded and the
motion broke another part from my breaking heart.

He knew my dad was the
one…fuck…and he used me? How could he? Did I mean anything?

“He helped your dad
cover it up,” Dylan glared, his intensity shifted from me to my dad. “As a city
council member at the time he couldn’t have a murder on his hands.”

“It was a fucking
accident Dylan!” My dad shouted, taking a step toward Dylan, Drew moved between
them.

“Leave Jeff,” Drew said
placing his hands on his chest, between me stood two men, two people who used
me for their own benefit.

Was this some kind of
sick joke?

“Get off my fucking
property,” Drew said with a calm edge that held more warning than it did a
directive. He knew Dylan was fading fast.

“Bailey,” my dad tried
again when Drew pushed him toward the car. “You mean nothing to him but
resentment. That’s all it was. Come with me. Come back home and get on with
your life!”

“Get on with my life?”
I gasped, tears rolled, anger was rising in me, heating and prickling my skin.
“What life? You just destroyed anything I thought I had.”

My eyes found
Dylan,
he looked as if someone had just slapped him.

“You’re acting like a
slut.” This was my dad’s next attempt at convincing me. Not a very good one.

“Don’t dad,” I said
still looking at Dylan. He hadn’t said anything, I wasn’t sure if he was
breathing other than the shaking of his chest and hands.

“That’s what this was
about, yes?
Acting like a slut?”

Dylan put his hands on my
shoulders and pushed me aside, his eyes dark smoke.

“You touch me and I
will sue your piece of shit ass.” My dad shot at Dylan when he stood face to
face with him. Drew stepped aside.

Dylan reacted and
swung. My dad knew exactly what he was doing by provoking Dylan that way. I
came to understand that was his plan. He knew that if he pushed enough, if he
demeaned me in front of Dylan, he would react.

And he did.

Dylan was absolutely
right. The world is full of horrible shit. Are there any honest people left?

After today, I didn’t
think so.

One side of me was
incredibly angry but the other side was satisfied that I finally knew the
truth.

Drew broke my dad and
Dylan apart, both raging and cussing and spewing shit I couldn’t understand.

“We pay for the fucked
up shit we do in life!” Dylan shouted shoving him against the car, his head
snapped back against the glass of the window. “Some people have to fucking pay
for it, someone does! Maybe not you but someone does.”

“Dylan, stop!” I
shouted but between the rush of my blood and my pounding heart, it sounded like
a whisper.

“I won’t quit until he
bleeds for his fucking repentance.” Dylan reached up and easily pulled away
from my dad who had gotten a hold on his shirt.

Drew managed to get
them apart with the help of Eddy who came running out of the house.

Both my dad and Dylan
were panting, trying to gain control neither of them had, both fighting for
very different reasons. “You know what you can do?” Dylan asked my dad, pushing
against Eddy who was holding him back.

“What Dylan?” My dad
spat blood swiping his hand over his mouth. “What do you want me to do?”

“Go fuck
yourself
, for starters,” Dylan said spitting blood of his
own, his glare had the power to set the world around his on fire. “Second of
all, congratulations motherfucker, you just destroyed any relationship you
could have had with your daughter.”

I felt it right then.
My family was broken apart, wrecked, maybe beyond repair. My heart, shattered,
fucking split right down the middle.

I didn’t wait to see
what would happen next. Dylan was right. He did destroy anything he could have
had with me. But Dylan just might have too.

I wanted to run,
anywhere, escape, get lost, forget, and drown. Truth of the matter was that I
had nowhere else to go.

As if it was some kind
of sign, Megan pulled in the driveway right then and I ran to her car before
she shut the engine off. “Drive, please just fucking drive!” She did without
question and I cried. I cried harder than I ever had before. When I was finally
able to talk, we were at her apartment, a place I didn’t know she had. She said
she lived here before she met Drew but hadn’t given up her apartment yet.

She managed to get me
inside and into a spare bedroom she had. I said I wanted to be alone, I did,
and she respected that and let me be.

I wanted numbness. I
wanted an escape. I didn’t want to hear my own heart beating. I didn’t want to
feel the tears that wouldn’t stop. I felt pain. I felt Dylan’s pain. How could
he look at me knowing my dad killed his mom? How could they have kept this from
me?

The truth was, though
everything had been completely wrecked, I wouldn’t have changed any of it. It
was that old saying, the journey of getting there is better than the
destination. It was true.

Here’s the thing that
most don’t consider when keeping information from someone. You had the
information that could have potentially helped them or changed their life in
some way. You had the power to help them and you didn’t. It doesn’t matter if
you lied or not. You kept something from them. Dylan was the last person I
expected that from.

I wanted an escape but
I had nowhere to go. Dylan found me. Drew must have helped.

“Let me in Bailey,” his
warning couldn’t be missed. He was angry but maybe not as angry as I was. “I
swear to fucking god—”

“No,” I said lying on
the floor away from the door, just in case he broke it down. “Don’t fuck up
Megan’s house.”

“I’ll set this fucking
room on fire.” His second warning, one I should have listened to. “You know I
will. Let. Me. In!”

I didn’t and the door
came crashing down.