Waiting... On You (Force Recon Marines) (45 page)

Jessie suspected there was a reason
Nick left the way he had. His hasty departure after Hanna had come out of her
comma seemed out of character for him. She was also beginning to suspect she
ought to talk to her younger son. Something in her conversations with Nick had
hinted that Lance may have had something to do with Nick’s abrupt departure.

Jessie sank to her knees on the floor
and sat back on her heels beside Hanna, who immediately raised her head and
rubbed the tears from her eyes.

Glancing at the array of letters and
photos scattered around her, Jessie stroked her young friend’s arm. “I know
what you’re about here. I just want to help.”

“You can’t this time, Jessie.”

“It won’t help to burn all his
letters. You’ll regret this later, sweetie.”

Hanna sniffed and reached for a tissue
from a box Jessie handed her. “I can’t burn them, but I’m going to bury them
somewhere deep.”

Jessie brushed a wayward strand of
Hanna’s honey blonde hair out of her eyes. “And what makes you think that will
work, sweetie?”

“I’m sure you read the card on his
dumb roses! If that wasn’t a permanent goodbye, I don’t know what it was!”

“I’ll admit I did read the card, and
it did sound like goodbye, but I’m not sure how permanent it was. Do you know
he’s called two and three times a week since he left?”

Hanna shuddered with a tearful tremor.
“To talk to you and Lance.”

Jessie reached out and rubbed her back
in soothing circles. “He always wants to know how you are doing. And he called
Colleen while you were away on your sailing trip, then he called Lance twice to
find out more about your trip. He was pretty put out at Lance for letting you
go alone.”

“I know. I told Lance to tell him to
mind his own business.”

“And Lance did.” Jessie chuckled. “He
told me afterwards that didn’t go over too well with Nick.”

“Good. I hope it ticked him off!”

“It did. But my point is, since it
did, and since he’s calling so often to check up on you, he can’t be that
disinterested now, can he?”

“I don’t know, Jessie. I can’t read
his damn mind!” Hanna cried. “Maybe he does care about me, but not enough to
give up his precious Marine Corps or to commit to any long term relationship
with me.”

“Have you considered telling him you’d
give up your life here, to be with him?” Jessie asked gently. “Have you ever
told him how much you love him? Did you tell him how you felt this last time he
was home?” When Hanna gave her a slight nod
no
, she continued. “Well,
maybe he doesn’t think you’d ever be willing to give up your career here to
share his. And knowing my oldest son, I doubt he’s guessed how you feel about
him. He’s spent all of his adult life in a very male environment. I’m sure he’s
not too savvy when it comes to figuring out how a woman feels. He’s never had
any long term relationships. His experience with women has been insignificant,
except for his friendship with you.”

“Jessie, he’s gone!” Hanna pointed
out, fighting another burst of tears. “Maybe you’re correct. Maybe you’re not,
but I am not going after him. My heart can’t take the risk. Time will heal my
pain.”

“But not your loneliness— or his, for
that matter.”

“I’ll learn to live with it.” Hanna
smiled sadly, then swiveled to give her friend a hug. “As long as I have my
family and wonderful friends like you and Lance, I’ll manage.”

CHAPTER
31

“HOW’S IT GOING AT THE SHOP? Getting
caught up yet?” The next day, Jessie corralled Lance in the kitchen after he
came home from work.

“Yeah, we are. I’m lucky I’ve got some
good guys working for me.” Lance looked at his mother and gave her a wink. “And
a mom who has kept good books for me.”

She acknowledged his thanks with a
nod. “You’re most welcome.”

Lance went to the refrigerator, opened
the door and looked inside. “Is Christopher home from school yet?”

“He’ll be here any moment. The bus is
running late today.”

“An hour is a long time to ride the
bus,” he noted, looking at her over his shoulder as he grabbed an apple out of
the refrigerator. “Maybe I should start picking him up at school every day.”

“He likes riding the bus with his
friends.” Jessie went to the coffee pot and poured two cups. “Sit down and have
a cup of coffee with me. I need to talk to you.”

Lance lifted one tawny eyebrow and
gave his mother a wary look. “Sounds like I’m in trouble. What did I do?” He
pulled out a chair and sat down at the table in the kitchen, then took a big
bite out of the red apple in his hand.

Jessie brought over two mugs of coffee
and set one down in front of her youngest son. “Actually, that’s what I want to
know.” Lance was looking at the newspaper on the table, eating his apple as his
mother took a seat across from him. “Nick left here so abruptly, I get the
feeling that there was a reason for it— one he didn’t give Hanna; one you might
know something about.”

Tossing the apple core into the trash
can a few feet away, Lance looked up at his mother as she sipped her coffee and
awaited his reply. He immediately recognized her silently implicit stare. That
particular expression of hers always said volumes. He’d never had much luck ignoring
her when she had her mind set on an answer, but it didn’t stop him from
shrugging and trying.

“Nick left here because his commander
reactivated him.”

“Why didn’t he explain that to Hanna?
Why leave those roses with that card that made it sound so final between them?
He hasn’t called or written her since he left.”

Lance stirred sugar into his coffee.
“I don’t know. Maybe he knew they had no future together, Mom. He doesn’t want
to retire from the Corps, and he leads a dangerous life, more so than most
military men. What’s he gonna do if he marries Hanna? Leave her in one strange
place after the other, making her wait for him to return from all those secret
missions he goes on? She has a brilliant career here at the hospital and at the
University. It wouldn’t be fair to ask her to give that up for the life of a
military wife. And, besides, her family is here. Colleen is in her eighties.
Hanna is her last grandchild. And what about Christine and Katie? They’re
really close to Hanna now that Dylan is gone. And then there’s Christopher. You
know he loves Hanna like a mother.”

“Oh boy!” Jessie said, her eyes
widening. “Guess I got my question answered and then some.” She studied her
younger son closely for a long moment. “And then there’s you, isn’t there? You
love Hanna, don’t you? Are you hoping she’ll marry you someday and become a
true mother to Christopher?”

Lance bent his head and rubbed the
back of his neck, just like Nick did when he was perplexed. In fact, now that
she thought about it, Nick Sr. had had the same habit. Jessie smiled as she
watched her son, who reminded her of her first husband, as well as her oldest
son.

“Yeah, Mom,” he finally admitted as he
lifted his eyes to look directly at her. “I guess I am hoping that Hanna might
see me as more than a friend someday. I know she’s been waiting for Nick, but
now that she knows he’s not going to retire and come home….”

“Oh, Lance, honey,” Jessie replied
gently, catching his big hand. “Hanna loves your brother and always has.
There’ll never be anyone else for her. She’ll grow old, alone and single, if we
let this be the final word between them. I know you love her, too, sweetheart,
but not the way she loves Nick. If she does turn to you as more than a friend,
which I don’t think she’ll ever do because you’re such a special one to her,
she’ll still be secretly in love with your brother. You wouldn’t want that, and
you don’t deserve that. You should have a woman who loves you and only you— no
half measures, no substitutions.”

“Well, there isn’t anything we can do
about it, Mom. Nick made his decision. He left. Hanna....”

“Won’t go after him on her own,”
Jessie interrupted as she saw the stubborn set of his square jaw. “And I think
you can do something about this, son. I don’t think Nick made that decision
without a little help from you. What did you say to him? And don’t tell me
nothing
because I’ve heard the tension between you two the last two months over the
phone. Seems to me something like this happened three years ago when Nick left
for duty after being home that time, too. I’ve seen the occasional rifts you
and he get into over Hanna.”

Lance threw up his hands in surrender.
“Geez, Mom! Don’t you ever miss anything?”

She smiled indulgently. “Not when it
comes to my sons. I notice because I love you. So quit avoiding the question.
What did you say to Nick before he left?”

Lance blew out a frustrated breath. “I
asked him what he intended to do about Hanna. He told me that he wanted to ask
her to marry him and go back to San Diego with him.” He saw the big smile that
lit up his mother’s face and rolled his eyes. “Now don’t look like that, Mom. I
convinced him it wouldn’t be fair to Hanna to put her through what you went
through when Dad died.”

“Oh, Lance, you didn’t! Don’t you know
how sensitive a topic that is with Nick? He’s been so afraid of doing that to a
woman, he’s never gotten serious with anyone.”

“That’s not such a bad thing, with the
life he leads. You know he could have left the military any time and had a
normal one.”

“Are you angry that he’s been away all
these years?”

“Yeah!” he answered truthfully,
revealing some of that anger. “I guess I am! I would have liked to share the
business with him; to have him around more all these years. Hell, I hated
worrying about whether he’d come back alive from all those missions, too. We
were so close growing up, and now all we do is write to one another.”

“I should have guessed you felt that
way, son. Does Nick know?”

“No.”

“He’ll always be your brother, and
he’ll always love you,” Jessie reminded him. “But you have separate lives, and
he needs to live his, just as you need to live yours. He wouldn’t be happy
running Sean’s business. The only thing he’s ever wanted to do was to follow in
your Dad’s footsteps. It was his dream. He needs to live it.”

“And Hanna? Does she have to live his
dream, too?”

“Yes, she does. I’m sure she’ll find
some way to continue her career, too. She needs Nick, and he needs her. You
weren’t here to see them together. They were very happy and very much in love.”

“Shit, Mom!” Lance raked a hand
through his straight blonde hair.

“I know it’s hard, honey, but Hanna
needs your help. Since you love her, you need to consider her feelings and help
her be happy again. She’s been so miserable. Haven’t you seen that these past
two months?”

“Yes, I have,” he admitted
begrudgingly. “But what can I do?”

“You can tell her what Nick said to
you about wanting to marry her. Then you can tell her what you said to him.
Help her resolve this with your brother. He’s finished the training in Virginia
and Florida, and he’s back in San Diego now. You and Hanna could fly down to
see him. Surprise him.”

“Aw damn, Mom!”

LANCE THOUGHT ABOUT HIS MOTHER’S
ADVICE all that evening and the next day. He hated giving up his hope of a
relationship with Hanna. But in the end, he knew his mother was correct. Hanna
was miserable without his brother. And he was kidding himself thinking she’d
ever love him like she loved Nick. He guessed he’d known that all along, but
hadn’t been willing to admit it to himself.

And he’d had enough phone
conversations with Nick over the past two months to know he was feeling as
lousy as Hanna. He was always edgy and short-tempered. And he was still
irritated with Lance for interfering with his plans for Hanna. Even though Nick
had agreed with him two months ago about leaving Hanna to her career and
family, he was having a tough time coping with his decision. And Lance didn’t
want his brother angry with him. It was putting an unacceptable strain on their
relationship. He owed Nick more than that for rescuing him and reuniting him
with his son.

The next day, he walked over to the McHenry
house to talk to Christine. They had always been friends, but since Dylan’s
death, Lance found himself keeping a watchful eye on her and Katie. She still
hadn’t moved back into the house that he and Dylan had built. He’d advised her
not to put it up for sale for a few months. They had shared a couple of long
walks on the beach since he’d come home and talked about his ordeal and her
loss. Talking about Dylan’s absence in their lives helped them both cope with
it.

This afternoon, though, they sat on
the steps of the front porch and talked about what Jessie had said to Lance. Christine
confirmed everything his mother had told him about Nick and Hanna. And she told
him what his mother hadn’t— that Nick and Hanna had become lovers. She also
told him that, at night now, across the hall, she often heard her sister-in-law
crying.

Lance confessed how he had interfered,
thinking he was doing the right thing, but also hoping for a deeper
relationship with Hanna. It was hard to confess to Christine how long he had
wanted Hanna to understand his true feelings for her. Christine told him that
she had suspected something of that nature for a long time. She understood how
close they all were growing up. But she agreed with his mother— that Hanna
would never feel for anyone else what she felt for Nick, and that Lance might
be the only one who could fix things between the two.

His decision made, Lance picked up
Hanna at the hospital after work the following day and took her to Point Hudson
Marina, where they got an espresso and walked to the end of the pier. On a
bench overlooking Admiralty Inlet, they sat down to drink their coffees. Since
it was after Labor Day, the majority of tourists had left for the season. The
old Victorian downtown section was quiet, more sedate than during the busy
summer months. Locals enjoyed their town now while the weather was still
beautiful.

“This is a nice idea, Lance,” Hanna
said as she sipped her caramel-laced latte. “It was a long busy day.”

Lance turned toward Hanna on the
bench, resting one arm over the back and bending one leg to rest his boot on
his knee. Over the rim of his tall paper coffee cup, he stared at the woman
beside him. Her idle gaze was focused on the white capped water beyond. She was
so lovely, it sent pangs of regret through him. He liked her new haircut. The
sea breeze gently ruffled her honey blonde hair, and the setting sun was shining
on it, gilding it gold. Her skin was lightly tanned and all in all, she looked
much better than she had after returning from their ordeal in Vancouver. But he
imagined if he looked into her beautiful green eyes, he’d see that they were now
filled with sadness.

His mother was correct. Despite her beauty,
she looked tired and dispirited. He could see that she had lost weight, and it
wasn’t all due to her injury. But most of all, he could see that her usual
vibrancy was missing.

She couldn’t hide the pervasive
sadness that had settled over her. Though she still grieved for her brother,
Lance knew what was responsible for the majority of the transformation. He
did
love her enough to want her to be happy again. If his brother would make her
happy, then he was determined to get Nick back for her.

“Hanna,” he began, drawing her
attention to him. “I’ve got two tickets to San Diego for this weekend.”

“Who are you taking down there?”

“You.”

Hanna didn’t try to hide her shock.
“Why are we going to San Diego?”

“Because Nick is there now.”

“Well, you’re certainly welcome to go
see your brother.” Her gaze swung away.

“I need to fix something.” She seemed
determined to look out across the water. He touched her sleeve to recapture her
attention. “Hanna, you must know that I love you— that I always have.”

“Lance....” She finally swiveled to
face him. “I love you, too. You’re very dear to me. I was so worried about
you....”

“I know you don’t love me the way you
love my brother. I’ve been hoping you’d get tired of waiting for him. But I’ve
been thinking more about what I want, than what you want. I can’t do that
anymore. I can’t stand to see you so miserable.”

“I’ll get over it,” she insisted
stubbornly, redirecting her focus to some fishing boats coming into dock for
the evening.

“No, you won’t. You miss Nick too
much, and you’ve loved him too long.”

“That doesn’t matter, Lance. He left.
He doesn’t want me.”